One Month, Five Days

Until I LEAVE....for the midwest. Aaaah. I am SO excited. However, I have been getting very sentimental about leaving work. It's weird, i know, but true. Last night I made brownies and brought them in to the closers at 11:30. Baking is no fun unless you have someone to bake FOR. I love my co-workers (most of them)!! I will miss them a whole lot...

In other news. I am back on track studying for the CLEP test. I am also almost completely done with my Christmas shopping. I'm kinda sad because I spent quite a bit of savings on gifts (but I have been trying to shop wisely and I am making a lot of gifts this year...just buying some supplies :)) but I would have spent it in December on gifts either way. This way, I have time to think about it and shop around. I'm pleased with my purchases. I just have a few more family gifts to get.

My car insurance payment just came. Bleh.

It's supposed to be in the lower 70's this weekend. That's exciting! I love the cooler weather. On monday I drove up Mt. lemon to see the leaves changing. It was so beautiful. In a couple weeks there will be even more color....but it was a start. It was a drizzly day up there and COLD. I loved it SO SO much!!! :)

I have a lot of letter-writing to do. I've gotten behind. Sorry if you are among those who haven't gotten replies...

I love you, Friends! And hope all is well. Midterms are over (or at least almost) so I'm sure that is a relief :). I miss you!!

I'm Really Excited for Christmas

Come thou long-expected Jesus,
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel's strength and consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a Child and yet a King.
Born to reign in us for ever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.

By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all-sufficient merit
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

This is all...

1. People are amazing. Being in relationship is such a gift!

2. Nature is beautiful. It shouts the glory of God. I love it.

I'll tap the break while you crack the window
the smell of smoke is making my lungs explode
the 51 is backed up and too slow
let’s tune out by turning on the radio

There is a Gila Monster asleep on my back patio

True story...

So today I was sitting at our dining room table reading a little and writing in my journal. I happened to look out the sliding glass door onto our back patio and saw a GILA MONSTER waddling across the pavement. It was the craziest thing. I NEVER see them...they are never out! It's probably because it has been cooling off. Anyway. I got up to take pictures and it freaked out...darting its head around and spitting its tongue out at me (a black, forked thing. yuck). I know they can't move fast but I must say I was very glad there was a door separating him from me. yikes. He was not happy. So I sad back down to read and the next thing I know, Mr. Gila Monster has folded his front arms under him and is ASLEEP! Haha. His eyes were actually closed. So I got my camera out again...but then he woke up. You can see his arms under him, though...how cute! He eventually waddled off into the bushes. So crazy. haha. It was really cool.

So...tonight at work I figured the Grand Canyon plans out with Jordan and Ann Marie. We're scheduling it for Nov 10 and 11. We're going to camp up there. It'll be cold but SO fun. I can't wait. I also told Ann Marie I will be leaving. She was sad...which made me sad...I like her so much. I want to hang out with her more! There are people at this job that make leaving a bit difficult. Sigh.

I can't believe it's already October. I've been working for Fry's for 3 FULL months! That's crazy. And...Christmas is only a little over two months away. Ridiculous! Where does the time GO???

Man. I really need to get on my CLEP studying. Really. yuck.

I finished Blue Like Jazz and now I'm reading Why We Can't Wait by Martin Luther King, Jr. So far its very good...and very interesting. It's a small book so I should be finished with it soon. I think I'm going to read On the Road next. We'll see. Any suggestions from others? I don't promise I'll take them but I enjoy recommendations. :)

Ok. It's 12 and I'm so tired. You wouldn't think so because i got 12 and 1/2 hrs of sleep last night. I know...ridiculous. But I didn't set my alarm and I just kept sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. I think being around so many people and so much commotion at work really drains me. If not, then I don't have an explanation. :) I guess my body just needs sleep. Who knows.
I miss you, friends! Talk to you later.
Much Love!!! -Andrea

"Mary" by Patty Griffin

I have discovered Patty Griffin, thanks to reading Blue Like Jazz. I like her a lot. This song is amazing.

"In the song, Patty talks about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and what it must have been like the day her son was killed. She paints this painful picture of Mary inside her house, cleaning, and as the song played I imagined Mary washing down the counters and sweeping the floors, frantically, trying not to think about what they had done to her Son that morning. And I imagined Mary falling down outside her door on her hands and knees and beating her fists into the dirt and screaming at God." (blue like jazz)

I forget about Mary. I forget that she was real...that she was a wife...that she was a mom. And her Son was killed.

I listened to this song on repeat last night and cried. I have never thought about that day from Mary's point of view before. Not like that anyway.

Lyrics:
Mary youre covered in roses, youre covered in ashes
Youre covered in rain
Youre covered in babies, youre covered in slashes
Youre covered in wilderness, youre covered in stains
You cast aside the sheet, you cast aside the shroud
Of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day and always stay, mary

Jesus says mother I couldnt stay another day longer
Flys right by me and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels are singin his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place

Mary she moves behind me
She leaves her fingerprints everywhere
Everytime the snow drifts, everytime the sand shifts
Even when the night lifts, shes always there

Jesus said mother I couldnt stay another day longer
Flys right by me and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels are singin his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place

Mary youre covered in roses, youre covered in ruin
Youre covered in secrets
Youre covered in treetops, youre covered in birds
Who can sing a million songs without any words
You cast aside the sheets, you cast aside the shroud
Of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day and always stay
Mary, mary, mary

Sometimes Visuals are Better...

Mom and Dad are leaving for San Diego this weekend to speak to one of our sending Churches. Mom has this "display" all set up representing the number of unreached people groups in the world. It's a pretty neat visual. It targets the kids but it's sobering for everyone.

Wisdom from a guy named Andrew...

"...what I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do."

"...dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something...is the hardest thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe."

Sigh

I am very tempted right now...tempted to buy Caedmon's Call, Long Line of Leavers. Ugh. I really, really want it...but I just can't justify spending the money right now. I hate that. Bleh. But I think I will put it on my birthday list :)

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz right now...finally. I thought it was about time I form an opinion about that book....

The Grand Canyon....AGAIN!

I am SOOOO excited!! I am going to the Grand Canyon not this week but next with two friends from work (Jordan and Ann Marie). I am looking forward to it SO much. I am so happy to be making friends at work. There are some really neat people there. It's just so neat to be around so many people from so many different walks of life...and here we are, spending these months together. Crazy. God is so good. I thank Him for these opportunities and pray He moves in the lives of those around me. I would appreciate your prayer too!
I'll post pictures ;) (as usual)

Check them out!

These two new blogs...on the bottom of my "links" list right there to your left are two knew blog links. Check them out. Interesting.

That's all.

Drive. Keep Driving.

500 miles, I stop to write a postcard
it’s a long way back
words on a card, are less than consolation
for the things you lack

past the deadline, call from a landline
but you can’t make somebody understand
all you can handle, blow out the candle
and it goes round and it goes round again

500 miles, with love like medication
and my hands are tied
weeds to the door, so much deliberation
you could lose your mind

past the deadline, wait for the green light
but you can’t see the end before you start
fade like a fashion, the moment is passing
and I can’t stay much longer in the dark

500 miles, through the open window
as the train goes by
500 miles, is maybe all I needed just to get it right
all I need, all that goes…comes around …all I need…to get it right

past the deadline, riding a thin line
the turns of poetry and circumstance
all you can handle, I’m at a standstill,
and it goes round and it goes round again…

500 miles, somewhere over Kansas,
where the storm goes by
500 miles, is maybe all I needed
just to get it right…all I need…to get it right
500 miles-Sandra McCracken

I Couldn't Have Said it Better

My friend Leslie posted recently about Love...its steadfastness and its foundation in the hope of Christ's love. This is something I have been learning (struggling with) so much right now. She's very good with words so I'm just going to quote her post :)

"one of the hardest lesson about love is its selflessness. many times love is bright because our input births favorable output; there is a sense of satisfaction when we know our love is cherished by another person.

then there is steadfast love. a love worth giving even if it may never be received or acknowledged by the ones we lavish it upon. a love poured out even if we may never gain.

why should we have steadfast love?

because the Lord is faithful.

therefore we have hope in Him.

i stand IN that hope."

Sometimes its REALLY hard to love people. Sometimes it hurts...a lot. I stand in the hope that the Lord IS faithful and He IS love...Thank you, Jesus.

Brothers, I Love You!

I thank my God in all remembrance of you... Phil. 1:3

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same functions, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Romans 12:4

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. James 5:16

And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh. Jude vs. 22, 23 (Strong language).

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of POWER and LOVE and SELF-CONTROL. 2 Timothy 1:7

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. James 1:16

BE QUICK TO HEAR, SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO ANGER... James 1:19

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? James 2:14

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15, 16

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Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life. Proverbs 4:13

Keep your heart with all vigilance (guard it), for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

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As the body of Christ, what is our responsibility to one another? What is our duty in loving one another? In giving?...AND in receiving?

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Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...let the WORD of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing ONE ANOTHER in all wisdom... Colossians 3:15, 16

"Get Naked"

Naked Juice=My new love. "A pound of fruit in every bottle!" Working at a grocery store allows me the privilege of knowing when the stuff is on sale. Aaaah, what joy :) Since i've been sick, I've been drinking it a whole lot. Every time I bring home a bottle, Luke says "Get naked!" and laughs. The simple things amuse him...crazy kid. I recommend the Pomegranate and Orange juices, the Kiwi/Strawberry smoothie, and the Red Machine smoothie.

Today is my day off. I ran errands (picked up my parents anniversary gift!) and am now back at home. Mom and I have spent a lazy afternoon together chatting. The weather is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Tucson gets beautiful in the fall and winter. It is finally starting to cool off...sigh. I think I might read on the back patio.

Tonight I am going to Navs. He is speaking on 2 Timothy--how to avoid becoming a spiritual casualty. I am looking forward to it.

I'm covering a shift for someone tomorrow--working my first morning shift. I start at 7:30am!! But I get off at 1:15 so that'll be nice. It leaves me time to plan something fun tomorrow afternoon/evening.

Alright. I think that's all. Oh. Before I leave...I want to share this verse that I read this morning and found much power in.
Psalm 29:9 "The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth and strips the forests bare, and in his temple all cry 'Glory!'"

I Will Sing

I will sing for the meek
For those who pray with their very lives for peace
Though they're in chains for a higher call
Their mourning will change into laughter when the nations fall

In spirit poor
In mercy rich
They hunger for Your righteousness
Their hearts refined in the purity
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing

(Rich Mullins)

Sick

I have gotten 22 hours of sleep the last two nights combined...shouldn't I feel rested? I just woke up from a 2 hr. NAP! What's going on??? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that one minute I'm REALLY hot and the next I'm cold...I can't breathe out of my right nostril...and my throat is so swollen I can barely swallow. My arms ache...so sleep is fitful. That's probably why I'm still tired. Ugh this is awful. I'm drugged up--zinc, echinachea, vitamin C, dayquill (and niquill!). I have to go to work in 3 hrs. bleh. I work tomorrow also but it's a SHORT short shift, that's exciting. Alright, I'm going to go make tea and take a shower. Talk to you later...if i live. haha. jk. its really not that bad. I could be throwing up...gross. I hate throwing up.

I Bought My Ticket

...This makes two things very much final...

I AM GOING TO LIVE WITH JAY AND KRISTEN FOR OVER TWO WEEKS IN PHILLY!!!

I AM GOING TO VISIT HILLSDALE AND SEE MANY FRIENDS I MISS A WHOLE LOT!!!

yay for road trips with fun people and yay for reunions!!...and while I'm at it, yay for the midwest in the wintertime...yay for no more working as a cashier starting Nov. 18th!!!

My ticket is for Nov. 18-Dec. 10. Part of that time we'll be in Michigan spending time with our family, Jay's family (which is now part of our family too :)) and with Hillsdale people. Sigh. I am so excited about this. Kristen and I are going to go to many Farmer's Markets to get fresh produce and flowers...and other cool things. And I'll get to experience Philly. Woo!

I love waking up to the sound of rain on the roof...

It's a drizzly day in Arizona! What a blessing :) I love it SO MUCH. Plus, it will put more water in the rivers=more water in the canyon=better swimming. Yay!

Do You Ever Just Need to Cry?

...REALLY cry?...but you keep it all inside until you just can't anymore....and so finally you cry and you cry and you cry. If my heart didn't hurt so much it would be fine. I like to have a good cry. I like the way i sleep after I cry--deeply. But it hurts. A lot...

And now I'm sitting on the floor drinking my tea...in my pj's...and thinking about eating those oreos on the counter with some milk.

Words from Bob Dylan...

Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on its side.

Oh the Spanish-American
War had its day
And the Civil War too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I's made to memorize
With guns in their hands
And God on their side.

Oh the First World War, boys
It closed out its fate
The reason for fighting
I never got straight
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side.

When the Second World War
Came to an end
We forgave the Germans
And we were friends
Though they murdered six million
In the ovens they fried
The Germans now too
Have God on their side.

I've learned to hate Russians
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It's them we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And accept it all bravely
With God on my side.

But now we got weapons
Of the chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to
Then fire them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side.

In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.

So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
If God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.
(With God on Our Side)

Romans 15:20, 21

"...and thus I make it my ambition to preach the Gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, 'Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.'"

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
So that everyone might know your name
Let your song be heard everywhere on earth
Till your sovereign work on earth is done.

Let Your kingdom come.

Step Up

Today was my day off. Woo!! My mom and I spent the day together. It was SO fun. We went and saw "Step Up." Haha. I liked it a lot. Sure, laugh all you want...but I really enjoy dancing movies. And, once again, I came away REALLY wanting to take dance classes. So it's official. On my list of things to do...take dance classes. I would like to take several kinds of dance. I better marry someone that likes to dance. Maybe I'll marry someone who knows how to dance. Even better!

aaahh! I just want to DANCE. It looks like so much fun. Oh, and if any of you watch the trailer i don't want to hear it. I know it looks really stupid. The trailer looks worse than it actually was--the acting wasn't that bad at all. Plus, if you're going to find people who can dance well, chances are they won't be the greatest actors ever. Anyway, all this to say I recommend the movie. :)

Brother/Sister Bonding!!

...Ok...so we just went to Target to get crunch bars...and a few other things. But it was still an adventure! haha.

When Luke and I were about to leave the driveway mom and dad drove up (they were out for dinner). So Luke totally freaked out and told me to put my seat back....so I did. And there we sat (errr, laid) on our seats, waiting for mom and dad to walk by. Remember, it was dark...so if we had tried to scare them, they probably would have had a heart attack. Not good. But it worked out for the best anyway. They saw us before we could scare them. Luke blamed me because I took this picture and it flashed. Whatever...I don't think they even saw the flash. They said they saw an arm flailing. That was definitely Luke. haha.

Oh. And Luke is SO tan. He looks like and Indian.

New Developments You Probably Don't Know About

So...I've changed my major at Moody. I think most of you know...I just got really excited again tonight thinking about it. I want to start studying now! I am a little torn, though. I'm not sure which I want to be my major and which I want to be my minor. For most of the summer now I have been decided on an Urban Ministries major with a minor in linguistics or Greek/Hebrew (I really want to do the language thing still). It gets more exciting :) Mark was at Eagle Lake this summer and met someone who goes to Moody and who is majoring in "Biblical Languages." I didn't even know they offered that major but it sounds amazing...Greek and Hebrew!! So I think I am going to minor in Biblical Languages. I'm incredibly excited to get into the material. Here are some of the classes from both majors that I am most excited about taking. There really aren't many that I'm NOT excited about. But these looks especially good :)
I can't express to you how excited this makes me...oh man! Here's the list:

History of American Urban Diversity

Christianity & Western Culture I

Urban Issues in the Church

Christianity & Western Culture II

History & Theology in Urban
Ministry

Theories and Methods of
Urban Evangelism

Intercultural Communication

Principles of Church Growth and
Planting in North America


Contemporary Issues in Science

Ministry Leadership and Staff
Relationship

Philosophy of Urban Ministry

Ministry Internship


The Church and Its Doctrines

Studying and Teaching the Bible

Old Testament Survey

New Testament Survey

Spiritual Life and Community

Introduction to Disciple-making

Hermeneutics/Bible Study Methods

Greek Grammar

Hebrew Grammar

Greek Exegesis

Hebrew Exegesis

Life in Bible Times

UofA Navs

Navs tonight was amazing...a huge blessing. I'll try to post more about it soon. Mostly it just made me think about a lot of things...and I want to keep thinking before I express my thoughts :) For now, I'd like to share this song. It meant a lot to me tonight. It kinda hit me hard. Thank you, Father.

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Hmmm

I read this on the 18th from Morning and Evening, by Charles Spurgeon, and have been thinking of it ever since. I've gone back to read it twice and several times I have been reminded of it during the day. It's very interesting to me that it has made me think so much. Not that it shouldn't, but it is something I haven't really been thinking about but all of a sudden I was presented with these thoughts and now they are on my mind a lot. It was a convicting piece to read. Convicting for myself personally and also on a broader level as a member of the Global Church. It isn't only something I need to challenge myself with, but something I need to challenge others with--and sometimes that's the most difficult of the two.

So here's what I read...
--------------------------------------
Strangers are come into the santuaries of the Lord's house." Jeremiah 51:51

On this account the faces of the Lord's people were covered with shame, for it was a terrible thing that men should intrude into the Holy Place reserved for the priests alone. Everywhere about us we see like cause for sorrow. How many ungodly men are now educating with the view of entering into the ministry! What a crying sin is that solemn lie by which our whole population is nominally comprehended in a National Church! How fearful it is that ordinances should be pressed upon the unconverted, and that among the more enlightened churches of our land there should be such laxity of discipline. If the thousands who will read this portion shall all take this matter before the Lord Jesus this day, He will interfere and avert the evil which else will come upon His Church. To adulterate the Church is to pollute a well, to pour water upon fire, to sow a fertile field with stones. May we all have grace to maintain in our proper way the purity of the Church, as being an assembly of believers, and not a nation, an unsaved community of unconverted men.
Our zeal must, however, begin at home. Let us examine ourselves as to our right to eat at the Lord's table. Let us see to it that we have on our wedding garment, lest we ourselves be intruders in the Lord's sanctuaries. Many are called, but few are chosen; the way is narrow, and the gate is strait. O for grace to come to Jesus aright, with the faith of God's elect. He who smote Uzzah for touching the ark is very jealous of His two ordinances; as a true believer I may approach them freely, as an alien I must not touch them lest I die. Heart searching is the duty of all who are baptized or come to the Lord's table. 'Search me, O God, and know my way, try me and know my heart.'
-------------------------------------------
The whole passage really impresses me. I often forget that the Lord indeed smote Uzzah for touching the ark. I forget that He is a jealous God--jealous for my love and for my whole heart...Jealous for HIS glory. Hmmm. "Our zeal must begin at home"...I like that. "Heart searching is the DUTY of all who are baptized or come to the Lord's table." Oh, how I forget this! "Search me, O God!"

"Let us examine ourselves as to our right to eat at the Lord's table..."

"...Lest we ourselves be intruders in the Lord's sanctuaries"

This is some serious stuff. I blow it off so much of the time. I hardly examine myself...and I mean REALLY examine...getting to the heart issues, not just amending behavior, etc. Also--do we help others in their process of examining themselves? In the role of accountability? Are we challenging others as well as ourselves, lest we should allow intruders into our midst to worship in the Lord's sanctuary?

I realize this is really touchy ground. We don't like "getting into other people's business." We think it isn't our job. We think being good Christians is about speaking the truth when it is comfortable and easy...or maybe we think that we can't approach others about issues we ourselves are struggling with...and there IS truth in this...take the plank out of your own eye before removing the speck in your brother's. But remember we are called a BODY for a reason. We are many members that make up ONE community, and part of living in community together is challenging one another by speaking the truth (even HARD truth) in love, and not being afraid to do it.

There is definitely a weeding process here...but we need to be careful about WHO and HOW we weed. I'm having a hard time with this concept. I am really bad at confronting people--especially people in the Church with me. It is too close and uncomfortable and I always doubt my motives, asking, "Who am I to approach HIM on something that I myself struggle with?" Or "Who am I to approach HIM about his weakness when I am by no means strong?" And I cripple myself because I believe these lies. Instead of consulting the Lord, surrendering my pride, and asking for His mercy and guidance, I decide that I should just keep my mouth shut because, after all, I'm a sinner too and I have no right to apprach "so and so" about his. But how does this benefit the body? How does it further the mission of the Church and strengthen the community of believers. It doesn't.

Man. I don't really know where I'm going with this next. My thoughts are sort of jumbled because I'm still thinking about all of this.

I just think it's really convicting to think about the holiness of the Lord and of the Lord's place. I take it for granted and I tarnish the Holy Place. I don't think of it as my DUTY to search my heart. I don't examine myself enough...and I don't have the strength to help others in the process either. Lord, help. Thank you that your grace never ends!

Psalm 119:33-40

TEACH me, O Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end.

GIVE me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.

LEAD me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.

INCLINE my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!

TURN my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

CONFIRM to your servant your promise, that you may be feared.

TURN AWAY the reproach that I dread, for your rules are good.

Behold, I LONG for your precepts; in your righteousness give me life!

Exciting Plans for the Fall

On the Agenda:
Backpacking trip with dad
Tubing the Salt River with Hannah
Rock climbing with Luke
Canoeing/kayaking with family
Camping trips!
Sew with mom (I'm still in the middle of a skirt and a quilt)
Concerts (Guster, for one :))

Exploring new sides of Tucson. (hannah is going to take me to the pita pit...and I want to explore more of the shops on 4th avenue)
When the weather cools down I am going to run more

Continue my cooking (I have two new cookbooks to use :))
Study (CLEP tests)
Spend time with people i wouldn't be able to otherwise...family (especially Luke during his last year of high school!) and friends (hannah!!)
Read (there are a few books I would like to get my hands on...I like to read at Starbucks...especially in the cooler weather. It's one of my favorite things to do here...I know its kinda silly. Oh the simple things)

Get to know people at work better
Spend more time with my teacher Mrs. O'Hair

Obviously this is a list of ideas. I can't spend too much money, I need to be saving. Luckily things like rock climbing and camping, etc cost practically nothing. I'm so excited. I will be working all the time...this week I almost hit overtime. yikes! At least most of these options can be day trips (for my day off!)

I am excited about all the opportunities open to me...and I feel like more are opening all the time. I am going to be in CHICAGO in January. That is so crazy! I can't believe it. Really, this is a super short time. I have been worried about feeling sad and lonely about not being with hillsdale friends, etc. I will be, for sure, but it won't be long before I'm in that area again. One semester is hardly anything. I don't want to waste this time by feeling sorry for myself. I have been realizing how incredibly LUCKY I am. This is such an amazing change in my life. I am going on to study something completely new and different at Moody. In the meantime, I get to earn money (building relationships with new people) and spend time with people I haven't spent time with in quite a while. Investing in those I love is really important to me. i am thankful I will be here to "bond" more with Luke. He is all excited about getting his rock climbing equipment and taking me up the mountain. I can't wait. And he's going to teach me to kayak :). I thank God that He is beginning to reveal more of Himself to me in this situation. It's exciting.

I'd really like to do something with kids. But that's something I still need to look into. I don't know what kinds of volunteer programs I might be able to find...we'll see. It's hard with work because I have no set schedule. It changes week to week and I usually only have one or two days off. I might actually go to Mexico with my dad if I can pull it off. We'll see how things go with work :)

Jay and Kristen come back the 15th and leave for Philly the 19th. I'm excited to see them but rather sad that it is only for such a short time. I want to be with them!! Sad. Oh well. Who knows what the future holds. I might get to spend more time with them again in the near future. Perhaps thanksgiving! :)

So i got tomorrow off in exchange for Thursday. the David Wilcox concert is in phoenix at 7. I am SO excited about it. I think I am going alone...which is a bummer but I am still really looking forward to it. I worked 8 and 1/2 hrs yesterday and have the same shift today. I'm pretty exhausted. Sleep is sweet and deep these days :)

That's all for now. I finally got to a "real" update. yay! I love you guys.
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I found this quote on the Simple Way blog and thought it was really neat.

"You must realize that it is the ordinary way of God's dealings with us that our ideas do not work out speedily and efficiently as we would like them to. The reason for this is not only the loving wisdom of God, but also the fact that our acts have to fit into a great complex pattern that we cannot possibly understand. I have learned over the years that Providence is always a whole lot wiser than any of us, and that there are always not only good reasons but the very best reasons for the delays and blocks that often seem to us so frustrating and absurd."

"The Hidden Ground of Love", Letters by Thomas Merton.

P.S.

After lots of thinking lately....I am really excited about things. More soon. I have to go to work. I will share soon. bye!!

My Faith is Tested

"i will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can climb
i will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild
i will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside
i will lift my eyes
lift my eyes
to You."

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted" Hebrews 12:3

"Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up to salvation--if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good." 1 Peter 2:2

"So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10

More later...I will post thoughts soon. For now, just dwell on these things.

Focus, Where are You?

I have been so distracted lately! Ugh. It's frustrating! My mind is always racing with thoughts and ideas regarding my future...it's so exhausting and is definitely distracting my heart and mind from the duties I face now.

I feel really weak. I have no idea what my life is going to look like in two months. I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing. I have been trying too hard to figure it all out and find the answers. It's fairly obvious I'm not supposed to know the answers right now. God is asking me to wait and it is really very difficult. I feel very lonely...I miss hillsdale friends so much and I won't be going back to school with them in the fall. weird. I miss Kristen and Jay a ton...but it doesn't look like I'll be able to live with them in Philly--at least not for very long at all. I switch from feeling sad to feeling frustrating to feeling alone to feeling angry. God take this weak heart and make it strong! Man....I just don't know. I have no idea what's going on. I'm definitely in the middle of something. I want to use my time wisely but I really need to work on my attitude and outlook first. I have to claim THIS time NOW. I've gotten so wrapped up in the human, temporal perspective of things. It's killing me! I feel like I am dying inside sometimes because i am not focused on the eternal and lasting. These are just my honest thoughts and feelings. I'm really struggling right now. That's the truth. I know God is near...I ask Him to wake me up because I feel so asleep or drugged or something...like I'm living life in a daze. It's an awful feeling. Part of it is that I have just been so tired lately. I've been working late and getting up early...things always look worse when your tired. And I'm really tired right now.

Please pray that I would turn and focus my energy on the Lord and not on myself and my own worries and insecurities. Also, if I'm here all this semester, please pray that God would open up doors and opportunities here for me to serve Him and be involved. And that He would fill me with the discipline, obedience, energy, and drive to follow Him and pursue Him in everything I do--even the mundane work of each day. Thanks!

P.S. I listened to King and a Kingdom (Derek Webb) and read the lyrics again today. It's a powerful song. Here, read it. And then think about it. I am. There's a lot to think about. And then there's the job of doing. Hmmm. Here you go:


who's your brother, who's your sister
you just walked passed him
i think you missed her
as we're all migrating to the place where our father lives
'cause we married in to a family of immigrants
(chorus)
my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom


there are two great lies that i’ve heard:
“the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die”
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him


but nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we’ve got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think

Hallie is Gone...

We drove up to Phoenix this morning and I dropped her off at the airport. It was sad. But such a wonderful visit. I LOVED having her here. It was just so normal and natural to be living together again! It felt good....I miss having her so close to talk to and share thoughts with. It's different talking on the phone. Still good, just different. It is nice spending time in person. We had so many wonderful talks and did so many things! I am rather exhausted.
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Here's a song I've been thinking about today. With all this driving I've been doing I have been able to listen to lots of good music :) I've been listening to quite a bit of Caedmon's Call lately. It's nice. I like them lots. There old stuff at least....Anyhow, this song is so wonderful....and thought-provoking.

There's tarnish on the golden rule
And I wanna jump from this ship of fools
Show me a place where hope is young
And a people who aren't afraid to love

This world has nothing for me and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need

This world is making me drunk on the spirits of fear.
So when he says who will go, I am nowhere near.

And the least of these look like criminals to me
So I leave Christ on the street

This world has held my hand and has led me into intolerance
But now I'm waking up, but now I'm breaking up
But now I'm making up for lost time

I have been struggling a lot lately with the prospect of this fall. I have been having a very bad attitude--frustrated, hurt, upset--all very selfish. I need to spend time re-focusing and in prayer. I don't want to waste time. I want to seek the Lord's council and search His will. Sometimes I am afraid to see what it might be--to see WHAT He has in store for me. I know this is going to be a semester full of challenges...and growth. I want to take a few days here to think about what God is teaching me and where He might be leading me...how He might use this semester for me to apply things He has taught me recently, so that I might stand more firmly in the truths He is revealing to me. Who knows, but its a thought. I believe He is asking me to be patient and silent right now. It is SO HARD. ugh. sooo hard.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate your encouragement and dedication. Please pray I would be receptive AND obedient to all God reveals to me. I want to listen AND do, not just one or the other. Thank you!

Sigh

She's here! The drive from Phoenix yesterday was WONDERFUL. It was an amazing time of fellowship and catching up. I love Hallie!!

We stayed up until 1am (4 her time) talking, laughing, sharing memories, looking to the future. It was wonderful. Hallie woke up at 6:50am our time. I was still exhausted so I slept for a few more hours while she read. We stayed in our PJ's till noon talking some more...then I went to work. After work we (hallie and my family) went out for Mexican (YUM) then over to Kyle Baril's for a bit. We talked about Grand Canyon plans...looks like Monday!! up and back in ONE day. Woohoo for ten hours in the car! I'm really excited. I love road trips :)

Tomorrow we're going to Mexico...Nogales! i can't wait. I work tomorrow night, sat. night and sun. night. But the hugest blessing happened today! It is such a God thing....I have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off next week! Apparently people really needed money and requested all the shifts. Since I'm new, I get the left-overs. In this case, there were none! I am SO glad! I get to spend more time with HALLIE. God is so good. Sigh. What a blessing!

I am exhausted. She's asleep right now...poor thing crashed. The time change caught up with her. I can't believe she is here with me. Today at work I kept getting so excited whenever i realized I would see HALLIE after I got off work. It makes me smile a lot. It is such a gift to be reunited again! At the airport we both just about started crying...it stopped with watery eyes and shaky voices. Haha. It's so good to see each other again!!

Anyway. I am SO tired....shaky, actually. And we're leaving early tomorrow. Goodnight to all!!

Weird

I woke up this morning REALLY sad. I must have had a bad dream but I can't remember any....I did dream that they changed my shift at work on Sat from a night shift to a 9 hr all day shift. But that's not true and not reason enough for me to feel sad like this. It's SO weird. Huh.

I drive up to Phoenix tomorrow to PICK UP HALLIE FROM THE AIRPORT. Sigh. Oh so exciting. I can hardly wait. oh man oh man.

So I decided a summer hobby needs to be cooking! I bought this amazing Asian cuisine cookbook. It's a lot of fun. I even went to a couple asian markets yesterday to track down some ingredients. It was so fun! I was the only non-asian in both stores...except for one old couple at one of the stores. It was so neat. I loved looking at all the different things. Anyway. Allie and I made Sichuan Chicken for my family last night. It was super good. Then we made raspberry scones for dessert. YUM!! Cooking and baking is so much fun. I'm excited to do more!

Today I need to clean in preparation for my roommate's arrival!! woohoo.


PS Last night I read my old journal from last year. It's weird to see what I wrote during certain times--my first week, christmas break, first thoughts of transferring, friend issues, leaving...sigh. It's crazy...but really neat to look and see what God has done and how He is using those circumstances still (or similar ones) to teach me.

"She Rides The Eye of The Hurricane..."

It is 1:05 am. I got off work at 12:15. bleh. It was a yucky night. I feel like so much went wrong. I don't know what came over em! ugh. One of those nights that leave me feeling very discouraged...and wanting to be somewhere else. I don't want to think this way. I want to claim this time and this job for the Lord. But sometimes its really hard. Some days I just don't want to be doing this. But it isn't about what I want. That's what I'm learning...and it hurts. I might want to be at a different job--but God wants me at Fry's right now. I might want to be going to school in the fall--but God wants me to wait until the spring. Sometimes I feel really lonely. It's hard to surrender my life to the Lord daily--moment by moment, really. He's really working on this heart of mine...and taking me to a place of realization--that HE is my ALL. So that no matter where I am and no matter what circumstances I find myself in, I can be at peace in Him.

I'm listening to David Wilcox (sing:eye of the hurricane). It's nice. I love this song. I don't work tomorrow. I'm glad I'm not working but I tried to pick up a shift in order to drop one later in the week when Hallie is here. It didn't work out. That's another reason why I was so discouraged after tonight. Sigh. I should probably sleep. Everything looks worse when you're tired.

I have thoughts I want to share about Church today...but I'm too tired. Perhaps I will post again tomorrow. I love you guys.

I Love Rain

I love how clean the air is afterwards...I love that the desert actually looks green because the dust washes off the plants...I love the calming effect of watching the rain fall and run down the windows!...I love the big clouds...I love that it goes form 105 to 85 in a matter of minutes...I LOVE it! I want to take a walk in the rain. Next time I think I will. The only problem is, it usually rains right before work or when I'm at work. So the timing for a walk will be a little tricky.

So. I've been working quite a bit. Every night. I've gotten two paychecks so far: one for $200 and one for $240. My next few should be about $250...or more because they're increasing the length of my shifts. Not bad. I'm pleased for this opportunity to ear some money..even if the environment is not ideal.

I have been in such a contemplative mood for the past few days. It's kinda nice. As I think, there are a few songs that I put on repeat :) Here they are. I recommend listening to them.

I Want You To Be My Love-Over the Rhine
Nashville-David Mead
Indiana-David Mead
Now We Are Free-Gladiator
Deeper Still-David Wilcox
Any David Wilcox (He's good thinking music)

Sigh. What good songs...

My dad got home from Mexico last night. yay! It's good to have him home. He wants to plan a backpacking trip for this fall. Just the two of us. Probably Mt Humphrey or something. We'll see. It would be lots of fun, I just have to see what happens with this crazy life of mine...and if I'm in tucson or philadelphia. Sigh. I don't know HOW I'm going to make this decision. Help.

I'm excited about working at a camp next summer. SO excited. It's going to be such a neat experience. I wonder when I need to work on that application and get it in. Hmmm.

I'm reading The Soul of Politics by Jim Wallis and Anthem by Ayn Rand. I'm farther into The Soul of Politics. I like it a lot. I have been really tired lately, though, and so its hard to focus when I read. I usually fall asleep on the couch. I can't seem to catch up on sleep! I'm sleeping soundly, just not long enough. I'm really sore, too. From lifting all those bags of groceries and cases of water and soda. I'm getting muscle! I'm pleased :)

Hallie comes in FOUR days. I can't believe it. Aaaah. I am SO SO SO excited. AND I have wednesday off so I can pick her up in Phoenix and spend the whole first day with her. WOOHOO!

I think that's all. I need to get out of my PJ's and start my day. Luke and I might play racquetball! :) That and he is also going to teach me how to change the oil in my car. This day is going to be full of new things! haha. I love you guys!

-Andrea

Oh...and pictures of the rain:

Martin Luther King Jr.

"Throw us in jail and we will still love you. Bomb our houses and threaten our children and we will still love you. Beat us and leave us half dead and we will still love you. But be ye assured that we will wear you down by our capacity to suffer. one day we shall so appeal to your heart and conscience that we shall win you in the process, and our victory will be a double victory."
(from "The American Dream")

Lord of Eternity

by Fernando Ortega

"Blessed is the man
Who walks in your favor
Who loves all your words
And hides them like treasure.
In the darkest place
Of his desperate heart,
They are a light
A strong, sure light.

Sometimes I call out your name,
But I cannot find you.
I look for your face,
But you are not there.
By my sorrows, Lord,
Lift me to you,
Lift me up to your side.

(chorus)
Lord of eternity,
Father of mercy,
Look on my fainting soul.
Keeper of all the stars,
Friend of the poorest heart
Touch me and make me whole.

If you are my defender,
Who is against me?
No one can trouble or harm me
If you are my strength
All I ask, all I desire
Is to live in your house all my days."

It Is Well With My Soul

Where can I find strength when I am so weak? Where can I find hope when I feel despair? When I am afraid, where can I find comfort?

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

I've been thinking about this. What does it mean "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever?" It isn't too hard to understand what it means for God to be my strength. It's that word "portion" that gets me. So I looked it up...and it sort of has a two-fold meaning. First of all, it means an amount (of food or whatever) suitable for one person. I think this is really neat. God is all of the amount suitable FOR ME (and for everyone). He is, to each child, what he needs--what is suitable for him and satisfies his own unique needs/desires. Secondly, it means ones future or lot. God IS my future. How amazing!

God is my STRENGTH when I am weak...because He is my portion.
God is my HOPE when I feel despair...because He is my future.
God is my COMFORT when I am afraid...because He is my portion now and will be forever, because He is also my future.
Wow.

As I was driving today I put in an old tape. Because my car doesn't have a cd player and won't read the tape converters, I must settle for muffled old tapes that have sat in the 100 degree weather for far too long and are nearly melted. Oh well. So I put in this old tape of hymns. The second song that played was It Is Well With My Soul. It is such a wonderful hymn. I love it. So I got the lyrics out when I got home and had to share them with YOU! Plus, they tie into this whole network of thoughts I have been having. The words of this hymn are the result of an author who read Psalm 73:26 and really truly believed it. God is his strength and God is his portion...forever. That's why it is well with his soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

"Where is God taking you, Andrea? What is He doing in your life?"

I am not very often straight out asked this question. However, I thank Allie for doing it. It is incredibly refreshing and causes me to stop and look at my life--the path I'm on and where it is taking me. So much is clouded in mystery. So much is changing...in ways I didn't expect AT ALL a year ago. My "road" has taken so many interesting and "unexpected" turns. It's sort of neat because, after all, this IS an adventure. The mystery adds excitement but also a bit of unease. Where AM I going? Where IS God taking me? Who knows. I have to trust.

I don't think I have ever really felt like this before. It is so hard to explain. This is such a strange time in my life. I struggle a lot with my human emotions. I find myself battling sinful drives of my flesh and taming desires of my weak heart. I have so many longings...and I have looked to the world to fill them. What a waste! They are not satisfied. I guess you could say I am learning how to give Jesus my heart and all my longings. It's so hard sometimes!! It's definitely a process....and perhaps this "unsettled" feeling is just what I need to find complete "settled-ness" in Him.

"Be still and know that He is God"
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Disappear (by Bebo)

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion
That never seems to stop

And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine
Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life
Right out of me
I know of only one place I can run to

I want to hide in You
The Way, the Life, the Truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me¦

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory

"By this time next year I won't be here..."

I'm looking out the window and listening to Come Downstairs and Say Hello. It's nice.

I feel sad. For one thing, I don't really want to go back into work after the disasters of yesterday. Sigh. Secondly, I got my letter from Moody yesterday and I didn't get in for the fall. They don't have room. So I will go in the spring. It's strange...before I got the letter I was (or so i thought) fine with whatever it might say. But when I got it yesterday I was really sad and disappointed. I really wanted to go and be in school and get settled again. I think it's going to be extremely hard now to watch all my friends go back to school when i'm not--especially when I won't be able to be with them for a new year. It makes me sad. I'm learning to trust the Lord but sometimes its hard. I feel a little frightened and unsettled about what the future looks like--mystery. Please pray for me.

The Wisdom of Ecclesiastes Confronts My Weak Heart

Tomorrow is my first day of work. It's a 5 hour shift--not too bad. However, it is during rush hour and it is also the day before the fourth. This will most likely mean two things: impatient customers on their way home from work and lots of people buying alcohol (which means I'll be carding). Did I already tell you all that I carded two people on Friday? I did. And another of the cashiers in training had to turn someone away for having a fake ID. The lamination was pealing up (that doesn't happen to normal licenses...nice try, buddy). All I have to say is, if youngsters try to get by me because I am donning a beautiful yellow name tag that says "I'm new at Fry's, thank you for your patience" they can think again! Andrea will show no mercy! Haha. Oh man. Sigh.

Today's sermon was really good. It was about Ecclesiastes--and very relevant to me right now. It actually really made me want to do a study on the book. I will share a few verses that especially stood out to me.

Ecclesiastes 3:12,13: "I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man"
-Brian talked about how the "drudgery things" of life are gifts from God. As we trust Him and walk in faith, we take pleasure in all He calls us to do on earth.

Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end."
-I can't see what is in God's mind and plan...but I can trust Him because He is good and He makes each experience of my life beautiful in its own time.

I've been reading the Great Divorce (by Lewis). It is such a brilliantly written book. It has been a conviction to me--about how I view eternity. Here's a quote I like and have been thinking about quite a lot:

"...yes cannot in your present state understand eternity: when Anodos looked through the door of the Timeless he brought no message back. But ye can get some likeness of it if ye say that both good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. Not only this valley but all their earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. Not only the twilight in that town, but all their life on Earth too, will then be seen by the damned to have been Hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, 'No future bliss can make up for it,' not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory....the Blessed will say 'We never lived anywhere except in heaven,' and the Lost, "We were always in Hell.'"

So...the thoughts that I have after hearing and reading all of these things: do everything to the glory of God. Live in, love, and enjoy the little bits of Heaven on earth--Christ in the world. Enjoy Him. Enjoy Him in everything. It's a gift. He makes everything beautiful in its own time.

Sometimes I make life so hard for myself, instead of focusing on loving and enjoying my Savior and all the gifts He gives. Please, Lord, may I be less distracted! Less "easily pleased."

I have been reading bits and pieces of Valley of Vision (a wonderful collection of puritan prayers). The first prayer ("Valley of Vision") is so beautiful. I would like to share it with you:

"Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory. Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley."

Just Been Thinkin'...

I want to go to an ice hockey game...and then someday I want to play ice hockey--just for fun.

Thank you all for your encouragement about my job, etc. Originally they were going to have me work tomorrow (sunday) as my first day. I went in today, though, and I have tomorrow off! Then I work monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, and saturday. Wow. 30 hours. I'm pretty nervous. I would appreciate your prayers. I am not good at laying my anxieties down before the Lord and casting my cares on Him. I don't want them, but I am having such a hard time surrendering my frustrations, fears, and worries. Please pray with me. Thank you all. You are a gift and a blessing. And thank you for keeping me accountable and helping me keep things in perspectives. I love you!

All I want to do is get married and be a mom...and never work for a big corporation again. I'm all about Hillsdale Natural Grocery. I miss it so much. I pretty much had a major breakdown this afternoon...and all i want to do is go back to that little store. Sigh...

Somewhere North of Here

Tonight was beautiful. A storm rolled in late this afternoon, bringing dark clouds and much cooler weather. It also brought a lot of wind. Dust clouds blew across the desert and I seriously thought our house would blow away--it was creaking and the windows were vibrating. It was so exciting. The majesty of these monsoon storms leave me speechless every time. They put me in a very contemplative mood.

So I went to starbucks for some alone time. Sometimes it is just nice to get out of the house and be alone to think (and read). I got my tea and sat outside. I started the Great Divorce. So far so good, but I'm not very far. I would get distracted by all the people. I think another reason I really like to go there is to people watch. It's one of my favorite things. It's so fascinating. There was a jolly table of elderly folks with the men all smoking cigars, a young couple probably on a date, a young family with a chatter-box little boy, and a single man sitting alone drinking and just watching the sky.

It started to rain and I had to move under the roof to get away from the drops. It was SO beautiful and smelled wonderful. That distracted me for a while and I just watched the raindrops as they fell on the ground. I love seeing the cement gradually fill with drops and turn wet and dark. I read some more but then Allie and Hannah stopped by! They saw my car (the van) with the wood canoe rack on top (always a sign of the Childs family. haha). It was such a pleasant surprise to visit with them! They stayed for probably 20 minutes or so. It was wonderful. And by that time the weather was even more beautiful--nice and cool with the smell of rain.

I left shortly after they did. I drove home in the dark with the windows down and the roommate mix turned up. I listened to somewhere north, sunday morning, deeper still, and rock of ages. I would only have gotten through the first two songs but when I reached our dirt road I just kept on driving. I drove on past the houses into the valley by the wash. As I drove down the hill the temperature dropped considerably. The air cleared up and the smell of the creosote after the rain was rich. Sigh. It was beautiful. I just wanted to drive and drive...Sometimes I get in those moods. Tonight was one of them.

It is simple pleasures like these I experienced tonight that remind this weak soul that my Lord is near. They also make me think of the words "Cause out here hope remains..." from 40 acres. The whole verse goes like this,

"There's 40 acres and redemption to be found
Just along down the way
There is a place where no plow blade has turned the ground
And you will turn it over, 'cause out here hope remains
'Cause out here hope remains..."

It's easy to let the cares of the world overshadow the hope we have in Christ. We shouldn't let it, but that doesn't mean we won't have moments of weakness. I thank the Lord for filling up all that is lacking in me and being the power in my weakness. And I thank Him for simple but *real* moments like tonight...

and this is love

The four quotes below come from Mother Teresa. These are some simple thoughts but they carry much weight. They convict and challenge. Also, following the quotes is a passage about love from the Bible (I know it is a "common" verse but read it again...REALLY read it. And think on it). I don't want us to get so used to using the word 'love' that we forget its meaning. I don't want it to grow stale on our lips and fall old and used from our mouths. I want it to remain new and alive in our hearts, minds, and actions--daily convicting and challenging our faith.

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."

"Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person."

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

"It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters."

What is love? "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is nor arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." v. 1

"If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." v. 3

1 Corinthians chapter 14 begins with the exhortation, "Pursue Love..."

A true understanding of these things will turn my life upside down. I am so weak. I look to the Lord and remember His words, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9a).

Black Clouds+The Smell of Creosote=Monsoon Season

It's here. Monsoon season has officially begun (at least I'm convinced it has). Typical warning signs: 1. All day today it has been getting more and more humid. As a result: 2. Our swamp cooler isn't working as well. 3. The dark clouds have been accumulating in the late afternoons. 4. It smells SO good out...and by that I mean the creosote bushes. 5. It doesn't usually rain like this unless it is monsoon season. 6. An early season was predicted.

And finally....I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! aah. This is my FAVORITE thing about summer in AZ.

After the Chipmunks Play on our Patio...

...and are hot and exhausted. SO CUTE!

Finished with #3

I finished Passion and Purity. That makes three (well, I haven't finished my Nouwen book but almost!). I am now two chapters into Slaughter-House-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I thought an "anti-war" book might be a good change...plus I've been thinking about the subject a lot lately. Perhaps it will shed some light and make/help me think some more. I'm interested to see what it is like, especially since it was such a big deal. So far it is good, and very interesting. I'm enjoying a novel.


New favorite songs right now: Carry You (dispatch), Calendar Girl (Stars), How to Save a Life (the Fray), Colorblind (Counting Crows), Grateful for Her Beauty (David Wilcox). I recommend you listen to them! :)

Adding to the thoughts of yesterday...

"God has invited us, as mere human beings, to add to the beauty of his plan and creation. Unbelievable. The Kingdom of God transcends politics and policy, nationality, gender and race. It transcends the way we do church, and makes us a real live body of believers. It gives us the ability to be very different and still bear with one another. It gives us the power to extend the same kind of grace that has been extended to us, and to love each other with a love that never fails. The very real kingdom of God calls out of us, its inhabitants, beautiful art, creative lives, and redemptive work."
-Sara Groves

Full of Thoughts

Today has been so wonderful. Luke and I are the only ones home with dad. Mom is in Michigan spending time with her dad (and mom!). I'm jealous she gets to be in the U.P. but I am enjoying my bonding time with the boys here at home. It is definitely frustrating at times...for example...I spend my time cooking for them and cleaning up for them. Mostly Luke. Haha. But I sort of got mad at him today and then he started helping. Here is what the past few days have looked like:

Luke (with a box of cheeze-its in hand) sits around the house.
Andrea: Are you getting hungry?
Luke: No, i'm fine
Andrea: Well, its almost dinner time. Maybe you should stop snacking and I'll make real food. Are you hungry enough to eat?
Luke: Sure, I'll eat
Andrea (in the kitchen making food): If I make nachos to go along with dinner will you eat them
Luke (enthusiastically): really? yeah!
Andrea (20 minutes later): It's time to eat!
*boys come to kitchen*
*Luke eats two chips but doesn't take any on his plate*
Andrea: I thought you said you would want to eat them if I made them
Luke: Oh, I'm not hungry

UGH! Now I understand why mom hates it when we snack and spoil our appetites for dinner. It is SO frustrating for the cook! All day today Luke has been eating cheeze-its. He seriously makes them every meal. I understand the addiction but come on. Sigh...

It's been fun, though. After Church today we rented the Killing Fields. It was really sad but really good. I recommend it. After that we just hung out around the house. I went to the grocery store for more fruits and veggies (we were having a shortage). Luke convinced me to look for a gallon of chocolate milk (when mom is away luke will play!) but all they had was fat free and he refused. Haha. Silly boy.

I cleaned my room this afternoon while listening to the Derek Webb House Show. Sigh...oh so good! Plus it was nice to get my room all cleaned and organized. This evening I was in my room reading and my dad came in to chat for a bit (I LOVE it when he comes into my room to talk...i feel like he doesn't make it down the hall very often. haha. he's so funny). Well, the "chat" turned into a full out discussion about SO MANY things and lasted for an hour and a half (or maybe longer). We talked about the Church (ours and the Church in general) and ideas of fellowship, outreach, service, ministry, community, etc. We talked about how the Church evolves with the times and remains relevant without compromising itself. We talked about friendships and relationships. We talked about our family. We talked a little bit about my future (mostly about what it would look like for me to be at home next semester). It was such a wonderful talk!! I love him so much. He is a good thinker and I appreciate him so much. Sigh. He's such an awesome dad.

So much of what I listened to on the House Show related to my conversation with dad. There are a few things Derek Webb talks about on it that are especially good. I will share them:

"So often we try to make it our job to make the Gospel easier for us to preach and easier for other people to hear--in order to not get into trouble and in order to not be confrontational. But here's the truth. You just can't preach the Gospel and not get into trouble. You just can't do it, hard as you might try. You can dress it up any way you want. But if you're really preaching the Gospel you are going to get yourself into trouble, you are going to be in trouble as well. Because the cross is both beautiful and offensive and it must be both. It is both. There is no other Gospel for you to preach...It's not safe to boldly preach the Gospel. it is dangerous work we are in as believers, perilous work that we have before us to preach the gospel not only to each other but to the outside world, the unbelieving world. Not safe work. Safe is not a word that I would believe characterizes Christians or Jesus or the Gospel. It shouldn't. If it is then it might not be the Gospel we are preaching. Jesus is not safe. He is not manageable. He is a wild lion. You cannot tame Him. He is not safe. But He is good. He is king. You can trust Him. the Gospel that we carry is not safe. It is not manageable, not efficient. Loving people is not efficient. But the Gospel is good, it is true, but it is not safe."

"We are called into community together. If you divorce the people of God, if you divorce local community from the Gospel, then it ceases to be the Gospel. There is no other context for your faith as a christian than to be in community with other people. I've heard a lot of people say to me over the years "Its just me and Jesus and that's all i need." Well that's not the Gospel in scripture. If you are going to be those who claim to love Jesus you will be compelled to love also the things that he loved. And he not only loved but came and gave himself up for the church, and that makes it our concern as well. And if that's not hard enough--that we live in community together--we are also called with a mandate that we preach the Gospel to each other. We mistake the Gospel for the thing only that we preach to non believers. It certainly is that, but much more than that, the Gospel must have, necessarily has, a primary place in the life of believers. We've got to heard it every week, if not every day. "

These are things I have been thinking about A LOT lately. My head and heart have been so full of thoughts about the Gospel and its relationship to/with community--local AND global. I have been thinking about Jesus and the life He lived. I have learned a lot of things this week but two things stands out in particular.
1. I have learned that Jesus isn't safe...but He is GOOD. I cannot tame Him (and oh have I tried). Following Him is dangerous and standing in His truth (THE truth) is perilous. He calls me to live dangerously. He calls me to be uncomfortable and make difficult decisions. He asks me to stand firm in my convictions, no matter what evil might attack (doubts, uncertainties...) He asks me to talk with Him and spend time with Him--He turns my life upside down.
2. I have also learned that loving people is not efficient. It is really hard, and it costs A LOT. God's love for me cost the life of His only Son. His love changed the world. And His love for me demands that I love the things that He loves--and love like He loves (obviously only by His grace). Loving is not comfortable, like I want it to be. It challenges me and changes me...and it is scary.

As I learn that the Gospel is not safe, I rely on the promises of Christ and the knowledge that the He is good and true and His Gospel is good and true. These can be hard lessons to learn but the joy supplied by the Lord and satisfaction found in Him are my hope in times of fear and truth in times of doubt. I thank Him for these days and for all the prodding I receive from the Spirit.
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oh...also. Back on the issue of living in community. I've been learning what it means to be honest--first with myself and jesus (that might sound weird, since He knows everything about me already. But I have found Him to be saying "Andrea, talk to me. Give me ALL of your heart.") and then with others. The first step is mostly really hard. It is hard to be honest with myself when my sin nature tries to be deceitful all the time. Also, it is hard to lay my pride aside and humble myself before Christ. The second step is mostly really scary. It is frightening to let people into me and see me for who I really am (or begin to see me for who I really am)--faults and all. It's a lesson in laying down pride also.

These steps are difficult, but the freedom and redemption Christ gives are rich and boundless. In other words, the reward is GREAT! And His grace is MORE than enough....yes, it is everything.

I Love My Dad!!!

He's pretty much amazing :)

Sister...I Miss You!!!

I've Been Thinking

The future holds so many possibilities. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed! I am continually reminded of the huge importance the role of prayer plays in my life and the decisions I make.

I have a job at the grocery store. I had my first day of class wednesday but now I have a whole week off. They couldn't schedule me for actual training until the 26, 28, 29, 30. Sigh...I was a little bummed but it gives me a heads up--and a chance to do things I won't have as much time for once I'm really working.

I hear from Moody again on July 1st. I go back and forth about what I want the letter to say. Part of me REALLY wants to go to school in the fall, and go in with all the others (if I go, I have to be tehre exactly two months from today. weird!). Another part of me wants to stay here since I have a job and work A LOT and save money (maybe spend time in Philly with Kristen and Jay!)...and go second semester. But I have no idea. I'm trying not to stress about it but to trust God. Plus, i don't even know what the letter will say yet.

I came across this website the other day. Check it out--it looks like such a neat program. I think I would love something like this. I would live in the inner-city of a major city for a year (Oakland, Atlanta, Philly, Chicago) and just do community service projects (on a team). I think it would be so amazing. Sigh...another opportunity for me in the future. Crazy! :) www.missionyear.org

So...today I am helping my mom around the house--cleaning and what not. I have been reading bits of Erasmus and Luther's Discourse on the Freedom of the Will (i never read it all for english) and I think I'm going to read Passion and Purity again (by Elisabeth Elliot). Who knows...

Summer has been wonderful but a little tough. I've been learning a lot and challenged a lot...a good combination just sometimes exhausting and a little overwhelming.

OH!!! I almost forgot. The other night I added an ambition to my "life ambitions." I am SO excited. So...something I want to do before the age of 30: RUN A MARATHON. I am actually so excited about this. Allie--it happened after our conversation. I think we should run in the National Park! It would be so fun...at night!!

Also. As I have been watching So You Think You Can Dance? my desire to take dance classes has solidified. It might not happen for a while...maybe not until I'm engaged. But I WILL. I am super excited :)

P.S. Luke is helping me learn all sorts of exercises and stretches for running. This is so exciting! haha.
yay for brothers!!! :)

We try to live like Jesus before we live like people who need Jesus. The truth is, I am not like Jesus. I need Him.

The "Mellow Mix"

I am compiling a cd of "mellow" music. I like it a whole lot. I've been listening to it all night. Sigh...so good. Carry You (Dispatch) Galileo (Indigo Girls), Grateful for Her Beauty (David Wilcox), I Will Follow You Into the Dark (Death Cab), Colorblind (Counting Crows), and Come Away With Me (Norah Jones). I'm still working on it. And don't worry (josh!) I found free music on their myspace's. Woo!

Who is man that you are mindful of Him?

Wow. I love sunsets.

Aaah!!

Don't ever watch Murder By Numbers...creepy. I just watched it tonight with Hannah. We were alone in her dark house and it was definitely a yucky feeling. We were both creeped out afterwards and walked around the house together...haha it was FUN.

We first ate dinner at PEI WEI (yuuuum) then we went to blockbuster and got the movie (the guy told us it was a good choice! :)). Then we went to starbucks so she could show Josh her new hair cut (it looks super cute)...we went to walgreens to get candy for the movie (sour straws!!! woohoo!!). Then we watched the movie. Afterwards we sat on her kitchen counter for a while and talked (in a well-lit room!) and then drove to starbucks and talked some more...it was SO nice to catch up. Sigh...I've missed nights like this!

I got a call today from Fry's. They want me to come in for a second interview on Tuesday...I'm assuming that means I passed the drug test...? Whew! :) Hopefully I can start work soon...car insurance will be due for payment soon.

Kristen and Jay leave monday (SAD!) so I am probably going to spend as much time as possible with them in the next few days. Hmmm...it could be kind of hard because they are busy packing. Oh well. I am good at distracting :) hehe.

So...real quick--scary story. After dropping Hannah off at work I got home around 11:40 and I was super freaked out from the movie still. I had to walk up the dark front walk and get inside and everyone was already asleep. So I went and told my parents I was home (its the rule :)) and saw that the office door was shut (and the blue-green glow of the computer showed under the door). My guess was that Luke was on the computer since he always is late at night. So I went and opened the door but no one was in there. I figured he was asleep and just forgot to turn the computer off. So I went and looked down the hall but his bedroom door was open and no one was in there. By this time I was a little upset because I thought he was trying to be funny (as he often tries to be) by hiding from me and then scarying me. Don't forget--I just watched murder by numbers...and I have a pretty good imagination--sometimes it runs wild.
So...Luke's car was out front but he was nowhere inside. I decided i didn't want to play his game of hide-and-seek so I got ready for bed and crawled in. But as I lay there, trying to fall asleep, all I could think about was "what if Luke has been kidnapped" or "what if Luke is lying bleeding in a ditch somewhere while I try to sleep." I quickly concluded that there was no way Iw as going to be able to fall asleep. So I got up and checked the house again: not in his room, not in the den, not in the bathroom, not in the office. Weird. So I woke mom up and we both looked. We couldn't find him anywhere! scary! I think I was much more concerned than she was (probably because of that silly movie!). She thought maybe a friend had come and picked him up (which was still strange). We both went back to the office and she opened the door to the clothes-line. The screen was open. (once again-CREEPY!). Mom stepped out first and looked around the corner...THERE HE WAS! Laying on the air conditioner talking on the phone (with a girl!!). Apparently he had been out there for two hours....I don't know why on earth he was talking on the phone out there. Weirdest place of all. Why not go out on the back patio? Why not talk in his room? Anyway...I had almost had 30+ heart attacks by that point because I was imagining him murdered somewhere. Ugh...sometimes my imagination is more of a curse than a blessing.
Don't worry--Luke is safe! And now I am going to bed. Hopefully I won't have nightmares. yuck. Goodnight!

Taking Clothes Off the Line

I just finished getting the clothes off the line. It is 11:05 pm. It is getting really windy outside so my mom got up to ask me if I would bring the clothes in.

The desert is beautiful at night. It has cooled off and tonight the air is thick with moisture--not heavy or sticky, but just ready to rain. I could feel the storm coming and smell the rain...the smell of a desert rain is one of my all-time favorite smells. I love it.

The wind is gaining momentum. It is battering the screen door and rattling the windows. It's exciting. I love the anticipation that grows with the coming of the storm. I hope it pours. I think the monsoons will start early this year. That excites me. It is supposed to be an especially wet monsoon season, too. It's about time! Tucson has been in drought long enough (about 7 years...yuck!).

I went to starbucks tonight to read. I have been doing that a lot lately. It is good to be away from home and alone for a bit. It is also nice to read...I'm still reading Irresistible Revolution. I am learning a lot from it and being challenged a lot. The nice thing is, on top of the information it provides me, it also contains a lot of references to other material--and footnotes. So I can access other sources, too.

I've been thinking a lot about the meaning and value of LIFE. My views on so much have been challenged a lot lately. It is exciting but also frightening. I am realizing how little I know and how few opinions/stances I hold. But let me just tell you--as I grow more informed, I am quickly growing more opinionated about a lot of things (such as: poverty, war, abortion, capital punishment, the church, America, the person of Jesus, etc.). It might seem like a random list but all of these issues are coming together for me as I evaluate my life (duties, responsibilities, privileges, calling) as a follower of Christ. Above all, I seek direction in knowing how to handle these new opinions. Sure, its good to be informed and have opinions. But if you don't do anything with them but talk and argue, what's the point. Difference is made through action. I want this to become very real to me.

As I sat alone at Starbucks and read, lots of thoughts were going through my head. Aside from the direct subjects related to my reading material, I was thinking a lot about my friends. I am really missing Hillsdale friends. Every day I am confronted with the reality that I am not going back...weird. I think it is finally starting to sink in. I sat on my bed and cried for about 20 minutes the other day. And then tonight on my way to starbucks I cried some more. It's just a weird transition to make because the future is so clouded right now. I know I have said the future will be good (and I absolutely believe it, don't get me wrong) but there is healthiness in the grieving process.I guess for now I am just experiencing the loss--and the pain that comes with it. I'm just really emotional right now....ugh, and Kristen and Jay are leaving for Oregon a week from today. I'm so excited for them (and actually rahter jealous) but I am going to miss them an awful lot. I like being able to spend time with them. Kristen is a wonderful friend to talk to...

I got a letter from Moody on Saturday. One person dropped out so I am now 10th on the list. It means progress, but its hard because there is still so much unknown. I have done an awful job of trusting God lately. I am thankful that He is a forgiving God, and that He helps me in my unbelief. When I am weak, in Him I am made strong. I thank Him for that because I sure am weak. I fear not getting in for the fall...because I fear a harder transition at mid semester. I fear being at home for the fall semester (even though earning money would be nice) because it would be really hard to be home alone when everyone else goes back to school.

I pray that God would take these fears and toss them to the wind. Would you pray with me? I am learning (and even failing...because I wouldn't be human if I didn't) to trust God. I am learning to hand over my life to Him--and to receive in its place the joy of His love and the treasure of His Son. It is a beautiful exchange, but a difficult one for my pride to make. It's frustrating--to be a broken, wounded sinner.

So...I guess that's where I am right now. Hopefully it makes some kind of sense :)
I'm learning that life with Jesus is hard but it is so rich. So rich. And that's the way He said it would be...

I love you guys!

BUMMER

So...my pictures are taking FOREVER to upload through blogger right now....and not all of them will. SAD. So, to see SOME pictures from our amazing sibling adventure weekend, look at my xanga: www.xanga.com/where_I_began

Sorry! Hopefully I'll be able to get it to working soon...because there are MORE pictures I want to show :) and more I want to write.

Enjoy those ones for now!!

Simple Pleasures

Tonight we had dinner with old family friends. They invited another friend of theirs to come who is a missionary with Wycliffe and it was SO NEAT to have her there and hear her stories. Man...there are some really incredible people in this world...who have seen and experienced some pretty amazing things. whoa. :)

THEN!...on the way home (it was just me and my brother in my car) we drove with the windows down. Sigh. You might not be able to understand, but that is one of my ALL TIME favorite things to do at night--drive with the windows down and the music WAY up. It is pretty much amazing. Plus, the friends live over in the foothills so we were driving up near the mountains and had an amazing view of the tucson city lights. And the songs on the radio were perfect: "we are the champions," "when soul meets body," "sweet home alabama" (i don't remember the others).

Aaaah. I am so content right now. And tomorrow we (my sister, Jay, brother and I) leave early for the Grand Canyon. I CAN'T wait! I am going to take so many pictures. I wish you guys could see it. It would take your breath away. I hope you can (at one time or another) come visit me and I will take you to see it.

Call me if you want. It's the weekend so we get free cell minutes! woohoo. Although, I might be down in the Grand Canyon an probably won't have my cell phone :) That would definitely not be the time or place to be talking on a phone. YUCK.

Hallie, I forgot about this dinner thing we had tonight when I talked to you this afternoon, so I couldn't call. I'll try maybe tomorrow evening/night or sunday evening/night. I want to talk! :)

Josh! What did you do to your hair?? :)

Jared!...when do you get here? I'm so excited.

"Be still and know that I AM God..."

"Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change, He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend Through thorny waysleads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertakeTo guide the future, as He has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know His voiceWho ruled them while He dwelt below. Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart, And all is darkened in the vale of tears,Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart, Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay From His own fullness all He takes away. Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on When we shall be forever with the Lord. When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise On earth, believing, to thy Lord on high; Acknowledge Himin all thy works and ways,So shall He view thee with a well-pleased eye.Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine."

What a wonderful hymn!!
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Confronting things in yourself is often so very difficult...especially when it is something you don't really want to change (or can't...on your own). I would appreciate your prayers. I'm making some tough realizations about my life, my actions, etc. It's kind of painful...good, but painful.

I miss you, Hillsdale friends! But I am also very happy to be spending time with you, Tucson friends :) God is good...and He's teaching me lots. It is just a little overwhelming at times.

Also...I have been listening to my "Andrea's leaving and we all feel rotten" mix, my "roadtrip" mix, and my " roommate" mix a lot...they bring back SO many memories...and make me miss so many people I love. Sigh. I took a nap today while listening to the roommate mix. I miss you, Hallie!

I love you, friends!!