"She Rides The Eye of The Hurricane..."

It is 1:05 am. I got off work at 12:15. bleh. It was a yucky night. I feel like so much went wrong. I don't know what came over em! ugh. One of those nights that leave me feeling very discouraged...and wanting to be somewhere else. I don't want to think this way. I want to claim this time and this job for the Lord. But sometimes its really hard. Some days I just don't want to be doing this. But it isn't about what I want. That's what I'm learning...and it hurts. I might want to be at a different job--but God wants me at Fry's right now. I might want to be going to school in the fall--but God wants me to wait until the spring. Sometimes I feel really lonely. It's hard to surrender my life to the Lord daily--moment by moment, really. He's really working on this heart of mine...and taking me to a place of realization--that HE is my ALL. So that no matter where I am and no matter what circumstances I find myself in, I can be at peace in Him.

I'm listening to David Wilcox (sing:eye of the hurricane). It's nice. I love this song. I don't work tomorrow. I'm glad I'm not working but I tried to pick up a shift in order to drop one later in the week when Hallie is here. It didn't work out. That's another reason why I was so discouraged after tonight. Sigh. I should probably sleep. Everything looks worse when you're tired.

I have thoughts I want to share about Church today...but I'm too tired. Perhaps I will post again tomorrow. I love you guys.

I Love Rain

I love how clean the air is afterwards...I love that the desert actually looks green because the dust washes off the plants...I love the calming effect of watching the rain fall and run down the windows!...I love the big clouds...I love that it goes form 105 to 85 in a matter of minutes...I LOVE it! I want to take a walk in the rain. Next time I think I will. The only problem is, it usually rains right before work or when I'm at work. So the timing for a walk will be a little tricky.

So. I've been working quite a bit. Every night. I've gotten two paychecks so far: one for $200 and one for $240. My next few should be about $250...or more because they're increasing the length of my shifts. Not bad. I'm pleased for this opportunity to ear some money..even if the environment is not ideal.

I have been in such a contemplative mood for the past few days. It's kinda nice. As I think, there are a few songs that I put on repeat :) Here they are. I recommend listening to them.

I Want You To Be My Love-Over the Rhine
Nashville-David Mead
Indiana-David Mead
Now We Are Free-Gladiator
Deeper Still-David Wilcox
Any David Wilcox (He's good thinking music)

Sigh. What good songs...

My dad got home from Mexico last night. yay! It's good to have him home. He wants to plan a backpacking trip for this fall. Just the two of us. Probably Mt Humphrey or something. We'll see. It would be lots of fun, I just have to see what happens with this crazy life of mine...and if I'm in tucson or philadelphia. Sigh. I don't know HOW I'm going to make this decision. Help.

I'm excited about working at a camp next summer. SO excited. It's going to be such a neat experience. I wonder when I need to work on that application and get it in. Hmmm.

I'm reading The Soul of Politics by Jim Wallis and Anthem by Ayn Rand. I'm farther into The Soul of Politics. I like it a lot. I have been really tired lately, though, and so its hard to focus when I read. I usually fall asleep on the couch. I can't seem to catch up on sleep! I'm sleeping soundly, just not long enough. I'm really sore, too. From lifting all those bags of groceries and cases of water and soda. I'm getting muscle! I'm pleased :)

Hallie comes in FOUR days. I can't believe it. Aaaah. I am SO SO SO excited. AND I have wednesday off so I can pick her up in Phoenix and spend the whole first day with her. WOOHOO!

I think that's all. I need to get out of my PJ's and start my day. Luke and I might play racquetball! :) That and he is also going to teach me how to change the oil in my car. This day is going to be full of new things! haha. I love you guys!

-Andrea

Oh...and pictures of the rain:

Martin Luther King Jr.

"Throw us in jail and we will still love you. Bomb our houses and threaten our children and we will still love you. Beat us and leave us half dead and we will still love you. But be ye assured that we will wear you down by our capacity to suffer. one day we shall so appeal to your heart and conscience that we shall win you in the process, and our victory will be a double victory."
(from "The American Dream")

Lord of Eternity

by Fernando Ortega

"Blessed is the man
Who walks in your favor
Who loves all your words
And hides them like treasure.
In the darkest place
Of his desperate heart,
They are a light
A strong, sure light.

Sometimes I call out your name,
But I cannot find you.
I look for your face,
But you are not there.
By my sorrows, Lord,
Lift me to you,
Lift me up to your side.

(chorus)
Lord of eternity,
Father of mercy,
Look on my fainting soul.
Keeper of all the stars,
Friend of the poorest heart
Touch me and make me whole.

If you are my defender,
Who is against me?
No one can trouble or harm me
If you are my strength
All I ask, all I desire
Is to live in your house all my days."

It Is Well With My Soul

Where can I find strength when I am so weak? Where can I find hope when I feel despair? When I am afraid, where can I find comfort?

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

I've been thinking about this. What does it mean "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever?" It isn't too hard to understand what it means for God to be my strength. It's that word "portion" that gets me. So I looked it up...and it sort of has a two-fold meaning. First of all, it means an amount (of food or whatever) suitable for one person. I think this is really neat. God is all of the amount suitable FOR ME (and for everyone). He is, to each child, what he needs--what is suitable for him and satisfies his own unique needs/desires. Secondly, it means ones future or lot. God IS my future. How amazing!

God is my STRENGTH when I am weak...because He is my portion.
God is my HOPE when I feel despair...because He is my future.
God is my COMFORT when I am afraid...because He is my portion now and will be forever, because He is also my future.
Wow.

As I was driving today I put in an old tape. Because my car doesn't have a cd player and won't read the tape converters, I must settle for muffled old tapes that have sat in the 100 degree weather for far too long and are nearly melted. Oh well. So I put in this old tape of hymns. The second song that played was It Is Well With My Soul. It is such a wonderful hymn. I love it. So I got the lyrics out when I got home and had to share them with YOU! Plus, they tie into this whole network of thoughts I have been having. The words of this hymn are the result of an author who read Psalm 73:26 and really truly believed it. God is his strength and God is his portion...forever. That's why it is well with his soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

"Where is God taking you, Andrea? What is He doing in your life?"

I am not very often straight out asked this question. However, I thank Allie for doing it. It is incredibly refreshing and causes me to stop and look at my life--the path I'm on and where it is taking me. So much is clouded in mystery. So much is changing...in ways I didn't expect AT ALL a year ago. My "road" has taken so many interesting and "unexpected" turns. It's sort of neat because, after all, this IS an adventure. The mystery adds excitement but also a bit of unease. Where AM I going? Where IS God taking me? Who knows. I have to trust.

I don't think I have ever really felt like this before. It is so hard to explain. This is such a strange time in my life. I struggle a lot with my human emotions. I find myself battling sinful drives of my flesh and taming desires of my weak heart. I have so many longings...and I have looked to the world to fill them. What a waste! They are not satisfied. I guess you could say I am learning how to give Jesus my heart and all my longings. It's so hard sometimes!! It's definitely a process....and perhaps this "unsettled" feeling is just what I need to find complete "settled-ness" in Him.

"Be still and know that He is God"
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Disappear (by Bebo)

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion
That never seems to stop

And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine
Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life
Right out of me
I know of only one place I can run to

I want to hide in You
The Way, the Life, the Truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me¦

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory

"By this time next year I won't be here..."

I'm looking out the window and listening to Come Downstairs and Say Hello. It's nice.

I feel sad. For one thing, I don't really want to go back into work after the disasters of yesterday. Sigh. Secondly, I got my letter from Moody yesterday and I didn't get in for the fall. They don't have room. So I will go in the spring. It's strange...before I got the letter I was (or so i thought) fine with whatever it might say. But when I got it yesterday I was really sad and disappointed. I really wanted to go and be in school and get settled again. I think it's going to be extremely hard now to watch all my friends go back to school when i'm not--especially when I won't be able to be with them for a new year. It makes me sad. I'm learning to trust the Lord but sometimes its hard. I feel a little frightened and unsettled about what the future looks like--mystery. Please pray for me.

The Wisdom of Ecclesiastes Confronts My Weak Heart

Tomorrow is my first day of work. It's a 5 hour shift--not too bad. However, it is during rush hour and it is also the day before the fourth. This will most likely mean two things: impatient customers on their way home from work and lots of people buying alcohol (which means I'll be carding). Did I already tell you all that I carded two people on Friday? I did. And another of the cashiers in training had to turn someone away for having a fake ID. The lamination was pealing up (that doesn't happen to normal licenses...nice try, buddy). All I have to say is, if youngsters try to get by me because I am donning a beautiful yellow name tag that says "I'm new at Fry's, thank you for your patience" they can think again! Andrea will show no mercy! Haha. Oh man. Sigh.

Today's sermon was really good. It was about Ecclesiastes--and very relevant to me right now. It actually really made me want to do a study on the book. I will share a few verses that especially stood out to me.

Ecclesiastes 3:12,13: "I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man"
-Brian talked about how the "drudgery things" of life are gifts from God. As we trust Him and walk in faith, we take pleasure in all He calls us to do on earth.

Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end."
-I can't see what is in God's mind and plan...but I can trust Him because He is good and He makes each experience of my life beautiful in its own time.

I've been reading the Great Divorce (by Lewis). It is such a brilliantly written book. It has been a conviction to me--about how I view eternity. Here's a quote I like and have been thinking about quite a lot:

"...yes cannot in your present state understand eternity: when Anodos looked through the door of the Timeless he brought no message back. But ye can get some likeness of it if ye say that both good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. Not only this valley but all their earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. Not only the twilight in that town, but all their life on Earth too, will then be seen by the damned to have been Hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, 'No future bliss can make up for it,' not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory....the Blessed will say 'We never lived anywhere except in heaven,' and the Lost, "We were always in Hell.'"

So...the thoughts that I have after hearing and reading all of these things: do everything to the glory of God. Live in, love, and enjoy the little bits of Heaven on earth--Christ in the world. Enjoy Him. Enjoy Him in everything. It's a gift. He makes everything beautiful in its own time.

Sometimes I make life so hard for myself, instead of focusing on loving and enjoying my Savior and all the gifts He gives. Please, Lord, may I be less distracted! Less "easily pleased."

I have been reading bits and pieces of Valley of Vision (a wonderful collection of puritan prayers). The first prayer ("Valley of Vision") is so beautiful. I would like to share it with you:

"Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory. Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley."

Just Been Thinkin'...

I want to go to an ice hockey game...and then someday I want to play ice hockey--just for fun.

Thank you all for your encouragement about my job, etc. Originally they were going to have me work tomorrow (sunday) as my first day. I went in today, though, and I have tomorrow off! Then I work monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, and saturday. Wow. 30 hours. I'm pretty nervous. I would appreciate your prayers. I am not good at laying my anxieties down before the Lord and casting my cares on Him. I don't want them, but I am having such a hard time surrendering my frustrations, fears, and worries. Please pray with me. Thank you all. You are a gift and a blessing. And thank you for keeping me accountable and helping me keep things in perspectives. I love you!

All I want to do is get married and be a mom...and never work for a big corporation again. I'm all about Hillsdale Natural Grocery. I miss it so much. I pretty much had a major breakdown this afternoon...and all i want to do is go back to that little store. Sigh...

Somewhere North of Here

Tonight was beautiful. A storm rolled in late this afternoon, bringing dark clouds and much cooler weather. It also brought a lot of wind. Dust clouds blew across the desert and I seriously thought our house would blow away--it was creaking and the windows were vibrating. It was so exciting. The majesty of these monsoon storms leave me speechless every time. They put me in a very contemplative mood.

So I went to starbucks for some alone time. Sometimes it is just nice to get out of the house and be alone to think (and read). I got my tea and sat outside. I started the Great Divorce. So far so good, but I'm not very far. I would get distracted by all the people. I think another reason I really like to go there is to people watch. It's one of my favorite things. It's so fascinating. There was a jolly table of elderly folks with the men all smoking cigars, a young couple probably on a date, a young family with a chatter-box little boy, and a single man sitting alone drinking and just watching the sky.

It started to rain and I had to move under the roof to get away from the drops. It was SO beautiful and smelled wonderful. That distracted me for a while and I just watched the raindrops as they fell on the ground. I love seeing the cement gradually fill with drops and turn wet and dark. I read some more but then Allie and Hannah stopped by! They saw my car (the van) with the wood canoe rack on top (always a sign of the Childs family. haha). It was such a pleasant surprise to visit with them! They stayed for probably 20 minutes or so. It was wonderful. And by that time the weather was even more beautiful--nice and cool with the smell of rain.

I left shortly after they did. I drove home in the dark with the windows down and the roommate mix turned up. I listened to somewhere north, sunday morning, deeper still, and rock of ages. I would only have gotten through the first two songs but when I reached our dirt road I just kept on driving. I drove on past the houses into the valley by the wash. As I drove down the hill the temperature dropped considerably. The air cleared up and the smell of the creosote after the rain was rich. Sigh. It was beautiful. I just wanted to drive and drive...Sometimes I get in those moods. Tonight was one of them.

It is simple pleasures like these I experienced tonight that remind this weak soul that my Lord is near. They also make me think of the words "Cause out here hope remains..." from 40 acres. The whole verse goes like this,

"There's 40 acres and redemption to be found
Just along down the way
There is a place where no plow blade has turned the ground
And you will turn it over, 'cause out here hope remains
'Cause out here hope remains..."

It's easy to let the cares of the world overshadow the hope we have in Christ. We shouldn't let it, but that doesn't mean we won't have moments of weakness. I thank the Lord for filling up all that is lacking in me and being the power in my weakness. And I thank Him for simple but *real* moments like tonight...

and this is love

The four quotes below come from Mother Teresa. These are some simple thoughts but they carry much weight. They convict and challenge. Also, following the quotes is a passage about love from the Bible (I know it is a "common" verse but read it again...REALLY read it. And think on it). I don't want us to get so used to using the word 'love' that we forget its meaning. I don't want it to grow stale on our lips and fall old and used from our mouths. I want it to remain new and alive in our hearts, minds, and actions--daily convicting and challenging our faith.

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."

"Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person."

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

"It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters."

What is love? "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is nor arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." v. 1

"If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." v. 3

1 Corinthians chapter 14 begins with the exhortation, "Pursue Love..."

A true understanding of these things will turn my life upside down. I am so weak. I look to the Lord and remember His words, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9a).

Black Clouds+The Smell of Creosote=Monsoon Season

It's here. Monsoon season has officially begun (at least I'm convinced it has). Typical warning signs: 1. All day today it has been getting more and more humid. As a result: 2. Our swamp cooler isn't working as well. 3. The dark clouds have been accumulating in the late afternoons. 4. It smells SO good out...and by that I mean the creosote bushes. 5. It doesn't usually rain like this unless it is monsoon season. 6. An early season was predicted.

And finally....I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! aah. This is my FAVORITE thing about summer in AZ.

After the Chipmunks Play on our Patio...

...and are hot and exhausted. SO CUTE!

Finished with #3

I finished Passion and Purity. That makes three (well, I haven't finished my Nouwen book but almost!). I am now two chapters into Slaughter-House-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I thought an "anti-war" book might be a good change...plus I've been thinking about the subject a lot lately. Perhaps it will shed some light and make/help me think some more. I'm interested to see what it is like, especially since it was such a big deal. So far it is good, and very interesting. I'm enjoying a novel.


New favorite songs right now: Carry You (dispatch), Calendar Girl (Stars), How to Save a Life (the Fray), Colorblind (Counting Crows), Grateful for Her Beauty (David Wilcox). I recommend you listen to them! :)

Adding to the thoughts of yesterday...

"God has invited us, as mere human beings, to add to the beauty of his plan and creation. Unbelievable. The Kingdom of God transcends politics and policy, nationality, gender and race. It transcends the way we do church, and makes us a real live body of believers. It gives us the ability to be very different and still bear with one another. It gives us the power to extend the same kind of grace that has been extended to us, and to love each other with a love that never fails. The very real kingdom of God calls out of us, its inhabitants, beautiful art, creative lives, and redemptive work."
-Sara Groves

Full of Thoughts

Today has been so wonderful. Luke and I are the only ones home with dad. Mom is in Michigan spending time with her dad (and mom!). I'm jealous she gets to be in the U.P. but I am enjoying my bonding time with the boys here at home. It is definitely frustrating at times...for example...I spend my time cooking for them and cleaning up for them. Mostly Luke. Haha. But I sort of got mad at him today and then he started helping. Here is what the past few days have looked like:

Luke (with a box of cheeze-its in hand) sits around the house.
Andrea: Are you getting hungry?
Luke: No, i'm fine
Andrea: Well, its almost dinner time. Maybe you should stop snacking and I'll make real food. Are you hungry enough to eat?
Luke: Sure, I'll eat
Andrea (in the kitchen making food): If I make nachos to go along with dinner will you eat them
Luke (enthusiastically): really? yeah!
Andrea (20 minutes later): It's time to eat!
*boys come to kitchen*
*Luke eats two chips but doesn't take any on his plate*
Andrea: I thought you said you would want to eat them if I made them
Luke: Oh, I'm not hungry

UGH! Now I understand why mom hates it when we snack and spoil our appetites for dinner. It is SO frustrating for the cook! All day today Luke has been eating cheeze-its. He seriously makes them every meal. I understand the addiction but come on. Sigh...

It's been fun, though. After Church today we rented the Killing Fields. It was really sad but really good. I recommend it. After that we just hung out around the house. I went to the grocery store for more fruits and veggies (we were having a shortage). Luke convinced me to look for a gallon of chocolate milk (when mom is away luke will play!) but all they had was fat free and he refused. Haha. Silly boy.

I cleaned my room this afternoon while listening to the Derek Webb House Show. Sigh...oh so good! Plus it was nice to get my room all cleaned and organized. This evening I was in my room reading and my dad came in to chat for a bit (I LOVE it when he comes into my room to talk...i feel like he doesn't make it down the hall very often. haha. he's so funny). Well, the "chat" turned into a full out discussion about SO MANY things and lasted for an hour and a half (or maybe longer). We talked about the Church (ours and the Church in general) and ideas of fellowship, outreach, service, ministry, community, etc. We talked about how the Church evolves with the times and remains relevant without compromising itself. We talked about friendships and relationships. We talked about our family. We talked a little bit about my future (mostly about what it would look like for me to be at home next semester). It was such a wonderful talk!! I love him so much. He is a good thinker and I appreciate him so much. Sigh. He's such an awesome dad.

So much of what I listened to on the House Show related to my conversation with dad. There are a few things Derek Webb talks about on it that are especially good. I will share them:

"So often we try to make it our job to make the Gospel easier for us to preach and easier for other people to hear--in order to not get into trouble and in order to not be confrontational. But here's the truth. You just can't preach the Gospel and not get into trouble. You just can't do it, hard as you might try. You can dress it up any way you want. But if you're really preaching the Gospel you are going to get yourself into trouble, you are going to be in trouble as well. Because the cross is both beautiful and offensive and it must be both. It is both. There is no other Gospel for you to preach...It's not safe to boldly preach the Gospel. it is dangerous work we are in as believers, perilous work that we have before us to preach the gospel not only to each other but to the outside world, the unbelieving world. Not safe work. Safe is not a word that I would believe characterizes Christians or Jesus or the Gospel. It shouldn't. If it is then it might not be the Gospel we are preaching. Jesus is not safe. He is not manageable. He is a wild lion. You cannot tame Him. He is not safe. But He is good. He is king. You can trust Him. the Gospel that we carry is not safe. It is not manageable, not efficient. Loving people is not efficient. But the Gospel is good, it is true, but it is not safe."

"We are called into community together. If you divorce the people of God, if you divorce local community from the Gospel, then it ceases to be the Gospel. There is no other context for your faith as a christian than to be in community with other people. I've heard a lot of people say to me over the years "Its just me and Jesus and that's all i need." Well that's not the Gospel in scripture. If you are going to be those who claim to love Jesus you will be compelled to love also the things that he loved. And he not only loved but came and gave himself up for the church, and that makes it our concern as well. And if that's not hard enough--that we live in community together--we are also called with a mandate that we preach the Gospel to each other. We mistake the Gospel for the thing only that we preach to non believers. It certainly is that, but much more than that, the Gospel must have, necessarily has, a primary place in the life of believers. We've got to heard it every week, if not every day. "

These are things I have been thinking about A LOT lately. My head and heart have been so full of thoughts about the Gospel and its relationship to/with community--local AND global. I have been thinking about Jesus and the life He lived. I have learned a lot of things this week but two things stands out in particular.
1. I have learned that Jesus isn't safe...but He is GOOD. I cannot tame Him (and oh have I tried). Following Him is dangerous and standing in His truth (THE truth) is perilous. He calls me to live dangerously. He calls me to be uncomfortable and make difficult decisions. He asks me to stand firm in my convictions, no matter what evil might attack (doubts, uncertainties...) He asks me to talk with Him and spend time with Him--He turns my life upside down.
2. I have also learned that loving people is not efficient. It is really hard, and it costs A LOT. God's love for me cost the life of His only Son. His love changed the world. And His love for me demands that I love the things that He loves--and love like He loves (obviously only by His grace). Loving is not comfortable, like I want it to be. It challenges me and changes me...and it is scary.

As I learn that the Gospel is not safe, I rely on the promises of Christ and the knowledge that the He is good and true and His Gospel is good and true. These can be hard lessons to learn but the joy supplied by the Lord and satisfaction found in Him are my hope in times of fear and truth in times of doubt. I thank Him for these days and for all the prodding I receive from the Spirit.
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oh...also. Back on the issue of living in community. I've been learning what it means to be honest--first with myself and jesus (that might sound weird, since He knows everything about me already. But I have found Him to be saying "Andrea, talk to me. Give me ALL of your heart.") and then with others. The first step is mostly really hard. It is hard to be honest with myself when my sin nature tries to be deceitful all the time. Also, it is hard to lay my pride aside and humble myself before Christ. The second step is mostly really scary. It is frightening to let people into me and see me for who I really am (or begin to see me for who I really am)--faults and all. It's a lesson in laying down pride also.

These steps are difficult, but the freedom and redemption Christ gives are rich and boundless. In other words, the reward is GREAT! And His grace is MORE than enough....yes, it is everything.

I Love My Dad!!!

He's pretty much amazing :)

Sister...I Miss You!!!

I've Been Thinking

The future holds so many possibilities. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed! I am continually reminded of the huge importance the role of prayer plays in my life and the decisions I make.

I have a job at the grocery store. I had my first day of class wednesday but now I have a whole week off. They couldn't schedule me for actual training until the 26, 28, 29, 30. Sigh...I was a little bummed but it gives me a heads up--and a chance to do things I won't have as much time for once I'm really working.

I hear from Moody again on July 1st. I go back and forth about what I want the letter to say. Part of me REALLY wants to go to school in the fall, and go in with all the others (if I go, I have to be tehre exactly two months from today. weird!). Another part of me wants to stay here since I have a job and work A LOT and save money (maybe spend time in Philly with Kristen and Jay!)...and go second semester. But I have no idea. I'm trying not to stress about it but to trust God. Plus, i don't even know what the letter will say yet.

I came across this website the other day. Check it out--it looks like such a neat program. I think I would love something like this. I would live in the inner-city of a major city for a year (Oakland, Atlanta, Philly, Chicago) and just do community service projects (on a team). I think it would be so amazing. Sigh...another opportunity for me in the future. Crazy! :) www.missionyear.org

So...today I am helping my mom around the house--cleaning and what not. I have been reading bits of Erasmus and Luther's Discourse on the Freedom of the Will (i never read it all for english) and I think I'm going to read Passion and Purity again (by Elisabeth Elliot). Who knows...

Summer has been wonderful but a little tough. I've been learning a lot and challenged a lot...a good combination just sometimes exhausting and a little overwhelming.

OH!!! I almost forgot. The other night I added an ambition to my "life ambitions." I am SO excited. So...something I want to do before the age of 30: RUN A MARATHON. I am actually so excited about this. Allie--it happened after our conversation. I think we should run in the National Park! It would be so fun...at night!!

Also. As I have been watching So You Think You Can Dance? my desire to take dance classes has solidified. It might not happen for a while...maybe not until I'm engaged. But I WILL. I am super excited :)

P.S. Luke is helping me learn all sorts of exercises and stretches for running. This is so exciting! haha.
yay for brothers!!! :)