i think tea makes me think. or maybe i just tend to drink tea when i am in a thoughtful/reflective mood. sigh. i don't know. all i can say is, i am so glad it's the weekend. this week has felt like 100 years long. if i could, i would go for a long drive--get out of the city for awhile. sit under the bright blanket of stars. or in an open meadow. i feel pressed here. it kind of hurts. i feel a little worn out by life.
it's so full of choices, you know? it's full of a whole lot of choices. i've been reminded of something dr. de rosset said when we read The End of the Affair last year--that "there isn't anything glamorous about obedience." sometimes we make choices just because we feel like it's the right thing to do. but we aren't always ready for the results; the outcome. when we try to live honest to God, honest to ourselves, and honest to others, things don't always turn out comfortable (glamorous). i suppose we are meant to learn something in these moments. God, I hope we learn something in these moments.
a fireplace. that's it. i wish i could sit in front of a fireplace.
i've been doing some work today tracking down articles to read for the Theology of Suffering class I am a TA for in the spring. I've got three in line so far: "Soul-Making and Suffering" by John Hick, "Natural Evil and the Love of God" by Diogenes Allen, and "Horrendous Evils and the Goodness of God" by Marilyn McCord Adams.
one of my professors said the other day "pain is bad." i was really shocked. really. i just sat there. i mean, i feel pain right now. but i don't think i can, in my right mind, say it is "bad." and i believe God is somehow in our pain with us.
friends just showed up with pumpkin pie. yum.
i really feel pressed. i don't know what to do this weekend but i feel like i need to get out somehow. take a break and take some deep breaths.
we live God-haunted lives. sometimes his invisibility makes it hard for me to trust his immanence. round us out, God, and teach us to be patient in our learnings.