Edwards' Stomping Grounds

Just got back from Northampton, Mass. today. We were visiting my aunt for Thanksgiving. Right in Jonathan Edwards' backyard! We saw his Church and though it doesn't look anything like you would expect, the surrounding landscape/town are beautiful. It is a wonderful piece of this country. It was refreshing to spend time out in hills and woods turned yellow, orange, and red with color...slowly becoming cold and grey as winter progresses. It's beautiful. Driving through that part of the country always puts me in a "mood." I tried to explain it to Jay, Kristen, Mom, and Dad today in the car but I don't think they really understood what I was trying to say. All I know is, I get in "the mood." Something about driving across the plains in a car with crisp, cold air blowing outside and the trees dropping their leaves for the winter...listening to David Wilcox or Peter Mulvey on the headset and thinking to myself about any number of things.... I like it.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. We spent the "actual" holiday at Jay and Kristen's in Philly but were able to visit with Dad's side of the family out east. We haven't all been together like that since kristen's senior year of high school (but we were missing luke this time. sad.)

It was so much fun to see Jonathan after so long. He's all grown up--and a good little 4 1/2 year old! Nan's new house is beautiful. The light in it is warm and beautiful--making the colors so rich.

We are here until Wednesday when we fly back to the West. I am getting anxious to feel a little more "settled" again. It's hard to believe I've only been back in the States for a week (one week today!). So much has happened already and I am still not unpacked...I look forward to getting back into my room again soon. I have to start scheduling myself so I can get things done--especially this OT course from Moody. I have 2 papers and 2 exams to write. Not bad at all, but I just need to be disciplined!

Luke gets home on the 12th! woohoo. I turn 21 on the 15th!! Don't know yet what I am going to do...I'm excited, though! It will be nice to be with friends and family.

Hmmm. I think that's all. I'll post a few pictures so you can enjoy my family a little bit too :) Can you tell we're related?? haha.
Hope you all had a good thanksgiving. For those of you back at school, push hard and finish strong! I'll be praying for renewed energy and revived spirits as you make the last push before Christmas!!

Finally the picture

For those of you that wanted "proof" that I did indeed slaughter a chicken :) Here it is! In all honesty, though, I did have my eyes closed the whole time...and I probably almost cut Justin's finger off b/c he was helping me hold the chickens neck. He was squirming around so much I knew that if i held him by myself I would probably let go--so he helped me. What a friend :)

dance without me

feel heavy with discouragement.

lots of conflicting thoughts and emotions...lots of doubts and frustrations.

i just want to curl up in bed. I want it to rain. I love rain. do you ever just want to be held? It doesn't really matter by who...well, yeah it does. By someone who cares. But young, old, friend, family--whoever. I think i will go journal.

Listening to over the rhine. I love it. I missed listening to it.





---------------------------------------
He knows just what I need.

In a moment of weakness and heavy discouragement He raised my face with Psalm 16:8.

Figuring out my major...

I will have to pick 6 of the following...tough choice :)

Special Topics in Writing
Feature Writing
Newswriting
Editing of Print Media Material
Print Media Design and Production
Writing for Electronic Media
Introduction to Photography/
Photojournalism
Web Page Design and Production
Print Practicum: Newspaper
Print Practicum: Yearbook
Publicity and Public Relations
Fiction Writing I
Fiction Writing II
Poetry Writing
Advanced Writing Seminar
Advanced Media Production Seminar
Biblical Perspectives of Media and Culture
Media Laws and Ethics
Directed Study in Communications
Curriculum Development

My schedule for next semester is coming together...it will be my last semester of "intro" classes which is nice. I will probably stay at Moody for a few weeks this summer to take Christianity and Western Thought I & II. Oh! And I found out that the school IS going to give me credit for both College and Research writing from my Hillsdale credits....which means, after Intro to Mass Communication this spring, I will be able to jump into all my "true major" classes as well as have time for other Bible electives (uppermost in my thoughts are 1. Psalms 2. Genesis 3. Hebrews 4. Minor Prophets 5.Pauline Epistles). God's giving me such a peace and excitement about school as He helps me figure out all these sometimes "frustrating" details. I'm trying to get into a PCM called World Relief Tutoring. Apparently a lot of the students are refugees from Africa and other countries. It sounds amazing. Next fall I am hoping to get into one of two PCM ministries that work with children with HIV/AIDS (its an extensive application process). Man can make many plans but the Lord determines His steps :) I lay my life at the feet of the Almighty, trusting that He has my best in mind and eager to find out what that is!

Spring '08 Classes:
Introduction to Disciplemaking (Not all that excited EXCEPT that I have a great professor...works in the urban ministry dpt!)
Bible Introduction (Should be super easy and definitely review...)
Introduction to Music (With the best professor in the dept! An asian guy who is a phenomenal pianist!!)
Christian Missions (Was "supposed" to get credit for this by taking my DTS. bleh. Will def. be review and easy but good prof.)
Introduction to Mass Communication (So excited to get this out of the way so I can start taking all my writing classes!!)
Cultural Anthropology (probably most excited about this class for its content. Dad's thrilled that I;m taking it, too. It was this or contemporary Islam but I am going to wait on that one until I can find the best professor for it! :))

Altogether 17 credits but it shouldn't be that hard. Lot's will be review and probably just more busy-work. I might try to get a job, too, depending on where PCM falls. I really want to work at Trader Joe's and it IS in walking distance so that would be easy...and cheap. We'll see.

Please keep me in your prayers as I step back into school. I have so many conflicting thoughts and emotions sometimes. I want to walk close to God's heart--seeking His wisdom and will each step. I so desire to live with an ongoing, moment-by-moment awareness of His work and presence in my life. Not only in me, but around me...that my life might be a constant boasting in the cross and Christ crucified...and a constant delighting in His person and character!!

I'm Back

Hopefully I'll be able to post more soon...and put up some pictures. For now, just wanted to let you know I am back. I flew into Phoenix yesterday after two looong days of travel and emotional exhaustion. Tomorrow we leave at 5AM for Philly to spend Thanksgiving with Jay and Kristen. woohoo!

I am ridiculously exhausted. I have a headache right now that makes my head want to explode. I've got to go to bed.

The Hills Sing!

"...These hills are grass-covered and rolling, and they are lovely beyond any singing of it."
- Cry, the Beloved Country


Yesterday we were out in one of the villages at a visitation/vigil for the death of a young man...he was the brother of Elisabeth, a lady in our school. It was an incredible experience. I don't have time to relate it all right now.

After it was over I walked outside the small house and looked out over the valley. The house sat atop a hill and had the most spectacular view. Stormy winds were blowing the red dust across my face and into my eyes. As I looked out across the valley I was overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. Shafts of yellow and orange sunlight poked through the storm clouds, casting a soft glow on the homesteads scattered across the fields. I could see the rain moving in and dark clouds threatening the earth with much needed water!! The hills sang. As I stood there I was so in awe of the beauty of this place--and the power of God moving across the land.

"Something deep is touched here, something that is good and deep."
- Alan Paton, Cry, The Beloved Country

Prayer

I finally finished Red Moon Rising (by Pete Greig). Please, please, read it!! It is amazing. Here is just one small little excerpt that I liked and wanted to share...enjoy!

“ ‘Whether we think of, or speak of, God, whether we act or suffer for Him, all is prayer, when we have no other object than His love, and the desire of pleasing Him. All that a Christian does, even in eating and sleeping, is prayer, when it is done in simplicity, according to the order of God…In souls filled with love, the desire to please God is a continual prayer.’ -John Wesley

What does it mean to pray 24-7? It means living our whole lives, twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week, in the grateful awareness of God’s presence and with a desire to please Him always. Prayer is not just about the contemplative moments or the moments when I’m consciously firing words at God. The call to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:17) is a call to remember Christ’s presence continually in the subconscious as well as the conscious realms of my life. But how am I to do this? How am I to keep Christ in my subconscious, in my reflex-reactions even I’m sleeping or working or watching a movie? How am I to be Christian by default as well as determination?

The key is to maintain a rhythm, a heartbeat of disciplined prayer, in which I encounter Christ regularly, deliberately, and consciously. The spinoff of these times, as you will see in the character of any older person who has spent a great deal of their lives contemplating Jesus, is that His presence thereby moves by a process of osmosis from the conscious into the subconscious mind. As we open the door, again and again, to Christ, he comes in day by day and eats with us, laughs with us, shares with us, until we acquire His mannerisms and know His very thoughts. A season of 24-7 prayer can be a useful tool for bringing Christ consciously back into the midst of our ongoing lives as individuals and as communities. And prayer rooms are an interesting expression of God’s intention, which has always been to walk in continual communion with His people….”

A Favorite Song...

Jesus, life and hope to heal our land
Saviour, reaching out with your mighty hand

Sing for joy O Africa
The Lord your God is risen upon you
Sing for joy O Africa
The Lord your God is risen upon you now

Jabulani, Jabulani Africa
Jabulani, Jabulani Africa
(Repeat)

Jesus, river of life to our thirsty land
Saviour, meeting our needs with your mighty hand

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man has to seek Him to find her. -unknown

Just for Fun

Some things you learn when you live in Africa...

-The phrase "This is Africa" takes on a whole new meaning
-Is the smoke supposed to go up the chimney? Or is that just some strange idea from my past???!!
-Determining whether clothes are dirty or not is completely relative :)
-Real mail is the best gift...and lives you smiling for hours
-It's really quite normal for the lights to flicker on and off throughout the day...and its no big deal to run out of water for a few hours--that's what empty rice buckets are for! Store it!!
-Rice is so good (to others this might not be true but I am still a believer :))

I am currently reading:
Red Moon Rising by Pete Greig
The Cost of Discipleship (Bonhoeffer...sp?)
Both of these books are INCREDIBLE!!
and for school: Friendship with God by Ross Tooley...its ok. really easy reading, not spectacularly well written.

Languages I am wanting to learn:
Swahili
Arabic
(and Gladness is teaching me some Swahili!)

My Swahili Song :) I love it!!

Mambo Sawa Sawa (x2)
(things are really better)
Yesu Akiwa Enzini
(when the Lord is on the throne)
Mambo Sawa Sawa (x3)

Last weekend we went to a game park in South Africa...another stamp in the passport!! It was incredible. I was the only one (beside Hlengiwe) who saw the leopard! We saw elephants, zebras, giraffes, a RHINO (Just for you, Josh!!))...and many other things (the head of a lion through the tall grass). I got the most amazing picture of an African sunset I've gotten yet. Absolutely breathtaking. THe African sun is SO big and SO red. It is beautiful.

Alright. Until next time! Love to you all :)

Greetings from Africa

Just a quick update. I just finished a week of class on discipleship. This coming week is going to be taught by a YWAM couple. The topic is "The Father Heart of God." I'm excited--I've heard its one of the best weeks. It will be followed by a week on the Holy Spirit (this is going to be an interesting week, I'm sure. good, but different :)).
On wednesday for the 4th we are making pizza!! woohoo. We're all very excited (even the Swazi's...they want to know what its all about!)

I have been excited about the food--we eat lots of fruit. We have bananas galore, apples, oranges, PINEAPPLE (fresh all the time!!), and HUGE avocados (almost the size of cantelope!). MmmmMmmm. Gladness (our Tanzanian "house mom") makes the BEST beans. I am going to copy the recipe to make them at home! She also make an incredible tomato and onion salad called "Kachumbari" to go with them. Amazing.

OH! I've been given a Swazi name! Hlengiwe gave me my name. It is Thandeka ("tan-dega") and means "lovely." Haha. I love it.

Today we got the morning off from class so we all came into town. It's nice to get out and see people!

Hmmm. What else. There's so much to share but so little time. I don't even know where to start. I've written out a lot of experiences in my journal but it takes time and money to type them up here. Someday I'll try to transfer a few stories...i have a few really incredible ones from our time at the hospital last week.

Church is great. We've been going to one about 30 minuts away in a village called Moshane. It's Hlengiwe's Church. It's call "Moshane Hope House." It's so neat. I LOVE the worship...lots of Swazi songs...and the pastors (there are three) are all SO encouraging ans very hospitable. Two of them are young (late 20's, early 30's) and are from Zimbabwe. They are really funny and call me "woman of God" or "sister of God." haha. We take the "Combie" (public transport) out to the village...i love riding in these things! 15 passenger mini-buses with 19-20 crammed in. During times like that I feel most like I'm in Africa! I love it...its usually hot and sweaty but ALWAYS an adventure!
I have to go!
Love to you all!! Thank you for encouraging me and praying for me!!

This is it!!

I'm leaving for Africa!! woohoo. I can't wait to see all that the Lord has in store.

Hopefully I'll be able to update this a bit. I'll try my best!

Read Haggai 1. Read Eph. 3:14-21.

Dream BIG for the Kingdom. Seek FIRST the kingdom of God and He will give you EVERYTHING you need (Lk. 12:31).

This too shall be made right

people love you the most for the things you hate
and hate you for loving the things that you cannot keep straight
people judge you on a curve
and tell you you’re getting what you deserve
this too shall be made right

children cannot learn when children cannot eat
stack them like lumber when children cannot sleep
children dream of wishing wells
whose waters quench all the fires of Hell
this too shall be made right

the earth and the sky and the sea are all holding their breath
wars and abuses have nature groaning with death
we say we’re just trying to stay alive
but it looks so much more like a way to die
this too shall be made right

there’s a time for peace and there is a time for war
a time to forgive and a time to settle the score
a time for babies to lose their lives
a time for hunger and genocide
this too shall be made right

I don’t know the suffering of people outside my front door
I join the oppressors of those who i choose to ignore
I’m trading comfort for human life
and that’s not just murder it’s suicide
this too shall be made right
(Derek Webb)
------------------------------------------

Lots to think about in these words...

give war a chance?

I saw this on a bumper sticker the other day: "Give War a Chance." Interesting. I don't understand....

He who lives without prayer, he who lives with little prayer, he who seldom reads the Word, and he who seldom looks up to heaven for a fresh influence from on high -he will be the man whose heart will become dry and barren.
-Charles Spurgeon

Please pick me up again!

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Mason Jennings-Black Panther

Black panther defy the power
Fight the violence with nonviolence
What good is justice if the scales are bent
By a criminal government
Think of the dead in vietnam
Think of the dead in birmingham
Think of the freedom we don't understand
Asleep in bed in a stolen land
Responsibility to understand
Responsibility to take a stand
Responsibility to know your place
In the struggle of the human race

two weeks two days

...and I will be in Africa. I got an email from my base director. I will be picked up from the airport to make it back to the base in time for the "opening celebration." There are 8 confirmed students and 2 unconfirmed. aaaaah. i can't wait to meet everyone!

I don't have much else to say. I just watched Catch a Fire. It was really good. I recommend it...it stirs up some thoughts about forgiveness, violence, war, peace, etc. Good things to think about.

I'm going rock climbing tomorrow. woohoo. That's exciting...I haven't been in quite a long while.

I think "sister" is code for "adventure."

Every time we get together, something exciting happens! Or we just happen to be together in interesting situations. The best one was the bead shoplifter that turned into a felony and we got interviewed and recorded by the investigator. I am sorry to say that yesterday was not as exciting. However, it is a story worth telling. We both wanted to get our hair cut and, being the cheapo's we usually are, found an ad for $6.99 haircuts down at great clips. We usually go to cost cutters anyway...

Well, because it was "sale day," everyone was there and they only had 3 hairstylists--middle-aged women with awful haircuts and cheesy makeup....not to mention smokers coughs/laughs and smokers breath. gross. They were insane. The lady that cut my hair kept looking AWAY and the lady cutting kristen's hair went SO fast! We were both pretty petrified by the whole experience. Kristen says it felt like walking into back woods Oklahoma. I can agree. It was quite the experience. Both of us were scared to look in the mirror after. Luckily we only wanted trims so there wasn't much room for major mistakes. All is well and our haircuts look fine--plus we have a great story.

This account doesn't give it justice. It will have to do.

I got my typhoid shot this morning. so far so good, my arm is just a little sore. I am cleaning and organizing this afternoon--I also have to finish unpacking. Hannah and I are picking Zach up from the airport in Phoenix tonight--and then going to In-N-Out! yummm.

Today is also dedicated to writing thank-you's to my supporters and figuring out my email list, etc. I need to send out an update soon. I paid my parents off for my plane ticket! Now the money coming in is for school. I haven't yet gotten enough (2,000) for the first three months--the school. I am going, though. I am trusting that God will provide and as things stand now, I am walking onto that airplane on June 7th in faith. I woke up on Wednesday morning and screamed. I'll be in Africa in a month!!! whoa.

Ok. i need to get going. Hope you all are well and that your summers are taking shape. Keep me updated! :)

Summertime

...which means this: you need to read :) I know you're "busy" (some more than others), but I recommend choosing at least three books to read. Set a few afternoons aside (or a few mornings...or maybe even evenings :)). Here's a list of books I suggest:

A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken (SO good)
Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot (one of my top 5)
Confessions by Augustine
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Cry,The Beloved Country by Alan Paton
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
The Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot
Peace Like a River by Leif Enger
The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (please read!!)
The New Friars by Scott Bessenecker (please, please, read!!)
The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis.
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare.
The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin.
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle.
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
(read through the psalms this summer!)

Here's what I have on my list. So obviously I recommend them but not because I've read them--because I am planning to :)
A long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah
The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus
A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McClaren

yay for summer reading! I'm pretty excited :)

I fly home tonight. that's crazy. I'll see my family!!! woohoo. I can't wait.

ok. I'm going to go do some reading and some writing.

We're dying to be safe

Goodbyes are hard but there can also be great joy...for example, it is so exciting for me to watch as a close-knit group of friends has challenged, encouraged, grown, and loved one another this semester and is now being "sent out" to the far corners of the world. For a time we have built one another up in the Lord, we have grown together and loved together. We have "sharpened" one another. We have shared God's heart and His vision for the world--the borders beyond--and now He's sending us out. There are many uncertainties: Who will return and when? What is God going to show us? How is He going to lead? What wonders will we witness? What atrocities?

We long to see the heart of God. We offer up our lives in simple obedience. Father, give us more!! We live for revival. We seek to dance the Kingdom down.

The road is dangerous and hard. I am learning that faith is trusting in God's faithfulness (things unseen) and this produces hope (faith in future grace; for the joy set before...). Without faith; without hope--it is impossible to please God.

He has called us out. Jesus demands action. There is too much sitting still. So we go.

Yesterday was our last sunday together. We've grown to be like-minded and single-passioned by the Spirit's work through Pastor Peter. It's been incredible and so encouraging. He prayed with us after the service. As we stood there, hands joined and hearts knit, I felt the Spirit's presence and sensed a bit of the wonder and awe that must have been present at some of the early church gatherings. What joy. The Lord sends us off; we send each other off.
Pastor Peter prayed for us--just what we've all been thinking and feeling--"God, we ask not for protection (that just doesn't seem right). You did not say we would be safe and so I ask you to send these young people to the dark, dangerous corners of the world to be a light of your love and to bring the kingdom down. Stretch the borders of the church to the dark corners of the world." I've been talking a lot about "safety" and the call of Christ with Zach. It's been really good. We're learning a lot about the soveriegnty of God. The other night Mariah, Melissa, and I had a great conversation about what it means to leave the comfort behind--to deny oneself of the empty "American dream" and to dream a new dream...The reality we all feel and love is this: we don't want the "white picket fence" dream. We don't want the comfortable, safe career. There is a work to be done and we're dying to do it. Heartsickness is what I've prayed for this semester. I asked God to make my heart hurt like Nehemiah's did for the condition of Israels and Jerusalem's ruin. He's growing this sickness in me. He's giving me a burden for lost, sick, hurting, dirty, broken people and it is growing into a passion that I can't explain. I feel like I'm on the edge of something. I am eager to see how He will use me and what He will teach me. Lead on! I follow not with fear!

We dropped Mariah off at the airport later in the evening yesterday. Melissa, Sarah, Erin and I all went to the airport to see her off. It was a tearful goodbye. It was full od wonder, I could feel it--wonder at what God is going to do--but it was a little painful becuase our hearts have been knit. I won't see Mariah for six months. The reality started to hit. I won't see Zach for six months. I won't see Melissa for a year. We're all going overseas. Other dear friends say behind at Moody--praying and working for revival. Lord, we ask for revival!!
My peace lies in Christ's kingdom work. My hope is in His faithfulness...and I eagerly anticipate word of how God will use each life for His glory. Our lives our not our own! As Jim Elliot said, my blood has no worth but to be poured out before His throne.

I seek a spirit of surrender and obedience. Disobedience dulls our ears to his voice. Tune my ears, Father! Teach me to obey and help my unbelief!!
Following Jesus is not safe no matter where it leads me. Jesus' voice will always lead us out of self. I'm reading The New Friars right now (incredible book by Scott Bessenecker) and he writes in it that seeking and building the kingdom of God "leads you out of the cocoons of familiarity." In other words, it leads you OUT OF comfort OUT OF ease OUT OF safety. He also challenges followers to "give the dark places of the world no rest." That's what we've been talking about!! Give evil no rest. Light the candles he gives you to light! It might be something "small"--do it! Ask the Spirit to lead, and seek to obey!

I can't believe I leave for Africa in about three weeks. What wonders lie ahead? I am eager to learn more about the heart of my Savior and to see more of God.

We seek safety because we fear death...? Actually, we are dying in order to be safe. We are existing until eternity while the world goes to hell. Who is Jesus? What did he say?

Are we LIVING?

Home for the next three months

You know what? 6 months is actually quite short. Sometimes I feel like it is soooo long....like when I think about being apart from people. But when I think of it more in regards to my time spent IN Africa, it seems so very short.

I am getting SO excited. God it providing money in extraordinary ways. I am quieted as I consider how He is using other in my life and for His kingdom work. It's thrilling!!

I received an email today from the base director. It was really good to hear from him. It made all my thinking, wondering, and excitement come alive in a real way...and it grounded me :)

All the students will be staying in a house together (4-7 students per room). He said it was a fixer-upper with all the furniture donated but you can tell from the picture that it is really nice (a 20 minute walk from town). It is upscale what you'd see in the larger towns in Mexico. This will be my home for the first three months. Our weekdays will be full (6:30am-8:30pm: worship/intercession, classes, lunch, work-duties, dinner, and group activities) but our weekends will be free. We will attend a local Church of our choice...we'll also have homework...but enough time to explore and experience true Africa. I can't wait. I wish I could get across to you how eager I am. oh man!

The location of the outreach remains unknown until we've completed most of our lecture phase. So I'll keep you posted!!

Please keep praying!!

Here's a picture of our home. (P.S. I'm excited to experience "communal living" in a way I never have before...with all its challenges and pleasures. I pray God knits our hearts).

Friday they put him in the ground

I've been thinking a lot about papa lately. As I pack up my room I
come across lots of little things that remind me of him...notes and
letters, his obituary...and I've been thinking about the burial. I
miss him so much. He is going to be buried on friday. I've been listening to this Bebo song a lot lately.
-----------
I believe when they put her in the ground
I think they buried part of me
Because I've been searching, I've been looking all around
But I cannot find the heart of me, the heart of me

So I'll put my fingers in this soil upon her grave
And I will plant for her a garden
And every flower, a reminder of her face
Will grow up graceful as a pardon

And all that grows is her story told
As life unfolds here before us
The peace I've found in this broken ground
I can see her in the harvest...of all that I have sown

Long before I was covered up in gray
Before the old had bent my bones
We grew our children in the red Georgia clay
They were our garden and our home

And all that grows is our story told
As life unfolds here before
The peace we found in that broken ground
I can see them in the harvest...of all that I have sown

And when my life is done
I pray the kingdom come
And take me to Glory
It's living inside me
It was planted like a seed
All to tell a story

I believe when they put me in the ground
There will remain a part of me
Because I've been seraching and the joy that I have found
Is living in my family...it's all that I have sown
-----------------
So much of Papa is a part of me. As I think about the burial I feel like a little part of me is going with him. I also feel a gentle hope and happiness as I think about all that he has "sown." All the little pieces of himself that he has left behind in all of us. I eagerly await the day when I will see him again in glory. In the meantime, I am proud to carry a part of him in me and to tell his story. It hurts though. It hurts so bad.

lead us out of darkness

Lead us out of darkness and into your marvelous light

When we wander into valleys far from home
Where shadows hover over our souls
Find us in your mercy
Savior of the world

You are the light of the world
(Jesus is the light)
You are the way, the truth and the life
(you are the life)
You are the light of the world
(Jesus is the light)
Lead us out of darkness
And into your marvelous light

Sanctify our spirits
Purify our minds
As we look to you, eyes open wide
Give us understanding
Set our hearts on fire

Give us understanding
Set our hearts on fire
Fill us with desire

You are the light of the world...

packing

I packed up a lot of my room yesterday. sad. really sad. Just a lot of weird emotions...LOTS of them. sigh.


I think God is teaching me something: DON'T BRING SO MUCH AROUND WITH YOU IN LIFE. When I went to Hillsdale I thought I'd be staying there so I brought a lot to keep some in storage. When I came here, we drove (which means...lots of books!) and so I brought a lot, thinking I would just store it. Now I'm going to Africa for 6 months and the school won't let me keep anything here while I'm on intermission status. bleh. So I'm leaving some under Lacy's name but still...I have to figure out what to do with the rest of it.

One more week! I can't believe it. Semester one at Moody is over. SO MUCH has changed in my life since I got here. Wow. God has brought be a long way...and taught me so much...and given me so much. I'm astounded by His goodness. He is faithful.

Tonight I'm going on Zach's bachelor auction date to Medieval Times for dinner and a show. From what I can tell, its a lot like the Gaslight in tucson. I'm super excited about it.

Next week is finals and then next weekend is the dunes in Michigan!! Wooohoo I can't wait. Pictures to come!

Oh. Last night was my last pcm. I will never see those kids again. ever. that was a weird feeling. I love them so much. I prayed that God would walk with them through life--and with their mom. They are such a neat family. I hope they get out of the shelter soon and into an apt.!

Damned Goats

The sheep at His right hand, the goats at His left. Matthew 25.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.'" vs. 34-36.

when you did it to one of the least of these, YOU DID IT DO ME. vs. 40.

"Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, 'Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. For I was hungry, and you didn't feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn't give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn't invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn't give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn't visit me." vs. 41-43.

when you refused to help the least of these, YOU WERE REFUSING TO HELP ME. vs. 45.

He is Faithful!

This is were I am resting. In His faithfulness. He is good. He is faithful. What does this mean for me? It's something to build my life upon...standing in the promises of God.

I panic sometimes about money for Africa. I've almost paid off my plane ticket--I have gotten in about $1700. I need another $4000. I trust the God of the impossible.

I will probably be trying to make some Luminarias when I get back and before I go...if I have time. Things are going to be crazy busy. I have SO many details to figure out, errands to run, people to see...ack!

Zach and Melissa are coming to visit me before i leave!! Zach comes a little after I get home and Melissa comes just before I leave. I am SO EXCITED for their visits!! oh man...

Please pray for me--and that God would continue to prepare my heart to GO.

double date

Bruce wanted to go on a double date last night--bruce and alyse, me and zach. It was a lot of fun. We were going to go out for dinner but couldn't decide on a place. So we went to the grocery store and bought really good bread and fixings for sandwiches. Yum. We took it all down to the lake and had a picnic! It was lots of fun. So fun.

Lacy insisted on taking a picture before we left :) I don't have pictures of the night but Alyse took some...perhaps I'll get some up soon.

P.S. Spring has sprung in Chicago! I'll post pictures soon...the flowers are BEAUTIFUL! Tulips all over. Oh man...and trees blooming like crazy. I love it.

I leave for Africa in barely over a month. That's insane. aaaaahhhhhhhhh

Smiling

God gives good gifts. I am in awe. I am excited. I am learning a lot. Wow.

A little bit of an update...

I haven't felt this way in a while. Yesterday was hard. Really hard. I needed to get off campus so badly--away from everyone...everything. So I decided to go to the Chicago Public Library for the first time. I found my new favorite spot. The place is 10 floors. The ninth floor is the "Winter Garden"--a room of windows and skylights with trees growing inside and tables and chairs. I sat for two hours, wrote seven pages in my journal, and read 1, 2 Peter and 1, 2, 3 John. I was thinking a lot about love. 1 Corinthians 13:7 kept coming into my mind. What does it mean that love believes all things? What about hopes all things? And, perhaps harder still, never gives up?

I've been asking God for months to "please, teach me to love people well!" And now, when He is taking me through that process of growth and purification, I freak out and wonder what on earth He's doing. "Why is this so hard and why do I feel overwhelmed...I just want to learn to love. I want the faith that's needed." And His reply is surely "I am teaching you love, you've just closed your eyes."
Please help my unbelief, Lord, and forgive my forgetful heart. I'm learning what a broken lover I am...and how grace swallows my life. Loving people is not efficient--Derek Webb is right. I have found rest in the truth that God takes my cracked, weak, broken love offering and by grace makes it pure and whole. It's a beautiful picture if you think about it. Dare to imagine what it LOOKS like.


I've been asking God to teach me the scandalous work of the Holy Spirit in my life. He's taught me so much about the Holy Spirit already this semester but I pray that He would take me deeper still. Would you encourage me, Spirit? Lead me? Please--guide me in humble obedience...

Obedience. What a word. Obey Me and I get glory. Obey me and you are satisfied. Incredible, isn't He? I am overwhelmed by His deep, deep love. I fall to my knees...He is so faithful.

I pray Ephesians 3:14-19 for you, friends!

Exciting things are happening in my life. Really exciting things. Please pray that in the midst of it all, Christ would be my single passion. Pray for discernment and for an eager and willing heart to do His kingdom work. Please pray for motivation and death to cynicism. Please pray He would continue to prepare my life for Africa...just over a month away! I can't believe it.

Wake up! LIVE.

God gives good gifts :)

"Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." -C.S. Lewis

Love is different...

Well, it looks like five thousand miles broke the camel's back
But it's not as though i had a plan to win you back
Because i don't know what i want
But at least i know that much
Now I'm afraid love came right up
And it slapped me in the face, but i did not know

'Cause love is different than you'd think
It's never in a song or on a TV screen
And love is harder than a word
Said at the right time and everything's alright
Love is different than you think

So I won't expect a postcard from Trafalgar Square
But I'd be lying if i said I didn't care
Because you can't just turn it off
And put a blindfold on your heart
But i'm off to a good start
A continent away, but i do not know

But maybe you're the dream i'm waking from
'Cause I see you everywhere I go
Darlin' you are such a mystery to me, you know

1 John 4:18, 19

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." -Lewis


"...if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us." 1 John 4:12

"...as we live in God, our love grows more perfect." 1 John 4:17

"Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring." Hosea 6:3

This is an emergency

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
---------------------------------------
AIDS in
Numbers

✦An estimated 40 million children will be or-
phaned by 2010, one every 14 seconds.*
✦In 11 countries in sub-Saharan African, more
than 15% of all children were orphans in
2003.
✦2010, sub-Saharan Africa will be home to an
estimated 50 million orphaned children, and
more than a third will have lost one or both
parents to AIDS.
✦Eight out of every 10 children who have lost
parents to AIDS live in sub-Saharan Africa,
and the number is expected to increase over
the next two decades at least.
✦In 2004, an estimated 3.1 million people in
Sub-Saharan Africa became newly infected. By
comparison, there are 40,000 new HIV/AIDS
infections in the U.S. every year. **
✦Each day, an estimated 1,600 children are
born with HIV; 1,500 of them in sub-Saharan
Africa.
✦Nine in every 10 newly-infected children live
in sub-Saharan Africa, as do nearly eight out
of every 10 women living with HIV/AIDS.
✦Overall HIV prevalence for pregnant women
in South Africa in 2003 was 27.9%.
✦More than two out of three newly-infected
15 to 24-year olds are female. For adoles-
cents between the ages of 15 and 19, five or
six girls are infected for every boy in worst-
affected areas.
✦South Africa has the highest number of peo-
ple living with AIDS in the world: an esti-
mated 5.3 million people were living with HIV
at the end of 2003.
Source: UN & UNICEF
*Save the Children
**American International AIDS Foundation

---------------------------------------
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

God has started a revival in my soul...and it hurts

Yesterday was hard. Really hard. I didn't want to be here anymore. Not even necessarily here, Moody, but here, America. I felt for the first time in a long time, not guilty about my desire to be overseas. Could it be that He is preparing my heart? In 54 days I will be on a plane to Africa.

Last night there was a screening of the Invisible Children documentary here at school. After it was over I felt sick at the thought of staying here--on campus, in my room, anywhere. So I left. I went to the chicago/state mcdonald's for almost two hours to read, write, and think. And to get away. It felt good to get away.

I read a lot about hope. I went through the concordance in my Bible and read every entry on hope. Hope is so important. Do we live with hope? Do we live IN hope?

I read through old journal entries. I need to make a better practice of this. I forget things I've been thinking about over the past months. I forget things I've cried out to God for. He is working so much. My hope is revived when I see how he is moving. I forget so easily. What little faith!

I noticed two things in particular while reading. One--I have been asking God an awful lot to give me a sickness of heart that matches that of Nehemiah's for the broken condition of Jerusalem/Israel. I have asked Him to break my heart over the things that break his. Could it be that THAT is the reason I feel so torn up? Or why I feel suffocated when I'm around so much triviality? I wrote in early March that "the things of the world will grow strangely dim..." I think its happening. Wow. Some of this confusion and tension--the disconnect--is because God is dimming the things of the world right before my eyes. He's dimming them in my life as He begins to shine brighter the things that are of lasting importance. I see the light on the horizon. It's on the brink of things. I am waiting. It's hard to wait.

Hebrews 12 has been incredibly powerful right now. I'm running a race. I must have faith, hope, love, peace...Christ initiates and perfects this faith. Wow. Verses 25-29 remind that God is purifying. Verse 11 reminds that this process of disciple is painful. I could have told you that :) Not really...its just a frustrating process sometimes. I think this is because I don't like to think of it as a process. I like to think that soon I will "arrive" at that perfected state. psh. Nope. I think if I had it my way and I did "arrive" I would lose a lot of joy and pleasure. FOR THE JOY SET BEFORE Christ endured the cross. Such hope. Faith in future grace. Work in me for this kind of faith, Jesus!

I had two great conversations last night after my time alone. God gives such good gifts. I am in awe of those He has placed in my life. I am encouraged, challenged, shaken, questioned, loved...toward God. I pray that God would be the center. He is working in so many lives around me. I am astounded.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Our young men are going into the professional fields because they don't 'feel called' to the mission field. We don't need a call; we need a kick in the pants. We must begin thinking in terms of 'going out,' and stop weeping because 'they won't come in.' Who wants to step into an igloo? The tombs themselves are not colder than the churches. May God send us forth."
-Jim Elliot

I am going to be honest. I was going to type "I'm sorry ahead of time" but I don't think I actually am. Here it is. I am so sick of hearing these things in response to my decision to go over. And remember, I'm going for 6 months. This really is nothing. People need to MOVE there.

"It takes a special kind of person to do that kind of work. I'm blessed to see God has made you to be that special kind of person."

"God knows I could never do that, but I'm glad you feel called to it."

"Wow. It's neat that this is what you feel God has called you to."

It just makes me feel sort of sick inside.

I know these sorts of things are said by well-meaning people but please, think about these statements. WE ARE ALL CALLED. You either GO and be very serious about it or you stay and SEND and be very serious about it. what else is there and what are we doing about it??

Why are we here? Why are you there, where you are...doing what you're doing? Think about it. This world matters.

I am failing every day at this. I ask the Spirit to hold me up because I am so ridiculously weak. And he reminds me of this: the power that RAISED Christ FROM the DEAD lives in me. Lives in you. What does this MEAN?

The Kingdom of God. What a novel idea. Do I know what it is? Not really. I so desperately want to learn more! It IS the Gospel. Christ's work on earth...the inauguration of the Kingdom. Bring the Kingdom down!! What does it mean?

It means I am a Kingdom worker. It means Christ didn't come simply to die so that I'd be saved and spend eternity with him. He didn't die so that we could exist happily, safely, comfortably, on earth until he comes back (by the way, have you thought about how purposeless this mentality makes life on earth?? No wonder the Church is bored. Where's the excitement, the call the drive the passion the love the ministry?). Why did he die? Who was this Jesus? What work did he leave? What is the Kingdom? What is my job? What is my responsibility? How ought I live? What is my purpose?

Perhaps sometime soon I will post a blog about my thoughts on the Kingdom. I am still learning so much and looking for more...but we've been studying it in Church and that has been incredible. I challenge you to look at it. I challenge you to read the Gospels. Swim in them!
Here's a cool new Piper quote for you: "Don't stop swimming...in strokes of love, of faith, of joy..." He also said:
Loving Christ is experiencing Christ as precious for all of his character and virtue. Trusting Christ is experiencing him as reliable for all that He has promised and for all his counsel. Joy, then, is the deep, strong, and good feeling of believing in him as reliable and loving him as precious.

This has been a bunch of crazy thoughts....but I haven't really posted any original thoughts lately anyway, so maybe it will be a good change. Maybe they don't make much sense. It has been the ramblings of a learning heart...a weak and broken learner, so there you have it! I love you guys. I pray God challenges you today, and every day, to desire more of him and to seek hard after him. I pray Romans 15:13 for YOU. Go and read it. I ask him to use you. That's a scary thing to ask...it requires obedience. Simple obedience (I could write a whole other blog on THIS. oh man. I am thinking way too much :)).

I love you and look forward to seeing some of you soon when I'm back in tucson! Yay. Or maybe for others not for a while. I rest in God's sovereignty. He knows the next time we will meet and I am always eager to hear what is going on in your lives.

God gathers the corners of the earth and gives a wild, shuddering shake.
Fling the dust off!
Blow.
Send a wild, reviving wind.
Convict.
Shake to pieces all that is of no substance.
Only the unshakable remains. Ah.
Bright hope.

We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked and dejected with a lost opportunity. The "tide in the affairs of men" does not remain at the flood; it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is deaf to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residue of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: "Too late." There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect. "The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on..." We still have a choice today; nonviolent coexistence or violent co-annihilation.


We must move past indecision to action. We must find new ways to speak for peace...and justice throughout the developing world -- a world that borders on our doors. If we do not act we shall surely be dragged down the long dark and shameful corridors of time reserved for those who possess power without compassion, might without morality, and strength without sight.
-Martin Luther King (A Time to Break Silence)

God gives good gifts.

Dawn has broken

He is risen!

Man I love them!!

Today was a wonderful day out...pictures, homework, laughing (a lot), fellowshipping....aaah. It was great. Zach, Melissa and I went off campus to do homework since everything on campus is shut down for the holiday weekend. We tried a few starbucks' but everything was so crowded. We even tried Barnes and Noble--no room. Sad. So we ended up at Einstein Bagel. It was amazing. We had so much fun. I love these friends SO much. I can't even explain is. I'm going to miss you guys so much this fall! oh man, oh man. Here are some of the pictures. We got some great ones...and there are lots. haha

If you tarry till you're better, you will never come at all!

Come, ye sinners, poor and wretched,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus, ready, stands to save you,
Full of pity, joined with power.
He is able, He is able;
He is willing; doubt no more.

Come ye needy, come, and welcome,
God's free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.
Without money, without money
Come to Jesus Christ and buy.

Come, ye weary, heavy laden,
Bruised and broken by the fall;
If you tarry 'til you're better,
You will never come at all.
Not the righteous, not the righteous;
Sinners Jesus came to call.

Let not conscience make you linger,
Nor of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.
This He gives you, this He gives you,
'Tis the Spirit's rising beam.

Lo! The Incarnate God, ascended;
Pleads the merit of His blood.
Venture on Him; venture wholly,
Let no other trust intrude.
None but Jesus, none but Jesus
Can do helpless sinners good.

Suddenly its all so final...and 20x more exciting! Wow.

I received an email from my flight agent guy...with the following words:

"E Ticket has been issued.

Will be in the mail .

Have a safe trip."

I'M GOING TO AFRICA IN 64 DAYS! Is this happening??? yep. What does God have in store for me?! I know not what but I am eager to find out. Almighty, love me wildly and challenge me deeply! Use me. This life is not my own!

oh my goodness. I feel like running around or climbing to the top of a mountain or shouting really loud or hugging anyone and everyone. I am freaking out inside!!!!

Wow. now that that is out of my system. whew.

Grace fills my thoughts

...and oh how its tied to everything! Joy, faith, hope...love. These are sweet. God, teach me more! Give me eyes to see and ears to hear! Oh, I want more!!

GRACE (phil wickham)
The sky is grey and the light is far
The sea is a rage within my heart
I turn my sight to the crashing waves
I cry in the night just to be saved

I need eyes to be my guide
I need a voice that’s louder than mine
I need hope I need You
Cause I can’t do this alone

Grace I call Your name
Oh won’t Your smile fall over me
I’m cracked and dry on hands and knees
Oh sweet grace rain down on me I need You grace

I pray for dawn a new day to live
I pray for mercy only Jesus gives
Though darkness falls and a million cry
I believe over all there’s a greater light shining for us

Come down and save me

Leave to His sovereign way

It's hard to be silent and trust. It's hard to give it up...


But that's the only answer. Besides, He holds ALL circumstances--whether or not I worry. Job 37 has been a good read for me lately...an encouraging reminder of the HEIGHT and DEPTH and WONDER of this God I serve. He is sovereign. Leave it to Him. Trust. How? Look at what He's done. Look at what He's doing. Read Job 37. He commands the intricate goings-on of nature. He is in control of the tiniest detail--how much more does he control the affairs of man!

Praise Him. He is glorious!

Loving People is not Efficient

Sharing life is hard. It's hard to be vulnerable when the person on the other end of the conversation doesn't understand the extent of my passion or the depth of my drive. It hurts. But its necessary. This is what I'm learning.

I love my friends. I love them so much--the few that DO understand, to some greater degree, the extent of my passion and the depth of my drive. The Lord alone knows the ultimate extent and the entire depth. But I thank him for friends that know and understand a lot of who I am. These relationships are beautiful. I've decided that I'm an awful lover because I don't express my care and concern very well...at all. Spirit, teach me how! I want to love with purity and honest--deeply as Christ loves me.

I have felt very lonely today as a result of these feelings--like I'm in some sort of glass tube and I can't get through to others and they can't understand me. I guess I'm just feeling like I've shared my heart a lot and its gotten stepped on a bit--or looked over. There is growth in this, I'm sure, but the growth is hard. This moving of the Holy Spirit in me is too deep for words, so its hard to express to others. I don't even understand it fully myself.

I trust in the God who holds my life. I want more of Him. I yearn for more...I want to REALLY know Jesus, and TRULY believe what he says.

He's breaking my heart like I asked. Wow. It hurts. It's an incredible thing to watch happen in me.

I'd appreciate your prayers...that Christ would align my life to his; that my focus would be Jesus; that my vision would be God's; that my heart would be moved by the things that move HIS heart, and that it would break for the things that break His.

Seek hard. Seek really, really hard. This life is so short.
-----------------

Valley Song

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

be near me now

do you ever reach a time when you are suddenly so overwhelmed by the fact that no one on this earth KNOWS you? It's kind of a sickening feeling.

I am so sick of hiding things. I am sick of trying to explain things but not ever being able to fully get my point across. I am tired of having to explain why I do things or why I don't do things--why I enjoy one thing but not another. I long for a transparency that allows for true and intimate relationship. Is this even possible on earth? Obviously probably not because of sin. Wretched souls that we are we cannot be completely honest and true. But can't the Spirit move more deeply in me? In us? Won't you, God?

I guess I'm just longing to be known right now. I am longing to be loved deeply and honestly--because of who I am, no other reason.

I suppose the "answer" is that I am looking for this depth of love from creatures that can't give it. It is found only in the arms of the Almighty. But what sort of love and honesty are we to expect from the Body? From each other? What level of intimacy and care?

Aagh.

Blow the dust off my soul. Spirit of God, move in and among us.

Talked with a friend about how hard it will be to come back...

"Come back from Africa with a broken heart and bleed all over us."

Almighty God, help me to spread a passion for a vision of your global work! The world seems so far away...please, God, bring it closer.

Back at School

It's beautiful. 75 degrees today! Wow. I love it. Ultimate frisbee on the beach tonight....yay!

I'm exhausted. Just finished unpacking...about to take a nap!


How was your break??

deep enough to dream

I ask that God would teach His Church to dream big. I pray that she would learn to love creatively. I pray that you, O Church, would learn to live the gospel imaginatively.


Awake, O Sleeper! Arise from the dead...Christ will shine on you.

Inspired by a Friend

Melissa told me she had read some of my old posts...so I decided to do the same. I browsed through the past 3 years of my life in writing. Crazy. It was good. I am still learning a lot of the same things--only God has brought me furthur along on the adventure. And the encouraging thing about looking back like that is that I can see God's work! I have grown...and continue to grow! A few of the posts stood out to me. The thoughts that inspired them are still at work in me now--perhaps they're farther along or perhaps I have a different perspective on things now. God has answered a lot of prayer and a lot of longing. Wow. So amazing.
------------------------------------
For the Sake of the Call (Steven Curtis Chapman)
Nobody stood and applauded them
So they knew from the start
This road would not lead to fame
All they really knew for sure was Jesus had called to them
He said "Come follow me" and they came
With reckless abandon they came

Empty nets lying there at the waters edge
Told a story that few could believe
And none could explain
How some crazy fishermen agreed to go where Jesus led
With no thought for what they would gain
For Jesus had called them by name and they answered

We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die...

BRIDGE :

Not for the sake of a creed or a cause
Not for a dream or a promise
Simply because it is Jesus who calls
And if we believe we'll obey
And we'll answer....

We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die
For the sake of the call....
------------------------------------
Far Too Easily Pleased

"We are halfhearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." CS Lewis

"'Too busy'--cursed words, those. Father, forgive me for being so academic and material in my outlook, so much feeding of the mind and outer man, so little genuine concern for spiritual things." Jim Elliot

"Father, take my life, yea, my blood if Thou wilt, and consume it with Thine enveloping fire. I would not save it, for it is not mine to save. Have it Lord, have it all. Pour out my life as an oblation for the world. Blood is only of value as it flows before Thine altar." Jim Elliot

Discard the American mindset of walking through life halfheartedly, blind to the infinite joy offered us. Do not be too easily pleased.

Give us a vision for Your work and Your passion, O God. Lead us into Your glory boldly proclaiming the glory of the Lord!
------------------------------------
This is a huge one in my life still!!...
"What a ragged, shoddy thing Christianity has come to be, honoring men and means, places and crowds--O Lord, deliver me from the spirit of this faithless generation. How I should long to see the simplicity and powerful beauty of the New Testament fellowship reproduced, but no one seems to be similarly exercised here, so I must wait, O Christ, let me know Thee--let me catch glimpses of Thyself, seated and expectant in glory, let me rest there despite all wrong surging round me. Lead me in the right path, I pray."
Jim Elliot (Shadow of the Almighty)
-------------------------------------
"I find I must drive myself to study, following the 'ought' of conscience to gain anything at all from the Scripture, lacking any desire at times. it is important to learn respect and obedience to the 'inner must' if godliness is to be a state of soul with me. I may no longer depend on pleasant impulses to bring me before the Lord. I must rather respond to principles I know to be right, whether I feel them to be enjoyable or not." -Jim Elliot

Struggling with feelings of emptiness and dryness, I am beginning to learn respect for the "inner must" and am not expecting shocking and bold revelations from Him, but am training my ears to listen to the still small voice. It's often frustrating but I have found that studying my Bible in such a way leads to a new richness found each day. I'm trying to develop a heart for Christ when, for so long, I have depended on other things...

"Ordinary life for me has been spoiled forever by the prospect of what real living is..."
--------------------------------
That's all...just some old thoughts that continually pertain to this life. God is good and He moves in mysterious ways!!

I think you all have received this in email form but I decided to post it, too.

Dear Friends,

Here's the long-awaited update! Most of you already know my big news, some of you don't (and no, I'm not engaged...why does everybody ask that??). The news is this: I am going to Swaziland, Africa for 6 months with YWAM (Youth with a Mission) beginning in June (till mid November). So, I will not be at Moody for the fall semester, but I will pick up again in the spring. The nice thing is that it won't really put me any farther behind in school. When I transferred from Hillsdale, I got knocked down a little (between my class and the class below me) and so this semester will just put me in the class below me, so I will graduate with all my friends at Moody. The school is really good about sending students out to do various things during their 4 years. Whether it be ministry related (missions, etc), work, or for a wedding, they are really great about allowing you to leave and come back. I will not have to reapply or anything (such a blessing!).
I am so excited about this opportunity! What I am doing is called a DTS (Discipleship Training School). For three months I will be in Mbabane, Swaziland at a base taking classes while working with the local missionary family (a young couple with two super cute kids!) on various projects (this is called the "lecture phase"). After this, we will have three months of outreach. The students are placed into teams of 10-12 and sent out to various locations. For this DTS, the possible outreach locations include local outreach in Swaziland, as well as outreach into South Africa, Mozambique, and possibly Nigeria. The school I will be attending is small--probably only 10-15 students total. The director of the base has told me that I am one of three from America and there are a few from South Africa and Nigeria (so far). I am excited to see how God brings the students together (and from where!).
Swaziland is a really small country (hardly bigger than New Jersey) and is surrounded by South Africa. Swaziland has the highest HIV/AIDS rate of any country in the world--40 percent of the nation is infected. It has been said that in a matter of years, it will be a nation of orphans. Much of our local work will be with those infected with AIDS as well as with the many left orphaned as a result of the desease. I am excited about working with children. I won't know until later what my outreach will look like. The location isn't decided until we've been there for a while.

You're probably wondering at this point how God brought me to this? I don't have one right answer to that question...God has been working really powerfully in my life this past semester, especially this past month. Moody has been so great for me. I can't even express how grateful I am to God for allowing me to be here. He has placed incredible people in my life who have challenged me like no one has challenged me before, and who encourage me to fight the good fight and live radically for the Lord. Long story short, a group of friends and I were challenged by the pastor at our Church not to be complacent. He asked the question: "Are you living or are you existing?" This question really got to me and was on my mind and heart for a long time. God wrestled with me a lot this semester--challenging me to live, not for others, but only for him. He has placed on my heart an urgency to spread His love--among all peoples. He has also placed on my heart the need to wake up, and to wake others up, to the call of Christ. Through all of these things I was (and am) learning, I changed my major. I am now an International Ministry major, hoping to work overseas someday. This opportunity so serve with YWAM will be, I think, a good introduction to the work of overseas missions, as well as a chance to get a firsthand look at what it is like to do a life work overseas. My desire is not to do short term missions but to commit my life to the work of the kingdom long term. I am excited to see where and how God will lead me, and how He is going to use this short experience to prepare my heart for future work.
Exciting things lie ahead! Scary things lie ahead! I rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign. He holds my past, present, and future in His hands. I am eager to follow the leading of the Almighty. I am in awe of Him and all He has taught me this semester. I am astounded at how much the Word has come alive to me, and how much God has used it to grow me. It truly is the Living, breathing Word of God! I am also incredibly thankful to Him for placing people in my life who have a vision for His Kingdom. Wow. This life I live is not my own--He has poured out grace upon grace.

This is a whole new step of faith and I find myself learning more about trust than I have ever learned before. It seems that there are a hundred details that need to be figured out...and you all know that the perfectionist in me sometimes tends to freak out. I have a lot of travel details (passport, visa, plane ticket, etc.) as well as financial details (raising support!). I would greatly appreciate your prayers! One thing God has been teaching me is how absolutely beautiful the Body of Christ is--and what a pleasure and responsibility it is to love and care for one another (through prayer, encouragement, etc.). I ask that you would pray with me and for me, that you would encourage me and stand with me. Ask me questions and challenge my thoughts. Let's join as His body to grow toward him together!

I love you guys. As I have been sharing my heart with some of you, I am blown away by your love and committment to me--as a sister and friend. You have NO idea what it means to me to know your thoughts on this, your willingness to listen, to hear your excitement for me. Wow. This is so exciting. I feel like my life is going to change so much. Sometimes it just hits me--how much I am going to be stretched and how much I am going to learn. I am eager.

Write back with questions or thoughts! I am on spring break right now, spending a week in Philly with Jay and Kristen and then my second week in Harrisburg with Hallie. I would love to hear from you. I am going to be working on a letter soon, so I can start building up a prayer team and a financial team. You get to be a part of this with me! I hope that's an exciting thing for you :) It sure is exciting to me!!
I want to leave you with a verse. I'm not sure which one because there have been a number that have really been on the front of my mind and heart right now. But I think I'll leave you with Haggai chapter one. It's a tough passage. Obviously I won't write out the whole chapter here--you can go read it :) The book of Haggai is about the rebuilding of the temple--and how it symbolized God's restored presence among His people. So here it goes, I'll share a few of the verses that really stand out to me.
"Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins?" (1:4)
"Consider your ways. Go up to the hills and bring wood and build the house, that I may take pleasure in it and that I may be glorified, says the Lord. You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Becuase of my house that lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house..." (1:7-9).

This is such a convicting passage. As I think about building God's house, I think about building His kingdom. Israel had busied herself with herself...she had forgotten her purpose in God. I busy myself with myself. I forget about the mandate Jesus gave--to preach his name and live his love to all people. I so often lose sight of this eternal perspective (and this means a vision for God's work in my future but ALSO his work in my present, here at Moody). Lord, don't let it be so! Teach us to Follow you! Teach us to be true Seekers of You and your Word. Enlarge our hearts, God. Widen our love for one another and for You.

Thank you all for being in my life! I love you and look forward to what the future holds. Life in the Almighty is RICH!
In Him,
Andrea

If you want to be on my email list, let me know!!

I think you should read 1 Peter today

Giving special thought to 1:13-16; 1:22-25; 2:1-5; 2:9-11; 3:13-17.

and 4:19.

Much love to you, friends!

Girls day out

So...it is currently 75 degrees out!! Whooo!! And while Jay was at work, kristen and I decided to drive around a bit. Mom really wanted to be with us today...so we brought her! What a blast. It was quite a lot of fun. AND now, Kristen's nannying job was canceled for the afternoon/evening. I think we might go to Valley Forge. At least somewhere OUTSIDE. wow its beautiful.

The bright sunshine makes me want to where a sundress...and spin around in a big, open field! Kristen and I might make some.

A shout out to melissa--I love you!!!

The pictures of today won't load on here...you'll have to go to my facebook. Sorry.

Wrestling

Currently reading: Holy Spirit Power by Charles Spurgeon; 2 Corinthians
Currently listening to: Ben Harper (Diamonds on the Inside)
Currently thinking about: everything.

It is supposed to be 72 degrees today. Thank you, Lord. It's a chaco day. I am sitting by the window in the morning light and the sun is coming through in a soft yellow. sigh. I had waffles and bacon for breakfast. I slept great last night...after a long conversation late into the night (early morning) with a dear friend. God, you are teaching me so much. Don't ever let my hear grow hard. Don't let the discouragements sent by the enemy distract me from listening to your soft, whispering voice. Tune my ear to listen. Tune my heart to hear. Thank you for friends who challenge, uplift, encourage, confront, embrace, walk beside, and love.

This life I live--it is now my own. Praise be to the Almighty, whose glory is my joy and whose honor is my pleasure. Spirit, teach me to follow.

"Growing in leaps and bounds..." That's the way a friend of mine puts it. I like that picture--and its so true. Wow. God is great.

Live with abandon. Live radically. Live boldly. Remember, when you attempt great things for God you are to expect opposition--all hell pushing back.

God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.

In Him,
Andrea

Blessed to be a Witness

corcovado parted the sky
and through the darkness
on us he shined
crucified in stone
still his blood is my own
glory behold all my eyes have seen

i am blessed to be a witness

some have flown away
and can't be with us here today
like the hills of my home
some have crumbled and now are gone
gather around for today won't come again

i am blessed to be a witness

so much sorrow and pain
still i will not live in vain
like good questions never asked
is wisdom wasted on the past
only by the grace of god go i

i am blessed to be a witness
(Ben Harper)

I miss you, friends!

Fire of God, Undying Flame

Father, our humanity is meant to contain your Deity. Make room in us, O God, by increasing our capacity to contain you. Fill us to overflowing with your Divine Spirit. We come to you admitting our emptiness and longing to absorb the sparkling treasure of your presence in these primitive bodies of ours. Amen.
Bryan Jeffery Leech

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." 2 Cor. 4:7


Breathe on me, Breath of God,
fill me with life anew,
that I may love what thou dost love,
and do what thou wouldst do.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
until my heart is pure,
until with thee I will one will,
to do and to endure.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
till I am wholly thine,
till all this earthly part of me
glows with thy fire divine.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
so shall I never die,
but live with thee the perfect life
of thine eternity.


"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day."
2 Cor. 4:16

The Almighty moves in mysterious ways

such exciting ways

Thank you, Lord God, for your hand in our lives. Fight for us, that we not drift or lose vision.

The future is bright. God is great.

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art
of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

I feel like I am going to explode

No joke. That's how incredible I feel...excited, terrified, unsure, sure, overwhelmed, unworthy, blessed....whoa. Like I said...


Please be praying for me. There is a lot that I am learning and wrestling with. Please pray that the Holy Spirit would guide me to live boldly for the name of Jesus. I don't want to exist. I want to live--wherever that might take me.

I will go

Give me ears to hear Your Spirit
Give me feet to follow through
Give me hands to touch the hurting
And the faith to follow You

Give me grace to be a servant
Give me mercy for the lost
Give me passion for Your glory
Give me passion for the cross

And I will go where there are no easy roads
Leave the comforts that I know
I will go and let this journey be my home
I will go
I will go

I'll let go of my ambition
Cut the roots that run too deep
I will learn to give away
What I cannot really keep
What I cannot really keep

Help me see with eyes of faith
Give me strength to run this race

I will go Lord where Your glory is unknown
I will live for You alone
I will go because my life is not my own
I will go
I will go
I will go

----------------
Grace Upon Grace

-Andrea

Are Signs and Wonders for Today?

Beyond the Blue Horizon

Had I not seen the sun
I could have borne the shade;
But light a newer wilderness
My wilderness has made

-Emily Dickinson