Saturday, August 29, 2009

cereal from a mug is better

actually, i think anything out of a mug is better. not just the warm liquids (you know the ones: tea, coffee, hot chocolate, cider...) but soups, cereals, and the like.
today i bought three mugs at the salvation army for $1.62. hot deal!
anyway, i'm eating cheerios with banana out of a mug and its absolutely wonderful.

tonight i'm thinking this:
i'm grateful that God doesn't get tired of hearing our prayers the way that we sometimes get tired of praying them (Luke 18:1-8). i thought of this as i walked back from the library--tired, thoughtful, weak (that achy, sick feeling...bleh), and whispering prayers into the dark that i've prayed countless times before. the air was cool and fresh; the moon bright and watchful. i was reminded, again, of Luke 18:1-8. Oh, keep whispering those prayers. Keep on...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

oh, pete!

first of all, peter mulvey has a new album out! It's called "Letter from a Flying Machine." From clips, it sounds great. second of all, HE'S COMING BACK TO CHICAGO!! I hope to go. He'll be at Evanston S.P.A.C.E. again--a fabulous show last spring.

today was a great day. psalms class was inspiring and richly terrifying--sometimes i feel like Howard rightly focuses our hearts on the holiness of God. We get close to that holiness and it sometimes evokes a trembling in me.
i also went in to talk with Dr. Schmutzer about life, internship ideas, etc. He was greatly encouraging and we were able to brainstorm about about different possibilities. he's going to help me get something "different" approved by the Bible department. he gave me a few book titles to look into--always an excitement.

the semester is shaping up nicely. classes are really good--especially the holocaust, psalms, and message prep. i'm going to be challenged, stretched, and grown so much by these professors.

tonight Erin made wonderful stir-fry. Justin is coming over for a visit--always fun. I have no homework. i'd like to spend some time journaling and then in bed at an early(ish) hour!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

home for a year

Living in jenkins has been glorious. here are the promised pictures (minus the bedroom which is currently messy. and because it's raining and dark, some of these are blurry. sorry). kristen, i think you are the only one that is really interested :)
Also, i put up pictures of the bread bowls--mom also wanted to see them. They turned out super yummy and not bad for a first try. hopefully there will be more, especially when it gets cold. Mmm.
There's something about having SPACE to live in that (1) makes me feel more human (2) inspires me to learn (3) relaxes me. There's something about the ability to BE--on the couch, in the bedroom, taking a shower in the bathroom, in the kitchen--that is much more freeing than being cooped up in a dorm room between the same four walls. We can have people OVER and visit in a "real" living room. I don't know, maybe these are trivial delights but they are nevertheless real. I love the floor to ceiling windows, too. Sigh. I'm blessed. I have thanked the Lord many times for this gift (especially since so much was given or borrowed and we didn't have to spend a ton of money).

Alright. enough babbling. here are the pictures...

oh, so yummy! especially filled with Trader Joe's roasted red pepper tomato soup!!! I LOVE SOUP!!

Well, that's our humble abode! and now i have to go to class :)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

simple things

a bowl of granola and cheerios with fresh blueberries and strawberries...followed by a strong cup of hot coffee. i'm grateful for the simple things.

want to share this prayer i came across while reading yesterday. it captures and articulates my heart in these days...

"we would know more of you"

You are the God of all truth, the God of deep hiddenness.
God of all hiddenness who shows yourself in your being hidden,
who hides yourself in your disclosures,
we would know more of you
of your goodness and your mercy,
of your large purposes and long-term dreams.
In your presence we become aware of how little we know of ourselves,
of our interests and passions,
of our fears and dreads,
of our own wonderments and gifts.
In your truthfulness, let us know more of you
and in knowing you, ourselves as well.
We pray in the name of Jesus, where we see you fully,
and ourselves clearly. Amen.

(walter brueggemann)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

some days just feel "strange"

and today was one of them.

it was a good day, don't get me wrong. it just had moments of weird or strange.

lunch with the slackline crew--we made mexican and had everyone over to Jenkins. we then went down to the beach but had to set the line up under the trees instead. i couldn't stay long because i had a cocktail part to attend. yes, you read this correctly. it was an "interview" for a nanny job. I'll be working about 10 hrs a week with this really nice family watching the SWEETEST and cutest little girls. They are beautiful and seem really well behaved. i think it will be good. hopefully i'll also be able to pick up more hours through some of her friends. i'm grateful for God's speedy provision of a job.

i went to vespers briefly. i can never seem to stay at events like that long. don't really know why. tonight it just felt so strange...for a variety of reasons that i won't go into with much detail. but i did look at lacy and say "this feels funny. sarah and mariah should be here." tears always seem like they are quick to build up and boil over. so we came back to the apartment and i made coffee while we talked and sat.

later, phil ands kevin came over for a visit. we played a hybrid version of catch phrase, ate cookies, and laughed. it felt good to laugh. it reminded me how much i miss laughing with Kira this summer...
candace visited for awhile, too. it was wonderful.

tomorrow classes start and i can't decide what the heck i'm "feeling" inside. senior year...really no idea of "what's next," the world is open and mysterious and i just don't have any idea. i spent some time this morning journaling, read Psalm 63 (a favorite) and read Brueggemann's prayer "the din undoes us." sometime soon i'll try to post the prayer. it's beautiful, rich, and bold and I love it.

i think my heart is just a conglomeration of thoughts, emotions, and feelings...and i don't really know what to do about it.

this strangeness is a bit frustrating.

i need to take more walks. sometimes i feel like i need a friend to walk with me, though, because if i'm by myself i do too MUCH thinking.

Saturday, August 22, 2009


i use men's gillette shaving cream to shave my legs. it might make me smell kind of like a man when i'm done but i don't care. it's a whole lot cheaper than the pink and purple bottles. at least i'm shaving, right? i'm generally highly unmotivated to shower, much less shave. my shower schedule for most of the summer was sunday and thursday. for some reason it's difficult to keep it now that i'm back in "civilization." expectations get to me sometimes...but only sometimes...cuz i'm still using gillette :) You know what? I enjoyed my showers a whole lot more when they were on sunday and thursday. they felt better. hmph. i'm sure there's a theory that could be developed here. hannah? one for the book? :)

the apartment is coming along. i'll post pictures soon--once its more set up and settled. we get our couches and tv today. yesss. I'm enjoying our kitchen very much. maybe too much. is that possible? I've been here for a week and I've made homemade granola, bread bowls (which actually turned out quite well for a first time), and banana bread. that's not to mention good meals. Mmmm. so so good.

i love having a place to BE, and not just one room. This morning i got up early and journaled for an hour in front of our big windows. sigh. it does my soul good :)

students are returning...

its that time of the year again--textbooks! i love it and i hate it. love the books (well, the good ones); hate spending the money (who thinks its a good idea to charge $50 for one freakin' book??!). Now that i've clepped spanish, i can say that i am very excited about my classes (er, maybe not Apologetics). I'm taking...

The Holocaust and the Crisis of Evil in the 21st Century
Message Prep for Women
Cross-Cultural Church Planting
Life in Bible Times
Gospel of John (Independent study)
and i am auditing Psalms with Howard!!!!!!!

Looks like a good load, eh? I'm excited about it.

i need to get going. i hope you're enjoying the sun today! it sure is beautiful.

Friday, August 21, 2009

dreams do come true!! :)

I'm getting my Papa's old film camera! Grandma has been saving it for awhile but is now passing it off. I am SO EXCITED. It looks something like the picture below. If you want, you can read a little more about it HERE.

I CAN'T WAIT! Now maybe I will get to learn how to develop my own film. Mmmm.....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

life goes on.

listening to: "See You Soon" by Aaron Espe.

I'm tired of saying goodbye to people I love. Life is full of hard goodbyes. Sarah, Mariah, Kira, Phil, Duran, Callie, Rachel...these are the recent goodbyes that have taken a toll on me. I can't stop thinking about them, wishing them here with me or me there with them, remembering times shared, conversations had, dreams explored and wondered over. Someday...

In a lot of ways, though, it is good to be back. Living in Jenkins is an absolute huge blessing. I feel more like a "real" person (as Tiffany also articulated). We have a bathroom, a kitchen, a bedroom, and a living room. We can eat at a table and sit on a couch. I made black bean burritos and sauteed peppers; cooked oatmeal on the stove; took orange juice out of our refrigerator; made coffee on our kitchen counter. I count these things as a huge blessing 1. because i've never had them "on my own" before and 2. because much of the world doesn't experience or enjoy such luxuries. We're blessed here.

I have a picture hanging beside my desk of a young Burmese boy in a refugee camp out to get water. Zach took it in Bangladesh this summer. It has reminded me several times this week that 1. I haven't traveled out of the country in over two years 2. I have prayed many times for those children and in my heart i long to see them where they live someday. I've been thinking more about post-Moody "plans." In part because people have asked (after all, I am going into my final year...) and in part because I just dream. But I'm in a funny place in life right now...almost unable to dream. At least unable to commit to my dreams, which is different than in the past. God taught me some more about living in the present this summer. The hard, unashamed present. Knowing God there (here) and loving Him--living Him--is not easy. No, it's not very easy.

I'm stepping out of a painful and broken season into a whole new unknown season. Funny how life is lived in pieces, isn't it? Here I am, in Chicago, IL, with a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of warm green tea. Sometimes I'm caught in moments that demand I ask the question "how did I get here?" God's faithfulness has shown me the way. Even though its been hard to "feel" Him near, as I remember, look back, and question, He is faithful to show me glimpses of His glory all in-and-around me. I've said it before--I'm so tangled up in Him. He couldn't get rid of me if He tried :)

I'm overwhelmed by His goodness; His provision; His love and tender care. I've been given so much...and, perhaps above all, I have been given remarkable people to live and experience life with. Whether I'm with them for a month, two months, two years, or five...I am gifted. It is a pleasure to share life and live inside the beautiful church body. I have a new and growing love affair with the church. Derek Webb was onto something :)

Sunday, August 09, 2009

goodbyes are hard.

i love these friends so much. south america, here we come!!!