Hey, it's your birthday! We're gonna party, like it's your birthday!

Today is Abraham Lincoln's birthday. We had a party. It was SO FUN. Some girls on my hall have been planning it for a while. We went to Michael's North for dinner and then went to Lincoln Park to celebrate. Kjieri climbed up on the statue and delivered the Gettysburg Address (complete with top hat, thanks to Wendy's use of construction paper). Brittney made cupcakes!! We all wore red white and blue. We sang happy birthday to the statue and left a cupcake. Alyse wrote happy birthday in the snow at his feet. It was goofy but so much fun!!

If it wasn't for the night

I don't have a lot to say. I am tired. Not really sleepy tired...just incredibly exhausted emotionally. It's been a hard week. I don't feel rested coming back, I feel drained. I don't have immediate homework but I have a lot of long term stuff I need to be working on. The problem is, I'm either too tired or distracted to work on it or I am spending time with others...all my "free time" this week is filled up. I have sessions, meals, and bonding dates with friends. Don't get me wrong, I am super glad to be spending time with some real quality girls...It's exciting. I had an AMAZING short time with Stacey (Brogan) this afternoon. We are finding out more and more that we are a lot alike. It's really neat :) We were able to share frustrations and struggles and then pray together. It was much needed. Tomorrow I am running errands with Melissa. Woohoo. I love that girl. Thursday Wendy and I FINALLY set a bonding date. I am so excited. She's amazing. I want to get to know her better so badly!!

The sessions have been good so far. Tonight's wasn't that great. He gave kind of a crazy altar call (i'm not a huge fan...). I like walking to and from Moody Church with the BroSis...through the snow in the sub-zero weather. Crazy fun. It's a mile each way...4 times a day. Lot's of exercise! Lot's of fun conversation :) I love my BroSis!!

Anyway...all this to say...I am thrilled with these growing relationships. I am, however, feeling somewhat overwhelmed...or something. It's hard to explain. I don't really want to try to explain it to you because I feel like it would not do it justice. It's all just stuff Christ is teaching me. I guess perhaps it's better left between me and Him. But I would ask for your prayer...just simply that I would love God with all my heart, mind, and strength; and that I would dwell on His word and sit in quietness at His feet to rest.

I really love this song. I just like David Wilcox a ton. His lyrics are really great.

If it wasn't for the night 
So cold this time of year 
The stars would never shine so bright 
So beautiful and clear 


I have walked this road alone 
My thin coat against the chill 
When the light in me was gone 
And my winter house was stilled 

When I grieved for all I'd made
Out of all I had to give
On the eve of Christmas day
With no reason left to live

Even then somehow in the bitter wind and cold
Impossibly strong I know
Even then a bloom as tender as a rose
Was breaking through the snow
In the dark night of the soul
In the dark night of the soul

If it wasn't for the babe
Lying helpless on the straw
There would be no Christmas day
And the night would just go on

When it seem that death has won
Buried deep beneath the snow
Where the summer leaves have gone
The seed of hope will grow
----------------------------------
Things to look forward to:
-Night at the Cheesecake Factory (thursday)
-Lincoln's Bday Bash (Monday)
-BroSis Ice Skating! (the 17th)
-Open House (the 18th)

Numero Uno

What can I say about a man who has blessed me beyond words? How can I express how much I respect him?
He is a man of great honor. He is my Papa, my teacher, and my friend. He is my "Uno." He showed me what it means to be a person of love, kindness, and integrity. He taught me what it means to treat others highly. He proved to me the strength in and value of a gentle and quiet spirit.
He gave me another "undo dowg" when I begged him for it. He let me pile my stuffed animals high up on his lap, and sat patiently as I introduced him to each one. He let me style his hair any way I wanted. He told me stories...over, and over, and over when asked. He taught me every card game worth playing. He was my partner in crime during raspberry season. We would fill a tupperware container full of fat, juicy berries and eat them all up before anyone else got a chance! We encouraged each others' addiction to Grandma's home-made chex-mix, always refilling the bowl in the kitchen and spoiling our appetites for dinner. On pasty night he would always say, "Gee, have some pasty with your ketchup, would ya!" During our visits to the U.P, he and I would exchange messages and pictures on the dry erase board in the kitchen. He sent me notes in college--reminding me to be safe and encouraging me to get, not a 4.0, but a 5.0! My life was richer because of Papa. I think I thought he was super human.
Even after all these things--all these "words"--they still don't seem like enough. These memories don't seem to go far enough. My thoughts don't seem to reach deep enough--these words just don't seem "real" enough. I miss him--a lot--and it hurts bad. There are, however, a few things that do seem to be "enough" right now--a few things I'm sure of. God is good. He has blessed this world with my Papa. He has blessed my life with my Papa. I thank Him so much for that. My comfort is found in Christ alone, and the words of the old hymn, "Great is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father, there is no shadow of turning with Thee..."

The shower is the best place to cry

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.


Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.


Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

"Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid."

...and that was enough.
Matthew 14:27b

When not studying...

I want to take my camera out one of these days and get some good shots of the city. We'll see...
Have a wonderful weekend! I, for one, am glad its here! Tonight a few girls on my hall (including myself!) are playing Euchre with some of our brothers. Saturdays after breakfast we play walleyball (woohoo!!). I have to lock myself in the library tomorrow afternoon and get lots done because allie is coming sunday!
I am enjoying trying out lots of new Churches...I'm excited to find one of my own.

You are more sinful than you ever dared imagine, but more loved than you ever dared hope...
-anonymous

"Let love replace duty in our Church relations, and the world will soon be evangelized."
D.L. Moody

Eventually all of this must become zeros and ones

"Be faithful in the little things." My new friend Michelle reminded me of this last night. It was a small but powerful statement said sort of just in passing. I was explaining to her how overwhelmed I get when I think of what God might want me to do with my life. There are so many opportunities in the will of God--lots of ways to serve him. I have been feeling overwhelmed because I don't know which option I should walk towards. Urban Ministry? I think so. But maybe not. Stateside? for some time, yes. Overseas? I would love to. My passion for urban ministry, my passion for Bible translation, my passion for international studies, my passion for community development...aaah. SO MANY!

Michelle and I decided to get off campus in order to study yesterday evening. She knew of a cute cafe on the brown line. I hardly knew her. I went. We couldn't find the place so we sat in the upstairs of a corner street Borders. We drank tazo tea and talked...and talked...and read a little :)...and talked. It was amazing. We shared our hearts....just a bit...diving in deeper than we do with most. It was wonderful. I needed it badly, and the Lord knew it. I thank him for such a gift! We are a lot alike. We share many similar desires, passions, fears, struggles, frustrations, excitements...we share the desire to "go deep". We decided that whenever we want to "go deep" we'll just yell across the hall (she lives RIGHT across the hall from me).

She encouraged me in so many ways and opened my eyes again to just the simple beauty of loving and following the Lord....and being faithful in the little things. He knows me. That is such a peace to me. HE KNOWS ME. He knows what the future holds. I need to rest in that.

I thank God for the evidence of His hand at work in my life. It's thrilling to watch him work. The girls on my hall are amazing. I can't explain the love I am developing for these dear sisters.

Life is somewhat "hard" these days...still adjusting to new things and new people. I'm working to find my place among these people and manage my time well. But life is SO rich. It is full. I am incredibly excited.

My class "Studying and Teaching the Bible" is really amazing. We're learning all kinds of Bible study methods, etc. It is so helpful and opens my eyes to whole new ways of studying and reading scripture. Wow.

I find myself in a quiet place with God. I am amazed and excited by the diversity I see around me...so many DIFFERENT kinds of people living differently for God. They express themselves differently but the beauty lies in the fact that we share a common passion--to see the Lord high and lifted up. It's a new feeling for me. There are definitely "flyers" and "non-flyers" (only a few of you will understand this analogy...sorry) but that was (is) to be expected. This is true ANYWHERE...just remember that. Every environment demands certain things of us. Every environment affects us differently. God calls us to love Him EVERYWHERE. He calls us to be his true disciples. This might take on a different look in each place, depending. It will definitely have similarities. Life is a battle anywhere you are. Capture the time you're in. God has given it to you and He calls you to fill it. LIVE in it.

As I look ahead to a new semester, and as I sit in a certain "quietness" before God, I whisper "Father, I don't know how to live. Teach me. I don't know how to love. Show me. I don't even know what to think. Think for me. Fill me up. I am not my own." Surrender is a hard lesson. I think I'm in the middle of a "surrender lesson" :) Please pray for me. Thank you.

The Divine Romance

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

In Your Name

I'm sitting here at my desk, snow flurries going crazy right outside my window. I was doing homework but I got to thinking about this simple phrase "in Your name"...often followed by "amen" or "I pray" or maybe not. It's really powerful. We use it a lot. That's not a bad thing, necessarily, but i was thinking about how meaningless it becomes if we're not careful. We throw it around sort of flippantly--as if just saying the words validate our thoughts, prayers, requests, whatever. Just think about what it means to say that...Whose name it is.

"He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth;
He sends lightening with the rain
and brings out the wind from its storehouses" Psalm 135:7

"...may the Lord rejoice in His works
who looks on the earth and it trembles,
who touches the mountains and they smoke!" Psalm 104:31-32

"Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
and caused the dawn to know its place,
that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth,
and the wicked be shaken out of it?" Job 38:12-13

"The voice of the Lord makes the oaks to shake,
and strips the forest bare, and in his temple all cry, 'Glory!'" Psalm 29:9

The Girls

I LOVE THESE GIRLS!

...and there are also two boys in a couple of them :) Kyle came to visit me tonight and we went to Gino's east for deep dish. YUM!! Giovanni and Lacy came too. It was lots of fun.

The girl pictures are from the other night. It was a party in our room!! Melissa played the guitar and we all sang. Lots of fun. Lot's of laughing. LOTS of bonding!!

Enjoy!!
(oh. i should give you an idea of who's who. in the group shots of us all on the bed. From left to right it is Erin, Lacy, Me, Mariah, Sarah, Wendy, and Melissa laying across us all. I love Wendy's expressions. She's AMAZING. I love her).

A first for everything

So....last night I got picked up by public safety. It's quite a ridiculous story and I feel sorta embarrassed that we called Public Safety, but we didn't know what to do. They always say better safe than sorry. The reason I felt stupid was because we (Me, Sarah, Erin, Ashley, Moriah, and one other I don't remember her name) shouldn't have probably been out so late at night without boys anyway. We just thought that we'd be fine with 6 of us. Anyhow, at around 10 last night we walked a couple blocks up to a Starbucks that didn't close till eleven. We were going to play Euchre and have coffee. Well, once we were there one of the girls said something about how her RA said not to walk down that way at night. Great, we thought. So we were in starbucks teaching the girls to play Euchre (only sarah and I know how to play), when this guy walks past the window, sees us, turns around and comes in. He came over and asked what we were doing...I was fine with it at first but he came up behind sarah REALLY close. He was touching her back and his head was really close to her. He wasn't all the way there. I thought he was drunk but i didn't smell anything. I don't know. He kept asking us where we were from. We kept saying "from all over" which made him really mad. He started talking really loud "Where ya'll from!! Why wontcha tell me! Anyone from Texas?" (we all tried not to look at Moriah. haha. poor girl!). He wouldn't leave us alone. He wanted to play...we wouldn't let him. Then he told us we must be from somewhere where the women are really rude (or something of the sort). He went over to the counter to complain to the employees about us. We thought that was funny. Then, he walked over, got REALLY close to Sarah again and it was all very uncomfortable. Then he threw a banana in the middle of our table, said "I never did like them yankee women!" and walked out. The problem was, when he left, we couldn't tell if he had really left or if he was standing around the corner. It just felt funny. He would've definitely followed us back to school. Talk about feeling really girly, though. That's a hard situation. We probably made a stupid decision by going in the first place but then we didn't know if we should call Public Safety to pick us up (which they offer to anyone who needs it) or just suck it up and walk home. hmmmm. I don't know. I kept thinking...how do you show Christ to someone in this situation and not be super rude? What's the right way to treat him? I felt pretty rude, but he wouldn't leave us alone. This kind of stuff probably happens ALL the time. It's the reality of living in the city. Maybe its something you get used to and just have to suck it up? Maybe you don't and you need to always have someone come? oh man. I just feel myself thinking "is this stupid?--to have someone come pick us up, meet us, whatever...are we being too girly girl?"
Anyway, Public Safety came and the guy was super nice. He told us we did the right thing in calling them and also that we were right to go out in a group. While we were in starbucks we realized we don't have ANYONE'S phone number, especially boys. So we didn't know who to call. Even if we HAD had some of the guys numbers, I just feel like such a ridiculous girl calling. aaah.
After we got back, a bunch of us girls just hung out in our room. Melissa plays the guitar (i really want to learn!!) so we sang worship songs and bonded. It was really fun. Then we just talked and took lots of pictures :) It's nice to be getting to knows more girls better. Oh. Before we went out to Starbucks, I learned the bus system with Erin. That was exciting. I think I could write a book of short stories based on that one experience. haha. Then I went with Stacey and Whitney and a bunch of their brothers to a thrift store. It was SO much fun. The store was amazing. Every ten minutes or so one of the employees would come over the loud speaker and say "attention shoppers, please keep your purses, wallets and al valuables near you at all times. This store is not responsible for theft. In the case of an emergency, your shopping cart may be used for self defense." It sounded like he was saying "this store is not responsible for death". haha. oh man. It was tons of fun. We took a crazy route of buses and subways to get there so I could never find my way back. It was fun to get to know some more people.

Today is a slow day. I have a lot of reading. Kyle is getting into town tonight. We're going to hang out sometime. I'm going to a Korean Church tomorrow with my accountability partner, Young. Monday we have no classes because of Martin Luther King day. I feel sort of funny about taking the holiday to honor him when so few really know anything about him, including myself. But I want to finish Why We Can't Wait.

It's 29 degrees! It should snow tomorrow. That's exciting,

People here are crazy about getting married. It's sort of weird. I want to yell "let it happen in its own time...slow down! just let God handle it." More on this topic on the phone if you want to hear. I have a few stories :)

Thoughts Before Bed

"I'm trying to get through the life of Christ by 12:30! We'll be ok." -Dr. Marty

I'm quite excited about New Testament...equally excited about the Church and Its Doctrines. We aren't REALLY into the material yet, buy I feel it already :) The excitement is building.

I have promised myself that I WILL go to a hockey game sometime this semester. I RELALY want to...really really. I can't wait. I just need to find someone to go with. I am on the hunt...

I met with my accountability partner tonight. Her name is Young. She is 44 and from S. Korea. I admire her so much. This is most definitely the beginning of an amazing friendship. I can't tell you how excited I am! I'm going to Church with her on sunday. They're having a "dinner" after the service. All Korean food. I am quite thrilled. She was so cute when she asked me..."the only thing is, it will all be in korean." haha. I told her that was quite alright. I'm very excited about it. She's like my adopted mom but also a new friend. God is so good...and works in such mysterious ways!

I also went to a basketball game tonight. It was fun. I brought Young with me and she really enjoyed it. She was super cute.

I'm off to bed. I'm excited about a long weekend. I've been getting ahead on some reading so i'll have more time to spend hanging out with kyle. yay!

I found my spot

The roof of Houghton. I am going to spend more time up there...even though its cold (probably more time when it gets warmer). It is SUCH a beautiful spot. The view is INCREDIBLE. I went up there for the first time tonight. My camera died after two pictures, but at least you get some idea of what it's like. If you notice, the Sears tower is in the first one :) Amazing.

Sorry they're a bit blurry...I will try to get more soon.

You Learn With Time

For example...

1. Taking showers at night is the way to go. The water STAYS hot...none of this freezing cold ice water then all of a sudden it turns burning hot.

2. Yo Yo Ma is great studying music (AND he's coming to Chicago in March. I really want to go.)

3. Quality conversations with new acquaintances are wonderful-even if short. I want to talk to someone...

4. Reading for classes I'm excited about is quite thrilling.

5. Waking up early to read and drink tea helps prepare me for the day.

6. God's mercies are new every morning. I praise Him for that.

The light of heaven is the face of Jesus
The joy of heaven is the presence of Jesus
The melody of heaven is the name of Jesus
The harmony of heaven is the praise of Jesus
The theme of heaven is the work of Jesus
The employment of heaven is the service of Jesus
The duration of heaven is the eternity of Jesus
The fullness of heaven is Jesus Himself

It is the mark of weak men that they break down under unusual
responsibilities, of strong men that they are developed by them.

I can't stand to love alone

no one would love me if they knew all the things i hide
My words fall to the floor as tears drip to the telephone line

And the hands I've seen raised to the sky
not waving but drowning all this time
I'll try to build the ark that they need
To float to you upon the crystal sea

Give me your hand to hold
Cause I can't stand to love alone
And love alone is not enough to hold us up,
We've got to touch your rope
So swing your rope down low
Swing your rope down low

Prince of despair's been beaten, you know
but the losers still fight
death's on a long leash stealing
my friends to the night

And everyone cries for innocence
But you say to love the guilty too
And I'm surrounded by suffering and sickness
So I'm working tearing back the roof

And the pain of the world is a burden
And its my cross to bear
And I stumble under all the weight
I know your Simon standing there
And I know you're standing there

First Impressions Suck

Everyone always thinks I'm mean, stuck up, or just plain weird. I quite. First impressions are awful... I FEEL LIKE NOBODY KNOWS ME!!!! But I'm trying. I REALLY am. I WANT to know people, and I want them to know me! Really, really! I go places when I don't feel like it, and am trying to be assertive. I just feel like everyone already has friends....

Sigh.

Oh the things you hear...

"What kind of tyrant God would He be if He MADE people go to heaven."

wow. Just think about that one... probably one of the most ridiculous statements I have ever heard. I was in line for lunch. I almost turned around and gave this dear boy some of my own thoughts. I didn't.

More Pictures

Here are a few more pictures :) Today Lacy, Giovanni, and I made it to Target! We took the red line subway all the way across town and then got off and walked the rest of the way. We didn't get lost once! This target is amazing. it's two story and has a special escalator for the carts! yeah. rockin' awesome. We had to haul all of our stuff back across town on the subway--that was an adventure! After we dropped it all off, we walked just down the street from the school to this little Thai Restaurant called Panang. It was really good. Then we decided we wanted to find Whole Foods. We sort of got lost but it was fun to just walk around and hang out.

I decided I'm going to lose 20 pounds. I walk a lot. I eat not a lot. haha. I eat a healthy amount, just small portions. The quality of the food isn't that bad at all but the variety is AWFUL. I am already sick of it. So I eat salad (they have a fantastic salad bar. with spinach!) and pita with hummus (served at both main meals!!). We also have some food in our room...we got Kashi and milk at Whole Foods for breakfast. Yum. Almost all my classes conflict with the lunch schedule so that's a problem. I will probably eat breakfast and dinner there and lunch in my room or on the run. That's why I have a 15 meal plan!

Here's my schedule:
Intro to Ministry (Thurs.)
New Testament Survey...we read through the NT twice--2 diff. translations of choice (Tues., Thurs.)
The Church and Its Doctrines (M, W, F)
Studying/Teaching the Bible (M, F)
Spiritual Life and Community (M, W, F)

and my PCM Thursday nights from 7-8:30. It's tutoring young (mostly single) mothers and their kids at a women/child shelter downtown. please pray for me during this time! I'm really excited but really nervous. it's already dark by this time and I have to switch buses to get there....yikes.
Love you all!

Go Listen to it!!

It's a Nickel Creek song called Hanging By a Thread. It's beautiful.



There's a kind of emptiness that can fill you.
There's a kind of hunger that can eat you up.
There's a cold and darker side of the moonlight.
An' there's a lonely side of love.

With you here, baby, I am strong; no sign of weakness.
With you gone, baby, I am hanging by a thread.

There's a certain kind of pain that can numb you.
There's a type of freedom that can tie you down.
Sometimes the unexplained can define you,
And sometimes, silence is the only sound.

With you here, baby, I am strong; no sign of weakness.
With you gone, baby, I am hanging by a thread.

With you here, baby, I am strong; no sign of weakness.
With you gone, baby, I am hanging by a thread.

Just Pictures

here are a few pictures of my room. my side is on the left...you can tell by the amount of books :) I'll post more later.

First Impressions

Chicago: Big. Beautiful. Lots of Opportunity. Thrilling. Full of intriguing people. Rather scary. I feel swallowed up.

The EL: Terrifying. Overwhelming. Stressful. Ok...not THAT bad, I just felt lost and unsure (both yucky feelings in such a big city). I would say to myself "you're thinking of doing this ALONE!?"

Moody: Exciting. Inviting. Easy to navigate through because it occupies such a small space--mostly going UP. It IS right in the city. I want to go in more of the buildings...

The Sights: We went to the art institute--incredible. I will go many more times...just to spend hours wondering around. My favorites: Seurat, Picasso, Monet, Thomas Cole (cuz he's a relative. yeah!), The Silk Road Exibit (there only for a short time...featuring INCREDIBLE artifacts, etc. from the Asian provinces. Beautiful things from China dating back to 200 BC or earlier!!!!). We went to Gino's East for pizza. It was really good. Really rich. I didn't have much of an appetite, though. I think its nerves. Why am I so darn nervous? It's driving me nuts. Mom has been crying quite a bit--which makes it harder for me not to. She says I'm brave. I say I'm probably just too good at internalizing things.

Currently listening to: Rock of Ages (sandra mccracken) and Lord of Eternity (fernando ortega)

I find myself asking God to be a strong fortress around me...leading me and guiding me to new and exciting things, with his face ever before me. I feel very weak....so I will know the strength of Him who is strong (but oh how its a frightening place to be! So much changing). Lord, help me feel your strength in my weakness. Make me lean into you during these days and find great amounts of peace and rest. I feel very wrestles and uneasy. Lord, calm my heart!

Tomorrow at 8am dorms open. Orientation officially starts at 2:30. My parents leave at 2:00 to drive North to my grandparents (my grandpa's kidney is failing, now down to 20%) for a few days. It will be hard to say goodbye. It's hard that he isn't doing well. I wish i could go with them.

There are about 200 incoming students this semester. That's a lot! I had no idea it would be that many. Crazy.

I should go to bed. Tomorrow is a big day...and full. Thank you for your continued prayer, you guys have been great. I love you and miss you. I will keep you posted.

Oh. Once again, I don't have many cell phone minutes. I probably won't pick up unless its after nine or during weekends. Bummer, I know, but that's the way it is. Leave messages! I love to hear your voices. I will get you my school email as soon as I get it...and my mailing address.

I think that's everything. We're staying across from the Rock 'N Roll McDonalds. Crazy. It's an insane one. Someday I'll get a picture....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Blessed is the man
Who walks in Your favor
Who loves all Your words
And hides them like treasure
In the darkest place
Of his desperate heart,
They are a light
A strong, sure light.

Sometimes I call out Your name
But I cannot find You.
I look for Your face,
But You are not there.
By my sorrows, Lord,
Lift me to You,
Lift me to Your side.

Lord of Eternity,
Father of mercy,
Look on my fainting soul.
Keeper of all the stars,
Friend of the poorest heart
Touch me and make me whole.:

If You are my defender,
Who is against me?
No one can trouble or harm me
If You are my strength .
All I ask, all I desire
Is to live in Your house all my days.

Today: leaving for chicago at 2:30 or 3:00. Spending the night somewhere between here and Chicago, don't know where.
Tomorrow: Arriving in Chicago! Seeing some of the city with my parents...hopefully finding Grace and Peace Community Church so I'll know where it is...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

PS Introducing kids to Psalty is one of my favorite things to do :) Listening to him during road trips: even better!

It's Official

I am addicted to the Office. I know a lot of you have been hooked for a while. Better late than never, right? I have only seen about ten episodes. However, I found a website that streams them free so....major distraction coming right up :)

Also. I am in love with the theme song. Earlier today I took a nap and woke up with this song in my head that I COULD NOT figure out...then I remembered. The Office! So I downloaded it. I'm quite excited. It will be my ringtone quite shortly :)


Happy New Year to all!!

I found a $1200 ticket to Kenya
...a $1300 ticket to India
...a $1000 ticket to Finland
...a $1300 ticket to Australia
...a $3500 ticket to Thialand

if money wasn't an issue...where would you go?

An Adventure

You never know what might happen in Broken Bow, OK. Actually, when it did happen, I wasn't in Broken Bow I was in Idabel...just down the street from Hochatown (pronounced "HO" like "ho ho ho"...chatown, NOT "HOO"chatown, like my dad keeps saying). Sarah and I decided to "go out" tonight, so we chose the late night showing of "The Holiday," a chick flick I had heard of once (must've seen a preview somewhere) but had soon forgotten. She had already seen it and wanted to again. So we went. It's a Friday night so, naturally, we went out ;). It also happens to be a STORMY friday night...mostly just rainy. It's been raining pretty steady all day.

The movie was alright...it's about two different love stories--one taking place in LA, the other in Surrey, England. One of the stories is cute, the other trashy. So there we were, the ONLY two people in a very small theater watching this movie, when all of a sudden there was a loud pop and the screen went blank (we were about half way through the film). Then, the movie flickered back on, but soon went blank again. The lights came on, then went off. Soon, the back-up lights went on. The power was out. With the film off, we could hear the storm raging quite wildly outside. Sounded beautiful. We weren't sure what to do. It was a weird feeling and a little creepy because we were the only two people watching the movie (thank goodness it wasn't a horror or suspense!!). We got up, walked out, and soon found ourselves in a COMPLETELY pitch black corridor, trying to find our way back out to the main lobby (cell phones do make good flashlights in situations of emergency). Following other voices in the lobby, we soon found ALL the movie-goers...just a handful. We quickly decided we didn't care if the power came back on or not, this was quite an adventure and very much a thrill. I had never had that happen before! There I was, surrounded by oklahomans with THICK accents, gathered around a cold hot-dog grill and a nacho display, excited out of my mind that it was happening. I think I'm probably weird. oh well.

Sure enough, the power didn't come back on. Well, we at least didn't want to wait around forever for it to get fixed...the storm was pretty bad and it could've taken forever. So we left. We drove home in the pouring rain, excited to tell our thrilling story, and hydroplaning down the highway through hochatown and back to broken bow. Man I love these names :)

Goodnight, all! I hope you had as exciting an evening as I! ;)

it's out!!!

The DGM national conference info is out (not details, though)!! It's September 28-30-- "Stand: A Call for the Endurance of the Saints". I want to go. I think I will. I am going to check train fares...

It's raining in oklahoma

It's a cold, dreary evening here in oklahoma. I love it. It is drizzly with thunder and lightening! So beautiful. We made it here safely after close to 20 hrs in the car yesterday. yuck. Like mom says, dad is into these "endurance events." I'm not so sure about them :) However, listening to David Wilcox while driving across the plains of Texas IS quite enjoyable.

We left Arizona in a blizzard! Right up around Lordsburg, in the dark early morning, we made it into snow!! The headlights shining bright on all the snowflakes made for a beautiful experience :) I loved it.

We'll be here for at least 3 more days before we leave for Chicago. I'm feeling less nervous and more excited about getting to moody. That's encouraging. I find myself very frequently asking the Lord to walk beside me and uphold me with his righteous right hand.

love to all!

I love you, friends!!

I am going to miss you SO much!!

I leave tomorrow at 4am. Dad, mom and I are driving to Chicago! We're going through OK to visit some friends for 5 days, so we won't actually get to Chicago until the 3rd. I start orientation on the 4th and classes on the 8th! I can hardly believe it. I am very excited but also surprisingly nervous. Everything just seems so new...and it seems harder to leave family and friends this time. I already feel homesick, and I house-sick. I do love this house. Anyway, I trust in the Lord and am confident of the work He is doing in my life. I am excited to see Him lead and look forward to new experiences! I can't wait to be in CLASS again! wahoo! Plus, Allie will be visiting me in January (yay!), Sarah will be coming down to visit me (and the school!!), and Hannah will be coming to Chicago for a visit sometime, too. I look forward to showing you around :)

I love you all and thank you for your presence in my life, for the truth you speak to me, and the encouragement you are! you are incredible people :)

Your prayer at this time are GREATLY appreciated :)
love you, miss you!!
Andrea

Hey, Peter Pan
I'm going home now
I've done all I can
Besides I'm grown now
I'll think of you all painted with the night
You sit and watch from somewhere
As one by one the lights go out

I wrote a note to tell you how you matter
When the rain came down
All the letters scattered
And washed away
Drifted off to Never
Where you'll be safe from me now forever

I believe you now when
You say that this will hurt
So I don't have to go and
Play with you in the dirt now

Hey Peter Pan
I'm going home now
I'm all grown up
You're on your own now
I'll think of you all painted with the night
You sit and watch from somewhere
As one by one the lights go out

I felt old today

I think its the packing up and moving away thing. That'll do it. I feel like my life is about to change...a lot. It's sort of a strange feeling. It somehow makes me feel old...

"The voice of the lord makes the oaks to shake and strips the forests bare, and in his temple all cry, Glory!" Psalm 29:9

Long lay the world in sin and error pining. Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices...

Truly He taught us to love one another, His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. And in his name all oppression shall cease.

He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger, Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!


His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Deeper Still

In the tears you gave to me
I found a river to an ocean
A concrete sky and a stone cold sea
That came to where the emptiness cracked open

And all my fears came crashing through
And met the fire of my sorrow
But I found my strength in forgiving you
I never even dreamed how far my heart could go

To give my life beyond each death
From this deeper well of trust
To know that when there's nothing left
You will always have what you gave to love

In this life, the love you give becomes the only lasting treasure
And what you lose will be what you win
A well that echoes down too deep to measure

A silver coin rings down that well
You could never spend too much, a diamond echoes deeper still
And you'll always have what you gave to love,
You will always have what you gave to love
(David Wilcox)

"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." Song of Solomon 2:7

"She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them, and she shall seek them but shall not find them. Then she shall say, 'I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now.'" Hosea 2:7


"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope, And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt." Hosea 2:14,15

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Ephesians 5:15-17

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.Therefore, whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you." 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

I've been very convicted about a lot of things lately...mainly, how we are called to act as believers, especially in regards to each other as male and female. Christ calls me to be holy; the Father's will is my sanctification (a PURE self). What does this mean? And because He wills it for EACH of His children, how must it change the way I live towards people?

I don't really know what to do about some of my thoughts. For now the answer is "...pray without ceasing..." that I might act in obedience, according to His will.

Lord, make me weak so I will know the strength of you, who are strong!

"Every one of us lives only to journey further and further into the mountains." Lewis

it's hard to wait

My grandpa (papa) just went in for surgery about an hour ago. He has had 3 bypass surgeries and they are all blocked up. One of his arteries is almost completely clogged and his kidneys are functioning below 50%. The doctor painted a pretty bleak picture of it all today... just being frank about the condition of papa's body. There is still fluid in his lungs... but the surgery hopes to open up one of his bypasses so his heart can pump better. The problem is, all the dye they use to monitor everything has to be cleaned out later by his kidneys. There is a lot of concern because his kidneys are now in pretty bad shape. After the doctor talked with him today he turned to my grandma and said something to the effect of "it looks like its the curtains for me".

I pray if its God's will Papa might spend more time with us... but that's sort of a selfish thing for me to wish. If it isn't His will, I pray He would take Papa right home to Him, and what a joy that would be.

I like the way mom prayed tonight, "we picture angels around the operating table waiting with bated breath, as we do, to see all that your powerful hand might accomplish".

I *love* Caedmon's Call's Long Line of Leavers. sigh.

Starin' down the stars
Jealous of the moon
You wish you could fly
Just being where you are
There's nothin' you can do
If you're too scared to try

My Love Tank Feels Empty

Do you ever have so many thoughts flying around in your head that your emotions get really tangled up (currently: huge amounts of love and sadness and fear and worry and pain...)? That's how I feel... a little like a mess and a lot in need of grace... like the slightest thing will set me off... It's overwhelming, and very exhausting. I want to cry with my face in a pillow and get it all out. I can feel this tangle of emotion building up and I feel like I just might burst. I feel rather ridiculous because if anyone were to look at me they probably wouldn't really notice anything... but inside I just sorta feel like I'm screaming. There are a lot of changes right now in our family. I think that's the hardest thing. Growing up isn't easy when it means losing certain loved ones. I find myself crying "Why, Father?" and listening for some sort of reply. Its coming... but in bits and pieces. I ask for the strength and the courage to be patient, meanwhile redeeming the time. I need to cast all my cares on the Lord. Please, pray for strength.

And I feel a constant need to be hugged.

All this thinking and hurting has led me to Isaiah 41:9, 10.

I know this post is crazy confusing. I'm sorry. There's a lot to explain but I'm just really tired right now.

My Papa is in the hospital and not doing well. He is one of the most amazing people I know. I have deleted so many lines of type because I can't seem to say the right words... I love him. I think that's enough for now. I love my Papa. He is my "Numero Uno."

"And I thank the Lord for the people I have found,
I thank the Lord for the people I have found."

All I Want for My Birthday

Are HUGS.

Turning 20 Feels Weird

I don't know why... and that's all I got.

From Philadelphia to Mexico

I got home Monday night at 11:45. On Tuesday morning at 6:00, mom and I left for Mexico to get Dad. If you recall, he had surgery for a hernia while in mexico. He is still SO sore so he couldn't drive out of Mexico... he can't even push the gas or break pedals b/c it sends shooting pains all through his body. Another missionary family that was down there offered to caravan with him out of the village and to the border. The husband drove dad's truck with all the furniture while dad rested. He said the bumpy road leaving the village was a killer. i can only imagine...oh man. So mom and I drove across the border to a small hotel where dad stayed the night. The other missionary family had to be somewhere else and the border closed on monday before dad could cross. Mom and I drove across the border to pick him up--so mom could drive his truck back for him while he rested. He told us to meet him in a brightly colored hotel on the other side of Augua Prieta (the border town). The hotel was SO bright. Definitely a mexican hotel. We drove in and didn't know what room dad was in but eventually saw him standing at a window waving. He hobbled out of his room to meet us, his pants held up only by a loosely clasped belt (he can't zip up his pants or button them because it pulls on the stitches and hurts really bad). He was quite the sight. Pictures don't do the story justice because all the funny stuff was in his movements and actions... and words ("today is a milestone, anne! I pooped!"...mom's reply was: "I knew it would be something stupid like that." I just laughed. hard.).

We all made it safely across the border. When i was leaving (i was driving the van), the border patrol wanted to know what my business in Mexico was. Don't worry, I didn't give them the whole story...If they only knew. Dad told mom the entire story of his surgery IN DETAIL on the way back. After we stopped in Sierra Vista for lunch, dad wanted to ride with me so he could tell ME the whole story. He thinks of it as a war survival story, I think. Crazy guy. He had it done in the village. First he had a spinal tap (gross) that paralyzed his entire bottom half. Everything was conducted in Spanish. Dad said the doctor was very compassionate (or else, as Jay said, he just knew that the gringo's are wimpy and can't handle pain).

He wobbles and hobbles around the house calling "Anne" and awful lot. Haha. Just a little bit ago he was sitting in the chair next to me trying to get his pants and socks on. He finally had to have me help with the socks. The funniest thing is that he CAN'T laugh. It hurts him really bad. So he gets really mad when anyone says anything funny. He YELLS "Stop talking before I laugh!" Apparently last night he tried to convince my mom to let him have a pee can by his bed so he didn't have to walk to the bathroom. She said no way... "Once you let an old man start peeing in a cup, everything starts going down hill." Haha. She handles him very well. I know he is in a lot of pain...sometimes its really sad b/c I can see it in his face, and he can't breathe very well. He takes morphine only sometimes... and always acts like it is really screwing with his mind, exclaiming "I see the white knights riding backwards and the red queen doesn't have a head!" He is SO weird.

He has a bandage over the spot so we can't see the damage... eventually, I suppose. I got a picture of the bandage :)

I love dad. He's amazing. I can't believe he just had surgery in the village to avoid the hassle of American hospitals. So cool. haha. Anyway... he can't lift anything over 20 lbs for 2 months. That'll be hard for him. He's already trying to break the rules and mom yells at him. He could potentially undo everything that was fixed and stitched back up. hopefully not.

Tonight we're getting our tree! So exciting!

Sing to Jesus

Come and see, look on this mystery
The Lord of the Universe, nailed to a tree
Christ our God, spilling His Holy blood
Bowing in anguish, His sacred head

Sing to Jesus, Lord of our shame
Lord of our sinful hearts.
He is our great Redeemer.
Sing to Jesus, Honor His name.
Sing of His faithfulness, pouring His life out unto death

Come you weary and He will give you rest
Come you who mourn, lay on His breast
Christ who died, risen in Paradise
Giver of mercy, Giver of Life

Sing to Jesus His is the throne
Now and forever,
He is the King of Heaven.
Sing to Jesus, we are His own.
Now and forever sing for the love our God has shown.

Sing to Jesus, Lord of our shame
Lord of our sinful hearts.
He is our great Redeemer.
Sing to Jesus, Honor His name.

Sing to Jesus His is the throne
Now and forever,
He is the King of Heaven.
Sing to Jesus, we are His own.
Now and forever sing for the love our God has shown.

Drink Tea

I recommend Tazo. My favorite is Refresh. Next are Calm and Awake....you really should try them. The nice thing about hanging around a cold apartment is that drinking tea becomes much more fun...bundling up in a sweatshirt and quilt with a mug full of steaming tea is just so wonderful.

Last night I stayed at the apartment while Jay and Kristen went to small group. I sat on their couch with candles lit and the Christmas tree lights twinkling. It was so cozy. I eventually decided to curl up and watch In America. I had never seen it before... it was really good. It has made my favorites list :)

We made Christmas cookies yesterday. YUM. I will post pictures later. It was lots of fun... they were the cut-out sugar cookies. They're my Christmas favorite. I told mom we have to make some more when I get home.

So...funny story. Not really funny but sort of. If you know my dad then it's funny. Apparently he has had this funny lump on his stomach for a while. He decided to tell my mom two days before he left for Mexico that he thinks its a hernia. He's all casual about it, but won't let mom see the lump (lest she "freak out," I suppose). He told my mom that he wanted the surgery done in the village, so he was going to have the Indian doctor check it out. Sure enough, he's got a hernia. He is scheduled for surgery tomorrow at one, and expects to drive out of mexico (bumpy roads and all) on Monday, caravan style with another missionary family. He's crazy. The funny part is, the price is no different. Insurance covers it, but he doesn't want to have to deal with the hassel of American hospitals, etc. He would rather have it done in rural Mexico. I think it's amazing. He wrote me this really funny email a couple days ago about how this puts a hold on our Grand Canyon backpacking trip. He said "I'm getting my gut sliced open and then stitched back up." It's probably a good thing that the trip is off...although, knowing my dad, he might still try it. Don't worry, I'm putting my foot down (mom already has). No way am I dragging my dad out of the Grand Canyon because his stitched came undone. Yuck.

I love my dad. I love that he had the bump but just didn't tell anyone till now. Oh. He also thinks he knows when he got it....or what might have irritated it. A couple months ago, while at the shop working, he was cutting some boards and a piece flew off and jabbed him in the stomach really hard. He just told mom about that, too. I love how he tells her NOW. So crazy. Anyway, that's my crazy dad story. So, the day after I get home (tuesday morning) my mom and I will probably be driving down to the border crossing to pick him up (he'll spend the night in a motel b/c the border will close before he can get there on monday). But he wants help crossing the border in case they give him trouble or try to have him unload all his furniture. I don't know how he thinks he'll travel so soon after the surgery. His sister (my aunt) had this done a year ago and apparently was flat on her back for close to a week... and had a hard time of it once she had to go back to work (REALLY sore). Hopefully it will heal fast and he can get back to normal... and hopefully he doesn't push it and overdo it. Oh dad. I love him.

(and don't worry, really. The surgeon is supposed to be really good. One of the best down there :))

I think I'll get going. I need to study more CLEP. OH! good news! More of my credits transferred than I thought. Moody is accepting my English AND my latin (on top of the other stuff). Woohoo! After I CLEP sociology, I won't have that many pre-reqs. The ones I will have will be fun--all the theology requirements that I want to take anyway. I'm so excited about this. Thank you, God, for providing. Thank you all for praying. I'll try to get a letter out soon. Bye!

Excellent Sermon

I am here to recommend Piper's sermon "The Supremacy of God in the Life of the Mind." It is online for purchase (www.desiringgod.org) or you can follow this address to get the article version and read it. Please do!

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TopicIndex/25/
1465_The_Supremacy_of_God_in_the_Life_of_the_Mind/

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Jay and Kristen's apartment is SO beautiful. And with all the Christmas decorations, its even more so. Yesterday we went out to a Christmas Tree farm with their friends Todd and Jen (and 2 yr. old Michaela). It was SO FUN. We rode out to the farms on this horse drawn (or tractor drawn...depending) wagon. They gave us a saw, and we just wondered through all these trees looking for the right one. I wanted to take home all of them...especially the Charlie Brown-ish looking ones. Afterwards, we got free hot chocolate and apple cider. It was amazing. We decorated the tree back at the apartment and it looks beautiful. Here are a couple pictures...












Chris and Kate are coming over for dinner tonight. I am very excited to see them. On Tuesday Kristen and I are running errands (IKEA!) and walking through Chestnut Hill, a really neat spot nearby with so many really beautiful, quaint shops. We're also going to make Christmas cookies!!! And sometime soon we're going to watch elf. I've never seen it...but I want to. Last night we were going to watch it but decided not to. Alen and Heather came over and we chatted and played a couplse rounds of Whonoo. It was fun.
Alright. I need to go. Have a marvelous day, all!
-Andrea

"Son of God, Purger of the inner parts, Discerner of my sittings down, my risings, wilt Thou hallow this soul of mine?"

-Jim Elliot (Shadow of the Almighty)

I'm sitting on the couch in Jay and Kristen't apartment looking out the window at a grey, drizzly afternoon. It isn't cold--probably about 70--its just dreary. It's quite beautiful. I might not like days and days of this in a row but because I don't see much of this in AZ, it's most enjoyable. This morning after Jay went to work, Kristen and I just lounged around the house in our PJ's. Their friends Allen and Heather are pregnant and found out this morning that they are having a little GIRL! This sparked baby conversation between the sisters for quite some time :) I'm really excited to be an aunt.

This afternoon Kristen, Heather and I are going to Target and Ikea. I'm super excited. I've only been to Ikea once but love it.

I've been having lots of new thoughts about what to do this summer. There are lots of possibilities and I am thinking about something really crazy and really exciting. I can't wait. I will post about it soon. But I need to think some more about it and pray about it. I would appreciate prayers of yours, also, even though you won't be able to pray specifically yet. I'll keep you posted :)

Tomorrow night we are going to cut down the Christmas tree! Woohoo. And we're going to watch Charlie Brown Christmas AND White Christmas! So amazing. Also, on Monday night Chris and Kate Walker are coming over for dinner.

It's fun to be here! It's crazy that I'm staying with my sister who is MARRIED. I love their cozy little home. I want one of my own. someday...

Talk to you later! oh. Philadelphia is beautiful. I LOVE it. It makes me really excited about livine in Chicago. REALLY excited. It's the big city feel. It's new to me. Tucson is big but not like this. And we live far enough out that I don't feel so much a part of it. I'm anxious to see what Chicago is like. Eeek!