Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Somewhere North of Here
Tonight was beautiful. A storm rolled in late this afternoon, bringing dark clouds and much cooler weather. It also brought a lot of wind. Dust clouds blew across the desert and I seriously thought our house would blow away--it was creaking and the windows were vibrating. It was so exciting. The majesty of these monsoon storms leave me speechless every time. They put me in a very contemplative mood.
So I went to starbucks for some alone time. Sometimes it is just nice to get out of the house and be alone to think (and read). I got my tea and sat outside. I started the Great Divorce. So far so good, but I'm not very far. I would get distracted by all the people. I think another reason I really like to go there is to people watch. It's one of my favorite things. It's so fascinating. There was a jolly table of elderly folks with the men all smoking cigars, a young couple probably on a date, a young family with a chatter-box little boy, and a single man sitting alone drinking and just watching the sky.
It started to rain and I had to move under the roof to get away from the drops. It was SO beautiful and smelled wonderful. That distracted me for a while and I just watched the raindrops as they fell on the ground. I love seeing the cement gradually fill with drops and turn wet and dark. I read some more but then Allie and Hannah stopped by! They saw my car (the van) with the wood canoe rack on top (always a sign of the Childs family. haha). It was such a pleasant surprise to visit with them! They stayed for probably 20 minutes or so. It was wonderful. And by that time the weather was even more beautiful--nice and cool with the smell of rain.
I left shortly after they did. I drove home in the dark with the windows down and the roommate mix turned up. I listened to somewhere north, sunday morning, deeper still, and rock of ages. I would only have gotten through the first two songs but when I reached our dirt road I just kept on driving. I drove on past the houses into the valley by the wash. As I drove down the hill the temperature dropped considerably. The air cleared up and the smell of the creosote after the rain was rich. Sigh. It was beautiful. I just wanted to drive and drive...Sometimes I get in those moods. Tonight was one of them.
It is simple pleasures like these I experienced tonight that remind this weak soul that my Lord is near. They also make me think of the words "Cause out here hope remains..." from 40 acres. The whole verse goes like this,
"There's 40 acres and redemption to be found
Just along down the way
There is a place where no plow blade has turned the ground
And you will turn it over, 'cause out here hope remains
'Cause out here hope remains..."
It's easy to let the cares of the world overshadow the hope we have in Christ. We shouldn't let it, but that doesn't mean we won't have moments of weakness. I thank the Lord for filling up all that is lacking in me and being the power in my weakness. And I thank Him for simple but *real* moments like tonight...
So I went to starbucks for some alone time. Sometimes it is just nice to get out of the house and be alone to think (and read). I got my tea and sat outside. I started the Great Divorce. So far so good, but I'm not very far. I would get distracted by all the people. I think another reason I really like to go there is to people watch. It's one of my favorite things. It's so fascinating. There was a jolly table of elderly folks with the men all smoking cigars, a young couple probably on a date, a young family with a chatter-box little boy, and a single man sitting alone drinking and just watching the sky.
It started to rain and I had to move under the roof to get away from the drops. It was SO beautiful and smelled wonderful. That distracted me for a while and I just watched the raindrops as they fell on the ground. I love seeing the cement gradually fill with drops and turn wet and dark. I read some more but then Allie and Hannah stopped by! They saw my car (the van) with the wood canoe rack on top (always a sign of the Childs family. haha). It was such a pleasant surprise to visit with them! They stayed for probably 20 minutes or so. It was wonderful. And by that time the weather was even more beautiful--nice and cool with the smell of rain.
I left shortly after they did. I drove home in the dark with the windows down and the roommate mix turned up. I listened to somewhere north, sunday morning, deeper still, and rock of ages. I would only have gotten through the first two songs but when I reached our dirt road I just kept on driving. I drove on past the houses into the valley by the wash. As I drove down the hill the temperature dropped considerably. The air cleared up and the smell of the creosote after the rain was rich. Sigh. It was beautiful. I just wanted to drive and drive...Sometimes I get in those moods. Tonight was one of them.
It is simple pleasures like these I experienced tonight that remind this weak soul that my Lord is near. They also make me think of the words "Cause out here hope remains..." from 40 acres. The whole verse goes like this,
"There's 40 acres and redemption to be found
Just along down the way
There is a place where no plow blade has turned the ground
And you will turn it over, 'cause out here hope remains
'Cause out here hope remains..."
It's easy to let the cares of the world overshadow the hope we have in Christ. We shouldn't let it, but that doesn't mean we won't have moments of weakness. I thank the Lord for filling up all that is lacking in me and being the power in my weakness. And I thank Him for simple but *real* moments like tonight...
Friday, June 23, 2006
and this is love
The four quotes below come from Mother Teresa. These are some simple thoughts but they carry much weight. They convict and challenge. Also, following the quotes is a passage about love from the Bible (I know it is a "common" verse but read it again...REALLY read it. And think on it). I don't want us to get so used to using the word 'love' that we forget its meaning. I don't want it to grow stale on our lips and fall old and used from our mouths. I want it to remain new and alive in our hearts, minds, and actions--daily convicting and challenging our faith.
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."
"Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person."
"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."
"It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters."
What is love? "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is nor arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." v. 1
"If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." v. 3
1 Corinthians chapter 14 begins with the exhortation, "Pursue Love..."
A true understanding of these things will turn my life upside down. I am so weak. I look to the Lord and remember His words, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9a).
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."
"Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person."
"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."
"It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters."
What is love? "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is nor arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." v. 1
"If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." v. 3
1 Corinthians chapter 14 begins with the exhortation, "Pursue Love..."
A true understanding of these things will turn my life upside down. I am so weak. I look to the Lord and remember His words, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9a).
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Black Clouds+The Smell of Creosote=Monsoon Season
It's here. Monsoon season has officially begun (at least I'm convinced it has). Typical warning signs: 1. All day today it has been getting more and more humid. As a result: 2. Our swamp cooler isn't working as well. 3. The dark clouds have been accumulating in the late afternoons. 4. It smells SO good out...and by that I mean the creosote bushes. 5. It doesn't usually rain like this unless it is monsoon season. 6. An early season was predicted.
And finally....I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! aah. This is my FAVORITE thing about summer in AZ.
And finally....I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! aah. This is my FAVORITE thing about summer in AZ.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Finished with #3
I finished Passion and Purity. That makes three (well, I haven't finished my Nouwen book but almost!). I am now two chapters into Slaughter-House-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I thought an "anti-war" book might be a good change...plus I've been thinking about the subject a lot lately. Perhaps it will shed some light and make/help me think some more. I'm interested to see what it is like, especially since it was such a big deal. So far it is good, and very interesting. I'm enjoying a novel.
New favorite songs right now: Carry You (dispatch), Calendar Girl (Stars), How to Save a Life (the Fray), Colorblind (Counting Crows), Grateful for Her Beauty (David Wilcox). I recommend you listen to them! :)
New favorite songs right now: Carry You (dispatch), Calendar Girl (Stars), How to Save a Life (the Fray), Colorblind (Counting Crows), Grateful for Her Beauty (David Wilcox). I recommend you listen to them! :)
Monday, June 19, 2006
Adding to the thoughts of yesterday...
"God has invited us, as mere human beings, to add to the beauty of his plan and creation. Unbelievable. The Kingdom of God transcends politics and policy, nationality, gender and race. It transcends the way we do church, and makes us a real live body of believers. It gives us the ability to be very different and still bear with one another. It gives us the power to extend the same kind of grace that has been extended to us, and to love each other with a love that never fails. The very real kingdom of God calls out of us, its inhabitants, beautiful art, creative lives, and redemptive work."
-Sara Groves
-Sara Groves
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Full of Thoughts
Today has been so wonderful. Luke and I are the only ones home with dad. Mom is in Michigan spending time with her dad (and mom!). I'm jealous she gets to be in the U.P. but I am enjoying my bonding time with the boys here at home. It is definitely frustrating at times...for example...I spend my time cooking for them and cleaning up for them. Mostly Luke. Haha. But I sort of got mad at him today and then he started helping. Here is what the past few days have looked like:
Luke (with a box of cheeze-its in hand) sits around the house.
Andrea: Are you getting hungry?
Luke: No, i'm fine
Andrea: Well, its almost dinner time. Maybe you should stop snacking and I'll make real food. Are you hungry enough to eat?
Luke: Sure, I'll eat
Andrea (in the kitchen making food): If I make nachos to go along with dinner will you eat them
Luke (enthusiastically): really? yeah!
Andrea (20 minutes later): It's time to eat!
*boys come to kitchen*
*Luke eats two chips but doesn't take any on his plate*
Andrea: I thought you said you would want to eat them if I made them
Luke: Oh, I'm not hungry
UGH! Now I understand why mom hates it when we snack and spoil our appetites for dinner. It is SO frustrating for the cook! All day today Luke has been eating cheeze-its. He seriously makes them every meal. I understand the addiction but come on. Sigh...
It's been fun, though. After Church today we rented the Killing Fields. It was really sad but really good. I recommend it. After that we just hung out around the house. I went to the grocery store for more fruits and veggies (we were having a shortage). Luke convinced me to look for a gallon of chocolate milk (when mom is away luke will play!) but all they had was fat free and he refused. Haha. Silly boy.
I cleaned my room this afternoon while listening to the Derek Webb House Show. Sigh...oh so good! Plus it was nice to get my room all cleaned and organized. This evening I was in my room reading and my dad came in to chat for a bit (I LOVE it when he comes into my room to talk...i feel like he doesn't make it down the hall very often. haha. he's so funny). Well, the "chat" turned into a full out discussion about SO MANY things and lasted for an hour and a half (or maybe longer). We talked about the Church (ours and the Church in general) and ideas of fellowship, outreach, service, ministry, community, etc. We talked about how the Church evolves with the times and remains relevant without compromising itself. We talked about friendships and relationships. We talked about our family. We talked a little bit about my future (mostly about what it would look like for me to be at home next semester). It was such a wonderful talk!! I love him so much. He is a good thinker and I appreciate him so much. Sigh. He's such an awesome dad.
So much of what I listened to on the House Show related to my conversation with dad. There are a few things Derek Webb talks about on it that are especially good. I will share them:
"So often we try to make it our job to make the Gospel easier for us to preach and easier for other people to hear--in order to not get into trouble and in order to not be confrontational. But here's the truth. You just can't preach the Gospel and not get into trouble. You just can't do it, hard as you might try. You can dress it up any way you want. But if you're really preaching the Gospel you are going to get yourself into trouble, you are going to be in trouble as well. Because the cross is both beautiful and offensive and it must be both. It is both. There is no other Gospel for you to preach...It's not safe to boldly preach the Gospel. it is dangerous work we are in as believers, perilous work that we have before us to preach the gospel not only to each other but to the outside world, the unbelieving world. Not safe work. Safe is not a word that I would believe characterizes Christians or Jesus or the Gospel. It shouldn't. If it is then it might not be the Gospel we are preaching. Jesus is not safe. He is not manageable. He is a wild lion. You cannot tame Him. He is not safe. But He is good. He is king. You can trust Him. the Gospel that we carry is not safe. It is not manageable, not efficient. Loving people is not efficient. But the Gospel is good, it is true, but it is not safe."
"We are called into community together. If you divorce the people of God, if you divorce local community from the Gospel, then it ceases to be the Gospel. There is no other context for your faith as a christian than to be in community with other people. I've heard a lot of people say to me over the years "Its just me and Jesus and that's all i need." Well that's not the Gospel in scripture. If you are going to be those who claim to love Jesus you will be compelled to love also the things that he loved. And he not only loved but came and gave himself up for the church, and that makes it our concern as well. And if that's not hard enough--that we live in community together--we are also called with a mandate that we preach the Gospel to each other. We mistake the Gospel for the thing only that we preach to non believers. It certainly is that, but much more than that, the Gospel must have, necessarily has, a primary place in the life of believers. We've got to heard it every week, if not every day. "
These are things I have been thinking about A LOT lately. My head and heart have been so full of thoughts about the Gospel and its relationship to/with community--local AND global. I have been thinking about Jesus and the life He lived. I have learned a lot of things this week but two things stands out in particular.
1. I have learned that Jesus isn't safe...but He is GOOD. I cannot tame Him (and oh have I tried). Following Him is dangerous and standing in His truth (THE truth) is perilous. He calls me to live dangerously. He calls me to be uncomfortable and make difficult decisions. He asks me to stand firm in my convictions, no matter what evil might attack (doubts, uncertainties...) He asks me to talk with Him and spend time with Him--He turns my life upside down.
2. I have also learned that loving people is not efficient. It is really hard, and it costs A LOT. God's love for me cost the life of His only Son. His love changed the world. And His love for me demands that I love the things that He loves--and love like He loves (obviously only by His grace). Loving is not comfortable, like I want it to be. It challenges me and changes me...and it is scary.
As I learn that the Gospel is not safe, I rely on the promises of Christ and the knowledge that the He is good and true and His Gospel is good and true. These can be hard lessons to learn but the joy supplied by the Lord and satisfaction found in Him are my hope in times of fear and truth in times of doubt. I thank Him for these days and for all the prodding I receive from the Spirit.
-----------------------------------------------------
oh...also. Back on the issue of living in community. I've been learning what it means to be honest--first with myself and jesus (that might sound weird, since He knows everything about me already. But I have found Him to be saying "Andrea, talk to me. Give me ALL of your heart.") and then with others. The first step is mostly really hard. It is hard to be honest with myself when my sin nature tries to be deceitful all the time. Also, it is hard to lay my pride aside and humble myself before Christ. The second step is mostly really scary. It is frightening to let people into me and see me for who I really am (or begin to see me for who I really am)--faults and all. It's a lesson in laying down pride also.
These steps are difficult, but the freedom and redemption Christ gives are rich and boundless. In other words, the reward is GREAT! And His grace is MORE than enough....yes, it is everything.
Luke (with a box of cheeze-its in hand) sits around the house.
Andrea: Are you getting hungry?
Luke: No, i'm fine
Andrea: Well, its almost dinner time. Maybe you should stop snacking and I'll make real food. Are you hungry enough to eat?
Luke: Sure, I'll eat
Andrea (in the kitchen making food): If I make nachos to go along with dinner will you eat them
Luke (enthusiastically): really? yeah!
Andrea (20 minutes later): It's time to eat!
*boys come to kitchen*
*Luke eats two chips but doesn't take any on his plate*
Andrea: I thought you said you would want to eat them if I made them
Luke: Oh, I'm not hungry
UGH! Now I understand why mom hates it when we snack and spoil our appetites for dinner. It is SO frustrating for the cook! All day today Luke has been eating cheeze-its. He seriously makes them every meal. I understand the addiction but come on. Sigh...
It's been fun, though. After Church today we rented the Killing Fields. It was really sad but really good. I recommend it. After that we just hung out around the house. I went to the grocery store for more fruits and veggies (we were having a shortage). Luke convinced me to look for a gallon of chocolate milk (when mom is away luke will play!) but all they had was fat free and he refused. Haha. Silly boy.
I cleaned my room this afternoon while listening to the Derek Webb House Show. Sigh...oh so good! Plus it was nice to get my room all cleaned and organized. This evening I was in my room reading and my dad came in to chat for a bit (I LOVE it when he comes into my room to talk...i feel like he doesn't make it down the hall very often. haha. he's so funny). Well, the "chat" turned into a full out discussion about SO MANY things and lasted for an hour and a half (or maybe longer). We talked about the Church (ours and the Church in general) and ideas of fellowship, outreach, service, ministry, community, etc. We talked about how the Church evolves with the times and remains relevant without compromising itself. We talked about friendships and relationships. We talked about our family. We talked a little bit about my future (mostly about what it would look like for me to be at home next semester). It was such a wonderful talk!! I love him so much. He is a good thinker and I appreciate him so much. Sigh. He's such an awesome dad.
So much of what I listened to on the House Show related to my conversation with dad. There are a few things Derek Webb talks about on it that are especially good. I will share them:
"So often we try to make it our job to make the Gospel easier for us to preach and easier for other people to hear--in order to not get into trouble and in order to not be confrontational. But here's the truth. You just can't preach the Gospel and not get into trouble. You just can't do it, hard as you might try. You can dress it up any way you want. But if you're really preaching the Gospel you are going to get yourself into trouble, you are going to be in trouble as well. Because the cross is both beautiful and offensive and it must be both. It is both. There is no other Gospel for you to preach...It's not safe to boldly preach the Gospel. it is dangerous work we are in as believers, perilous work that we have before us to preach the gospel not only to each other but to the outside world, the unbelieving world. Not safe work. Safe is not a word that I would believe characterizes Christians or Jesus or the Gospel. It shouldn't. If it is then it might not be the Gospel we are preaching. Jesus is not safe. He is not manageable. He is a wild lion. You cannot tame Him. He is not safe. But He is good. He is king. You can trust Him. the Gospel that we carry is not safe. It is not manageable, not efficient. Loving people is not efficient. But the Gospel is good, it is true, but it is not safe."
"We are called into community together. If you divorce the people of God, if you divorce local community from the Gospel, then it ceases to be the Gospel. There is no other context for your faith as a christian than to be in community with other people. I've heard a lot of people say to me over the years "Its just me and Jesus and that's all i need." Well that's not the Gospel in scripture. If you are going to be those who claim to love Jesus you will be compelled to love also the things that he loved. And he not only loved but came and gave himself up for the church, and that makes it our concern as well. And if that's not hard enough--that we live in community together--we are also called with a mandate that we preach the Gospel to each other. We mistake the Gospel for the thing only that we preach to non believers. It certainly is that, but much more than that, the Gospel must have, necessarily has, a primary place in the life of believers. We've got to heard it every week, if not every day. "
These are things I have been thinking about A LOT lately. My head and heart have been so full of thoughts about the Gospel and its relationship to/with community--local AND global. I have been thinking about Jesus and the life He lived. I have learned a lot of things this week but two things stands out in particular.
1. I have learned that Jesus isn't safe...but He is GOOD. I cannot tame Him (and oh have I tried). Following Him is dangerous and standing in His truth (THE truth) is perilous. He calls me to live dangerously. He calls me to be uncomfortable and make difficult decisions. He asks me to stand firm in my convictions, no matter what evil might attack (doubts, uncertainties...) He asks me to talk with Him and spend time with Him--He turns my life upside down.
2. I have also learned that loving people is not efficient. It is really hard, and it costs A LOT. God's love for me cost the life of His only Son. His love changed the world. And His love for me demands that I love the things that He loves--and love like He loves (obviously only by His grace). Loving is not comfortable, like I want it to be. It challenges me and changes me...and it is scary.
As I learn that the Gospel is not safe, I rely on the promises of Christ and the knowledge that the He is good and true and His Gospel is good and true. These can be hard lessons to learn but the joy supplied by the Lord and satisfaction found in Him are my hope in times of fear and truth in times of doubt. I thank Him for these days and for all the prodding I receive from the Spirit.
-----------------------------------------------------
oh...also. Back on the issue of living in community. I've been learning what it means to be honest--first with myself and jesus (that might sound weird, since He knows everything about me already. But I have found Him to be saying "Andrea, talk to me. Give me ALL of your heart.") and then with others. The first step is mostly really hard. It is hard to be honest with myself when my sin nature tries to be deceitful all the time. Also, it is hard to lay my pride aside and humble myself before Christ. The second step is mostly really scary. It is frightening to let people into me and see me for who I really am (or begin to see me for who I really am)--faults and all. It's a lesson in laying down pride also.
These steps are difficult, but the freedom and redemption Christ gives are rich and boundless. In other words, the reward is GREAT! And His grace is MORE than enough....yes, it is everything.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
I've Been Thinking
The future holds so many possibilities. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed! I am continually reminded of the huge importance the role of prayer plays in my life and the decisions I make.
I have a job at the grocery store. I had my first day of class wednesday but now I have a whole week off. They couldn't schedule me for actual training until the 26, 28, 29, 30. Sigh...I was a little bummed but it gives me a heads up--and a chance to do things I won't have as much time for once I'm really working.
I hear from Moody again on July 1st. I go back and forth about what I want the letter to say. Part of me REALLY wants to go to school in the fall, and go in with all the others (if I go, I have to be tehre exactly two months from today. weird!). Another part of me wants to stay here since I have a job and work A LOT and save money (maybe spend time in Philly with Kristen and Jay!)...and go second semester. But I have no idea. I'm trying not to stress about it but to trust God. Plus, i don't even know what the letter will say yet.
I came across this website the other day. Check it out--it looks like such a neat program. I think I would love something like this. I would live in the inner-city of a major city for a year (Oakland, Atlanta, Philly, Chicago) and just do community service projects (on a team). I think it would be so amazing. Sigh...another opportunity for me in the future. Crazy! :) www.missionyear.org
So...today I am helping my mom around the house--cleaning and what not. I have been reading bits of Erasmus and Luther's Discourse on the Freedom of the Will (i never read it all for english) and I think I'm going to read Passion and Purity again (by Elisabeth Elliot). Who knows...
Summer has been wonderful but a little tough. I've been learning a lot and challenged a lot...a good combination just sometimes exhausting and a little overwhelming.
OH!!! I almost forgot. The other night I added an ambition to my "life ambitions." I am SO excited. So...something I want to do before the age of 30: RUN A MARATHON. I am actually so excited about this. Allie--it happened after our conversation. I think we should run in the National Park! It would be so fun...at night!!
Also. As I have been watching So You Think You Can Dance? my desire to take dance classes has solidified. It might not happen for a while...maybe not until I'm engaged. But I WILL. I am super excited :)
P.S. Luke is helping me learn all sorts of exercises and stretches for running. This is so exciting! haha.
yay for brothers!!! :)
I have a job at the grocery store. I had my first day of class wednesday but now I have a whole week off. They couldn't schedule me for actual training until the 26, 28, 29, 30. Sigh...I was a little bummed but it gives me a heads up--and a chance to do things I won't have as much time for once I'm really working.
I hear from Moody again on July 1st. I go back and forth about what I want the letter to say. Part of me REALLY wants to go to school in the fall, and go in with all the others (if I go, I have to be tehre exactly two months from today. weird!). Another part of me wants to stay here since I have a job and work A LOT and save money (maybe spend time in Philly with Kristen and Jay!)...and go second semester. But I have no idea. I'm trying not to stress about it but to trust God. Plus, i don't even know what the letter will say yet.
I came across this website the other day. Check it out--it looks like such a neat program. I think I would love something like this. I would live in the inner-city of a major city for a year (Oakland, Atlanta, Philly, Chicago) and just do community service projects (on a team). I think it would be so amazing. Sigh...another opportunity for me in the future. Crazy! :) www.missionyear.org
So...today I am helping my mom around the house--cleaning and what not. I have been reading bits of Erasmus and Luther's Discourse on the Freedom of the Will (i never read it all for english) and I think I'm going to read Passion and Purity again (by Elisabeth Elliot). Who knows...
Summer has been wonderful but a little tough. I've been learning a lot and challenged a lot...a good combination just sometimes exhausting and a little overwhelming.
OH!!! I almost forgot. The other night I added an ambition to my "life ambitions." I am SO excited. So...something I want to do before the age of 30: RUN A MARATHON. I am actually so excited about this. Allie--it happened after our conversation. I think we should run in the National Park! It would be so fun...at night!!
Also. As I have been watching So You Think You Can Dance? my desire to take dance classes has solidified. It might not happen for a while...maybe not until I'm engaged. But I WILL. I am super excited :)
P.S. Luke is helping me learn all sorts of exercises and stretches for running. This is so exciting! haha.
yay for brothers!!! :)
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Sunday, June 11, 2006
The "Mellow Mix"
I am compiling a cd of "mellow" music. I like it a whole lot. I've been listening to it all night. Sigh...so good. Carry You (Dispatch) Galileo (Indigo Girls), Grateful for Her Beauty (David Wilcox), I Will Follow You Into the Dark (Death Cab), Colorblind (Counting Crows), and Come Away With Me (Norah Jones). I'm still working on it. And don't worry (josh!) I found free music on their myspace's. Woo!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Aaah!!
Don't ever watch Murder By Numbers...creepy. I just watched it tonight with Hannah. We were alone in her dark house and it was definitely a yucky feeling. We were both creeped out afterwards and walked around the house together...haha it was FUN.
We first ate dinner at PEI WEI (yuuuum) then we went to blockbuster and got the movie (the guy told us it was a good choice! :)). Then we went to starbucks so she could show Josh her new hair cut (it looks super cute)...we went to walgreens to get candy for the movie (sour straws!!! woohoo!!). Then we watched the movie. Afterwards we sat on her kitchen counter for a while and talked (in a well-lit room!) and then drove to starbucks and talked some more...it was SO nice to catch up. Sigh...I've missed nights like this!
I got a call today from Fry's. They want me to come in for a second interview on Tuesday...I'm assuming that means I passed the drug test...? Whew! :) Hopefully I can start work soon...car insurance will be due for payment soon.
Kristen and Jay leave monday (SAD!) so I am probably going to spend as much time as possible with them in the next few days. Hmmm...it could be kind of hard because they are busy packing. Oh well. I am good at distracting :) hehe.
So...real quick--scary story. After dropping Hannah off at work I got home around 11:40 and I was super freaked out from the movie still. I had to walk up the dark front walk and get inside and everyone was already asleep. So I went and told my parents I was home (its the rule :)) and saw that the office door was shut (and the blue-green glow of the computer showed under the door). My guess was that Luke was on the computer since he always is late at night. So I went and opened the door but no one was in there. I figured he was asleep and just forgot to turn the computer off. So I went and looked down the hall but his bedroom door was open and no one was in there. By this time I was a little upset because I thought he was trying to be funny (as he often tries to be) by hiding from me and then scarying me. Don't forget--I just watched murder by numbers...and I have a pretty good imagination--sometimes it runs wild.
So...Luke's car was out front but he was nowhere inside. I decided i didn't want to play his game of hide-and-seek so I got ready for bed and crawled in. But as I lay there, trying to fall asleep, all I could think about was "what if Luke has been kidnapped" or "what if Luke is lying bleeding in a ditch somewhere while I try to sleep." I quickly concluded that there was no way Iw as going to be able to fall asleep. So I got up and checked the house again: not in his room, not in the den, not in the bathroom, not in the office. Weird. So I woke mom up and we both looked. We couldn't find him anywhere! scary! I think I was much more concerned than she was (probably because of that silly movie!). She thought maybe a friend had come and picked him up (which was still strange). We both went back to the office and she opened the door to the clothes-line. The screen was open. (once again-CREEPY!). Mom stepped out first and looked around the corner...THERE HE WAS! Laying on the air conditioner talking on the phone (with a girl!!). Apparently he had been out there for two hours....I don't know why on earth he was talking on the phone out there. Weirdest place of all. Why not go out on the back patio? Why not talk in his room? Anyway...I had almost had 30+ heart attacks by that point because I was imagining him murdered somewhere. Ugh...sometimes my imagination is more of a curse than a blessing.
Don't worry--Luke is safe! And now I am going to bed. Hopefully I won't have nightmares. yuck. Goodnight!
We first ate dinner at PEI WEI (yuuuum) then we went to blockbuster and got the movie (the guy told us it was a good choice! :)). Then we went to starbucks so she could show Josh her new hair cut (it looks super cute)...we went to walgreens to get candy for the movie (sour straws!!! woohoo!!). Then we watched the movie. Afterwards we sat on her kitchen counter for a while and talked (in a well-lit room!) and then drove to starbucks and talked some more...it was SO nice to catch up. Sigh...I've missed nights like this!
I got a call today from Fry's. They want me to come in for a second interview on Tuesday...I'm assuming that means I passed the drug test...? Whew! :) Hopefully I can start work soon...car insurance will be due for payment soon.
Kristen and Jay leave monday (SAD!) so I am probably going to spend as much time as possible with them in the next few days. Hmmm...it could be kind of hard because they are busy packing. Oh well. I am good at distracting :) hehe.
So...real quick--scary story. After dropping Hannah off at work I got home around 11:40 and I was super freaked out from the movie still. I had to walk up the dark front walk and get inside and everyone was already asleep. So I went and told my parents I was home (its the rule :)) and saw that the office door was shut (and the blue-green glow of the computer showed under the door). My guess was that Luke was on the computer since he always is late at night. So I went and opened the door but no one was in there. I figured he was asleep and just forgot to turn the computer off. So I went and looked down the hall but his bedroom door was open and no one was in there. By this time I was a little upset because I thought he was trying to be funny (as he often tries to be) by hiding from me and then scarying me. Don't forget--I just watched murder by numbers...and I have a pretty good imagination--sometimes it runs wild.
So...Luke's car was out front but he was nowhere inside. I decided i didn't want to play his game of hide-and-seek so I got ready for bed and crawled in. But as I lay there, trying to fall asleep, all I could think about was "what if Luke has been kidnapped" or "what if Luke is lying bleeding in a ditch somewhere while I try to sleep." I quickly concluded that there was no way Iw as going to be able to fall asleep. So I got up and checked the house again: not in his room, not in the den, not in the bathroom, not in the office. Weird. So I woke mom up and we both looked. We couldn't find him anywhere! scary! I think I was much more concerned than she was (probably because of that silly movie!). She thought maybe a friend had come and picked him up (which was still strange). We both went back to the office and she opened the door to the clothes-line. The screen was open. (once again-CREEPY!). Mom stepped out first and looked around the corner...THERE HE WAS! Laying on the air conditioner talking on the phone (with a girl!!). Apparently he had been out there for two hours....I don't know why on earth he was talking on the phone out there. Weirdest place of all. Why not go out on the back patio? Why not talk in his room? Anyway...I had almost had 30+ heart attacks by that point because I was imagining him murdered somewhere. Ugh...sometimes my imagination is more of a curse than a blessing.
Don't worry--Luke is safe! And now I am going to bed. Hopefully I won't have nightmares. yuck. Goodnight!
Monday, June 05, 2006
Taking Clothes Off the Line
I just finished getting the clothes off the line. It is 11:05 pm. It is getting really windy outside so my mom got up to ask me if I would bring the clothes in.
The desert is beautiful at night. It has cooled off and tonight the air is thick with moisture--not heavy or sticky, but just ready to rain. I could feel the storm coming and smell the rain...the smell of a desert rain is one of my all-time favorite smells. I love it.
The wind is gaining momentum. It is battering the screen door and rattling the windows. It's exciting. I love the anticipation that grows with the coming of the storm. I hope it pours. I think the monsoons will start early this year. That excites me. It is supposed to be an especially wet monsoon season, too. It's about time! Tucson has been in drought long enough (about 7 years...yuck!).
I went to starbucks tonight to read. I have been doing that a lot lately. It is good to be away from home and alone for a bit. It is also nice to read...I'm still reading Irresistible Revolution. I am learning a lot from it and being challenged a lot. The nice thing is, on top of the information it provides me, it also contains a lot of references to other material--and footnotes. So I can access other sources, too.
I've been thinking a lot about the meaning and value of LIFE. My views on so much have been challenged a lot lately. It is exciting but also frightening. I am realizing how little I know and how few opinions/stances I hold. But let me just tell you--as I grow more informed, I am quickly growing more opinionated about a lot of things (such as: poverty, war, abortion, capital punishment, the church, America, the person of Jesus, etc.). It might seem like a random list but all of these issues are coming together for me as I evaluate my life (duties, responsibilities, privileges, calling) as a follower of Christ. Above all, I seek direction in knowing how to handle these new opinions. Sure, its good to be informed and have opinions. But if you don't do anything with them but talk and argue, what's the point. Difference is made through action. I want this to become very real to me.
As I sat alone at Starbucks and read, lots of thoughts were going through my head. Aside from the direct subjects related to my reading material, I was thinking a lot about my friends. I am really missing Hillsdale friends. Every day I am confronted with the reality that I am not going back...weird. I think it is finally starting to sink in. I sat on my bed and cried for about 20 minutes the other day. And then tonight on my way to starbucks I cried some more. It's just a weird transition to make because the future is so clouded right now. I know I have said the future will be good (and I absolutely believe it, don't get me wrong) but there is healthiness in the grieving process.I guess for now I am just experiencing the loss--and the pain that comes with it. I'm just really emotional right now....ugh, and Kristen and Jay are leaving for Oregon a week from today. I'm so excited for them (and actually rahter jealous) but I am going to miss them an awful lot. I like being able to spend time with them. Kristen is a wonderful friend to talk to...
I got a letter from Moody on Saturday. One person dropped out so I am now 10th on the list. It means progress, but its hard because there is still so much unknown. I have done an awful job of trusting God lately. I am thankful that He is a forgiving God, and that He helps me in my unbelief. When I am weak, in Him I am made strong. I thank Him for that because I sure am weak. I fear not getting in for the fall...because I fear a harder transition at mid semester. I fear being at home for the fall semester (even though earning money would be nice) because it would be really hard to be home alone when everyone else goes back to school.
I pray that God would take these fears and toss them to the wind. Would you pray with me? I am learning (and even failing...because I wouldn't be human if I didn't) to trust God. I am learning to hand over my life to Him--and to receive in its place the joy of His love and the treasure of His Son. It is a beautiful exchange, but a difficult one for my pride to make. It's frustrating--to be a broken, wounded sinner.
So...I guess that's where I am right now. Hopefully it makes some kind of sense :)
I'm learning that life with Jesus is hard but it is so rich. So rich. And that's the way He said it would be...
I love you guys!
The desert is beautiful at night. It has cooled off and tonight the air is thick with moisture--not heavy or sticky, but just ready to rain. I could feel the storm coming and smell the rain...the smell of a desert rain is one of my all-time favorite smells. I love it.
The wind is gaining momentum. It is battering the screen door and rattling the windows. It's exciting. I love the anticipation that grows with the coming of the storm. I hope it pours. I think the monsoons will start early this year. That excites me. It is supposed to be an especially wet monsoon season, too. It's about time! Tucson has been in drought long enough (about 7 years...yuck!).
I went to starbucks tonight to read. I have been doing that a lot lately. It is good to be away from home and alone for a bit. It is also nice to read...I'm still reading Irresistible Revolution. I am learning a lot from it and being challenged a lot. The nice thing is, on top of the information it provides me, it also contains a lot of references to other material--and footnotes. So I can access other sources, too.
I've been thinking a lot about the meaning and value of LIFE. My views on so much have been challenged a lot lately. It is exciting but also frightening. I am realizing how little I know and how few opinions/stances I hold. But let me just tell you--as I grow more informed, I am quickly growing more opinionated about a lot of things (such as: poverty, war, abortion, capital punishment, the church, America, the person of Jesus, etc.). It might seem like a random list but all of these issues are coming together for me as I evaluate my life (duties, responsibilities, privileges, calling) as a follower of Christ. Above all, I seek direction in knowing how to handle these new opinions. Sure, its good to be informed and have opinions. But if you don't do anything with them but talk and argue, what's the point. Difference is made through action. I want this to become very real to me.
As I sat alone at Starbucks and read, lots of thoughts were going through my head. Aside from the direct subjects related to my reading material, I was thinking a lot about my friends. I am really missing Hillsdale friends. Every day I am confronted with the reality that I am not going back...weird. I think it is finally starting to sink in. I sat on my bed and cried for about 20 minutes the other day. And then tonight on my way to starbucks I cried some more. It's just a weird transition to make because the future is so clouded right now. I know I have said the future will be good (and I absolutely believe it, don't get me wrong) but there is healthiness in the grieving process.I guess for now I am just experiencing the loss--and the pain that comes with it. I'm just really emotional right now....ugh, and Kristen and Jay are leaving for Oregon a week from today. I'm so excited for them (and actually rahter jealous) but I am going to miss them an awful lot. I like being able to spend time with them. Kristen is a wonderful friend to talk to...
I got a letter from Moody on Saturday. One person dropped out so I am now 10th on the list. It means progress, but its hard because there is still so much unknown. I have done an awful job of trusting God lately. I am thankful that He is a forgiving God, and that He helps me in my unbelief. When I am weak, in Him I am made strong. I thank Him for that because I sure am weak. I fear not getting in for the fall...because I fear a harder transition at mid semester. I fear being at home for the fall semester (even though earning money would be nice) because it would be really hard to be home alone when everyone else goes back to school.
I pray that God would take these fears and toss them to the wind. Would you pray with me? I am learning (and even failing...because I wouldn't be human if I didn't) to trust God. I am learning to hand over my life to Him--and to receive in its place the joy of His love and the treasure of His Son. It is a beautiful exchange, but a difficult one for my pride to make. It's frustrating--to be a broken, wounded sinner.
So...I guess that's where I am right now. Hopefully it makes some kind of sense :)
I'm learning that life with Jesus is hard but it is so rich. So rich. And that's the way He said it would be...
I love you guys!
BUMMER
So...my pictures are taking FOREVER to upload through blogger right now....and not all of them will. SAD. So, to see SOME pictures from our amazing sibling adventure weekend, look at my xanga: www.xanga.com/where_I_began
Sorry! Hopefully I'll be able to get it to working soon...because there are MORE pictures I want to show :) and more I want to write.
Enjoy those ones for now!!
Sorry! Hopefully I'll be able to get it to working soon...because there are MORE pictures I want to show :) and more I want to write.
Enjoy those ones for now!!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Simple Pleasures
Tonight we had dinner with old family friends. They invited another friend of theirs to come who is a missionary with Wycliffe and it was SO NEAT to have her there and hear her stories. Man...there are some really incredible people in this world...who have seen and experienced some pretty amazing things. whoa. :)
THEN!...on the way home (it was just me and my brother in my car) we drove with the windows down. Sigh. You might not be able to understand, but that is one of my ALL TIME favorite things to do at night--drive with the windows down and the music WAY up. It is pretty much amazing. Plus, the friends live over in the foothills so we were driving up near the mountains and had an amazing view of the tucson city lights. And the songs on the radio were perfect: "we are the champions," "when soul meets body," "sweet home alabama" (i don't remember the others).
Aaaah. I am so content right now. And tomorrow we (my sister, Jay, brother and I) leave early for the Grand Canyon. I CAN'T wait! I am going to take so many pictures. I wish you guys could see it. It would take your breath away. I hope you can (at one time or another) come visit me and I will take you to see it.
Call me if you want. It's the weekend so we get free cell minutes! woohoo. Although, I might be down in the Grand Canyon an probably won't have my cell phone :) That would definitely not be the time or place to be talking on a phone. YUCK.
Hallie, I forgot about this dinner thing we had tonight when I talked to you this afternoon, so I couldn't call. I'll try maybe tomorrow evening/night or sunday evening/night. I want to talk! :)
Josh! What did you do to your hair?? :)
Jared!...when do you get here? I'm so excited.
THEN!...on the way home (it was just me and my brother in my car) we drove with the windows down. Sigh. You might not be able to understand, but that is one of my ALL TIME favorite things to do at night--drive with the windows down and the music WAY up. It is pretty much amazing. Plus, the friends live over in the foothills so we were driving up near the mountains and had an amazing view of the tucson city lights. And the songs on the radio were perfect: "we are the champions," "when soul meets body," "sweet home alabama" (i don't remember the others).
Aaaah. I am so content right now. And tomorrow we (my sister, Jay, brother and I) leave early for the Grand Canyon. I CAN'T wait! I am going to take so many pictures. I wish you guys could see it. It would take your breath away. I hope you can (at one time or another) come visit me and I will take you to see it.
Call me if you want. It's the weekend so we get free cell minutes! woohoo. Although, I might be down in the Grand Canyon an probably won't have my cell phone :) That would definitely not be the time or place to be talking on a phone. YUCK.
Hallie, I forgot about this dinner thing we had tonight when I talked to you this afternoon, so I couldn't call. I'll try maybe tomorrow evening/night or sunday evening/night. I want to talk! :)
Josh! What did you do to your hair?? :)
Jared!...when do you get here? I'm so excited.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
"Be still and know that I AM God..."
"Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change, He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend Through thorny waysleads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertakeTo guide the future, as He has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know His voiceWho ruled them while He dwelt below. Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart, And all is darkened in the vale of tears,Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart, Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay From His own fullness all He takes away. Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on When we shall be forever with the Lord. When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise On earth, believing, to thy Lord on high; Acknowledge Himin all thy works and ways,So shall He view thee with a well-pleased eye.Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine."
What a wonderful hymn!!
--------------------------------------
Confronting things in yourself is often so very difficult...especially when it is something you don't really want to change (or can't...on your own). I would appreciate your prayers. I'm making some tough realizations about my life, my actions, etc. It's kind of painful...good, but painful.
I miss you, Hillsdale friends! But I am also very happy to be spending time with you, Tucson friends :) God is good...and He's teaching me lots. It is just a little overwhelming at times.
Also...I have been listening to my "Andrea's leaving and we all feel rotten" mix, my "roadtrip" mix, and my " roommate" mix a lot...they bring back SO many memories...and make me miss so many people I love. Sigh. I took a nap today while listening to the roommate mix. I miss you, Hallie!
I love you, friends!!
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertakeTo guide the future, as He has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know His voiceWho ruled them while He dwelt below. Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart, And all is darkened in the vale of tears,Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart, Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay From His own fullness all He takes away. Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on When we shall be forever with the Lord. When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise On earth, believing, to thy Lord on high; Acknowledge Himin all thy works and ways,So shall He view thee with a well-pleased eye.Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine."
What a wonderful hymn!!
--------------------------------------
Confronting things in yourself is often so very difficult...especially when it is something you don't really want to change (or can't...on your own). I would appreciate your prayers. I'm making some tough realizations about my life, my actions, etc. It's kind of painful...good, but painful.
I miss you, Hillsdale friends! But I am also very happy to be spending time with you, Tucson friends :) God is good...and He's teaching me lots. It is just a little overwhelming at times.
Also...I have been listening to my "Andrea's leaving and we all feel rotten" mix, my "roadtrip" mix, and my " roommate" mix a lot...they bring back SO many memories...and make me miss so many people I love. Sigh. I took a nap today while listening to the roommate mix. I miss you, Hallie!
I love you, friends!!
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