i love my classes

most of them :)

in particular, i'm thinking of Old Testament Historical Literature with Howard. I had him for Minor Prophets last semester and learned so much. i've enjoyed sitting under him as we've walked through the pages of 1 & 2 Samuel this spring. wow. in class today, i realized that i only have TWO more class periods with him. man...

today we wrapped up 2 Samuel. At how many schools and in how many classes can you discuss the meaning of 2 Sam. 24:1-17 for over 30 minutes?! Not many. I am so grateful. It's a familiar passage--David's census. It's the uncomfortable, mysterious account of God inciting David against the Israelites: "Go, number Israel and Judah" (24:1). David takes the census and then realizes he has sinned (24:10). He asks for forgiveness and God gives him an option of three possible punishments (24:11, 12). The REMARKABLE thing is that David puts everything back in the hands of God: "I am in great distress. Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for his mercy is great; but let me not fall into the hand of men" (24:14). There are a million and one questions raised by this passage--many that can't be answered. There's a huge amount of mystery in it, too. What I find so overwhelming is DAVID'S response to everything. We look at the story and immediately question God--accusing Him of all sorts of things; assuming a lot of Him. But David's theology is large enough to accept the mystery while trusting in God. He acts in faith still. He puts himself in God's hand.

As we wrestled with this passage today, i was delighted to find myself increasingly at awe with God and encouraged by David. Howard has taught me to (1) know the goodness of God in a comprehensive way and (2) shown me how to read my Bible to understand the true character of God: developing theology with a rounded understanding of God's attributes. Again, its his biblical theological tendencies over and above systematics. I can't tell you how refreshing, liberating, and truth-telling biblical theology is to me. Not that systematics isn't truthful or, in some ways, "liberating." But they're different. And reading Scripture biblically theologically feels more honest, as it teaches to remain true to the text.

i had one of those afternoons that inspired me all the more to get my masters at a seminary. i've felt these quiet dreams growing into louder prayers recently.
we'll see. for now they are dreams and prayers and i have to go work on a speech for tomorrow...

i like prunes

seriously. i think most people think they're gross. i really like them.

i have a terrible sore throat. i think it could go on record as the worst one i've ever had. maybe i just hate sore throats. its true, they're up there next to throwing up. maybe even worse. i feel awful.

it has come to my attention that i've been complainy recently. i apologize. it's been a rough few weeks and i'm getting more and more exhausted with no chance to catch up.

i should stop talking :)

i'm going to bed.

"The Hebrew word for theology is 'knowledge of God,' entailing both objective revelation and inward witness." -Bruce Waltke from his Old Testament Theology.
i've been thinking about this recently. more to come someday, i hope. for now, i'm just thinking, wrestling, learning.

so this week is ridiculous. sigh. i don't even know how everything is going to get done. it will, though, i am just overwhelmed by it. and tired already. whew.

i ran 3.5 miles today. hurray!

last night Sarah, Mariah and i went to Karyn's Cooked for dinner. It's a raw food//vegan restaurant. it was so good. i got a "meatball" sandwich (lentil meatballs). It was amazing. mmmm. we then treked to Noble Tree like the good little college students we are. we were productive, though tired. it was a good day. it was a wonderful weekend. On saturday Rasha showed us a few YouTube videos of iraqi dancing. i showed her a few of my favorites from SYTYCD. The conversation then went as follows...

Me: I wish I could dance!
Rasha: when you are married, then you and your husband can dance like that (if only marriage equaled cool dancing, right?).

it was so cute. i love her. sometimes i think she's amazed (maybe confused?) that mariah and i aren't married. i think i feel the same way sometimes :)

ok. i need to go organize my week and get going on some projects. bleh. hope you all are staying on top of it all...

finished reading Gilead

finally.

wonderful book. gosh, so beautiful. it's recommended for YOUR summer reading! :)

secret:

frozen banana bread is great on a hot day. i figured that if frozen cookies are amazing, frozen banana bread has to be, too! i think it's even better. hmmm.

jay and kristen sent me a trader joe's gift card. what a pleasant surprise! so i walked to trader joe's on this beautiful, 75 degree day, wearing sunglasses and a smile. spring is glorious. the tulips are bluming. the daffodils are bright.

it's friday :) whew. i have a killer week next week and not enought time in the weekend to prepare--i know--but somehow i'll get through it and soon the semester will be over. with only 3 weekends left here, we are trying to make the most of our time. we have a list of things to do before then...so we don't forget anything.

cemitas pueblas
sunrise on the beach
slackining
homemade pizza
State of Play

these next few weeks are going to fly by...HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS :)

WHY??!!?!!

why is it that i can sleep when i don't want to (i.e. have loads of homework to get done...ahem: PAPERS TO WRITE) but can't when i want to (gave up on the homework because i fell asleep on it for 1/2 an hour. but i can't fall asleep now). WHAT?!?! So frustrating. i would just love a really good, long night sleep. who wouldn't. it's been taking me at least an hour to fall asleep these days. i don't know why but when the lights go out i can't seem to quiet my thoughts. bugger...

tomorrow night i'm going to hear Piper and Carson speak at Park Church. That's exciting.

oon friday, after work, i'm going to go to a dance show of one of my coworkers. she goes to columbia and all the dance students are performing their pieces. its free. there will be food. what could be better? I look forward to it.

ok. i think i'll try to sleep again. maybe i'll read. grrrrrr.

Banana Bread

When you live in the dorms you can collect bananas easy from the dining room. It doesn't take long for them to ripen and brown. And because you are always looking for an excuse to take a study break, why not make banana bread?!!

This is mom's recipe: easy and delicious :)

beat together:
1/2 c butter, softened
1/2 c sugar

add (and beat together):
1/4 cup water

add (and beat together):
1-2 eggs (in proportion to number of bananas used, 3-4)
3-4 ripe bananas, mashed
1 t vanilla

in separate bowl (or same, if you're like me :)):
2 c flour
1/2 t salt
1 t baking soda
1/2 t cinnamon
(mix in chopped nuts or chocolate chips as desired)

mix it all together and pour into a greased bread pan. bake at 350 for 45-60 minutes. ENJOY!

before i nap

i've taken to nap time in lacy's bed. it's the most comfortable place in our room. she takes pictures of me napping from time to time. ha. i hope she takes it as a compliment that i'm in her bed. and sometimes we cuddle together on her bed and talk. i like it. it's sort of like crawling into a dark cave...mmm. i think it's nap time right now.

but first, a prayer that echoes the recent language of my heart:

Our mothers and fathers have long spoken of you.
And we have their spokenness in our hands, in these old texts.
We propose now to study you,
to weigh and test,
to examine and assess,
to make you our "object" and so to get a grade.
In your strangeness, you are studied only temporarily,
object only penultimately,
weighed and tested only at the outset.
But then--as always--
You turn tables,
You become subject who addresses,
sovereign who commands,
mother who loves,
warrior who defends,
And we find ourselves turned in ours study to praise and adoration.
So we ask for freedom to love you with our minds,
that we may know a little as we are known,
and in knowing may love and adore,
and in loving and adoring, may obey...
to your praise,
and our joy.
Amen.
(Walter Brueggemann)

Making Memories of Us

we had a good time at JSB last night. we definitely were not into it like some girls. we didn't spend hours getting ready. we didn't put a ton of time into getting ready...but it was fun. the navy pier ballroom is something else.
no one else at our table showed up. score! we got the table to ourselves. lacy asked us what our favorite memories of the four of us are. we've got some good ones :) it's weird to think we only have 3 weeks left.
we stayed until the speaker came and then we ducked out. we went to whole foods and got popcorn and sparkling pear juice (yep--that's what you do at Moody). all we wanted to do was go out for cocktails but nope. sigh. someday!!
it was still a whole lot of fun.
enjoy pictures!










Mine is an $8 maternity dress and Mariah's is a maternity dress from Gap--hence the picture :)

goodbye, $95

its hard not to be tied to earth sometimes...financial pressures, crammed schedules, and all the other stresses. certain days just seem to sweep in and remind that i'm not tied here (or shouldn't be).
here's the story...

as you know, i'm spending the summer in colorado, working at Eagle Lake camp. well, i have to get certified in CPR and FirstAid before I go. I registered over a week ago for today and had it worked out so that, 7 hrs later from 9am this morning it would be over. but i got lost getting there. i was SO close but the directions were bad and i asked a few CTA workers--each with a different answer. I called the Red Cross headquarters and they gave me "new" directions which still weren't super helpful and i was far enough out of the way by then that i didn't make it in time. so...i took the El and the bus back to school trying not to think too hard (or stress too much) about the $95 down the drain. i called them and they said they can't refund the money. mom wants me to call back and beg them--claiming my "poor college student" status.

that was very discouraging. there have been so many little expenses like that lately--and several more (deposits, etc) due on May 1st. It never ends, huh? sigh... Sometimes i hate money. yeah, that sounds childish. whatever, its true.

but on the up side, its 70 degrees today. i would have been stuck in a classroom all day. instead, i decided to walk around the city. i sat in the garden/patio at rush and bellevue for a long time and drank chai. i journaled and just sat people watching, enjoying the fountain, the birds, and the sun. i went into anthropologie and admired their really cute cloths--flinching even to touch them. oh to have that kind of money...not actually. i don't think i could ever wear a $68 thin cotton blouse. i do, however, wish i had a sewing machine here and could experiment a bit. i think i would make some of those designs pretty easy--they're simple.

i went into barnes and noble and breathed in books for a long time. i looked at the biographies, admired shelves of fiction, tried to get ideas in the ESL section...and, yes, i visited the journals :) I came out with a cute bday card for a friend.

i had packed a picnic lunch for my class so instead i enjoyed it on the grass in the sun: peanut butter and honey sandwich with an apple. it was lovely.

i prayed. i journaled. i walked. i watched. i listened. i admired. i breathed deep. i enjoyed.
i think it was a much-needed break from busy school days and homework filled afternoons. i'm grateful.

i've been challenged to pray some exciting and daring prayers about my future. no, i won't share :) but i'll just say that i'm excited. i am content to sit with the Lord in this unknown--even with life changing EVERYDAY as he teaches me so many new things and reveals more wonders of his truth (they really are never-ending, aren't they?).

i enjoyed a nice walk with good conversation yesterday--Charity and i hung out for a few hours. it was wonderful. we ended up at the @spot cafe since the power was out at mercury. it was really wonderful to hear her and share thoughts--as always.

tonight is JSB (Junior Senior banquet). hmm. i'm sure you'll see pictures up sometime soon. Sarah. Mariah, Lacy, and I are going. together. It will be a fun night--a good finish to a busy week.

in closing, i have a new music interest. josh garrels. yep.

alrighty. i hope YOU can breathe deep today--go out and soak up some sun or sit inside and enjoy a nice cold glass of water :)
i think i'm going to get some updates out, emails written, the room cleaned, and books put away and organized. whew. this week was a bit of a whirl-wind.

hasta!

WENDY!

Wendy gets back from Nepal TOMORROW! I can't believe it's been a year (or almost). wow. it flew by. I am so excited to see her, hear her voice again, listen to her stories, glimpse her heart....i so look forward to it!
because i've been thinking a lot of her return, i've been thinking also of my return from Africa over a year ago....how hard it was and i hadn't been gone as long as she has. what a transition....
Please be praying for her--for the transition back. Pray that the Lord would make manifest to her his arms of grace and voice of peace. Pray also for patience as she has to endure all of us who don't quite understand what it feels like, what she's thinking, what she's feeling.
Hmmm. i am grateful for the Body of Christ and the fact that we can press close to one another in times of new transition and change. and God grants us so much grace in it all.

"It's a precious thing to take our most sacred hatreds to God."

i discovered a new vegetable this weekend

PARSNIPS! i'd never eaten them before. they're WONDERFUL!! I had them roasted. MMMMMMMMmmmm.

In other news, I really feel like roadtripping it. out of control. UUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

remembered resurrection today

"all glory, honor, and praise is due to the one who rose in three days. for eternity, every child will sing of the joy i the stone rolled away. for eternity, every child will sing by the power in the stone rolled away; of the hope in the stone rolled away; of the joy in the stone rolled away."

for truth's sake

Reading through old journals always teaches me. i think because i forget things so easily.

do you ever feel like you learn something and then forget about it a second later? you have to be reminded again...and again...and again. oh how i've come to give deep thanks to the Lord for his graciousness towards me. how patient he is TO remind me again...and again...and again.

anyway, i got to reading my journal today because A. i was tired of doing homework B. i was bored C. i haven't been able to write for a long time and i wanted to try again.

on march 22nd i prayed something because i was gripped: "hold us for truth's sake. hold us by grace for refinement, even if by fire."

it isn't easy being spent. life is lived well if lived in degrees of losing self. the goal isn't self protection or self loss but stewardship. this isn't an easy thing to learn. living well after Christ requires a theology of self-care. "spending" life (in ministry, family, faith) requires stewardship of self and of one another. we need teachable spirits, Lord.

we have to catch a vision for the image inside of us, i think. i felt something of it on march 22nd and it mattered to me. it matters to me that we are changed, matured, and made new. so, as i am spent--and as i live with others being spent--i pray, "hold us for truth's sake. hold us by grace for refinement, even if by fire."

i. love. gladiator.

i think its time to watch that movie again soon.

or 3:10 to Yuma. maybe its just a russell crowe thing.

State of Play! Comes out on the 17th!!! woot woot.

roommate.

Since Andrea always forgets to log off my computer, I figured I would take advantage of this opportunity and brag on my roommate. She is such an amazing person, I have never met anyone so willing to listen to others, and so willing to involve their hearts in the burdens of others. We have grown up so much over the past 2.5 years, and I am so blessed that we were able to do it together. She is BFF status for sue.
Love you roommate.

thoughts with chocolate chip cookies

i have one paper to write--a short 2-3 pager due tomorrow. that's all the homework i have before the long weekend. i am so looking forward to the weekend, too! right now i'm sitting in our room, smelling the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies i just took out of the oven, reflecting on the past few weeks.

they've been a strange few weeks. coming back from spring break was hard because i seriously lacked motivation. and i was homesick. and i missed my sister...and the rest of the family.

but even though they've felt a bit strange, they've been a really good few weeks. i've valued several quality conversations with friends, as well as hours to hang out and laugh together. i am grateful for friends with whom i can laugh and cry--express the joys and the burdens. this is life.

we've made some more wonderful memories and i have so delighted spending time with my girls :) i think the four of us (sarah, mariah, lacy, and i) are realizing that the last days are fast approaching. the semester will be over before we know it--and no more late night laughs, girl dates, home made sunday night dinners, fab-four adventures. i'll miss these days. i'll miss them a whole lot.

how wonderful to have good friends :)



haha...


Mmmm. this is how the days go :)


this one makes me laugh. we've all got a different thing going on.


aww!


yay for laughing together...


a favorite hang out spot.


um. yep!

i want to be hugged

sometimes i think we just don't give enough hugs. and i go through withdrawals.

i talked with allie for a long time tonight. it was about time! it was wonderful to catch up on life--the dailies, the dreams, body, faith, spirit, soul. hmmm. so good.

today at pcm Rasha gave us Guatemalan coffee!! i thought it was SO CUTE (though random, since she's from Iraq). We hadn't seen her for 5 weeks!! yikes. it was sooo good to be in her home again. Ows was being the cutest little kid ever and switching on and off with us between english and arabic. he's adorable.
she overloaded us on sugar--peach pie, juice, tang, and sweet tea. haha. she's the sweetest hostess but man, we felt gross. tomorrow we are going to our "old" students' house. they called us out of the blue and said "we miss you. we want to have you over for dinner." so we get to enjoy good iraqi food tomorrow. YUM.

"it seems like there's no room for brokenness here..."

had a good conversation with a friend tonight. we talked about being authentic christians--brokenness, suffering, and all--while we ate grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. it was honest time and i appreciated it very much. she mentioned how Moody isn't a place that leaves room or allows for raw and honest brokenness. it doesn't allow for real experiences of suffering. really, we talked about how the church in general falls short. no one talks about the suffering of God. we're encouraged to praise and live "put together." I like how she said it--we're taught to be warriors and so we can't be broken. this is tragically true. i think this is why the integration of theology is so important--and why i so value and admire my professors that fight for the integration (Dr. Schmutzer, the Worralls, Dr. De Rosset, Mr. Howard). Each in their own way, they are gripped by the absolute beauty of truth but they don't live with their eyes closed. They are also gripped by the realities of this world. Sure, this isn't our home. But we're here for a time and we pray "thy kingdom come." We ask that His will be done "on earth as it is in heaven." We're in the now and the not yet and we cry in the tension.

how incredible it is to recognize, yet again, that developing a theology of suffering is vital. it is impossible to ignore. i'll never live the same way again. He's started me in a direction of growth I don't ever want to turn from. It's extremely difficult sometimes but I wouldn't change it because I feel alive. My faith feels alive. Learning of God in this way is changing everything. Walking beside friends through this is changing the way I relate to people. The way I pray is different. My life is impacted in a multitude of ways. sigh.

as another friend mentioned the other night--"life isn't 'care free' anymore but its richer." I couldn't have said it better.

"send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."
Psalm 43:3-5

where could i go?

everyday when I hear the "ding" from my "ding fare" icon, I wonder "where could I go today?" right now the best option is louiville for $48. tempting but no.

i'm itching to travel. overseas. its been so long. sometimes i feel so very restless. i watch my friends leave and return. i hear their stories. and the aching desire to GO is, at times, borderline unbearable. tonight's one of those times. i was just writing something about Africa. It will be two years in june. can you believe it? wow. two years already since I got on that plane. hmm.

someday i'll go back. i sometimes catch myself whispering "lord, haste the day!" but really i have no idea when it will happen or how. sometimes its hard to hold onto dreams that i don't even know will "come true." I might wonder if i am too much of a dreamer or if i've allowed myself to let go too easily of my dreams.

i like to think i'm still holding on...holding on while i continue dreaming. the dreams develop. i learn to surrender them a little better. i learn to trust a little deeper. and God guides my steps.

its easy, sometimes, to doubt that He knows what He's doing. Sometimes I feel like He's forgotten about little ol' me. It can be discouraging.

new country favorite

"Down the Road" by Kenny Chesney. amazing. love it!!