my new little friend

I've just started sponsoring a girl from the DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo). She's absolutely beautiful. Her name is Divine Kimbembi and she's almost ten years old. She lives with her mom, one brother, and two sisters. I know nothing of the details of her life or her community. I don't know where her dad is. I don't know what her world is like. But I'm excited...excited to write letters...excited to pray...excited to build a new friendship with this little life so far away and so "different" (maybe) but also so alike. we already have a lot in common--dreams and desires, hopes and fears, longing, dignity, love and worth...

Isn't she beautiful? Pray for her with me, if you think of it. 1.1 of the Congolese have HIV/AIDS. It's a country torn by war, rape, and ravaged by disease and poverty. But its a country full of dignified human beings just like any other--looking for hope, love, wholeness and meaning in a world that feels broken and often so "out of control." We over here might know nothing of her realities "over there," but we learn and we learn how to pray. Because we know who keeps the world together ["When the earth quakes and it's people live in turmoil, I am the one who keeps it's foundations firm." Psalm 75:3]. Compassion is learned because it's a part of being in his image and growing into his image--an image that sometimes feels too big for us; too hard to fit into. But he teaches us to fit into his image. He melts and molds, pulls and stretches. We are, at once, already made in his image but we are, too, being conformed more and more. This is a remarkable mystery...the hard delight of living to follow him.

Peter Mulvey

I saw him for the 5th time last night. When I realized it was concert #5 I thought, "is this ridiculous?" Then he started playing Shirt and the question fell away as I remembered, again, why I appreciate him so much. His songs are such true-to-life stories that touch on rich themes of life in simple and undramatic ways--the routine, the mundane, the "way life is" day-to-day...and all communicated with such musical genius. There's always a song or two that catches in my chest; gets me down deep. Again, it was Trempealeau (which, unfortunately, hasn't found it's way onto an album nor are the lyrics posted anywhere online...), Knuckleball Suite, Mailman, and Shirt. There are others that are worth noting but I'll resist :) It was a great show, at a great venue (Evanston SPACE), with great company (Monica and Rebecca, my friend from pottery).

Sarah has come and gone. It was lovely having her here. It was hard to see her leave. I guess I sort of surprised myself by crying on the way home from the airport. We'll see each other again, we always do. But there's something sometimes hard about growing up and acknowledging that goodbyes sometimes mean a long time till hello, and so much is up in the air uncertain about all of our lives that we have no idea where we'll be or how we'll get "there" and how that will influence the ease of the next reunion, etc. I guess I thought about how we can't take friendships for granted--especially time spent with good friends.

Speaking of good friends. I'm leaving for Tucson on Friday and am trying not to think about it, lest the week go by slower. I'm ridiculously excited...to see friends, to see family, to see Tucson, to see sunshine...aaaah. Southwest, here i come!! Get me out of this giant snow-puddle for awhile. whew.

On Saturday we went to a lecture at our church on what the creation narratives teach about what it means to be human. So good. Sometime I'll try to write something about it. I can't yet, too much of it I'm still in the thick of as far as learning/understanding goes. I mean, I'll always be in the thick of it I suppose, but right now its still all too fresh to communicate with much clarity. So stay posted!

In other news, it's getting into the 40's this week. Yesterday was oh so "springy." Now the snow will melt. Now we will live in snow puddles for the next month, unless of course the temp drops again, which is very likely. But I'd like to think that it's almost March and the worst is over...? Please! I'm ready for some sun and some warmer days and...some color back in this skin. yep. so white.

A Thought for Your Sunday

“The glory of God is a human being fully alive.” –Irenaeus, 2^nd cent A.D.

(by the by, this is my 1,002 post on this blog. whaaa? crazy...)

The Church's Great Malfunctions

I really appreciated reading this article today. Volf does a great job of articulating some of the felt mystery/challenge but no doubt deep beauty of following/knowing God.

The Church's Great Malfunctions | Miroslav Volf | The Christian Vision Project

i live in a busy city

"Hurry is the death of prayer." -Samuel Chadwick

fat snowflakes

Putting thoughts down while the laundry dries is as good a time as any. Writing with a pencil on paper while watching fat snowflakes fall lazy out of the sky is a nice change from punching thoughts out on a keyboard (even though I've done just that by the time you read this, so you could share in these thoughts with me...). I like quiet afternoons at work, in between laundry and clean-up and the kids :)

Lately, the thought of blogging has felt daunting. There's too much to try to put down, get out, share with you...but then I'm eventually always unable to keep it in. Eventually I have to write.

I've been caught--frequently--in the moment of "now but not yet," the "on earth as it is in heaven" utterance that lingers on my lips when eternity unexpectedly breaks into moments down here. I guess it couldn't happen any other way. He interrupts us, doesn't He? He has to...otherwise we'd be forever tied to our ongoing routines, our patterns of thought and behavior, our entangling questions, pursuits, and ponderings.

For the first time I watched the Superbowl. Our family is one of recreational sports, not so much organized (/professional) sports. Put us in canoes on a lone river over the stadium--we're more comfortable there. This isn't for good or bad, it just is. So it was fun, for a change, to be around people who also appreciate the thrill and excitement of "the game." But...enthusiasm for the game and team pride aside (elements I definitely appreciate)...there was something about it all that I couldn't quite stomach.

We were watching the news coverage in Cairo--talk of the political, economic, and religious unrest, with all the video coverage included--when the newscaster said, "...and the eyes of the world are also on Dallas Texas, where preparations are being made for Sunday's big game..." and just like that the streets of Cairo became the streets of Dallas and I was dazed and confused and a little unsettled. Did those two stories really just fall back to back (not that surprising, i guess, it happens all the time)? But did he really just make the transition like that? Yeah, he did. And then I learned all about how we cater to our appetite for entertainment: a trophy that costs $25,000; extreme cases of people spending $4,000 on tickets to the game; consideration of player salaries; and a discussion of how much it will cost to melt, clean, and clear the snow/ice from the stadium. There are some things I will never understand (in this instance, how much money we can invest in a sport)...because sometimes I still see the eyes of hunger, need, and loneliness looking at me from the face of a small child in charge of himself...and 4 others...because the world has taken everything else...and sometimes I really struggle with the fact that I come from a country that sometimes so carelessly banners comfort, success, pleasure, and possessions (because i feel it in myself, too, and it unsettles me. sometimes i don't fight the tendencies in me first...)

Hear me: I'm not saying that entertainment is wrong. I'm not saying pleasure is wrong. I'm not saying that spending time, money, and energy on "fun things" is wrong. It can be, obviously, but it doesn't have to be. So don't think I'm sending out a general condemnation of all things pleasurable, enjoyable, entertaining, etc. That would be ridiculous. It's just that, sometimes there seems to be an imbalance, doesn't there?...and we aren't always willing to notice it responsibly. This weekend I noticed it--in myself, in all of us, in our country, and in the world...

So here I am, delighting in these fat snowflakes, thinking about the Egyptian people...and I keep picturing that $25,000 trophy...and I guess my heart hurts a little. Because I don't understand. I don't really know what to do. I pray. Sometimes I can't pray. And I realize that earth is behind heaven but we were taught to ask, "...as it is in heaven" and so I do...with what feels like such weak faith but with certain hope because even in this small short life I've lived I've seen how He's with us--getting messy right alongside; feeling the pain and acknowledging the imbalance.

Redemption is tied up with patience, I think (and patience with faith). Persistent patience. The journey. The process. Patience for healing, wholeness, peace, right order, reconciliation, shalom. We are people becoming. He makes all things new (but he doesn't always tell us how long it will take). I find myself living this with something of a dedicated curiosity. My heart, mind, and soul hold on but that doesn't mean I don't have questions or wonder.

Well, the fat snowflakes are falling out of an even darker sky, which means it's later--time to take the clothes out of the dryer and get the kids from school.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

And now, the newsy stuff :)

I had a lovely weekend. I absolutely reveled in the wonder of the Wisconsin winter woods. They were beautiful--long, dark shadows of the bare trees breaking up the snow all bright with sun! Gah, I wanted a pair of snowshoes so bad. But I got to go cross country skiing for the first time with Jake's mom. It was fun...and funny...and just really great. haha. I could definitely get used to winter with the sports included. yep.

Watching the Packers win with Wisconsin natives was also really fun...and funny...i thoroughly enjoyed it. I even got some of the game explained to me. Woo!! Learn something new every time :)

This morning Mariah and I had coffee with our pastor. It was great. So great. Encouraging, insightful, invigorating...yes, one of those times that makes you so grateful for good conversations and getting to know new people. We learn so much with and from one another, you know? It reminds me of something someone told me when I was in Swaziland: "everyone i ever meet has something to teach me." I've been learning fresh lately how blessed we are to live life with others. None of this solo-action crap. We keep setting ourselves up to be our most important project but we eventually tire, weary, and fall apart. Faith, for one thing, requires community. We believe for one another and with one another as we believe for ourselves...so goes the journey.

As you can tell, lot's of conversations and interactions over the past several days have made me think a lot...and God's been putting some pieces together in my heart and mind...pieces of questions, doubts, ideas, fears, etc...I'm grateful. A friend has said many times recently, "we count on His presence more than we know..." to which I say "yes, yes we do!"

Goodnight, everyone. I hope you are pushing through the grey and dark of winter. Spring will come. I remind myself of that often on these consecutively grey days :)

taking it all in

Do you ever have days that, at every moment, demand recording? So much is heard, seen, and experienced that you wish you had a pencil in your mind to mark it all down word-for-word..? I think this happens more often with a five-year-old around. Today was one such day for me--a fantastic day.

[sitting in the living room knitting while C watches Go Diego, Go]

C: "Andrea, could you please go into the other room, I would like my privacy."

Me: [giving him the look] "C, that's ridiculous. You're watching TV and I'm not making any noise, what do you need privacy for?"

C: "I just like it sometimes. And S is fine reading by herself. She gets to read by herself all the time."

[waiting outside while S finishes dance. C is eating his pretzels but one falls on the floor--carpet--and i pick it up and eat it]

C: "That's good, Andrea. When something falls on the ground you can pick it right up and eat it because your mouth washes it off."

[Not sure that was the lesson I was going for...]

[Also while waiting for S...always priceless conversations...]

C: "I've always known a lot about Ancient Rome and the Army. About six years."

Me: "Huh. So, basically you've known about them since before you were born?"

C: "Yep. I remember when I was in my mom's stomach and she ate an apple and it came floating, floating down to me whole and then I ate it."

Me: "But you hate apples. So...?"

C: "I mean, it was a banana."

Me: "Oooh."

C: "An apple and a Banana. That's my memory from inside my mom's stomach. Do you have any memories of being in your mom's stomach?"

Me: "Definitely not."

C: *laughs* "Oh."

[At McDonald's for lunch, S spills sauce on her coat and snowpants...]

S: "Ooh no! Well, I'll just have to tell mom to throw this right in the wash."

C: "It's all over your snow pants, too!"

--I get napkins and help her clean up--

C: "Well, you know what I always say. If you start a fight, you have to do it!"

Me: ????!!!!?

man...this little guy is funny. i've really been enjoying my job.

the homily

here's the homily recap from church on sunday. it's a short summary and well worth the read: check it out!

waking up to this

and it's getting worse as i type. 6-8 more inches expected. oh man, it's so beautiful. granted, we have no idea what the next few days will look like in the city. there are those who border on hysteria (they are the extreme) and those who are hardly bothered. i'm among the hardly bothered (i mean, our power and heat are on and we're fine...). i just think it's ridiculously beautiful and can't wait to go out back later to play in the snow with my roommates (all three got a snow day. WOO!).

What do you do when you're snowed in (respectively)??!! read books? knit? hang out with cool friends? DRINK HOT CHOCOLATE?? go outside and play in it?? sit in and listen to the excited children outside, discovering it all?? yeah, sounds good to me...

a day in

i'm sick. complete with the chills, stuffy nose, and an occasional cough. nothing too terrible but enough to make me feel legitimately under the weather. i took a nap today, enjoyed 3 (maybe 4?) cups of tea, time to read my book, and a skype call with Jake. it's a day in. but i have to go to work in 40 min so it isn't really.

we're supposed to get a crazy storm on wednesday: 12-18 inches of snow! if it doesn't cause too many problems, i hope it does actually snow a lot. if it's going to be cold out, it might as well snow a lot. at least then it's pretty (for awhile).

not a lot going on, as you can see. so i don't even know why i'm on here trying to blog about it. i read this from Ann Voskamp just a bit ago, "Significance is in direct correlation to smallness and life is leveraged by all that is little." It sort of piggy-backs off of yesterday's post about patience and life's moments. lately i've really been challenged to live the moments. i've been trying (hard) to be less concerned about figuring things out and more "ok" with my need to trust God and deliver my life over to him (again and again and again and again). He provides enough courage for each moment, i'm finding. courage to ask questions or to stop asking; courage to rest; courage for moving and courage for stopping; courage for company and courage for loneliness; courage for knowledge and courage for wonder. i think it's safe to say my moments have been riddled with his mysterious presence and i'm grateful.

the snow will slow the big city down. maybe that's why i want it to come. but it will also mean some panic and some chaos. a sea of people slowed? but they're used to living life fast! so they won't be happy. but there's value in the slowing. slowing forces us to see, think, feel, ask, and learn things we might not otherwise recognize.

are you impatient, like me?

these are snippets from today's homily, God's Patience and Ours. it came at the perfect time. the liturgy washed over me this morning as if there was dust piled up that needed cleansing and cracks full of dirt-thoughts believed that have no place in the heart of one set free toward Life. i found myself achingly grateful for a weekly communion that, unfortunately, does not always feel meaningful but most certainly feels necessary. today all i could whisper was, "i need you again." and my eyes filled with hot tears. the woman's smiling face behind the table met mine as she said "Christ's body, broken for you and Christ's blood, shed for you" and i cast myself on him again, "you are that one. i feel it in my bones today but the tasks and experiences of the week have beaten and bruised me. come again to me as i come again to you."

Patience.

Our very lives depend on the patience of God and of others. God takes up (with us) the task of patient disciplining and forming. He sits with us in the mess and brokenness knowing the moment counts for the importance of the journey. We confess to God that we are on journey with Him. He is long-suffering and faithful. We are impatient--and impatient with ourselves--because we imagine we should be somewhere else along the journey; we believe others should be at a different place along the journey. We want instant solutions to the problems we face. God cares about the process.

Relationship teaches us we need people to be patient with us. It also demands we ask the question, "are we eager to be patient with him/her/them?"

We tend to pull away from situations that are painful...often into narcissism. We are impatient with pain, discomfort, the mess of who we are.

Pray to God for the cultivation of patience for self--recognizing "i'm not where i need to be." More significant to God is that we are on journey with Him. He calls us to be faithful in the moments.

"A waiting person is a patient person. The word 'patience' means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us. Impatient people are always expecting the real thing to happen somewhere else and therefore want to go elsewhere. The moment is empty. But patient people dare to stay where they are. Patient living means to live actively in the present and wait there. Waiting, then, is not passive. It involves nurturing the moment, as a mother nurtures the child that is growing in her womb." -Henri Nouwen

This quote is so helpful as we envision what life with or without patience looks like. Our lives depend on the patience of God. Without the cultivation of patience for ourselves and others, we'll find ourselves in empty moments. Not life; not freedom; empty moments. Impatience breeds emptiness. And we'll be frustrated, confused, and unsettled in the journey if we're living empty moments.

friends visit

Josh, Jared, and Isaac came into the city yesterday. It was good to see them and catch up a bit. Lots of recalling of old memories, lots of walking, and lots of laughing...among other things...

missing her today

"There's no way to get away from the loneliness of the thinking Christian."

-Dr. DeRosset

"He will offend our mind to reveal our heart." -Dr. DeRosset

"We must live with unmet longing or we have left no margin for eternity. -Dr. DeRosset

"Our souls are shadowed places. We cannot always tell where darkness ends and light begins..."

-Dr. DeRosset

from a brother of a friend, found this...

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst for the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back the horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future in strength, courage, hope and love.

(Sir Francis Drake)

thank you, my 3 yr old friend

there's something really wonderful (and rather perceptive) about a 3 yr old noticing a mood change. today was really hard. for various reasons. i won't go into them, but my mind and heart were far away from the trucks and airplanes we were playing with in the playroom. i hadn't really realized it until A looked up at me and said, "Andrea, what's wrong?" and i almost burst into tears right there. how did he know? it's like he read my mind. it took every ounce of energy to keep back the tears and force out an "oh, i'm alright." we kept playing. he even gave me a hug today. so needed. and all from a little 3 yr old who was a friend to me when no one else was around to be one.

on days like today i'm really grateful for my job. i was so blessed by the little guys all throughout the day. maybe God knew i needed a little extra out-of-the-ordinary lovin'...from unexpected places.

a mom?

some days i'm just really excited to be a mom. nannying is a unique situation to find myself in. i'm not always thrilled to have this as my "occupation" right now. but other times, i'm really blessed that i have the opportunity to grow in so many ways and consider a lot about what it means to parent (/mother), etc. the interactions you're able to have with your children on a daily basis are undeniably abundant and really such moments of blessing and gift. so much is taught and learned about really significant things but in really simple ways. that's one thing that has taken some getting used to but that has also been really refreshing. those "life moments" can pop up anywhere--over hot chocolate, finger paints, and playdoh or in the backyard playing "American football" and on the short walk to the lego store...

yesterday while getting C's snack ready, I asked him if he wanted a banana or an apple with it, to which he responded, "Are we back to this conversation again?" haha. Yes, C, you've learned well. something fresh and healthy with snack but your pick. then later while in the playroom getting ready to battle: C--"how many Army men do you have?" Me--"nine." C--"I have twelve. this is going to be good." he makes me laugh. regularly. he also makes me see the world differently. regularly. i'd say that's something to look forward to in the living with and raising of children.

i'm eager for it.

East of Eden

"The direction of a big act will warp history, but probably all acts do the same in their degree, down to a stone stepped over in the path or a breath caught at sight of a pretty girl or a fingernail nicked in the garden soil."

"'An unbelieved truth can hurt a man much more than a lie. It takes great courage to back truth unacceptable to our times. There's a punishment for it, and it's usually crucifixion. I haven't the courage for that.'" -Samuel Hamilton

i am loving this book. i haven't read a really good novel in so long. it is absolutely wonderful. i highly recommend it as a fascinating look at the human struggle/condition with all the depth of Steinbeck's descriptive voice and rich character development. The front flap describes it as "the work in which Steinbeck created his most mesmerizing characters and explored his most enduring themes: the mystery of identity, the inexplicability of love, and the murderous consequences of love's absence. A masterpiece of Steinbeck's later years, East of Eden is a powerful and vastly ambitious novel that is at once a family saga and a modern retelling of the Book of Genesis."

If i have any kind of "perspective" (post Bible College) on the study of theology, I would say that good literature has the potential to (and often does) teach what theology books cannot. That is, the practical vision for why truth matters, how we wrestle to believe and disbelieve, and how faith is lived out in meaningful (and not so meaningful) ways on this earth...among other things. Good literature tells the stories of our lives in such a way that we can find our place in them and learn through them what it means to be human (or not) and what it means to know God (or not).

Take the Journey | Documentaries | International Guild Of Visual Peacemakers

Take the Journey | Documentaries | International Guild Of Visual Peacemakers

The IGVP is something new learned today. Super cool. Hmmm. Some days I am just so "ready" to get involved in something like this. Truth documentation. Honest research. For a real purpose and toward a hopeful cause.

rant: facebook honeymoon albums

they make me gag. seriously. i don't know if i've looked through a single one after which i've thought, "hmm, that was nice." they're rarely very interesting. no, we don't really care what the bed looked like (or the bathrobes), how many bikinis she brought, or what it was like lounging on the beach on day number five (could it really be that different than days number one, two, three, and four?). AND....self-shot kiss pictures??!! are you kidding me??? uuugh. they're downright painful. i laugh. i do. out loud. they're ridiculous. maybe once in a blue moon there's a sort of cute one but mostly...really not tasteful.

don't get me wrong. i plan on having a fabulous honeymoon. and i have nothing against beds, beaches, kissing, or bikinis. but seriously...a facebook album?! it's more than I can stomach. i just want to say, "who cares! you should have been enjoying the moment(s) more than thinking about how you'd document the trip for the world!"

but i don't know. maybe i'll feel differently when the time comes? i rather hope not...

whew. alright: rant over.

i am a rock

lately i've been wrestling with a lot of thoughts about what it means to 1. be human and 2. be in relationship. in other words, i've been considering how the gift and task of relationship are such a part of what it means to be human. with such deliberate and intentional care, God has created us to function in relationship. it is difficult, though, and wrought with both joy and pain because we are so very sold out to the pursuit of self (protection, achievement, comfort...). we aren't always first to recognize what's best for us; nor are we first to pour ourselves out for others.

God's deliberate and intentional crafting of creation (nature, race, everything) was called good. And while our fall from a perfect place has landed us among thorns and thistles, I don't believe it has erased from us the mark of God and the creative ingenuity by which he put it all together, looked out over it all, and called it "good."

these are pieces of whole thoughts and the whole of my broken thoughts but maybe they'll make some kind of sense to you. I want to encourage you--me, us--to think about what it means to be human. consider what it means to flourish: where and how do you find significance and purpose? where and how to you call together the pieces of yourself that are meant to form your true identity?

so, Simon and Garfunkel...you've written a catchy tune with a lot of truth included. we do build walls--fortresses, deep and mighty, so none can penetrate. we stack things up around us for protection from the warmth and touch of another human soul. we call on our fear and doubt and darkness to convince ourselves, "i am a rock. i am an island." but we won't flourish here. we weren't made to be rocks and islands...

[my last year of school was a hard one, and i'm really only beginning to understand really just how hard. i sort of put a lot of long-distance friendships on the back-burner because I was so engaged in school and school life emotionally, spiritually, mentally. i miss life with those friends. i miss consistently knowing what's going on, what's being learned, even though far away. i miss the challenge of another's journey and the encouragement of another's learnings. lately i've been catching up with a lot of friends--phone dates, skype dates, letters--and it's been so very wonderful.]

(almost) on the needles

I have exciting plans to knit a few of these for groceries, book-carrying, project-keeping, etc. Only a few hours to knit? Um, yes definitely.

Monday night back at Waterhouse was great. Mmm. burgers, drinks, lots of laughs, and good company.

hello, week. i think i'm ready for you, and i like this feeling :)

i'm a list-maker

I read this over at A Holy Experience this evening. I appreciated her words. Because I've been thinking about the difficulty of faith--esp in the face of "soul-suffering" or darkness of mind/spirit.

Anyhow, I don't really have the desire to expound on it now. Just go ahead and read what she wrote. I'm going to go read some more...(i've mentioned that i'm reading East of Eden, yeah? Ah, I am so so so enjoying it).

Having loads of fun in Indy this weekend with the Schnakes--and the kiddos! We've laughed so much tonight we're all going to sleep very soundly. Good, that's what we need. Refreshing to laugh together.

who am i?

Warning: i'm about to pull something "meaningful" out of a few lines from Fantastic Mr. Fox. If this makes you cringe, wince, or react in any other number of (negative) ways, I apologize. But only kind of because the movie really is a good one and has, buried in it, a lot of worthwhile concepts. So i really don't care if you find this cheesy :)

Mr. Fox: Who am I, Kylie?

Kylie: Who how? What now?

Mr. Fox: Why a fox? Why not a horse, or a beetle, or a bald eagle? I'm saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? Who am I? And how can a fox ever be happy without, you'll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?

So. That is the question: who am I? And, to follow up, what gives me purpose/significance? I ask myself these questions from time to time and so I assume you ask them, too...?

Somewhere along the way (probably more in Christian up-bringing than not) we get tired of asking these sorts of questions. Maybe this is because we're taught things like how to consider, defend, and debate the five (or is it seven?) "big questions" of life. You know the ones, "where did I come from?" "where am I going?" "is there life after death?" etc., etc. Don't get me wrong, there's value in this sort of thing. But I think it has to run the risk of becoming old. The system of {questions+right answers=assurance} necessarily faces the possibility of those questions becoming habit (dull, used up, boring), those answers becoming mechanical (practiced, versed, empty), and, therefore, that assurance ending up shallow (unsatisfactory, unstable, frustrating). This isn't to say that the questions, the answers, and the "assurance" aren't true or valuable or right. It's only to say that, at it's best, I'm not so sure the practice of faith allows such a neat formula. In other words, yes we can have our Apologetics and Christian Perspectives/Worldview classes. But let's not forget what life looks like where it happens. We can't divorce our apologetic or our "Christian" perspective from the lives we live every day. We can't divorce our sound theologies and doctrines from their practice--their interaction with the world. If we do (which we do do, because I do it and i know i'm probably not alone...), we end up with dull habit, mechanical responses, and shallow belief. And then one day we come back to those questions, after having put them away for awhile, and we actually hear them again. We might even be puzzled by our inability to really answer them. Gosh, we might truly wonder what the answers are, and if we ever really knew them. Then we have to relearn some things.

I think the practice of faith has more to do with creative living, honest doubting, small believing, constant seeking, and unashamed limping than we'd like to admit. But maybe that's just me. I'm the liver, doubter, believer, seeker, limper who watches a silly movie and hears an old question sound new: who am I? And i think this question really matters. It's a shame it becomes old, dull, boring. It's a bummer the answer(s) to it are mechanical, unsatisfactory, unthoughtful. It's too bad it's all "so cliche."

You know what? Some days I wake up sure of myself. Other days I wake up and think, "gee, what happened?"

I think this is the faith journey. The becoming.

Faith is so daily. Today I might trust God "easy" but tomorrow wake up wondering how on earth I can surrender and relent my fears, longings, questions, doubts, excitements, desires...

And so I remind myself that I'm part of a larger story--the story I experience every day around me; the "old" story I read/hear about; the "new" story I hope/live for. I try to bring old, used-up parts of my faith before God to be made new. He makes all things new.

I guess all this is to say that sometimes our faith really does need refreshing and our questions need new vigor. Our answers need reviving and our assurance needs more depth. It's not that we don't believe or can't--more that we won't, because we fail to just be our honest selves in it all. Our true, broken, needy, valuable selves.

Epiphany Sunday

Yesterday was Epiphany Sunday. I didn't really know anything about Epiphany Sunday until yesterday. It's a day in the liturgical year that stops to consider the relationship between humankind and God's manifestation of himself through his glory (esp. as experienced in/through the life and work of Christ). In particular, it centers on the story of the Magi from Matthew.

Bob talked about the glory of God in the incarnation and in relationship with humanity. It was a really good homily with reminders such as, "don't live beneath the glory God has given you; glory bestowed on and manifested in you, his people." "God delights in sharing the experience of His glory." "God regards us as the manifestation of his glory." We are his field, building, temple. We are made holy. We are becoming.

God has come for the sake of all people--to make a new humanity. The great theme of this movement in history is reconciliation. The scandal of such a subversive message has been made apparent in each generation. There is a new story available to the oppressed and the broken; the weak and the needy; the frustrated and the proud. God's involvement in the world is one that desires to saturate and dignify with his love (funny I should happen to watch Crash with friends this same afternoon..). This resonates with what it means to be human. Such a story is, at base level, full of the freedom and hope that we need. We are most alive when we are animated by something bigger than ourselves. We always will be--it's in us to be this way.

Bob reminded us that the liturgical year reminds us we are part of a bigger story--a story gone before us; a story we are written into. Our lives are hidden with Christ in God...

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, to discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and to be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."
-Thoreau

Resolved: to take vitamins this year

I must have an abnormally small throat or something. They always get stuck. Even the small ones. uughhh. But it doesn't matter, because I have resolved to take vitamins this year. #1 on the list is D, since I don't get enough sun and i'm quite certain it affects my mood.

I'm sure you really care about my habits (or not) of vitamin intake. huh. Oh well.

In other news, today is dad's bday. Three family bday's in one week. whew!!

Otherwise, the week is coming to a close. This weekend holds some fun things, including sunday dinner with friends (here!). i'm trying a few new recipes so stay posted.

I'm reading again--East of Eden (Steinbeck)--and loving it. Not far yet but feeling as though I'm settling back into his style. It's so unique and wonderful. There's nothing like a good novel. I should reread Grapes of Wrath. yeah right, like that's going to happen...

wanting to be a part of something larger than myself

"I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself." -Aldous Huxley

i had coffee with Monica today. i am thankful for her. there's something just wonderful about coffee with a friend, isn't there? mmmm.

roommate christmas

last night was our "big blue house" christmas. Lacy got me The Jesus Storybook Bible (favorite kids Bible, by far) and Mariah got me castile soap (peppermint) in honor/hope of our backpacking/camping adventures, as well as The Fantastic Mr. Fox. All-around great, great, great!!

I had a lovely weekend in Wisconsin. It was a quick trip but such a good one--I was missing those Schnakes. Now I'm back to the real world and my jobs and my routine...BUT it's a new year, so I feel refreshed and eager and ready and expectant. hmmm. i was talking to mom last night about how this year holds so much "uncertainty" for our family. most of us have big unknowns--Luke's move to Oklahoma; Mom and Dad's move to Flag; the future of my apartment/living situation here, jobs, etc; Jay and Kristen's resignation from Wycliffe and a new job...whew, lots of changes for the Childs clan. Lots of trusting and hoping and praying going on in all of our hearts. In some ways, it's cool to all be in a similar place because we can relate, sympathize, share the experience, etc. But it's also a little hard because it just means A LOT of big changes coming that demand a lot of relenting, relinquishing, and trusting.

i read on a blog earlier, "gratitude is what makes the past a grace, here holy, and tomorrow a gift." i like that. there's been a lot of gratitude in my heart lately. all's grace. i realize this more and more with each new year.

p.s.

i've dubbed this year the year of "getting out." it's my 24th year of life and i'm going to do things. not that i don't already but i want it to be a year of adventuring and exploring some new places. and i'm plastering my wall with it. so far i have a map of prague and a map of budapest. i'd say that's pretty good considering i've only been 24 for what, about 15 days?! :)

other "getting out" trips on the agenda:

1. AZ in February (hopefully, if schedules work out!!) which means a trip to the Grand Canyon and (cross your fingers) the long-awaited hike down to Havasu Falls. Oh, not to mention climbing with Luke--maybe even finding new spots in Flag?

2. Door County, Wisconsin (at the prodding of a certain Marta Schnake). I've heard only wonderful things about it and I think it's time for me to experience it myself.

3. The UP (of course i'll be going there again...!)

4. I've been hoping for too long to do some backpacking around Lake Superior (get me to that shoreline!). This is the year for it. I live so close and i'm relatively free to travel, depending on work (which can be sort of flexible).

5. A portion of the AT with Mariah--or some other outdoor excursion.

6. Road-trip to Niagara Falls?!

Seriously, I get excited just thinking about all of it. Sigh. This from hanging a few maps on my bedroom wall.

Well, a toast to my 24th year of life and to the hope of "getting out" some more?! here, here!!

came across this today

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."

-H.D. Thoreau

i've been thinking a bit about Rom. 12 and the part "be transformed by the renewing of your minds..." the NLT puts it so: "...let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." I like to think that I take God at his promises. Maybe not always. But I should. We really ought to remind ourselves of them everyday. "let God transform you...then you will learn..."

i find myself in a place, time, season that demands i trust. jake said once last summer that this year will require a posture of trust. i think my whole life will require such a posture. but different seasons seem to demand more trust, don't they? like this one, for example :)

several conversations of late have landed on the subject of God's faithfulness. Another promise of his--faithful relationship. So i also find myself in a place, time, season that demands I cast myself head-long onto his faithfulness. i start by reminding myself everyday--each new morning, every passing night--that he is near, that he is at back of the world, that he is the one guiding, promoting, and improving my faith. oh, that reminds me of something else i read today from good ol' Abraham Heschel, "faith is not the clinging to a shrine but an endless pilgrimage of the heart." i've lived faith's process lately. so i'll never be able to deny it: faith is a journey. it seems we're always waiting for the arrival. but let's not miss all that's happening along the way...

Europe

I'm back! It actually felt good to fly back into the city. I think it's the only time on record that I actually felt a little relieved--it's time to be back in my own space, starting a fresh routine, etc. I've been on the go since Dec 10 and just now realizing how exhausted I am! But it was a great trip. I think I'll always love traveling. Actually, I know I will. There's something so spectacular about seeing new places, watching new people, taking in new sights and sounds...I absolutely love it.

The days were full and busy--meeting people, seeing new things, adventuring...

Jake took my bday off and we spent the day doing lots of different things. In the morning we went to a quaint little town north of the city on the river called Szentendre. It was one of my favorite experiences--such a beautiful, enchanted little place. Narrow, cobblestone streets and old buildings of every shape and size. After that, we walked around Budapest a little. Later that night he surprised me and took me to see the Nutcracker at the Budapest Opera House (beautiful). It was so amazing. We went out for dinner after at an all-you-can-eat bar/grill sort of place. It was a wonderful birthday. Wow, 24, huh? :)

Budapest was beautiful. It's sort of a dark city, though. This could also be because it's winter (probably the most plausible explanation). However, Prague didn't have the same "cold/dark" feel. True, we went to Prague. We didn't make it to Krakow due to a shortage of return tickets on the overnight train. So Jake and I took an overnight bus (didn't sleep at all, which made for an interesting day in the city for sure) to Prague friday night, spent saturday wandering the city, and took an overnight train back that night. it's hard to tour a city in the winter when you have no place to stay--it requires a lot of walking around to stay warm or spending money to do things indoors to thaw out. but it was still a lot of fun. We found a really cool bagel cafe (Bohemia Bagel) and hung out there a bit. We walked around the Jewish Quarter which was, unfortunately, closed (it was a Saturday--oops). We walked through the Christmas Market(s) and over the St. Charles Bridge to the Castle area, admired all the beautiful architecture, walked through the "gardens" (which were frozen and covered in snow, naturally, but still a pretty area), etc. We had lunch in a cool little tea house/cafe and walked around a whole lot more...I'm so glad I got to see Prague--it's a gorgeous city. Wish I could see it in warm weather!

Here are a few pictures from the trip. There are many more stories to tell but I'm too tired to recall them all right now. Plus that would be overwhelming :) More to come later, I'm sure (and pictures from Christmas at the Blue Moon!!)

Budapest:

the 6th graders: amazing. i think my life would be 10x's more interesting and more fun if i could interact with them on a regular basis...

Prague:

aaand, i'm off!

here i go. calling a taxi in 10 minutes to leave for the airport...wahoo!

the weather couldn't be better: cold but CLEAR and SUNNY. the perfect day for a flight. sigh.

so long. until next time :)

the nativity according to a 3 yr old

so, A and G have a fisher price little people nativity scene. they were playing with it on tuesday when i got to their house and it was scattered across the living room floor throughout the morning. A and I kept putting it together and G kept tearing it apart. Boys will be boys. watching a 3 yr old put together a nativity scene is probably one of the best things ever.

A: "where's the baby's dad?"

Me: "do you know who this baby is?"

A: "yes, it's Jesus. the camel goes over here. See, look at the picture." (it had to be exactly like the picture on the box).

Finally, the scene was finished but A was holding a school bus and G was holding a fire engine. A looked at me and asked, "Andrea, where does the school bus go?" and G balanced the fire engine in the palm trees with a big, accomplished smile. I laughed. Apparently the wise men came in a school bus, most of us just don't remember that part of the story :)

Also, in Joann's today I overhead this conversation between a middle-aged couple over by the fleeces:

Wife: "you know what I want to know about this christmas story? What Jesus did with all the money the kings gave him?"

Husband: stares blankly at his wife and shrugs.

Wife: "really, where did all the money go?"

aahaha. oh goodness.

i really want to go to an advent service.

on turning 24 and looking at life around me

i'm not sure where to start with this post. i always sort of hate when there's something in me i really want to get out but can't really figure out how to do it. here's to trying.

i turn 24 a week from today. i think hannah's the only friend who has shared the "sober reality" of each new year--the "getting older" feelings and realizing life's changes in unexpected ways (we aren't always "where we thought we'd be," etc.). But then there's also the sober reality of life's great gift. here i am, approaching an entirely new year. i have no idea what it will hold. i've got hopes, dreams, and plans for it--as does the next person--but don't know if or when or where or how they'll all work out. that's sort of the frustrating beauty of life, isn't it? always catching us off guard and presenting itself to us so unashamed and unapologetic. and we take it. we live it as it comes.

24 feels old. it also feels young. how is that possible? i can look at my life and wonder about why it doesn't like like i thought it would at 24. i can also look at my life and consider the ways in which it has delightfully surprised me. i feel a little frustrated that i'm 24 and a nanny--no actual career, nothing really to "wow" about. and i find myself (lately) wondering how this next year is going to unfold. it feels like a big one--inevitably large changes.

on saturday melissa and i talked about faith and hope and trust in ways that were revitalizing. just a simple conversation, really, but one that meant a lot because 1. it was with a dear friend 2. it took place at this time in my life in which i need to be reminded of the simple truths we live. if i ever take the time to slow my thoughts, my words, my questions...i always face the realities of faith and hope and trust. i don't know how they can be avoided in this world. i could never deny the process of faith i fight to live, learn, and develop. i could never deny the hope that hangs in the air and seems to us elusive and fragile. i could never deny the need for moment-by-moment trust in something larger than myself. ever. these things become more and more real to me each year i live. i guess that's a gift. it's definitely a mystery.

finally...the girls took me to a Peter Mulvey concert on friday for an early bday. i don't think the evening could have been better had it not been shared with peter, a glass of red wine, and four lovely friends. the whole night was full of the beauty of my life--this life. at almost any concert (his especially) there is inevitably a song that catches my breath as the "aha" song of the night--one that tells a part of my own story or expresses a part of my own heart. friday there were two. one was a new one, Trempealeau (lyrics not released), and the other was Tender Blindspot, appropriate for me and appropriate for winter:

It's cold, but at least the sun is out
Her breath hangs glowing in the air
She's standing at the car with the key in her hand
Like a sleeper coming back from somewhere

All at once, the weight has lifted
Forgotten the weeping all last night
She's wearing a frown borrowed from her father
Her head is tilted a little to the right

And it's just your tender blindspot
Not the ruination of your soul
As long as trees are skying
Tears are weeping seas to make us whole
Still you wonder why you're aching
Why you should go on, you just don't know
But it's just your tender blindspot
From that tender blindspot you must go

The days are short and grey
It's the hardest time of year
And she must have missed the roadsign that said
"From now on, nothing will be clear"

And the whole day is calling
But she is frozen to the ground
There's something in the silence
There is something waiting to be found

And it's just your tender blindspot
Not the ruination of your soul
As long as trees are skying
Tears are weeping seas to make us whole
Still you wonder why you're aching
Why you should go on, you just don't know
But it's just your tender blindspot
From that tender blindspot you must go

And the morning dove is clinging
To the powerlines above
And time is hanging frozen
In its grace and pain and love

roll away your stone

tonight i am appreciating the lyrics to the Mumford and Sons song Roll Away Your Stone. the twinkling lights of the christmas tree also make the list. as does the fact that our windows are now SEALED. goodbye, winter cold. hello, cozy big blue house.

today has been a very good day.

and, my christmas cactus has a bud. i hope it blooms before Hungary.

back when toby keith was good

the village (thrift store near our house) is notorious for less than mediocre music choking its way out of low-quality speakers. today, however, they played "When We Were in Love" by Toby Keith--a song I had completely forgotten about (and yes, i realize that for some of you this song doesn't quite rise above "less than mediocre" but whatever. i'm a softy for good country). In fact, i couldn't even remember it was a Toby Keith song until Mariah reminded me. I'm listening to it now. I liked this song very much for a very long time. I still remember when it was on the radio all the time. hm. Transported back to Sonoita, AZ, small town southern Arizona :)

In other news, I discovered Jakob Dylan through a new friend (from pottery). His folksy/bluegrass/country sound is perfect for roadtrips and/or quiet sit-at-home evenings (i know from personal experience!). You should look him up. I'm sure his pandora station is great.

The last several days have been loaded with learning. Not easy learning, but learning nonetheless. Certain experiences, conversations, and seasons of life offer themselves as one insight after another, don't they? Insight into self, into others, into God, into the simple things of life, into the more complicated things of life...hmm. all of it is a great big wonder to me. i can honestly say I am delighted to be exactly right here were I am. my heart is deeply content and full of joy. truly. just a lot of "enlargement" going on.

The snow up north was just beautiful. the space to take it all in and breathe a little deeper was also really wonderful. now i'm back in the cold wet city where it sometimes feels a little darker and life moves a lot faster.

christmas is approaching fast. i hope i can live slow enough to feel the anticipation in this ever-moving, over-bustling city i currently call "home."

and you? how does advent find you this year?

the view out our window

Later, if the wind dies down a bit, we're going for a little walk through the wintry woods. Sigh. It's so absolutely beautiful.

Our Thanksgiving was wonderful, how was yours? This time of year is a blessing to me. I realize that for so many the "holidays" mark a difficult time, especially those without family or without the provision that so many of us easily take for granted. I'm reminded often to hold these gifts with open hands, thankful but not entitled. So many have less. May we welcome those who don't have into our lives of "have."

Today, I think my favorite thing is the way the snow piles up heavy on the tree branches. So lovely.

Blessing and hope to you as we enter full swing into the holiday season. Let's keep things in proper perspective, k?...and not get carried away by what the world says is "important."

"Father in heaven, the day draws near when the glory of your Son will make radiant the night of the waiting world. May the lure of greed not impede us from the joy which moves the hearts of those who seek him. May the darkness not blind us to the vision of wisdom which fills the minds of those who find him. We ask this in the name of Jesus the Lord. Amen." -an advent prayer

homily recap

Last week's homily was really wonderful. Here's the link to the recap--if you have time, READ it. It was so timely, so encouraging, so refreshing and invigorating...

thank you, Sandra

I have to share something from Sandra McCracken's e-news I received this evening. She's right on, articulates it beautifully, and echoes my own learnings of this year:

"I frequently marvel at how creative and how spiritual ALL of life is...song writing, baby bouncing, performing, traveling, and caregiving. It all bleeds together like colors of fingerpaint on a giant canvas. In fact, there is no end in sight to this canvas. And everybody involved is covered in this non-washable paint. But I'm getting the feeling that this art we are making is gonna be beautiful in the end."

Seriously. I couldn't have said it better. Of course, I might change "song writing" to something like letter writing or journaling, "baby bouncing" to conversations with little ones who are trying to figure out the world (or any number of other activities i find myself involved in on a daily basis with the kids that aren't my own), "performing" to interactions with others...the list goes on. The point is, she gets it. all of life is remarkably creative and spiritual and if you haven't figured it out yet, well, i hope you will. because it allows you to understand the simple beauty of life in all of its mundane and ordinary, as well as celebrate the "out of the ordinary" moments. it helps you make it through the pain and the mess and feel the richness of the healing and growth.

hmm. tonight i am so grateful to be alive. i've spent a lot of time this year feeling so unsettled and uncertain about "what's next" and about what my life will hold. right now i am quieted by all the potential--all the unknown. and i feel a rested peace.

On a cold winter day

I want to make these sandwiches to eat with hot soup...or maybe just by themselves. YUM. lately i've been thinking about how nice it would be to have more people to cook for. cooking for one just isn't as fun or as economical. bleh.

It's been really grey the past few days. oh dear. winter in chicago. the long, long winter in chicago...

3 weeks from today

i will be in hungary. whew, that's insane. is it almost december already?! where does the time go?

we're coming up on Thanksgiving. i'll be driving to the U.P. to visit grandma and mom. girls weekend! i can hardly wait. it will be so wonderful. it looks like i'll be driving straight on Thanksgiving day, i don't have wed. off. but that's ok. i actually look forward to the drive. the whole thing will be in daylight and i'll have good music, coffee along the way, lots of time to myself, and the enjoyment of the wintry scenes i pass through all the way up. hmm, sounds perfect if you ask me.

last night was our church's annual wine tasting. i really like our church. it was a really fun night--with lots of wonderful food and good wine. it's a fantastic event put on in a rented facility with live (jazz) music. i didn't get to try as many as i wanted to because i was the one that drove but i got to try about six. and the tastes were not just tastes :) props to the french pinot noir, my favorite (and the american champagne). a taste of mariah's sirah near the end was promising. the food was amazing. the people were fun--mingled with familiar faces and met some new ones. all-in-all it was a fabulous night.

i realized at the party, however, that (due to holiday travels, etc.) i will miss the entire advent season at our church. this makes me really very sad. i love that Grace follows the church calendar and i especially love how it carries us through seasons such as advent (lent, etc.). sigh. i am bummed.

tomorrow i finish up my work at the studio. i'll have to go in later to pick it up once it makes it through glazing. i'm so excited to see the finished product!

still busy trying to finish up Christmas presents. yikes, so little time left to get everything done! i seriously cannot believe i leave for hungary in less than 3 weeks. gah! i get to go to Europe. I get to travel. I get to see Jake. so many wonderful things...

today i thought "yep, i'm really excited to be a mom"

C was a sweetheart today. He fell at school coming in from play time and cut his upper lip which, apparently, brought on a lot of blood and tears (the tears were streaming when i picked the little guy up from school and carried on sporadically throughout the evening). he was pretty shaken up and his lip was swollen. we made it home and spent the evening on the couch exchanging stories while icing. in his words, the lip was "blown up." i'm telling you, he was full of memorably lines tonight.

Me: you know, C, one time my sister was kicking a rock and it flew towards the back of my head so she yelled "Andrea, duck!" i turned around in time to have the rock hit me right in the mouth. i lost a loose tooth and lived with a large scab on my upper lip...

C: Andrea, you should have dunked. if it had been me, i would have dunked straight away.

Yeah, you guessed it. i just smiled and kept holding the ice on his puffy lip. as i sat there on that couch with that sweet boy laying in my lap, i was suddenly really excited to be a mom. someday. not now, not yet. but someday. and it will be wonderful.

and the moral of the story is, don't forget to DUNK!

A prayer for today

You are the God who is simple, direct, clear with us and for us.
You have committed yourself to us.
You have said yes to us in creation,
yes to us in our birth,
yes to us in our baptism,
yes to us in our awakening this day.

But we are of another kind,
more accustomed to “perhaps, maybe, we’ll see,’
left in wonderment and ambiguity.

We live our lives not back to your yes,
but out of our endless “perhaps.”


So we pray for your mercy this day that we may live yes back to you,
yes with our time,
yes with our money,
yes with our sexuality,
yes with our strength and with our weakness,
yes to our neighbor,
yes and no long “perhaps.”

In the name of your enfleshed yes to us,
even Jesus who is our yes into your future. Amen.


From Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth, Walter Brueggemann

yielding

i'm listening to "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus." the line "come thou long awaited emmanuel" strikes me, as it always does. "free us from our fears and sins." i know i've mentioned before how much this time of year begins to grow in anticipation of a needed Savior. "born to set his people free." perhaps attending a church that follows the church calendar helps promote this. or maybe it's just become a part of me and a part of experiencing the coming and going of days and seasons, marked by significant historical events (events, too, that happen to alter the course of the world...the course of our lives...). anyhow, the sky looks like winter today. the clouds have that "heavy" look; that "waiting" look. and it reminds me of the heightened sense of "heavy" and "waiting" that is building in our hearts as we await the one who can make things whole again--the one who will live in our weak, frightened, sinful souls and make us new.

"A world of God's governance ends our weariness and satisfies our longing. Obedience is the daily task of yielding more regions of our life to God's sovereign purpose. We do not yield easily. But this tradition makes clear that if we do not yield, we shall die." (Brueggemann)

love tank

when i was little and needed some lovin', mom would say, "your love tank must be empty. let's fill it up!" and we'd sit on the couch or in a chair together and talk, or just be. but she would always hug me. or hold me. and then i learned to go find her whenever my love tank needed filling, "mom, my love tank's empty." where, o where is my mama when i need her? today my love tank's been feeling empty. i'm definitely a person that needs hugs. and i realized today that i don't get very many hugs. this is sad.

i need a hug.

i also need sleep. and i can remedy this one, sooo....goodnight!

beans

i love beans. that's all there is to it. they're simple and tasty and inexpensive and, well, just wonderful. pinto, black, kidney, navy...ahhh. eating them now sauteed/simmered with veggies and some salt, pepper, cumin, garlic, and chili powder. top it with some cheese. so good. so easy!

i've been good about using my farm share veggies this week. sometimes some of them go bad before i get to use them. but not this time. oh, no no. i'm on it. homemade pizza on monday used up a fair amount of the peppers. i've still got brussels sprouts that i think i'll roast tonight. enough about my food supply. you probably don't care.

today has been a good and much needed day. I woke up on my own without an alarm at 7:30 (weird) and decided to get the day going. I caught up on all the bills, etc. (rant: how can ONE LITTLE doctor visit end up costing so stinkin' much? last time i get a strep throat culture. sigh) and then I caught up on emails...

i listened to tim keller's sermon on Sexuality and Christian Hope. it's really good, i recommend it to you. i'm thinking a lot about a lot of things which means i'll probably do some journalling.

the candles are lit. the house feels delightfully cozy.

i have a cup of chai waiting for me and i think i'm going to knit for awhile. or maybe read. i'm reading Peace Like a River.

i hope you're doing well on this cold, grey november day.

october has come and gone

and now it is november. can you believe it?? crazy!! i will be leaving for Hungary in exactly 39 days. that's definitely crazy.

our "girls weekend" to the UP last weekend was really fun. so wonderful to get away (and up north!), spend time with Grandma, and explore out-of-doors. i'm finally posting pictures...










this weekend i was in Indianapolis with all the Schnake's (minus Jake and Hannah, of course) at Caleb and Celena's. It was a wonderful time to be with them, enjoy spending time with the kids, laugh together, and get to know each other some more. also, fall is still full of color down there and so time outside was beautiful. Evie and I found the most beautiful leaves. wish i could show you...

regular work this week. both families are back so the week will be "normal" again. in lots of ways i'm actually looking forward to it.

we finally got the heat turned on. yesssssss. i can't tell you how wonderful this is.

what else. hmm. not much. i've almost finished the Brueggemann book I'm currently reading which means I can pick up another from my (long) list...this is a good feeling :)

i guess that's all. a short little update but an update nonetheless, right?! happy november!!