COOKIES!!

Today we made chocolate chip cookies with Rasha (our english student). It was SO FUN!! Her two boys and niece were intently watching some of the time but curious and getting into everything most of the time. they sat on the table and watched (and touched!).
it's always wonderful spending time with her in her home. not again for three weeks because of spring break. sad. she said that she gets excited each week and tells her husband "tomorrow my english teachers come." this has been such an incredible pcm.

cloth

now that kristen is using cloth diapers, I'm more than ever looking forward to them...they're so cute, too. for a picture, visit my sister's blog. also, there are ridiculously cute pictures of my little munchkin nephew. i miss him! Visit here: McGee Blog

we'd head out west because the west is the best...

"its got the biggest blue skies you've ever seen and underneath we'd be dancing you and me. i'd sure like that a lot."

i like this song. it's called "I'd Sure Like That A Lot," by Stephen Ashbrook. its makes me hope for someone who'll say to me "hey, a roadtrip sounds nice." and we'd head out west and dance together underneath the big blue skies :)

sometimes i have these moments in which i feel like my life is "ready" to happen. sounds ridiculous, i know. but i'm sure you've had the feeling. "ok, i'm ready to get married now." really i just want it to happen but i'm not always sure i'm ready.

or "ok, what's next, lord?"

still gratefully content to be here and enjoying the now moments, i am eager for what my life will look like in...say...five years. it seems like there are still so many "firsts" of life yet to happen. i always thought life at 20-something was so "grown up" and everything would have "happened" by now. haha. it's rather interesting to figure out what life is really like, rather than what i thought it would be like.

all i know is, at 22 its easy to start feeling entitled to life--and what life "promises" (degrees, boyfriends, friendships, marriage, houses, kids). I've been wrestling with how to live true to reality and live with a raw honesty that seeks to live life as it comes--expected or unexpected. does this make sense?

there's so much "I want." i want to live with my wants surrendered...to live well each passing afternoon...
so difficult sometimes.

looking thankfully forward to having a break in 9 days (but who's counting)--to spend time at home with friends and family...to get away...to think and pray and live away from pressures of restricted dorm life. hmm. sounds lovely.

tonight my heart hurts.

not in a depressing sort of way. just in a "reality" sort of way.

i've been thinking about so many things lately. life is full.
does this make sense?
does life ever just "get ya?"
hmmm.

major bummer

tickets went on sale for iron & wine friday. i went on today (monday) and both nights are already sold out. crazy. i am super bummed.

if i stood before you

This morning in church i had a thought...
we were singing "Jesus Paid it All," which i love. and i was thinking about how powerfully i BELIEVE the lyrics to the song. and i just imagined what it would be to sing the song in the great throne room of heaven--the heat of His beauty, the room pulsing with his glory. and i would gather all who know me--all who have ever met me--the like-souls, the family, the "young" friends, the life-long friends. and, starting in a whisper: "Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe; Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." growing louder: "For nothing good have I Whereby Thy grace to claim, I’ll wash my garments white In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb." until with a shout: "When from my dying bed, My ransomed soul shall rise, 'Jesus died my soul to save,' Shall rend the vaulted skies."

You know, there are a lot of religions in this world. A lot. and it blows my mind that so much has been "thought up" to believe. it's a trap, if we aren't careful. we could spend the rest of our lives determining what is false before settling in on what is true. i've been thinking about "christianity" as a religion. what is it in christianity that claims "truth" over and above all other religions? what is it about christianity--the Gospel message, more specifically--that demands adherence? Without getting into details and delights, I just want to reiterate my mom. I was talking with her about this on the phone a few days ago--expressing what I am feeling and experiencing about the beautiful gift of truth and faith, as well as its mystery. she said "Andrea, Christianity is about God come down. He has come. HAS COME. He has come to man--man doesn't blindly, hopefully, wander or earn his way to God." So I've been sitting on her words. I know there's a lot to over-simplify or over-complicate within Christianity. Believe me, i'm in Bible school :) But at the end of the day, I am astounded by the God-incarnate. And we don't want to believe it because its "impossible," but oh my word, HE CAME TO US. Who doesn't want this. Whose heart doesn't yearn and SCREAM for the heat of His beauty and the pulse of His glory that is love...that is grace...that is salvation. LIFE. Oh, let us LIVE.
Emmanuel. God with us.
I would argue that THE great scandal of Jesus is that He claims to be God. We can't believe in Jesus--love Jesus--and love the gods of this world. We can't. This is evident in "big" ways--can't love Jesus AND love Buddha or Mohammad or any other religious leader/prophet. This is also evident in little ways--can't love Jesus and love sin: deceitfulness, idolatry, selfishness, hatred.

I'm something close to dumbfounded as I realize what a ridiculously incredible gift grace is. can't even speak. I will say before all of you: "Hey, this man Jesus. He's completely changed my life. For eternity He has grafted me in and every day He changes me more."

What a life. What a life this is.

iron & wine

may 13th, yo! sarah and I are going!! I CAN'T WAIT. It's going to be a freakin sweet show. they're coming out with a new, 2-disc album in May called Around the Well. It looks amazing--out of print, never-released, and some previously released songs. aaahhh!! so they're touring a few major U.S. cities and the set-lists for the shows are fan-voted. yeah, i know. in a week they'll start opening for requests. it's going to be INCREDIBLE. i am so excited. AND I'm going with Sarah, just the two of us, which is wonderful. It will be one of the last "big things" before she graduates :(

am i a girl?

just kidding. (mostly). :)

i don't own a bottle of nail polish. sometimes i secretly "want" to like the stuff. so lately i've had this urge to paint my fingernails. i tried. i painted a whole hand but couldn't stand it and took it all off. lacy thinks i'm ridiculous and need to "just do it." i let her paint my thumb and promise to keep it overnight. baby steps :).

maybe if i got a really cool color and stayed far away from pinks and purples. hmm. i don't know. mostly i just feel really weird with painted nails.

i think i'm a terrible "girl" sometimes. ha.

in other news...
my head and heart have been FULL lately. needless to say i sort of want to go away and live in a lone cabin for awhile--just to think, read, reflect, write, pray, mull over, and decide some things.
since i can't go away to a cabin, i'll settle for a weekend. and spring break in two weeks.

wishing for candles

it's just one of those nights. if i was in my room at home i would light all my candles. i would turn on some peter mulvey. i have the peter mulvey part down...but the rules don't allow for the candles part. suck.

i'm grateful for good conversation with a new friend. it's always refreshing and encouraging to discover a like heart, and to share a little bit of beauty and truth together. again, hit by how privileged i am in this place.

we don't have these college years forever, friends. in fact, they move by so darn quickly. do you ever ask yourself why you're living them? this question has been in my mind.

something else: sometimes we ask questions but we never hear the answers. we ask anyway, though, don't we? i'm learning that a lot of faith is trusting that the questions are heard, though perhaps not answered. hm. difficult.

the big fluffy snowflakes outside make me smile. they are beautiful.

i think i'm going to have some graham crackers and milk.

a poem

i find you, Lord, in all Things and in all
my fellow creatures, pulsing with your life;
as a tiny seed you sleep in what is small
and in the vast you vastly yield yourself.

the wondrous game that power plays with Things
is to move in such submission through the worlds:
groping in roots and growing thick in trunks
and in treetops like a rising from the dead.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

ALIAS

for old time's sake...



i had almost forgotten how much I LOVE Alias. I miss Alias nights, hannah (we are still the world's coolest spies :) )!!! And Hallie, buying me season one was one cool gift :) I'm addicted all over again...

i had also almost forgotten what a huge crush i have on Will. It's true. If Will Tippin was "real life" ...oh man...





and i have to put a picture of Sark up. yeah, he's not exactly a good guy, but i have a place in my heart for him nonetheless :)
(Hannah, remember the gag reel with the wine? haha!)




I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

happy v-day everyone

today was a good day. pcm was interesting. mariah and I had some good conversations with our student. more on that later...

i went to trader joe's and got ingredients for homemade pizza. we made two--one on whole wheat, one on garlic & herb. amazing. so so good. we had a late picnic dinner on the dorm room floor--our kind of style :) complete with valentine's cookies that sarah picked up on her way home from work.

i love these girls. there aren't too many more nights for this in the semester.

i'm going to miss it.

oh, p.s. i opened a valentine's dove chocolate heart today and the message was "be your own valentine." stupid.

there's something about music

i just love music so much. i enjoy discovering new bands. i think i enjoy music so much because lyric is so powerful. music is an art i've been discovering for a while. i think i appreciate it more and more everyday. do you ever feel downright privileged to be learning the things you do from the music you listen to? or just to be able to pleasure in the gifts and abilities God's given to people? What incredible creativity--beautiful art! Ah, I love it. Right now my favorite "newly discovered" artists are: Antje Duvekot//Right Away, Great Captain//Fleet Foxes//Bon Iver//Will Stratton//Redbird (the album)//Breathe Owl Breathe (not new but finally listening to more)//Rosie Thomas. so if you are looking for new listening, i recommend these.

whew. i think i'm finally over my cold/flu. After going to bed three nights in a row by 8pm this week i think i kicked its butt. Im still pretty tired. luckily PCM is later tomorrow so i can sleep in. in 10 minutes I'm going to iNfOrMaL--our improv group. They're usually super funny and put on a good show. should be fun.

I'm reading In The Beginning by Chaim Potok. I decided I need to get into a novel again. I am really enjoying it, as always. He's a brilliant author. I think i could be content to read every one of his books. sigh. I'm also rereading The Suffering of God by Terence Fretheim. I wanted to read it more in depth. It's a fabulous book that challenges my faith. Reading it while taking this Theology of Suffering class is especially powerful and provoking. I've been thinking much about metaphor--specifically our metaphors for God. So much of the time people's metaphors for God are desecrated and destroyed by suffering and pain. So we, as ministers of healing, must learn to introduce new and meaningful metaphors that will bring wholeness again. Wholeness to theology, faith, life. Hmmm. i find this entirely captivating and fascinating.

Can a person eat too many oranges? I've been eating a heck of a lot of oranges...

Last week at PCM Mariah and I were invited to stay for lunch. So "our" wonderful Iraqi family made us lunch. It was DELICIOUS. They are so kind. I love them. I miss traveling. I miss being among other cultures. I am forever grateful to be a part of this PCM and feel deeply privileged to enter the home of refugees here in America. I hope I get to do more of this in years to come.

"the ones who wear the shoes don't seem to give a damn..."

currently listening to "South" by Antje Duvekot. this song always makes me think.

moonshiner

i love "moonshiner" by redbird. it seriously gives me the road trip itch. man. I really really really want to travel. its been too long...

reverencing an unseen presence

lately i've been overwhelmed by the holiness of God. it seems like my soul is preoccupied with the purity of HIM and, so, consistently trembles. i am aware of how forgetful I am in reverencing Him. so casually i sometimes speak of Him--things he's teaching, revealing, speaking. The Emmanuel--God with us--is righteous in all that He does. His Spirit leads us into truth. It's close, personal, and intimate. Yet it is still unspeakable glory. Unmatched power. It is delightful presence we are gifted with. I hate to see it manipulated and taken for granted. I don't want the things of God to grow too common and casual. At the beginning of this semester I wrote a prayer i keep above my desk. sometimes I forget to look at it: "Preserve a freshness to my faith."

i love getting letters

that's all.
i've decided letter writing is a lost art. sad day...

mentos remind me of high school...and hannah...i bought some yesterday!

the super bowl party at Sarah's house was fun. i just liked hearing the word "arizona" all the time :) We watched the Office after the game. good times.

it is founder's week. it's going to be an insane busy week. sigh. but i am very happy--this saturday is supposed to be 49 degrees! WOOHOO. Spring IS coming early this year!!!!!

I finally made it out to North Park on saturday. That was fun. Mariah and I explored together and then met up with Kyle. I sat and visited with him at starbucks after she left. it was good to catch up.

saturday night was ALIAS night with the girls. I'm getting excited/anxious because i think sark gets introduced soon(!!!!!) but i can't actually remember. Hannah, is it in season one or two?

i've been missing warm weather activities. i really want to go canoeing. i really want to hike. oh! Which reminds me. i had the interview with Eagle Lake. I think it went really well. yikes! I can't believe i might be spending my whole summer in Colorado! I should find out in 2-3 weeks.

ok. i need to get ready for the day.
ciao