the call

i got a phone call from eagle lake today. they're going to call me on friday for an interview. woohoo!!! I WANT TO SPEND MY SUMMER IN COLORADO!

new favorite

i really like Mo Willems' children's books. a lot. but for whatever reason i was never introduced to Amelia Bedelia as a child. But now i have--Hannah sent me a book. so good.

children's books are a good break for the day. i recommend them.

happy

i have that feeling that i am sure accompanies a walk down an old country road to an open field. step into the field. no one is around but the clear blue sky and the big sun smiling down. so you spin. you spin and spin with arms open. and i'm sure i would laugh because it couldn't be kept in. and eventually i would collapse into the grass and lie on my back until the world stopped spinning.

tonight i am grateful for daffodils on sale at Trader Joe's. they made it back to the dorm without freezing and now they make me smile whenever i come home. when it is so cold out the window seals freeze:



you know its a good time to brighten up the room with flowers...or something...anything :)



i've been having some interesting and new thoughts sparked by some study of the theology of divine retribution in the Old Testament. more will come soon--i haven't organized or articulated myself yet :) But I promise I'll contribute something sometime soon.

i need to go work on a paper. and my sleepy tea is almost steeped. mmm. ready for bed....

sHiRt by Peter Mulvey. a FaVoRiTe :)

Light A Fire
burn Up All You Know
you've Had
so Much Time Just To
let Things Go
now You're
burning Letters Out
in The Snow
in Your Backyard

years Go Rolling
you're Thirty Three
it's Time
for The Cross
or The Bodhi Tree
but You'd
like To Cry When You
skin Your Knee
man's It's Hard

and It's The Same Old Friends On New Years Eve
the Same Snow Falls On The Same Old Leaves
and There's The Same Old Joy And The Same Old Hurt
same Old Corduroy Shirt

old Storm Windows,
the Broke-Tail Squirrel
and The
grocery Lists And The
skateboard Girls
and Your
rusty Brain Cells Give You A Twirl
oh No

kitchen Radio,
coffee's On
oh You'd
like A Month Just To Lean Up On
but This
open Road Wants To
get You Gone
off You Go

and It's The Same Old Jar Of Car Keys By The Door
the Same Old Scuffed Up Floor
the Same Old Thirst For More Until They Put You In The Dirt

it's The Same Old Nights Alone
the Same Old "baby When You Coming Home?"
to Feel The Same Old Joy, Oh The Same Old Hurt
same Old Corduroy Shirt
same Old Corduroy Shirt

so often he is dangerously, comfortingly close but i am too weak, too sinful, too blind to notice or acknowledge.
in the dim of this morning i do notice. i do acknowledge. i am honestly grateful and forever undeserving.
praises that he interrupts our routine days.
praises that he lives within the routine days.
praises that he is not routine.

i lift my eyes to the day with strength provided in the shadow of His wings.

strength for the routine day.

praise.

ANOTHER life goal

today i went through a car wash for the first time. Tommy gave us a ride home from church and on the way we went through a car wash. i am very satisfied. what a good experience it was--haha. fun times.

tonight i'm going to see Defiance with friends. it's been a great weekend.

oh. and a few more hoped-for blessings that are being realized...Debs wants to have coffee sometime with some of us "new girls" to visit, get to know each other, etc. Also, Nancy wants to grab coffee sometime. so encouraging!!

today i am listening to your mix, Mark. volume two. i really love it...

it's good "cold and snowy but sunshiny" weather kind of music.

life...goals?

i guess i can call it a goal. yep. ok, i achieved a life goal last night: saw peter mulvey in concert. it was INCREDIBLE. I think it was better than David Wilcox, though they are both great performers and fabulous musicians. I am a huge fan of story-telling singer-songwriters. I am also a huge fan of small, intimate gatherings--such as the concert last night at SPACE in Evanston. Mariah and I took the El out--three different lines. It was quite a trek. It was well worth it. It definitely went down as one of the favorite memories of this year :) And I mean the school year. It was a blast.

peter mulvey is incredible in concert. add it to your life goals!!

among the songs he played were some personal favorites:
shirt
knuckleball suite
girl in the hi-tops
the dreams
the trouble with poets

ah!! SO GOOD!!

ok. off to church!

for Romans

we are reading What Saint Paul Really Said by N.T. Wright. I am excited to read it and interested to hear what the Prof./students will say in response to it...

also

in preparation for saturday night, i am changing the music on this blog to peter mulvey :)

enjoy.

i find him at the hinge of my days

You brood in the night in its fearfulness,
You dawn the day in its energy,
You move at the edge of night
into the margin of day.
You live at the hinge between fear and energy.
You take the feeble night and give us strong day,
You take our fatigue and bestow courage,
You take our drowsy reluctance and fashion full-blooded zeal.
What shall we say?
You, only you, you
You at the hinge--and then the day.
You--and then us,
from you in faithfulness,
us for the day,
us in the freedom and courage and energy,
and then back to you--in trust and gratitude.
Amen.
(by Walter Brueggemann)

The days have been long, cold, and full. Somehow I've snatched bits of Him and He has granted moments of refreshment for a stuffy soul that can easily feel frustrated and quickly slump down.

finally the picture

after much shifting, dropping, and adding, i think i've finally figure out my schedule for this spring:

MWF: Speech Comm. My ONLY class!! woohooo. I work every afternoon/evening, though. But still, its sooo nice just have one.
On fridays I also meet for my directed studies on the theology of suffering.
TR: Romans, Systematic Theo. II, OT Historical Books.

Including my independent studies that i need to finish up that is 19 credits with work. But I'm done with all the reading i just have to write the papers and take one more exam. Hopefully I'll finish it up soon and get it out of the way. It's due in march anyway.

sigh. what a LONG, overloaded, overwhelming week. its good because its new but its also just exhausting because there's so much to figure out, etc.
work is going well. i really like it. i enjoy being with the kids--even if it is frustrating at times.

looking forward to the weekend. pcm saturday morning and then PETER MULVEY concert that night with Mariah. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

gotta run...

new song

new david wilcox song: High Hill. I really like it...

I walk the High Hill tonight
It stands behind the town
It was golden in the autumn sky
As the sun was going down
I could not stay to answer
The man who rang my telephone
Cause when I hear the High Hill calling
I have to go alone

I climb alone the winding trail
Leave the town below
I wrap my woven blanket round me
Up here the wind can blow
The brighter stars come peeking through
A canopy of branches high
Out across the town lights glistening
I think I'm gonna fly

I am looking down from High Hill
I am looking down
On my four walls
In my small town
High

I'm standing high in windy dark
Above this amber glow
Glistening sea of shining lights
A half a mile below
And somewhere on that shining sea
A tiny light I call my own
I feel like I been too long sailing
I finally made it home

I am looking down from High Hill
I am looking down
My dream's been found
In my old home town

I am looking down from High Hill
I am looking down from High Hill
I am looking down from high

missing it

i miss tucson already. i miss family. i miss friends. a, but its ok. I'll get over it...

its cold here. but today the snow is actually beautiful--dry and fluffy. everything is covered in white. i trudged through it to La Sera for french press coffee. it was fabulous :) I sat and journaled as the day got darker and soon the snowflakes were bright against the street lamps.

i wish more people would appreciate david wilcox and peter mulvey. i don't think they know what they're missing. start listening, people!

a friend and i almost have a tradition (this is year number 2) of asking each other reflections over the previous year as we anticipate prayers for a new one. so i returned her letter this evening and wrote some reflections of 2008. struck by the faithfulness of the Lord. astounded, actually, by how much he "puts up" with me. more than that, though, because He very nearly invites the doubts and questions as He lavishes grace for new revelation and faith amidst the mystery. its been an interesting year--a return from Africa, a "handling" (at times a strong mishandling) of a burden, a new depth to waiting on the Lord, struggling with faith and through intricacies of self and sin, joy inside the classroom and exciting challenges of mind and heart, a job that stretched and enlarged a selfish vision of poverty and need...how impossible it would have been to face these "giants" of life alone.

everyday life is full of small, ordinary expressions of grace. we pray for our days to be "full of him" but i sometimes think we haven't opened our eyes to see how much they are already saturated in him. we can't escape him. praise that he deems us worthy of being interrupted for our own sake. praise that he steps into ordinary life and does battle to claim the moments for his glory. praise that he sees our need and offers us pleasure in these ordinary moments.

enjoying my last few days

i'm not ready to go back to chicago. for many reasons. i actually get kind of a sick feeling inside when i think about it. weird.

i'm spending as much time with little sam as I can--as well as with family and friends. tomorrow i have a reading of my TB test and then i'll go to Jay and Kristen's for awhile (i'm making a box/thing for Sam). this morning hannah, mark, kyle, isaac, and i went out for breakfast. it was super fun. i love that we are all still friends and have such an enjoyable time together. we're going to hannah's mom's restaurant on friday. yum! mom and i are going out for coffee--quality time before i leave. sometime i should pack. hmph.





currently listening to: Redbird (new "favorite" album)

my nephew

Little Samuel Chapman McGee was born Jan. 5, 2009 at 4:49pm. He is 7#14oz and 18 in. long. he is SO CUTE.
Kristen was AMAZING. She did the whole thing natural--NO PAIN MEDS AT ALL. She's incredible and I am so proud of her. The little family is doing very well. They will go home from the hospital tomorrow. I am blessed by the miracle of aunthood.

(dude, I'm totally freaked out to have babies. Even though i want a family so bad, I'll admit I am terrified for the process...)

enjoy a few pictures. more will follow later. The wonderful thing is that i have a few more days with them before I go back to school. What a BLESSING that he was born before I left. I KNEW IT! I knew little sammy would come :)








WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BOY!! :) :) :)

musings

i have one week left at home.

one week and baby needs to come. i think he will. she's having contractions every 15 minutes now. woohoo!!

one week and I need to get as much done on independent study hermeneutics as i possibly can.

one week and I really want to finish Gilead and maybe even make it through another novel--good for the soul :)

one week. i think i can do it.

I'm going slacklining with luker today (he leaves tomorrow) and then tonight we are having a family dinner at Macayo's (spicy food will make baby come out faster, right??? :)).

It's been a good break. The weather has been incredible. Oh yeah: one week and I need to get some more SUN!

pet peeve:

facebook albums of "the honeymoon" complete with pictures of the bed. i think its retarded. i roll my eyes...

for the last time?

i think tomorrow is my last shift ever at the Tucson Country Club. I don't know for sure that I won't be on next weeks schedule but I hinted and its been dead so i know they don't need me. It's a little funny thinking about leaving and probably never seeing these people again. As always, God provided great relationships and a good work environment--to challenge and teach me lots.

the years go by so fast.


experiences fly by.

tonight i am thinking about how valuable the "college experience" is. So much is learned--a much better "handle" on just plain life but an equally astounding uneasiness about the realized complexities of life develops.

i have no idea what to do with my life.

i know i don't have to have it all figured out.
I don't really even feel a TON of pressure or anything. But i do think. i do dream. i do wonder. i do pray. and lots is shrouded in mystery.

sometimes it feels as though there are a handful of good opportunities that each feel "right" or, at least, feel equally "open."
maybe its just confusing that we talk in terms of what is "open" to us or what "feels right" to us...is this even the right kind of language to be using? I don't know.

I think there are some interesting new developments in my heart--in my soul. It almost seems like turning 22 (or maybe its just being on break) has given me different perspective, increased peace...

i feel much more "chill" about where God is leading, how He's getting me "there" and what I ought to be doing in the meantime. I am less and less paranoid about "getting there" and more and more relaxed in trusting that life lived for Him is important no matter what I am doing and no matter where I am living.

maybe none of this makes sense. because I'm tired. and I really really want to sleep.

goodnight.