July Happenings

It's almost midnight and I am pooped but I've been wanting to get some pictures up of our trip to Richmond. Sorry there aren't any of Jake and I. For one thing, Jake's camera broke on the way down so he didn't get any. And I'm discovering that he's kind of...mmm...shall we say particular about what camera he takes pictures with or what camera takes pictures of him. I'm working with him on it :)

Also, I'm sorry there aren't pictures of Ailey!! What the heck?! You know how the firstborn always has the better baby book and more pictures, etc? Yeah, apparently Auntie's are more obsessed photographers with the first, too. Sigh. She looks a lot like Sam and is a beautiful baby. Sam is just fun in pictures because he's up and moving around, expressing his developing personality, etc. He's so fun. Ailey is (obviously) still nursing, spitting up, pooping, crying, sleeping, and cooing. haha. Kristen's going to comment about this...

So, here are some pictures of the week in Richmond. It was wonderful and went by so fast. The drive back was really beautiful--I love roadtrips because I love driving through small town America. Jake and I enjoyed good conversation and the extended time together. He's getting ready to leave for Hungary in about three weeks.

We've been celebrating b-days in the house! Saturday night was Lacy and Mariah's joint super-hero b-day party. It was a lot of fun despite the house being almost unbearably hot and sticky. bleh.

Yesterday was Lacy's actual b-day so last night we went to Howl at the Moon (piano bar) to enjoy the dueling pianos (+ sing along!!) in celebration of her! I admit I was a bit leery, simply because I haven't had much experience with piano bars (ok, none whatsoever). But it was a lot of fun. It was somewhat like group karaoke (the sing along part of it) and the performers were really good. And we got to sing some Billy Joel ("piano man," even!!).

I have more thoughts I'd like to share about a few different things but it's late and I choose sleep because I know I need it. So hopefully I'll update again soon :)

Vacation

It's been so nice to be out of Chicago for the week. Jake and I left Thursday night and made it to his brother's in Indianapolis late that night. We spent Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday with his brother and sister-in-law and their two kids. It was super fun.

Now we are in Virginia with Jay and Kristen...and Sam and Ailey :) It's been really wonderful. It's hot and muggy so we've been indoors most of the time. This morning the two of us went and explored down by the river. It's the James River and it's beautiful--we swam the rapids. Aaaah. Then we sent Jay and Kristen on a date to the same spot because it was so beautiful, and they swam the rapids. Jake and I babysat :)

Tonight is Mexican Fiesta night: tacos and the Three Amigos (love.this.move.).

There's more to tell but I don't have time right now. Hope you all are enjoying summer!!

BurgerFest and the girls I live with

Sunday night was BurgerFest. It was a lot of fun. Several local restaurants had booths set up on Belmont and were cooking all different kinds of hamburgers. Yum. We got food and then went to Beat Kitchen for drinks and sat outside on their sidewalk patio. It started to rain so we had to move underneath an overhang for awhile. It was beautiful. Gin Blossoms played at 9. You know, "anywhere you go, I'll follow you there. I'll follow you down but not that far..." or something like that. You'd recognize them, even though their glory days were years ago. They got rained out. It started pouring--so much fun! So we walked home in the rain and got drenched but it was so fun to spend time with these girls...

saturday camp-out

it's not the kind of camp-out i'd like to be having but it's the necessary thing right now. i'm camped out at lace's starbucks today during her work shift, 1:30-9pm, so i can be especially productive on my class. sigh...it's very cold in here. hot outside (which i am dressed for) but cold inside, especially since i'm drinking this iced soy latte (yum).

this weekend is burger fest. that's right, all the local burger joints, pubs, you name it, get together and set up on Belmont and we get to eat their wonderful burgers (needless to say, the air smells amazing in our neighborhood). we're going tomorrow night because that's when a certain band is playing. i forget who, i should have asked lacy. anyhow. it's a great weekend, very "summery."

i should go. i have a stack of flash cards about 3 inches high of terms i need to know by tonight. gah!

something i've been thinking about lately and i'll try to post about once i've thought and studied a bit more: pleasure (in life, in love, in relationships, in general!)--especially as it relates to faithful following and living in obedience to God. i think some traditional "christian" concepts have kind of given a warped understanding of what pleasure is/means/does and how we "handle it" in life. at the same time, Scriptural concepts and understandings of pleasure ought to be the richest, right? thoughts of your own?

happy saturday, everyone! :) :) :)

double -posting

you get two today! i decided that tonight would be a good time to put up some pictures from the 4th.

it's been a long day. the stale heat kind of makes me feel tired and lethargic--not a pleasant feeling. work was fine. C started swim lessons again today. i didn't bring a book so ended up just sitting and thinking in the lobby for 35 min. with S. it's been a day full of thought. i finally got around to responding to some emails. i talked to mom for a little while. she prayed for me. have i ever told you about mom's prayers? maybe not. one day i will. for now, just know that i love when she prays for me over the phone.

dinner was wonderful. i made an "asian style" salad--seared veggies with fried tofu (i know, but its an inexpensive form of protein!) tossed over lettuce with some seasoning. mmm. it was the perfect summer dinner. my peaches are finally ripe and i happily slurped peach juice off my arm thinking, "there's nothing like summer peaches." then last night's left over box of waffle cones gave me the idea of running over to trader joe's for something cool. you guessed it, i picked up some of their coffee ice cream. yum.

now i am (im)patiently waiting for the night to cool off while i sip a glass of merlot. i'll study for a little while and then start a new book, The Longing for Home by F Buechner. after i finished Traveling Mercies I had no idea what to read next. but during my breakdown on the way home from work today [yes, I was finally able to cry. you probably didn't know that i haven't been able to for awhile. my, it felt good. i cried because the lady still hasn't called me back about my car and i've called her twice; because the men in the car behind me were fondling each other; because there was a magazine at the club with an article about which city (miami or chicago) has a hotter sex-life; because i am weary of earth and weary of sin; because i long for many things that aren't yet a reality and i'm tired of longing; because i miss my family so much; because sometimes i don't know where i fit into this world or where i belong in life; because sometimes the simple things are too wonderful for me...and because i said to the Lord, "tonight i'm ready to be home"...] i remembered that this book is sitting on my shelf.

now, enough about my day. here are a few pictures from the weekend. on saturday morning Mr. Schnake, Jake, Hannah, and I went biking--23 miles through Wisconsin's beautiful farmland. don't tell anyone but i think i'm falling in love with Wisconsin. sssshh. I couldn't help but sense the world's held beauty. all the green and the tall trees, the bulging corn fields, warm sun across farm-scapes and gorgeous old barns, some falling into disrepair. it takes your breath away. i loved biking. the hills were a killer but i think i could get used to it. a cross-country biking/camping trip has made my life to-do list. i should work on updating that thing.

sunday Andrew and Tiffany drove up for fireworks. i'm so glad they did. we got prime seats at the end of the pier and watched the whole scene unfold right in front of us. we got rained on a little but it was a perfect night. i've spent the 4th in a different state for the past 5 years.

"relocate me in Your eternal resolve..."

i wrote that in my journal Sept 8 of last year. it came from a Brueggemann prayer. it's a beautiful line--a beautiful prayer.

i find myself praying that this morning. yes, Lord, relocate us in your eternal resolve: "that the earth may be fully your realm, that the world may wreak with your shalom, that we ourselves may find our true freedom in your sovereign purpose. yours--not ours--is the kingdom, the power, and the glory...and we are grateful. amen." --W.B. from "Before the Day is Out"

also, it's a good morning because i decided to make coffee (i just haven't been doing this very often at all). i shouldn't tell you that it's french press and i forgot about it for 45 min before "pressing" it...sorry mark, hannah, lacy, and all you other s-bucks workers (or coffee lovers) who probably shudder over this. what the hell. it's still coffee, right? and besides, it's in my cow mug (i had to show you the cow mug). that has to count for something :)

Two Thoughts for Today

not exactly my own but mine often echo these, does that count?

"Dear God, i'm no use, i'm still the same bitch and fake. clear me out of the way." ~ Graham Greene (The End of the Affair)

"All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe." -from "The Irresistible Revolution"

taking my own advice

i'm not always good at listening to my own advice. after two years of good learning about "self care" and "rest," it's time to live it a little.

after years of ministry, mom is putting herself on sabbatical. listening to her talk about her plans of intentional rest, anticipated care for necessary responsibilities, and dreams for the new space in life (for things like reading, writing, praying, and living other activities that have been put on hold) brought something in me to the surface. it was that funny little question mark deep in me about school next year--launching myself onto the road to Wheaton for grad. school. i've got this summer course in General Psychology right now. easy, i know, and truly basic. but it has been really hard to motivate myself to work on it. when mom finished talking i said, "gosh, mom, my soul needs something like that." of course, mom has always voiced her concern(s) about my "burnout." so she said i should consider the possibility of taking the fall semester off.

the thought scares me. a lot. it scares me to put my "plan" (or should i say "dream"?) on hold. but you know what? my "plan" hasn't been very inviting to me recently. i can't articulate my vision very well. my heart feels weak and my passion and ambition feel spent. in other words, this isn't to say i don't like my plan or want to keep my plan :) this is to say that i need a break. last year took a lot out of me--in many ways. i need to slow down. i need to make space for a few new things...

[i can tell you another time what i think about God and us and the living of our dreams...how i think that the dreams/passions we have aren't an accident and that life is probably a lot about the redemption of those dreams and learning how to live life with God and others as this happens]

**so, here are some things i want to bring into my life this year (and in no particular order):

that pottery class i've been putting off

wednesday night knitting and wine at Sister Arts studio in late fall and winter

personal study (biblical/theological concepts that my life longs to develop and live)

english tutoring (or, rather, keeping up the friendship with Rasha and family)

involvement at church/time to volunteer

writing (poetry, stories, letters, journaling)

prayer (creative outlets for developing prayer in my life. call me crazy but this will most likely include paper, glue, scissors, and a host of other "crafty" elements...)

growing friendships near and far (working on communication and living life together)

i don't just want to spend this year at work, in classes, and doing homework. i want to live it with time and space to renew some of the richness that i feel i have either forgotten, overlooked, or gotten too busy for. i need to practice some self-care. i need to swallow the advice i have given others :)

want to help? please be praying. those of you close to me (and/or who know me well) know that this is a difficult and frightening decision. Jake reminded me that it is a position and posture of trust. i like that because he's right, it's true of me in this place now but it's also true of life in general (and for all of us). for now, this time right out of college is a time to develop habits and set realistic goals for myself as i learn to live each day in faith (not weeks, months, years, but just days). i can't do that unless i create the space for it and i haven't found the space for it because i've been going, going, going. i need to just be with the Lord for awhile.

So...i'm going to call COD tomorrow and discuss the status of my deposit and class registration. i'll see if i can just hold off until next semester or what...i don't really know. like i said, it's scary. but i think it's a really good thing. there's a quiet freedom in this decision and a settled sort of "yes" that keeps calling out from inside of me. i like that. it sort of sounds like that quiet confirmation that the Holy Spirit whispers when you're on the right path. so i guess i should be all gratefulness. i am, i think, but i am also really unsure. there's a lot to be unsure about come mid August :)

life, you are so uncertain. you are so exciting. you are all we have to live and we want to live you well.

"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you...teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing." -Psalm 143:8-10 NLT

life will get ya

there are days when life feels a little like a slap in the face. it's almost as if it decides it needs to remind you of something, "hey, remember me--life? yeah, i'm still here." it's not even that we forget we are living (maybe we do, i don't know) but more like we forget that life is what it is: a sore throat in the morning when you felt fine the night before, a cough that won't go away, word of discovered cancer in a family member, a split-second car accident (yes, this happened today. sigh). life steps in boldly in these moments--very painfully in some of them--and reminds that things are short, time moves fast, we don't know what the next moment holds. all we have is a whole lot of "now's" strung together to make this thing called life. And i'm reminded that i want to live my now's well. I want to remember to treasure the simple things, to banner the eternal things, to hope for the wholeness of things, to rest in the mystery of things.

This week has been a little pebbly--several unexpected happenings to kick things off. I'm still trying to chip away at my psychology class. I have a lot to get done in a short amount of time. I still feel like I need a break from school but then I'll be taking two classes in the fall. Sometimes I have mixed feelings about this.

I love living with Lacy and Mariah. I cherish times when we laugh together over stupid things, enjoy watching a movie, sit quietly around the kitchen thinking and talking about life's hard realities, and listen to each other cry when the days bring tears. I keep praying that God will make this year a time of good fellowship and intimate community--the kind that can, yes, be uncomfortable but teaches the necessary and beautiful lessons of life. you know, those ones that infuse our days with a certain richness.

Last weekend was wonderful. I went up to Wisconsin on Thursday and enjoyed good time with Jake and his family. We climbed a beautiful old train bridge (i only made it halfway so I didn't actually climb the thing) on Friday. Mariah came up Saturday and we watched the U.S. vs. Ghana game together with Jake's grandparents. Sunday was a great summer day--big cookout at the house after church; roadtrip to Sheboygan for the Peter Mulvey concert.





We walked the Sheboygan lake shore for a while and then grabbed Thai before the show. It was at a great coffee shop full of character and comfy couches. There were only about 15 others there. he had played a 3 hr show earlier in the day and was visibly tired, including his voice, but it was still really wonderful and completely worth it. Thanks to Jake, I actually talked to the man. I know, crazy right? I don't normally do stuff like that. But i really wanted to hear Knuckleball Suite (seriously, its the summer song) and so Jake convinced me to go up to him after and request it. He had already left the stage and the shop had put on their own music. But I skittishly approached him and tapped him on the shoulder, "um, i have a random question. I drove up from Chicago for this [i know what you might be thinking but this is not entirely untrue] and I would really love it if you played Knuckleball Suite." he looked at me doubtfully, looked at the sound guy, and then back at me. "If it's too late, I understand." He turned back to the sound guy who said "what the hell," to which Peter Mulvey responded "what the hell!" and went back on stage.

Yes, he played Knuckleball Suite. hmm. it was beautiful. it was perfect. that song almost always makes me want to cry. i think he was really glad i asked him. he thanked me. that made me happy, because he truly did seem to enjoy playing it for us.

As You Know

I've been reading Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott. I'm really enjoying it. Just want to share a few quotes from the book.

"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us." Later she adds, "I don't know why life isn't constructed to be seamless and safe, why we make such glaring mistakes, things fall so short of our expectations, and our hearts get broken and our kids do scary things and our parents get old and don't always remember to put pants on before they go out for a stroll. I don't know why it's not more like it is in the movies, why things don't come out neatly and lessons can't be learned when you're in the mood for learning them, why love and grace often come in such motley packaging."

This morning I am cleaning, doing laundry, running a few errands, and packing for Wisconsin. I don't work today or tomorrow so I'm leaving the city. Mariah is taking the train up on Saturday and we'll explore the area while Jake shoots a wedding. Then, on Sunday is the Peter Mulvey concert. WOO! Good things ahead :)

the travel itch

i want to take a trip. i mean really take a trip. i'd like to tour America's heartland, stopping at local B&B's and no-name hotels with small diners attached. I want to explore the east coast--tour lighthouses, walk along undisturbed beaches, dig for clams. I want to explore the west coast--drive up highway one, camp on the beach, admire the redwood forests. i want to meet the people that make the character of these places and enjoy the natural beauty that defines these different parts of the country. i want to experience the difference in culture--food, dress, lifestyle. i want to pack a cooler full of food and throw a tent in the back of my car and go...

"i smiled at how you love this place..."

I thought it appropriate to quote Peter Mulvey right about now. First, because i am listening to him at this moment. Second, because i will be seeing him in concert again a week from Sunday. I never tire of listening to his music. Songs that tell stories that capture the moments of life, beauty of life, people of life, difficulties of life, experiences of life, hardly ever get old.

I've caught myself smiling a lot lately--smiling at how i "love this place" (i.e., wherever I happen to find myself at that moment): driving in the car (with someone or alone), admiring farm country (obviously when I am out of the city), walking down the sidewalk, smiling at strangers passing by, playing with little boys I nanny (teaching kids about life is included here :)), talking with friends, phone conversations, rock climbing, exploring new towns and cities, cooking, watering my plants (lame, maybe, but i like watching them grow), reading, smelling the rain, enjoying days without humidity (wonderful!), writing letters, praying questions (learning to be content with lots of unanswered ones), wondering about life, resting (trying not to be so restless as I do ;))...

I'm finally reading Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott. It's really wonderful so far, I'm enjoying it. More thoughts as I get further into it :) For now it's just a great summer read and helping me rethink some things about living life.

Lately I've had days in which I feel really young--life is all new and fresh--and days in which I feel old--life is rushing past without me (some "this is it" and some "let's get on with it!" if that makes any sense). It feels a little strange to have both of these sensations but I'm confident the Lord has a purpose in these lessons I'm learning, thoughts I'm having, and experiences I'm living...now.

This weekend we're painting :) I'll be posting new pictures sometime next week, I'm sure. Can't wait...

from my morning spot

(a.k.a., the chair by the living room window)

it's a gorgeous morning and the birds are chirpy in the trees outside. aaah. last night walking home from work i saw fireflies. in the city!! these are the marks of summer, and i am enjoying it very much :)

i didn't sleep very well last night because horns, fireworks, and noisemakers of all kinds kept waking me up. yes, the blackhawks won the stanley cup. WOOO!! our neighbors (he's a blackhawk) were t-peed last night. a few of the players were out front this morning cleaning up. they can play hockey but they cannot climb trees. it was pretty pathetic. and funny.

mondays and wednesdays are looong days at work. yesterday i took the little guys to Starbucks to visit Lacy at work. we packed a picnic snack. it was fun--they really are so cute. whenever I take them out, though, i end up having to explain to someone that "no, they aren't mine. i'm just the sitter." it's because we're all blondes. i'm sure i've mentioned before that I feel an immediate connection to blonde kids. we get along :)

if little boys get their energy from the diets they keep, then i should probably start slurping down dirty rain water and scavenging for stale cheerios in the crevices of...everything.

needless to say, i'm excited to have boys someday.

yesterday i played out back with S and C. it was so wonderful. we played corn in the hole, swung on the swings, and then i watched them skip around their neighbors garden for awhile. it was so bright and sunny and everything seemed green. a big butterfly landed on C but he didn't let it stay very long to which S exclaimed, "C! Those moments don't happen often. You really ought to have savored it!" and C asked, "What does 'savor' mean?" haha. they are so funny sometimes.

this is my morning off. i'm going to write a few letters, i think. i also need to do laundry and run a few errands. one of these days i should make bread. i also need to get cracking on my online summer course. i finally got the textbook in the mail a few days ago. i have until July 26 to finish it.

i'm almost finished re-reading the Great Divorce. goodness, this book is so fantastic. what are you reading? any suggestions?

I get more and more excited everyday for the visit to VA in July.

these days have been full but quiet, and i am grateful for that. God is a silent presence which can feel a little disconcerting at times. nevertheless, i'm experiencing Him in rich, simple ways and He knows what and how i need Him most as i learn to live and love.

isn't it interesting how we are always learning and relearning things? i suppose that's what it means to be made new.

thoughts from a big fat book

"'Who am I?' is the fundamental question of our existence. Our self-identity is the window through which we perceive and engage the world; it determines all that we do. Our 'inscape,' using the poet Gerald Manley Hopkins's term, determines our landscape. This identity, or 'inscape,' is formed by two factors: memory and destiny. Without a memory a person loses identity, and without a history to sustain it, a society and the world around it become virtually phantom realities. Memories of our past inform who we are, shape our self-understanding, and give us a vision of our destiny, and that vision or hope moves us forward, forging our will and determination. If we suffered amnesia, forgetting our home and community, we would confess that we were lost, uncertain of our identity. Our collective history shapes our thinking; our sense of destiny moves us to reach beyond ourselves, motivating us to desire and to strive" (emphasis mine).

--Bruce Waltke, Old Testament Theology

the kitchen windowsill (and a quick tour of the big blue house)

i love the kitchen windowsill. why? you'll see...

And now for a brief tour. It's a rather cloudy day for pictures but many of you have been wanting to see the place. Here it is! Except for the bedroom, which is currently in chaos.

The nice big kitchen with lots of counter space:

The entry/living room (keep in mind that 1. we haven't painted yet 2. we don't quite have all our furniture 3. nothing is up on the walls...):

The library and spiral staircase. ahh, i really love this room. The light through that window is fantastic...

The upstairs (affectionately referred to as the "tree house") is home to our little family/tv room at the top of the stairs and our bedroom next door. it is cozy (hot in the summer but warm, we hope, in the winter)!

These windows (in the living room) are my favorite (actually, can i have favorites? the kitchen windows are great, too. i just really appreciate light :)). in the daytime, the sun shines through the green leaves of those big beautiful trees and throws shadows across the wood floor. at night, the street lamps cast an eerie glow through their branches and fill the room with quiet light. i told you, i love these windows.

That's our little home. God has been so good to us and we are very grateful :)

woods and camping and family

this post makes me so happy: check it out!

lately i've been excited thinking about having kids. everyone has told me that being a nanny is the best form of natural birth control. this is true, sometimes, but it is also just such a fun opportunity to interact with kids, play make-believe, and learn a lot. i'm enjoying it very much. and i'm thinking and dreaming about my own family. someday. and it involves lots of adventuring.

seriously, check out that post. the pictures are wonderful :)

on my way to work...

i see many things.

i am lucky to have a job that i can walk to--and through such a fun neighborhood!

you know that your day starts out right when, leaving the house, you witness a three-way squirrel fight in the big tree out front and jump when one of them screeches, falls a good ten feet out of the air, and lands on the top of that black car out front. WHAM! haaaaahahahahaa. the other two jump down, there is LOTS of screeching, and they all scurry off. I laugh. i wonder what the fight was about. and i keep walking.

i round the corner to find a line of 15-20 people waiting for the local Village Discount to open. yes, it's a great little thrift store, but 8:30am on a Monday?! weird. what made me smile most was the fact that most all of them were speaking spanish. I love moments like that when i'm reminded of Mexico and suddenly feel like i'm somehow "at home" with these dear people. i think i'm getting anxious for a visit to the Sierra Madre. but my life is in illinois right now. that seems strange to me sometimes.

i have the day off work after all. i got there and no one was home--somehow we miscommunicated about today. oh well. i went to trader joe's to get groceries for the week. have i told you that i decided awhile ago that every time i get groceries there i must try something new (since the place is full of so many wonderful things)? two weeks ago the pick was their flaxseed and hemp tortilla chips. new favorite: yum. today i got a package of frozen mango chunks for summer smoothies. I also stocked up on a wider range of fresh fruit: cantaloupe, grapefruit, bananas, apples, and strawberries. I've decided I need to get more fresh things in me when the weather is so hot and thick. it helps, trust me.

i am going to read Waltke's OT Theology for awhile before starting in on more cleaning/organizing. when lacy wakes up i might convince her that we should stop on over to the Village Discount to see what all the monday fuss is about--maybe its something I'm not in on...

i hope today has been as delightful for you as it has been for me by 10:30 in the morning. seriously, that squirrel fight was amazing. wish you could have seen it. sigh.

summer is here

only two weeks into summer and i can say that i have...

gone on a roadtrip (a few, in fact)

planted tomatoes and a pot of basil and thyme

enjoyed a 312 (the only beer i've decided i can say i "like")

eaten a hot dog

collected lakeshore stones and driftwood

begun summer letter-writing

enjoyed backyard "make believe" with a 5 and 9 year old

gone kayaking on a pond

aided in the capture of a beautiful painted turtle (and watched the delight of two little boys who held it captive in a bucket on the beach for awhile)

jumped into a lake on a summer night

gone slacklining

begun summer reading

gotten sunburned

...the list goes on a bit...

the point is, things are off to a very pleasant start :)

here are a few of Jake's pictures from the trip to the U.P.

I absolutely love this one. haha. this was mom and dad's first house after they were married. it's now being turned into a "historic home" up near the old copper mine...crazy.

the Calument Water Works. This is one of the world's most beautiful beaches, I'm convinced. breathtaking shoreline...

out near our Coles Creek house:

the bridge! man, I love this place...

and there is much yet to look forward to. these are good days.

oh, and i mustn't forget, i also became an aunt "again."

i can hardly wait to see these two in July...

welcome to the neighborhood

have i mentioned how much i love our new neighborhood? aaaah, it's absolutely wonderful. it is quiet and quaint and feels "small town." in the mornings, people are out walking dogs, chatting at starbucks, eating breakfast at any of several local diners/cafes--its great. i smile almost every time i walk or drive through :) the Trader Joe's is full of wonderful people that i consider "friends" in some way simply because they 1. live in the neighborhood 2. seem like people i'd be friends with 3. shop at trader joe's (of course).

i am currently at starbucks sitting in a booth (it is a converted restaurant so it is especially wonderful and unique). i'm writing the last paper of my Moody career. it's true, i have one more to finish up before grades are due on the 31st. i've been working on this one in my head and heart all semester--The Problem of Sin and the Image of God: Sin's Consequences for Life and Faith. i spent some time in Moody's library this morning as a "visitor" (so read my parking permit and ID). so strange. it is the weirdest feeling driving downtown now days. suddenly my life in Chicago is so different. changed forever. i am excited about the ways in which my existence in this big city is changing, it's just a little awkward--like an outfit half grown into...

it's been in the 80's and humid. this girl from the west knows NOTHING of how to survive the humidity. basically i just get grumpy. sorry, world, i will try to get over it. sigh. who ever thought you could take a shower at 7am and need another by 9am??!! YUCK. we don't have air conditioning either. last night we put the window unit in our bedroom which helped IMMENSELY. we can now sleep at night. bonus! otherwise we hang out downstairs most of the time because it is possibly 10 degrees cooler down there.

last night was Monday night at Waterhouse. It's a favorite place--$3 burgers and $3 beer of the month on Mondays. Lace and I have been addicted to their burgers for awhile. mmm. i should give a shout out to their sweet potato fries. yum.

summer reading thus far includes a re-reading of The End of the Affair. that book entirely shook my world the first time I read it. i still remember coming back from starbucks after having finished it, feeling like i had just met with God (at starbucks!!!??!). the book is (among other things) a remarkable picture of God's fidelity and our frustrating infidelity. it's a raw and refreshing kind of honest.

i'll let you know what else I decide to pick up this summer. i have high hopes for good reading :)

how are you enjoying the first days of summer? i pray with sensitivity to how God will live with you these months, pulling and pushing you in new ways on these summer days. also, i pray for refreshment and enjoyment. live full these bright, brief and blessed days!

[p.s. i am an aunt times 2! little baby girl mcgee (yet to be officially named) was born sunday at 1pm, happy and healthy. i am so excited to see her in July!! pictures soon to follow...]

and "the world spins madly on..."

It's already been a week since graduation. I think the Weepies were onto something when they sang "the world spins madly on..."

I'm in the UP for the weekend at my Grandma's. This was possibly the best place for me to be this weekend--to reflect the end of college and to anticipate the "beginning of life" (not that it is only just starting but you know what I mean).

I met Jake in Wisconsin after work on Thursday and we drove till after 3 in the morning to get here. It was a great drive and a good chance to spend some time together catching up. We managed a few hours of sleep but couldn't really sleep the day away because Jake had to leave Friday night to be back in Wisconsin to shoot a wedding. It was more of a whirlwind trip for him--but so good even though brief.

We went out to Calumet Waterworks and walked along Lake Superior. There are few things more wonderful than enjoying the raw beauty of the world's "hidden places." The rocks, the birch bark scraps strewn across the sand, the lapping water, the soft breeze. There is something so breathtaking--so pure--about it. Such moments of enjoyment provoke deep thankfulness in me...an awareness of what a gift this life is and how remarkable the opportunity to enjoy and share it.

The reality of graduation is settling in. In other words, I find myself experiencing strange moments of sadness coupled with sudden moments of great excitement and unbridled joy. Life is so uncertain. Life is so "available" (open, unknown) and full of opportunity. Life is so unpredictable.

I've decided to spend time this summer intentionally placing myself at the feet of the Lord surrendering thoughts, dreams, hopes, and questions about life/future. The "in between" times of life (summers, breaks, etc.) have often been really hard but also full of remarkable growth and change. So, I sort of timidly and whole-hearted hopefully await what is to come :)

Graduation weekend was really wonderful. It was fast but good to have mom and dad around as well as good friends (got to spend time with sarah briefly and mariah a few extra days). Enjoy some pictures of the weekend! I'll try to put up pictures of the new place soon. We are getting more and more settled and I absolutely love how much it already feels like home. It is a blessed space for living and we are so thankful to God for his goodness in providing it. His faithfulness has been demonstrated in such tangible ways.

our home

i'm in the new place! it's lovely. we have a library. yes, it's true. sigh. once there are no boxes lying around i will take pictures to post. in the meantime, you just have to trust me. it's cute :)

the morning sun comes in through our living room windows and subsequently floods the kitchen floor with the perfect amount of sunlight. with tea and/or my bible and a book, this is soon to be a favorite spot. the neighborhood is wonderful. quiet, quaint, and lots of cute shops, restaurants, and small bars/pubs. i look forward to making this home for the year.

summer has started with a rush. this week has been so busy with packing, moving, cleaning, unpacking, etc., and work on top of all of that. but this weekend will be a nice break. i'm leaving thursday night to drop tiffany off in milwaukee and then meet jake in appleton for a drive up north to visit grandma. unfortunately he has to be back down to shoot a wedding on saturday but i'll stay up there until sunday when mom and dad can then drive me back down.

i am eager for a break from the city, the open road, the shores of lake superior, the good company :) aaaah. the perfect "true" start to the summer, in my opinion. i'm going to start my first book of summer reading (haven't decided what yet but i'll let you know).

i have to run--off to play for children all day.

Sleep, Where are You?

I'm so tired. So very, very tired. Next week I plan to sleep A LOT. aahh.

I've been so buried in writing papers and thinking and grading...whew. Yesterday my car was broken into and today I had to get the passenger window replaced. Life goes on :) It's been a difficult week as I am very nearly drained of energy--emotional, physical, spiritual. There is no way I would be able to keep on after this week but God has been faithful and gracious to help (miraculously) get me through these days. Jake has also been a huge help and encouragement. I am grateful. Tonight I can say that these are good days, even though I've been pressed and discouraged in many ways. This is the life I have right now and there is a lot about this time that is remarkable in its newness, possibility, and mystery.

I keep thinking back to the faithfulness of God. I can't ever seem to escape that one. He insists on branding my heart and soul with it.

Ok. Enough of a break for me--back to writing! I appreciate your prayers, friends...and so many encouraging texts and emails. Thank you!

"rock me mama like a wagon wheel..."

I love O.C.M.S., have I ever told you so?

I have been in this library since 12:30 this afternoon until now (7:30pm) except for a 35 min dinner break. ugh. Because my motivation is diminishing by the day, it takes me 2(3)x as long to get anything done. Bother...

I think now it's time for Mason Jennings.

For you to read tonight (or some other time)

First, I direct you to Hallie's blog because this post is beautiful and a definite "must read" :)

Second, I'd like to share these words from George MacDonald...

"Therefore, O Lord, when all things common seem,

When all is dust, and self the center clod,

When grandeur is a hopeless, foolish dream,

And anxious care more reasonable than God--

Out of the ashes I will call to thee--

In spite of dead distrust call earnestly:

O thou who livest, call, then answer dying me."

days like this

days like this make me want to run from the routine and shed the world for a little while.

hard conversations with friends and family can put things in perspective fast and "unexpectedly." yet another reminder or two that life is lived in moments: small, meaningful, intentional moments. these simple choices and "ordinary" experiences can carry eternal weight and life-long significance. i've been reminded how my words and actions matter--and how truly i need the grace to live in relationship with others.

i read psalm 139 yesterday morning and was delighted to drink in all its beauty while i sat on my bed for a quiet 30 minutes before diving back into the rush of this schedule i'm living right now. the last part of verse 18 is kind of incredible: "I awake, and I am still with you." ah, yes, how truly i experience this. sometimes it is startling to find yourself "still with him," isn't it? and i am grateful to know that his presence accompanies us as we journey. it would be entirely impossible for us to experience a satisfied life and live its never-ending mysteries without finding ourselves "still with" Him who is the one with us.

so, i feel bad for people who have to communicate with me on a regular basis these days (maybe that includes you since i try to write things out as i process...haha, lucky you). i'm pretty sure i'm the world's most frustrating person right now...i can't articulate anything, i'm tired all the time, my focus is shot, and my attention span has got to be less than that of a 4 year old. oh goodness. i keep thinking that come June i will find my "renewed self." i pray for it. i have great hopes of rest and recuperation for this summer...and i have started praying now...i can hardly wait :)

graduating from college is tough work. or maybe i just overloaded myself this semester. yep, that's probably it.

goodnight all!

Wisdom from Strangers

So I've had a phrase running through my mind off and on since wednesday night: "Comparison is the thief of Joy."

Jake and I went to see Over the Rhine at the Evanston S.P.A.C.E. last wednesday, one of my favorite venues in the area (realized I've been there three times before for Peter Mulvey x2 and David Wilcox). It's a great little back room with beautiful exposed brick and limited seating, which means the shows are personal and intimate. I love that I can see facial expressions and feel the movement of sound through the wood floor. It's small and it's wonderful.

It was a great show.

I don't know the name of the female member of the band but she's cool. I think we could be friends if we ever had the chance. I'm pretty sure she sees the world in story/song and I resonate with the "story" part of that, which is probably why I appreciate their style of music and composition so much. Hmm. Anyway, they're older now but she recently got her first tattoo: "comparison is the thief of joy." Yes, for a tattoo I find it a little cheesy but what the heck, most tattoos are some form of cheesy cliche in their own way, right? I tend to think so.

She only mentioned it in passing and i think the phrase is rather profound, whether or not you decide to ink yourself with it. How easily we fall prey to the task of comparing ourselves to others. Seriously. How often? All the time. We are an insecure people, unsure of ourselves with others and even unsure of ourselves before God. But I've been thinking about confidence, joy, and the definitive self-worth that each of us possesses. I'm thinking again today of human flourishing and what it means to be 1. made in the image of God and 2. conformed to the image of Christ.

Another small bit of wisdom from a stranger came in the form of a phrase spoken this morning in church: "We are formed by the habits we live." I've been doing some renewed thinking/praying about the life I live--the way I live it and with whom I live it. It matters, you know, how and with whom you live life. I'm realizing that many of the very significant figures in my life--those friends who have eternally impacted me, continue to speak into my soul and shape my life--are far away from me. It's hard, sometimes, to realize that.

Distance is hard. I am grateful, though, that mutual forming/shaping can happen from a distance and so we continue to share life, we just have to be a little more creative and intentional. I love that I can shoot out an email, send a quick text, or write a real letter asking for prayer, sharing life's questions, wondering faith's tensions, and exploring today's joys and sorrows. Community and human flourishing. We become more and more aware as we live, I think, that there is a certain vibrancy that embeds our existence when we share it truthfully/wholly with others. To be authentically human is to be conformed to the image of Christ. We are most alive when we are committed to His kingdom "charter." God himself lives in community--a threefold name and life.

I sort of feel like I'm babbling now. Sigh. I will stop. Maybe some of that makes sense. But maybe it doesn't. Oh well. I need to get homework done. This week is going to be crazy. We got the keys to the apartment yesterday so on top of everything else we will be taking loads of stuff over there...oh goodness, these busy, busy days. But they are so good. Oh so good. I am very grateful for these busy good days :)