"it seems like there's no room for brokenness here..."

had a good conversation with a friend tonight. we talked about being authentic christians--brokenness, suffering, and all--while we ate grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. it was honest time and i appreciated it very much. she mentioned how Moody isn't a place that leaves room or allows for raw and honest brokenness. it doesn't allow for real experiences of suffering. really, we talked about how the church in general falls short. no one talks about the suffering of God. we're encouraged to praise and live "put together." I like how she said it--we're taught to be warriors and so we can't be broken. this is tragically true. i think this is why the integration of theology is so important--and why i so value and admire my professors that fight for the integration (Dr. Schmutzer, the Worralls, Dr. De Rosset, Mr. Howard). Each in their own way, they are gripped by the absolute beauty of truth but they don't live with their eyes closed. They are also gripped by the realities of this world. Sure, this isn't our home. But we're here for a time and we pray "thy kingdom come." We ask that His will be done "on earth as it is in heaven." We're in the now and the not yet and we cry in the tension.

how incredible it is to recognize, yet again, that developing a theology of suffering is vital. it is impossible to ignore. i'll never live the same way again. He's started me in a direction of growth I don't ever want to turn from. It's extremely difficult sometimes but I wouldn't change it because I feel alive. My faith feels alive. Learning of God in this way is changing everything. Walking beside friends through this is changing the way I relate to people. The way I pray is different. My life is impacted in a multitude of ways. sigh.

as another friend mentioned the other night--"life isn't 'care free' anymore but its richer." I couldn't have said it better.

"send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."
Psalm 43:3-5