be near me now

do you ever reach a time when you are suddenly so overwhelmed by the fact that no one on this earth KNOWS you? It's kind of a sickening feeling.

I am so sick of hiding things. I am sick of trying to explain things but not ever being able to fully get my point across. I am tired of having to explain why I do things or why I don't do things--why I enjoy one thing but not another. I long for a transparency that allows for true and intimate relationship. Is this even possible on earth? Obviously probably not because of sin. Wretched souls that we are we cannot be completely honest and true. But can't the Spirit move more deeply in me? In us? Won't you, God?

I guess I'm just longing to be known right now. I am longing to be loved deeply and honestly--because of who I am, no other reason.

I suppose the "answer" is that I am looking for this depth of love from creatures that can't give it. It is found only in the arms of the Almighty. But what sort of love and honesty are we to expect from the Body? From each other? What level of intimacy and care?

Aagh.

Blow the dust off my soul. Spirit of God, move in and among us.