Drive. Keep Driving.

500 miles, I stop to write a postcard
it’s a long way back
words on a card, are less than consolation
for the things you lack

past the deadline, call from a landline
but you can’t make somebody understand
all you can handle, blow out the candle
and it goes round and it goes round again

500 miles, with love like medication
and my hands are tied
weeds to the door, so much deliberation
you could lose your mind

past the deadline, wait for the green light
but you can’t see the end before you start
fade like a fashion, the moment is passing
and I can’t stay much longer in the dark

500 miles, through the open window
as the train goes by
500 miles, is maybe all I needed just to get it right
all I need, all that goes…comes around …all I need…to get it right

past the deadline, riding a thin line
the turns of poetry and circumstance
all you can handle, I’m at a standstill,
and it goes round and it goes round again…

500 miles, somewhere over Kansas,
where the storm goes by
500 miles, is maybe all I needed
just to get it right…all I need…to get it right
500 miles-Sandra McCracken

I Couldn't Have Said it Better

My friend Leslie posted recently about Love...its steadfastness and its foundation in the hope of Christ's love. This is something I have been learning (struggling with) so much right now. She's very good with words so I'm just going to quote her post :)

"one of the hardest lesson about love is its selflessness. many times love is bright because our input births favorable output; there is a sense of satisfaction when we know our love is cherished by another person.

then there is steadfast love. a love worth giving even if it may never be received or acknowledged by the ones we lavish it upon. a love poured out even if we may never gain.

why should we have steadfast love?

because the Lord is faithful.

therefore we have hope in Him.

i stand IN that hope."

Sometimes its REALLY hard to love people. Sometimes it hurts...a lot. I stand in the hope that the Lord IS faithful and He IS love...Thank you, Jesus.

Brothers, I Love You!

I thank my God in all remembrance of you... Phil. 1:3

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same functions, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Romans 12:4

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. James 5:16

And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh. Jude vs. 22, 23 (Strong language).

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of POWER and LOVE and SELF-CONTROL. 2 Timothy 1:7

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. James 1:16

BE QUICK TO HEAR, SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO ANGER... James 1:19

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? James 2:14

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15, 16

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life. Proverbs 4:13

Keep your heart with all vigilance (guard it), for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the body of Christ, what is our responsibility to one another? What is our duty in loving one another? In giving?...AND in receiving?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...let the WORD of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing ONE ANOTHER in all wisdom... Colossians 3:15, 16

"Get Naked"

Naked Juice=My new love. "A pound of fruit in every bottle!" Working at a grocery store allows me the privilege of knowing when the stuff is on sale. Aaaah, what joy :) Since i've been sick, I've been drinking it a whole lot. Every time I bring home a bottle, Luke says "Get naked!" and laughs. The simple things amuse him...crazy kid. I recommend the Pomegranate and Orange juices, the Kiwi/Strawberry smoothie, and the Red Machine smoothie.

Today is my day off. I ran errands (picked up my parents anniversary gift!) and am now back at home. Mom and I have spent a lazy afternoon together chatting. The weather is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Tucson gets beautiful in the fall and winter. It is finally starting to cool off...sigh. I think I might read on the back patio.

Tonight I am going to Navs. He is speaking on 2 Timothy--how to avoid becoming a spiritual casualty. I am looking forward to it.

I'm covering a shift for someone tomorrow--working my first morning shift. I start at 7:30am!! But I get off at 1:15 so that'll be nice. It leaves me time to plan something fun tomorrow afternoon/evening.

Alright. I think that's all. Oh. Before I leave...I want to share this verse that I read this morning and found much power in.
Psalm 29:9 "The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth and strips the forests bare, and in his temple all cry 'Glory!'"

I Will Sing

I will sing for the meek
For those who pray with their very lives for peace
Though they're in chains for a higher call
Their mourning will change into laughter when the nations fall

In spirit poor
In mercy rich
They hunger for Your righteousness
Their hearts refined in the purity
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing

(Rich Mullins)

Sick

I have gotten 22 hours of sleep the last two nights combined...shouldn't I feel rested? I just woke up from a 2 hr. NAP! What's going on??? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that one minute I'm REALLY hot and the next I'm cold...I can't breathe out of my right nostril...and my throat is so swollen I can barely swallow. My arms ache...so sleep is fitful. That's probably why I'm still tired. Ugh this is awful. I'm drugged up--zinc, echinachea, vitamin C, dayquill (and niquill!). I have to go to work in 3 hrs. bleh. I work tomorrow also but it's a SHORT short shift, that's exciting. Alright, I'm going to go make tea and take a shower. Talk to you later...if i live. haha. jk. its really not that bad. I could be throwing up...gross. I hate throwing up.

I Bought My Ticket

...This makes two things very much final...

I AM GOING TO LIVE WITH JAY AND KRISTEN FOR OVER TWO WEEKS IN PHILLY!!!

I AM GOING TO VISIT HILLSDALE AND SEE MANY FRIENDS I MISS A WHOLE LOT!!!

yay for road trips with fun people and yay for reunions!!...and while I'm at it, yay for the midwest in the wintertime...yay for no more working as a cashier starting Nov. 18th!!!

My ticket is for Nov. 18-Dec. 10. Part of that time we'll be in Michigan spending time with our family, Jay's family (which is now part of our family too :)) and with Hillsdale people. Sigh. I am so excited about this. Kristen and I are going to go to many Farmer's Markets to get fresh produce and flowers...and other cool things. And I'll get to experience Philly. Woo!

I love waking up to the sound of rain on the roof...

It's a drizzly day in Arizona! What a blessing :) I love it SO MUCH. Plus, it will put more water in the rivers=more water in the canyon=better swimming. Yay!

Do You Ever Just Need to Cry?

...REALLY cry?...but you keep it all inside until you just can't anymore....and so finally you cry and you cry and you cry. If my heart didn't hurt so much it would be fine. I like to have a good cry. I like the way i sleep after I cry--deeply. But it hurts. A lot...

And now I'm sitting on the floor drinking my tea...in my pj's...and thinking about eating those oreos on the counter with some milk.

Words from Bob Dylan...

Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on its side.

Oh the Spanish-American
War had its day
And the Civil War too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I's made to memorize
With guns in their hands
And God on their side.

Oh the First World War, boys
It closed out its fate
The reason for fighting
I never got straight
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side.

When the Second World War
Came to an end
We forgave the Germans
And we were friends
Though they murdered six million
In the ovens they fried
The Germans now too
Have God on their side.

I've learned to hate Russians
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It's them we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And accept it all bravely
With God on my side.

But now we got weapons
Of the chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to
Then fire them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side.

In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.

So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
If God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.
(With God on Our Side)

Romans 15:20, 21

"...and thus I make it my ambition to preach the Gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, 'Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.'"

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
So that everyone might know your name
Let your song be heard everywhere on earth
Till your sovereign work on earth is done.

Let Your kingdom come.

Step Up

Today was my day off. Woo!! My mom and I spent the day together. It was SO fun. We went and saw "Step Up." Haha. I liked it a lot. Sure, laugh all you want...but I really enjoy dancing movies. And, once again, I came away REALLY wanting to take dance classes. So it's official. On my list of things to do...take dance classes. I would like to take several kinds of dance. I better marry someone that likes to dance. Maybe I'll marry someone who knows how to dance. Even better!

aaahh! I just want to DANCE. It looks like so much fun. Oh, and if any of you watch the trailer i don't want to hear it. I know it looks really stupid. The trailer looks worse than it actually was--the acting wasn't that bad at all. Plus, if you're going to find people who can dance well, chances are they won't be the greatest actors ever. Anyway, all this to say I recommend the movie. :)

Brother/Sister Bonding!!

...Ok...so we just went to Target to get crunch bars...and a few other things. But it was still an adventure! haha.

When Luke and I were about to leave the driveway mom and dad drove up (they were out for dinner). So Luke totally freaked out and told me to put my seat back....so I did. And there we sat (errr, laid) on our seats, waiting for mom and dad to walk by. Remember, it was dark...so if we had tried to scare them, they probably would have had a heart attack. Not good. But it worked out for the best anyway. They saw us before we could scare them. Luke blamed me because I took this picture and it flashed. Whatever...I don't think they even saw the flash. They said they saw an arm flailing. That was definitely Luke. haha.

Oh. And Luke is SO tan. He looks like and Indian.

New Developments You Probably Don't Know About

So...I've changed my major at Moody. I think most of you know...I just got really excited again tonight thinking about it. I want to start studying now! I am a little torn, though. I'm not sure which I want to be my major and which I want to be my minor. For most of the summer now I have been decided on an Urban Ministries major with a minor in linguistics or Greek/Hebrew (I really want to do the language thing still). It gets more exciting :) Mark was at Eagle Lake this summer and met someone who goes to Moody and who is majoring in "Biblical Languages." I didn't even know they offered that major but it sounds amazing...Greek and Hebrew!! So I think I am going to minor in Biblical Languages. I'm incredibly excited to get into the material. Here are some of the classes from both majors that I am most excited about taking. There really aren't many that I'm NOT excited about. But these looks especially good :)
I can't express to you how excited this makes me...oh man! Here's the list:

History of American Urban Diversity

Christianity & Western Culture I

Urban Issues in the Church

Christianity & Western Culture II

History & Theology in Urban
Ministry

Theories and Methods of
Urban Evangelism

Intercultural Communication

Principles of Church Growth and
Planting in North America


Contemporary Issues in Science

Ministry Leadership and Staff
Relationship

Philosophy of Urban Ministry

Ministry Internship


The Church and Its Doctrines

Studying and Teaching the Bible

Old Testament Survey

New Testament Survey

Spiritual Life and Community

Introduction to Disciple-making

Hermeneutics/Bible Study Methods

Greek Grammar

Hebrew Grammar

Greek Exegesis

Hebrew Exegesis

Life in Bible Times

UofA Navs

Navs tonight was amazing...a huge blessing. I'll try to post more about it soon. Mostly it just made me think about a lot of things...and I want to keep thinking before I express my thoughts :) For now, I'd like to share this song. It meant a lot to me tonight. It kinda hit me hard. Thank you, Father.

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Hmmm

I read this on the 18th from Morning and Evening, by Charles Spurgeon, and have been thinking of it ever since. I've gone back to read it twice and several times I have been reminded of it during the day. It's very interesting to me that it has made me think so much. Not that it shouldn't, but it is something I haven't really been thinking about but all of a sudden I was presented with these thoughts and now they are on my mind a lot. It was a convicting piece to read. Convicting for myself personally and also on a broader level as a member of the Global Church. It isn't only something I need to challenge myself with, but something I need to challenge others with--and sometimes that's the most difficult of the two.

So here's what I read...
--------------------------------------
Strangers are come into the santuaries of the Lord's house." Jeremiah 51:51

On this account the faces of the Lord's people were covered with shame, for it was a terrible thing that men should intrude into the Holy Place reserved for the priests alone. Everywhere about us we see like cause for sorrow. How many ungodly men are now educating with the view of entering into the ministry! What a crying sin is that solemn lie by which our whole population is nominally comprehended in a National Church! How fearful it is that ordinances should be pressed upon the unconverted, and that among the more enlightened churches of our land there should be such laxity of discipline. If the thousands who will read this portion shall all take this matter before the Lord Jesus this day, He will interfere and avert the evil which else will come upon His Church. To adulterate the Church is to pollute a well, to pour water upon fire, to sow a fertile field with stones. May we all have grace to maintain in our proper way the purity of the Church, as being an assembly of believers, and not a nation, an unsaved community of unconverted men.
Our zeal must, however, begin at home. Let us examine ourselves as to our right to eat at the Lord's table. Let us see to it that we have on our wedding garment, lest we ourselves be intruders in the Lord's sanctuaries. Many are called, but few are chosen; the way is narrow, and the gate is strait. O for grace to come to Jesus aright, with the faith of God's elect. He who smote Uzzah for touching the ark is very jealous of His two ordinances; as a true believer I may approach them freely, as an alien I must not touch them lest I die. Heart searching is the duty of all who are baptized or come to the Lord's table. 'Search me, O God, and know my way, try me and know my heart.'
-------------------------------------------
The whole passage really impresses me. I often forget that the Lord indeed smote Uzzah for touching the ark. I forget that He is a jealous God--jealous for my love and for my whole heart...Jealous for HIS glory. Hmmm. "Our zeal must begin at home"...I like that. "Heart searching is the DUTY of all who are baptized or come to the Lord's table." Oh, how I forget this! "Search me, O God!"

"Let us examine ourselves as to our right to eat at the Lord's table..."

"...Lest we ourselves be intruders in the Lord's sanctuaries"

This is some serious stuff. I blow it off so much of the time. I hardly examine myself...and I mean REALLY examine...getting to the heart issues, not just amending behavior, etc. Also--do we help others in their process of examining themselves? In the role of accountability? Are we challenging others as well as ourselves, lest we should allow intruders into our midst to worship in the Lord's sanctuary?

I realize this is really touchy ground. We don't like "getting into other people's business." We think it isn't our job. We think being good Christians is about speaking the truth when it is comfortable and easy...or maybe we think that we can't approach others about issues we ourselves are struggling with...and there IS truth in this...take the plank out of your own eye before removing the speck in your brother's. But remember we are called a BODY for a reason. We are many members that make up ONE community, and part of living in community together is challenging one another by speaking the truth (even HARD truth) in love, and not being afraid to do it.

There is definitely a weeding process here...but we need to be careful about WHO and HOW we weed. I'm having a hard time with this concept. I am really bad at confronting people--especially people in the Church with me. It is too close and uncomfortable and I always doubt my motives, asking, "Who am I to approach HIM on something that I myself struggle with?" Or "Who am I to approach HIM about his weakness when I am by no means strong?" And I cripple myself because I believe these lies. Instead of consulting the Lord, surrendering my pride, and asking for His mercy and guidance, I decide that I should just keep my mouth shut because, after all, I'm a sinner too and I have no right to apprach "so and so" about his. But how does this benefit the body? How does it further the mission of the Church and strengthen the community of believers. It doesn't.

Man. I don't really know where I'm going with this next. My thoughts are sort of jumbled because I'm still thinking about all of this.

I just think it's really convicting to think about the holiness of the Lord and of the Lord's place. I take it for granted and I tarnish the Holy Place. I don't think of it as my DUTY to search my heart. I don't examine myself enough...and I don't have the strength to help others in the process either. Lord, help. Thank you that your grace never ends!

Psalm 119:33-40

TEACH me, O Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end.

GIVE me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.

LEAD me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.

INCLINE my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!

TURN my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

CONFIRM to your servant your promise, that you may be feared.

TURN AWAY the reproach that I dread, for your rules are good.

Behold, I LONG for your precepts; in your righteousness give me life!

Exciting Plans for the Fall

On the Agenda:
Backpacking trip with dad
Tubing the Salt River with Hannah
Rock climbing with Luke
Canoeing/kayaking with family
Camping trips!
Sew with mom (I'm still in the middle of a skirt and a quilt)
Concerts (Guster, for one :))

Exploring new sides of Tucson. (hannah is going to take me to the pita pit...and I want to explore more of the shops on 4th avenue)
When the weather cools down I am going to run more

Continue my cooking (I have two new cookbooks to use :))
Study (CLEP tests)
Spend time with people i wouldn't be able to otherwise...family (especially Luke during his last year of high school!) and friends (hannah!!)
Read (there are a few books I would like to get my hands on...I like to read at Starbucks...especially in the cooler weather. It's one of my favorite things to do here...I know its kinda silly. Oh the simple things)

Get to know people at work better
Spend more time with my teacher Mrs. O'Hair

Obviously this is a list of ideas. I can't spend too much money, I need to be saving. Luckily things like rock climbing and camping, etc cost practically nothing. I'm so excited. I will be working all the time...this week I almost hit overtime. yikes! At least most of these options can be day trips (for my day off!)

I am excited about all the opportunities open to me...and I feel like more are opening all the time. I am going to be in CHICAGO in January. That is so crazy! I can't believe it. Really, this is a super short time. I have been worried about feeling sad and lonely about not being with hillsdale friends, etc. I will be, for sure, but it won't be long before I'm in that area again. One semester is hardly anything. I don't want to waste this time by feeling sorry for myself. I have been realizing how incredibly LUCKY I am. This is such an amazing change in my life. I am going on to study something completely new and different at Moody. In the meantime, I get to earn money (building relationships with new people) and spend time with people I haven't spent time with in quite a while. Investing in those I love is really important to me. i am thankful I will be here to "bond" more with Luke. He is all excited about getting his rock climbing equipment and taking me up the mountain. I can't wait. And he's going to teach me to kayak :). I thank God that He is beginning to reveal more of Himself to me in this situation. It's exciting.

I'd really like to do something with kids. But that's something I still need to look into. I don't know what kinds of volunteer programs I might be able to find...we'll see. It's hard with work because I have no set schedule. It changes week to week and I usually only have one or two days off. I might actually go to Mexico with my dad if I can pull it off. We'll see how things go with work :)

Jay and Kristen come back the 15th and leave for Philly the 19th. I'm excited to see them but rather sad that it is only for such a short time. I want to be with them!! Sad. Oh well. Who knows what the future holds. I might get to spend more time with them again in the near future. Perhaps thanksgiving! :)

So i got tomorrow off in exchange for Thursday. the David Wilcox concert is in phoenix at 7. I am SO excited about it. I think I am going alone...which is a bummer but I am still really looking forward to it. I worked 8 and 1/2 hrs yesterday and have the same shift today. I'm pretty exhausted. Sleep is sweet and deep these days :)

That's all for now. I finally got to a "real" update. yay! I love you guys.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I found this quote on the Simple Way blog and thought it was really neat.

"You must realize that it is the ordinary way of God's dealings with us that our ideas do not work out speedily and efficiently as we would like them to. The reason for this is not only the loving wisdom of God, but also the fact that our acts have to fit into a great complex pattern that we cannot possibly understand. I have learned over the years that Providence is always a whole lot wiser than any of us, and that there are always not only good reasons but the very best reasons for the delays and blocks that often seem to us so frustrating and absurd."

"The Hidden Ground of Love", Letters by Thomas Merton.

P.S.

After lots of thinking lately....I am really excited about things. More soon. I have to go to work. I will share soon. bye!!

My Faith is Tested

"i will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can climb
i will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild
i will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside
i will lift my eyes
lift my eyes
to You."

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted" Hebrews 12:3

"Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up to salvation--if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good." 1 Peter 2:2

"So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10

More later...I will post thoughts soon. For now, just dwell on these things.