He who lives without prayer, he who lives with little prayer, he who seldom reads the Word, and he who seldom looks up to heaven for a fresh influence from on high -he will be the man whose heart will become dry and barren.
-Charles Spurgeon

Please pick me up again!

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Mason Jennings-Black Panther

Black panther defy the power
Fight the violence with nonviolence
What good is justice if the scales are bent
By a criminal government
Think of the dead in vietnam
Think of the dead in birmingham
Think of the freedom we don't understand
Asleep in bed in a stolen land
Responsibility to understand
Responsibility to take a stand
Responsibility to know your place
In the struggle of the human race

two weeks two days

...and I will be in Africa. I got an email from my base director. I will be picked up from the airport to make it back to the base in time for the "opening celebration." There are 8 confirmed students and 2 unconfirmed. aaaaah. i can't wait to meet everyone!

I don't have much else to say. I just watched Catch a Fire. It was really good. I recommend it...it stirs up some thoughts about forgiveness, violence, war, peace, etc. Good things to think about.

I'm going rock climbing tomorrow. woohoo. That's exciting...I haven't been in quite a long while.

I think "sister" is code for "adventure."

Every time we get together, something exciting happens! Or we just happen to be together in interesting situations. The best one was the bead shoplifter that turned into a felony and we got interviewed and recorded by the investigator. I am sorry to say that yesterday was not as exciting. However, it is a story worth telling. We both wanted to get our hair cut and, being the cheapo's we usually are, found an ad for $6.99 haircuts down at great clips. We usually go to cost cutters anyway...

Well, because it was "sale day," everyone was there and they only had 3 hairstylists--middle-aged women with awful haircuts and cheesy makeup....not to mention smokers coughs/laughs and smokers breath. gross. They were insane. The lady that cut my hair kept looking AWAY and the lady cutting kristen's hair went SO fast! We were both pretty petrified by the whole experience. Kristen says it felt like walking into back woods Oklahoma. I can agree. It was quite the experience. Both of us were scared to look in the mirror after. Luckily we only wanted trims so there wasn't much room for major mistakes. All is well and our haircuts look fine--plus we have a great story.

This account doesn't give it justice. It will have to do.

I got my typhoid shot this morning. so far so good, my arm is just a little sore. I am cleaning and organizing this afternoon--I also have to finish unpacking. Hannah and I are picking Zach up from the airport in Phoenix tonight--and then going to In-N-Out! yummm.

Today is also dedicated to writing thank-you's to my supporters and figuring out my email list, etc. I need to send out an update soon. I paid my parents off for my plane ticket! Now the money coming in is for school. I haven't yet gotten enough (2,000) for the first three months--the school. I am going, though. I am trusting that God will provide and as things stand now, I am walking onto that airplane on June 7th in faith. I woke up on Wednesday morning and screamed. I'll be in Africa in a month!!! whoa.

Ok. i need to get going. Hope you all are well and that your summers are taking shape. Keep me updated! :)

Summertime

...which means this: you need to read :) I know you're "busy" (some more than others), but I recommend choosing at least three books to read. Set a few afternoons aside (or a few mornings...or maybe even evenings :)). Here's a list of books I suggest:

A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken (SO good)
Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot (one of my top 5)
Confessions by Augustine
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Cry,The Beloved Country by Alan Paton
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
The Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot
Peace Like a River by Leif Enger
The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (please read!!)
The New Friars by Scott Bessenecker (please, please, read!!)
The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis.
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare.
The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin.
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle.
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
(read through the psalms this summer!)

Here's what I have on my list. So obviously I recommend them but not because I've read them--because I am planning to :)
A long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah
The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus
A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McClaren

yay for summer reading! I'm pretty excited :)

I fly home tonight. that's crazy. I'll see my family!!! woohoo. I can't wait.

ok. I'm going to go do some reading and some writing.

We're dying to be safe

Goodbyes are hard but there can also be great joy...for example, it is so exciting for me to watch as a close-knit group of friends has challenged, encouraged, grown, and loved one another this semester and is now being "sent out" to the far corners of the world. For a time we have built one another up in the Lord, we have grown together and loved together. We have "sharpened" one another. We have shared God's heart and His vision for the world--the borders beyond--and now He's sending us out. There are many uncertainties: Who will return and when? What is God going to show us? How is He going to lead? What wonders will we witness? What atrocities?

We long to see the heart of God. We offer up our lives in simple obedience. Father, give us more!! We live for revival. We seek to dance the Kingdom down.

The road is dangerous and hard. I am learning that faith is trusting in God's faithfulness (things unseen) and this produces hope (faith in future grace; for the joy set before...). Without faith; without hope--it is impossible to please God.

He has called us out. Jesus demands action. There is too much sitting still. So we go.

Yesterday was our last sunday together. We've grown to be like-minded and single-passioned by the Spirit's work through Pastor Peter. It's been incredible and so encouraging. He prayed with us after the service. As we stood there, hands joined and hearts knit, I felt the Spirit's presence and sensed a bit of the wonder and awe that must have been present at some of the early church gatherings. What joy. The Lord sends us off; we send each other off.
Pastor Peter prayed for us--just what we've all been thinking and feeling--"God, we ask not for protection (that just doesn't seem right). You did not say we would be safe and so I ask you to send these young people to the dark, dangerous corners of the world to be a light of your love and to bring the kingdom down. Stretch the borders of the church to the dark corners of the world." I've been talking a lot about "safety" and the call of Christ with Zach. It's been really good. We're learning a lot about the soveriegnty of God. The other night Mariah, Melissa, and I had a great conversation about what it means to leave the comfort behind--to deny oneself of the empty "American dream" and to dream a new dream...The reality we all feel and love is this: we don't want the "white picket fence" dream. We don't want the comfortable, safe career. There is a work to be done and we're dying to do it. Heartsickness is what I've prayed for this semester. I asked God to make my heart hurt like Nehemiah's did for the condition of Israels and Jerusalem's ruin. He's growing this sickness in me. He's giving me a burden for lost, sick, hurting, dirty, broken people and it is growing into a passion that I can't explain. I feel like I'm on the edge of something. I am eager to see how He will use me and what He will teach me. Lead on! I follow not with fear!

We dropped Mariah off at the airport later in the evening yesterday. Melissa, Sarah, Erin and I all went to the airport to see her off. It was a tearful goodbye. It was full od wonder, I could feel it--wonder at what God is going to do--but it was a little painful becuase our hearts have been knit. I won't see Mariah for six months. The reality started to hit. I won't see Zach for six months. I won't see Melissa for a year. We're all going overseas. Other dear friends say behind at Moody--praying and working for revival. Lord, we ask for revival!!
My peace lies in Christ's kingdom work. My hope is in His faithfulness...and I eagerly anticipate word of how God will use each life for His glory. Our lives our not our own! As Jim Elliot said, my blood has no worth but to be poured out before His throne.

I seek a spirit of surrender and obedience. Disobedience dulls our ears to his voice. Tune my ears, Father! Teach me to obey and help my unbelief!!
Following Jesus is not safe no matter where it leads me. Jesus' voice will always lead us out of self. I'm reading The New Friars right now (incredible book by Scott Bessenecker) and he writes in it that seeking and building the kingdom of God "leads you out of the cocoons of familiarity." In other words, it leads you OUT OF comfort OUT OF ease OUT OF safety. He also challenges followers to "give the dark places of the world no rest." That's what we've been talking about!! Give evil no rest. Light the candles he gives you to light! It might be something "small"--do it! Ask the Spirit to lead, and seek to obey!

I can't believe I leave for Africa in about three weeks. What wonders lie ahead? I am eager to learn more about the heart of my Savior and to see more of God.

We seek safety because we fear death...? Actually, we are dying in order to be safe. We are existing until eternity while the world goes to hell. Who is Jesus? What did he say?

Are we LIVING?

Home for the next three months

You know what? 6 months is actually quite short. Sometimes I feel like it is soooo long....like when I think about being apart from people. But when I think of it more in regards to my time spent IN Africa, it seems so very short.

I am getting SO excited. God it providing money in extraordinary ways. I am quieted as I consider how He is using other in my life and for His kingdom work. It's thrilling!!

I received an email today from the base director. It was really good to hear from him. It made all my thinking, wondering, and excitement come alive in a real way...and it grounded me :)

All the students will be staying in a house together (4-7 students per room). He said it was a fixer-upper with all the furniture donated but you can tell from the picture that it is really nice (a 20 minute walk from town). It is upscale what you'd see in the larger towns in Mexico. This will be my home for the first three months. Our weekdays will be full (6:30am-8:30pm: worship/intercession, classes, lunch, work-duties, dinner, and group activities) but our weekends will be free. We will attend a local Church of our choice...we'll also have homework...but enough time to explore and experience true Africa. I can't wait. I wish I could get across to you how eager I am. oh man!

The location of the outreach remains unknown until we've completed most of our lecture phase. So I'll keep you posted!!

Please keep praying!!

Here's a picture of our home. (P.S. I'm excited to experience "communal living" in a way I never have before...with all its challenges and pleasures. I pray God knits our hearts).

Friday they put him in the ground

I've been thinking a lot about papa lately. As I pack up my room I
come across lots of little things that remind me of him...notes and
letters, his obituary...and I've been thinking about the burial. I
miss him so much. He is going to be buried on friday. I've been listening to this Bebo song a lot lately.
-----------
I believe when they put her in the ground
I think they buried part of me
Because I've been searching, I've been looking all around
But I cannot find the heart of me, the heart of me

So I'll put my fingers in this soil upon her grave
And I will plant for her a garden
And every flower, a reminder of her face
Will grow up graceful as a pardon

And all that grows is her story told
As life unfolds here before us
The peace I've found in this broken ground
I can see her in the harvest...of all that I have sown

Long before I was covered up in gray
Before the old had bent my bones
We grew our children in the red Georgia clay
They were our garden and our home

And all that grows is our story told
As life unfolds here before
The peace we found in that broken ground
I can see them in the harvest...of all that I have sown

And when my life is done
I pray the kingdom come
And take me to Glory
It's living inside me
It was planted like a seed
All to tell a story

I believe when they put me in the ground
There will remain a part of me
Because I've been seraching and the joy that I have found
Is living in my family...it's all that I have sown
-----------------
So much of Papa is a part of me. As I think about the burial I feel like a little part of me is going with him. I also feel a gentle hope and happiness as I think about all that he has "sown." All the little pieces of himself that he has left behind in all of us. I eagerly await the day when I will see him again in glory. In the meantime, I am proud to carry a part of him in me and to tell his story. It hurts though. It hurts so bad.

lead us out of darkness

Lead us out of darkness and into your marvelous light

When we wander into valleys far from home
Where shadows hover over our souls
Find us in your mercy
Savior of the world

You are the light of the world
(Jesus is the light)
You are the way, the truth and the life
(you are the life)
You are the light of the world
(Jesus is the light)
Lead us out of darkness
And into your marvelous light

Sanctify our spirits
Purify our minds
As we look to you, eyes open wide
Give us understanding
Set our hearts on fire

Give us understanding
Set our hearts on fire
Fill us with desire

You are the light of the world...

packing

I packed up a lot of my room yesterday. sad. really sad. Just a lot of weird emotions...LOTS of them. sigh.


I think God is teaching me something: DON'T BRING SO MUCH AROUND WITH YOU IN LIFE. When I went to Hillsdale I thought I'd be staying there so I brought a lot to keep some in storage. When I came here, we drove (which means...lots of books!) and so I brought a lot, thinking I would just store it. Now I'm going to Africa for 6 months and the school won't let me keep anything here while I'm on intermission status. bleh. So I'm leaving some under Lacy's name but still...I have to figure out what to do with the rest of it.

One more week! I can't believe it. Semester one at Moody is over. SO MUCH has changed in my life since I got here. Wow. God has brought be a long way...and taught me so much...and given me so much. I'm astounded by His goodness. He is faithful.

Tonight I'm going on Zach's bachelor auction date to Medieval Times for dinner and a show. From what I can tell, its a lot like the Gaslight in tucson. I'm super excited about it.

Next week is finals and then next weekend is the dunes in Michigan!! Wooohoo I can't wait. Pictures to come!

Oh. Last night was my last pcm. I will never see those kids again. ever. that was a weird feeling. I love them so much. I prayed that God would walk with them through life--and with their mom. They are such a neat family. I hope they get out of the shelter soon and into an apt.!

Damned Goats

The sheep at His right hand, the goats at His left. Matthew 25.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.'" vs. 34-36.

when you did it to one of the least of these, YOU DID IT DO ME. vs. 40.

"Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, 'Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. For I was hungry, and you didn't feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn't give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn't invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn't give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn't visit me." vs. 41-43.

when you refused to help the least of these, YOU WERE REFUSING TO HELP ME. vs. 45.

He is Faithful!

This is were I am resting. In His faithfulness. He is good. He is faithful. What does this mean for me? It's something to build my life upon...standing in the promises of God.

I panic sometimes about money for Africa. I've almost paid off my plane ticket--I have gotten in about $1700. I need another $4000. I trust the God of the impossible.

I will probably be trying to make some Luminarias when I get back and before I go...if I have time. Things are going to be crazy busy. I have SO many details to figure out, errands to run, people to see...ack!

Zach and Melissa are coming to visit me before i leave!! Zach comes a little after I get home and Melissa comes just before I leave. I am SO EXCITED for their visits!! oh man...

Please pray for me--and that God would continue to prepare my heart to GO.