Sunday, November 12, 2006

I feel very small

do you ever say or do something that you immediately regret moments after doing or saying? And then all you can think about is how much you wish you could go back in time and fix what you messed up?...heal what you hurt...mend what you broke...

I wanted to say it, or else I wouldn't have. But I felt sick after the whole idea left my head and went off my tongue. How could I be so stupid? So unthinking? So...sinful? We don't like to use that word much. That's probably why the situation is more painful. At certain times, sin seems very real and very close. This is one such time.

Being reminded of God's love is a good thing during a time like this. Realizing that He is teaching me to trust HIM alone by FAITH alone through GRACE alone is also a pretty amazing thing. It's really hard, though, not to focus on the negative--how stupid I am--and to instead focus on the good--how great God is and what work He is doing in me and through me.

I was leafing through some old books tonight and came across this verse. It is a comfort. "Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgement for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication." Micah 7:8-9

I am really tired. Good night, all. I will be seeing many of you soon! I am so excited. Is it bad that I wish this week were over before it has even begun? Sigh.

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