Tuesday, August 30, 2005

These Crazy Thoughts in My Head

“If God is to be, in truth, sought first, He must be seen as heart’s desire.”
Sheldon Vanauken A Severe Mercy

“...the human soul was made to enjoy some object that is never fully given--nay, cannot even be imagined as given--in our present mode of subjective and spatio-temporal experience.”
Sheldon Vanauken A Severe Mercy

“I had tried everything in my own mind and body; as it were, asking myself, ‘Is it this you want? Is it this?’ Last of all I had asked if Joy itself was what I wanted; and, labeling it ‘aesthetic experience,’ had pretended I could answer yes. But that answer too had broken down. Inexorably Joy proclaimed, ‘You want--I myself am your want of--something other, outside, not you nor any state of you.’” CS Lewis Surprised by Joy

“Wait on the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

“It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures which a Christian soldier learns not without years of teaching. Marching and quick-marching are much easier to God’s warriors than standing still. There are hours of perplexity when the most willing spirit, anxiously desirous to serve the Lord, knows not what part to take. Then what shall it do? Vex itself by despair? Fly back in cowardice, turn to the right hand in fear, or rush forward in presumption? No but simply wait. Wait in prayer, however. Call upon God, and spread the case before Him; tell Him your difficulty, and plead His promise of aid. In dilemmas between one duty and another, it is sweet to be humble as a child, and wait with simplicity of soul upon the Lord. It is sure to be well with us when we feel and know our own folly, and are heartily willing to be guided by the will of God. But wait in faith. Express your unstaggering confidence in him; for unfaithful, untrusting waiting, is but an insult to the Lord. Believe that if He keep you tarrying even till midnight, yet He will come at the right time; the vision shall come and shall not tarry. Wait in quiet patience, not rebelling because you are under the affliction, but blessing your God for it. Never murmur against the second cause, as the children of Israel did against Moses; never wish you could go back to the world again, but accept the case as it is, and put it as it stands, simply and with your whole heart, without any self-will, into the hand of your covenant God, saying, ‘Now, Lord, not my will, but Thine be done. I know not what to do; I am brought to extremities, but I will wait until Thou shalt cleave the floods, or drive back my foes. I will wait, if Thou keep me many a day, for my heart is fixed upon Thee alone,O God, and my spirit waiteth for Thee in the full conviction that Thou wilt yet be my joy and my salvation, my refuge and my strong tower.” Charles Spurgeon

I’ve been really burdened and quieted lately. So much is going on in my head...I’ve been thinking about a lot. And struggling with a lot. And waiting a lot...but often feeling very broken and discouraged. I would appreciate your prayers as I seek to experience and somehow understand this great and severe Lover that requires of me my whole life. This Savior that knows all of me and wildly pursues me but whom I hardly know.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Latin Rocks My Socks

So, into the first full week of school! I am excited about all my classes but math (go figure). I am most excited about latin (woot woot) and english (yay!). I really, really like my professors for each.

I'm sorry I haven't been updating...Things started fast and I've been pretty busy since. But I'll try to keep up! Even if the updates are short :)

Unfortunately I have to go. I have a Latin quiz tomorrow, english reading, history reading, and math (yuck!).

God has been so good to me as I have been settling in and getting used to "college life." He has blessed me with so many wonderful surprises (one being a JOB!...but more on that later). Thank you all for your prayers. I will try to get some letters out soon. love you guys!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Here I Go

Today was so weird. Saying goodbye is super hard. I love my family and I love my friends. A lot. Tomorrow I have to say goodbye some more...

I will email out my dorm address, email, and phone number once I get up there and figure things out a bit.

I would greatly appreciate your prayers. I'm a bit nervous...and a little scared. But still insanely excited. It's the weirdest combination and has given me a bit of a stomach ache all day...yuck.

Here I go!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Ragged and Shoddy

Excerpt taken from Shadow of the Almighty (from the journal of Jim Elliot):

December 5. "Deep sense of uselessness this morning. Enjoyed prayer, not for the thrusting out of laborers so much as for their heart-preparation in learning to know Christ. What a ragged, shoddy thing Christianity has come to be, honoring men and means, places and crowds--O Lord, deliver me from the spirit of this faithless generation. how I should long to see the simplicity and powerful beauty of the New Testament fellowship reproduced, but no one seems to be similarly exercised here, so I must wait. O Christ, let me know Thee--let me catch glimpses of Thyself, seated and expectant in glory, let me rest there despite all wrong surging round me. Lead me in the right path, I pray."

Feeling very much the same today...After spending three hours with a good friend I haven't seen in a while (Sarah), and spending time talking about our same desires and passions for the world and missions, I realize how much I have missed that. I haven't had it in a while...I was able to hear more of her heart for Brazil and it felt so good to get excited together and feel challenged together and feel convicted together. I so thirst for New Testament fellowship...Oh how I long to know Christ and know Him also through fellowship with others. Today was wonderful...much needed...but I long for more.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

And Life Goes On

After spending 5 days in Prescott and about 4 days in LA, I am finally home. However, we leave tomorrow at about 4 in the morning for Colorado and our "last" family canoe trip for a while...

Life is so busy right now...there is so much I am feeling and thinking but everything is moving so fast I hardly can process anything. I have tons of thoughts and comments to post about my Prescott/LA time...but that will have to come after Colorado (I get back sunday night late).

I just wanted to let everyone know what's going on with me...
I'm mostly just super, super busy...

Love to you all!!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Ono Grill

Teriyaki Chicken at Pete's restaurant is AMAZING....I absolutely love, love, love it.

I am going to miss it a whole lot.

Friday, August 05, 2005

The Peter Pan Syndrom

I don't really want to grow up...

What if I don't make a good college student?

Leaving behind 13 years of my life in the mission this past week was pretty hard. I would appreciate your prayers. There's so much change happening and so many different fears and emotions involved. It's a tough place to be...

Seeking God's peace.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


Yay. I'm in Prescott and it's beautiful. the weather is so wonderful...cool and sometimes rainy.

Yesterday we went rock climbing, mountain biking (about 5 miles...), ad kayaking (granted it was a little fake...they were more like rafts than actual kayaks). It's been a blast.

It's weird to think I'm probably not going to see a lot of these people again...or at least not for a LONG time. I've grown up with them! Most i've known since i was five. It's such a weird feeling.

God is continually revealing new and wonderful things to me. it has been awesome to just get away from the same old same old and be able to think about different things...and relax. A lot of people are going paint-balling today...you'd probably have fun mark. But you'll be ashamed to know that I didn't sign up...sorry.

Tomorrow we're going to Sedona! I am SOOOO excited. We're biking in a ways and then hiking to a water hole. Super exciting!