Matthew Perryman Jones writes a verse that expresses some of the real and raw tension we live with:
"Take me to a place where love can mend these wounds/Where mystery can dance with truth/And the broken soul finds refuge."
Here i am on a friday afternoon, grateful for a few hours to sit and think and rest and pray. It's Founder's Week which is something of a nice change but always also really exhausting. I've attended 13 sessions (sermons/messages/teachings, whatever you wish to title them) this week, worked 14 hrs, and averaged about 6 1/2 hours of sleep each night. i am worn out.
in the middle of all of this, I think it needs to be said that i'm really excited about my life. it is all at once strange and wonderful to think about graduating and moving on to new things. i am so very hopeful about my life and my future. I have had several interesting conversations this week with friends, with myself, and with God, about who I am, what I love, and how I am moving into my future. I've experienced both encouragement and discouragement from these interactions. some days i think i learn in leaps and bounds; others are sprinkled with quiet moments of growth. i am thankful for each. I am glad He keeps stepping in.
do you ever feel like you are growing into yourself? i do.
also, i am increasingly aware of how deeply i desire to walk my life with the accompanying presence of the mysterious God that I love (this is necessary). this has directed my prayers lately. although I am sometimes sore from wrestling so hard with him, i am grateful that he touches deep parts of me and opens my eyes where i have kept them shut. mystery dances with truth.
i feel like marshall (yes, this is an ALIAS reference): "do you hear that? yeah, that's the sound of my mind blowing." there is so much i am growing "out of" and so there's an inevitable sense of loss and pain. But, there is so much I am growing into, and for those there are feelings of eagerness, expectance, readiness, and waiting.
i can see the snowflakes floating down outside my window. beautiful. i think i am going to take a nap.