Sleep?

I have had such a hard time sleeping lately. It takes at least an hour for me to finally fall asleep. This is so unusual for me. I am finding that my mind is running wild with thoughts, dreams, doubts, longing, memories, questions, etc. Lot's of questions in my heart lately. It's a little hard. Mostly just frustrating. I find myself praying simple prayers often like "help me calm my mind," "help me make sense of this," or just "help!"

For the past two days the truths that I am finding the need to CLING to are found in Psalms. Chapter 18 has been a challenge and comfort. Also, Psalm 131 daily challenges me to pick myself up, entrust my weak self to the One who is strong and true, and not ask too many questions that are so "high above" me or trouble myself with thoughts "too lofty" for me...because I tend to put myself in a paralized state simply because I am bombarding myself with so many "hard issues." So much so that I can't very easily distinguish between them in a way that promotes healthy ACTION.
Does this make sense?

I guess I am just trying to say that I am trying desperately to quiet my heart but am having a hard time of it.

This morning I was feeling like I'm drowning. Splashing around but unable to save myself from anything--or move myself to "higher ground." I've been functioning out of my flesh, not in the Spirit. No wonder I am feeling weak, sick, and exhausted. For a moment, I took my eyes off the One who saves. I need Him. I need Him so badly. I am reminded of Paul's words in Colossians: "set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Walking around in this stormy, raging, wild world requires a definite FOCUS. Where is your hope? Do you have any? If so, what is it in?

I've learned (and learn daily) that hope is a reality. Hope is (or ought to be) the mark of the Christian. So, I ask you, where is our hope? If we don't live it and understand it, how will we offer it to a world that cries for it?

I was hit by this reality a few months ago while I was in Mozambique: The Church (Christ-followers) is dripping with grace while the world is thirsty for it. HOW THEN WILL WE LIVE?

I'm rediscovering grace. What a gift. Jonathan Edwards once said that the whole of the Gospel is captured in and between the words, "Grace, grace!" Incredible. Really. Grace has changed me eternally and continues to change me daily. It is not simply "over and done." No, no. He loves us too much. It was done once and for all but is done always and forever. He is that deep. He is that rich. His ways are that unsearchable.

And now...I quiet myself :)