Sunday, August 31, 2008

Jazz Fest

jazz fest last night:

1. brownies
2. strawberries & blueberries
3. sliced mangos
4. friends!

super fun!!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Hidden Smile of God

I want to read THIS book!!

David, Here I Come!!

FINALLY i am going to get to see David Wilcox in concert. woohoo. He's coming to Chicago October 18th. Mom will be in town because of Moody's Missions Conference. I am so so so excited. He's coming to the Old Town School of Folk Music and I just bought our tickets...its almost sold out!! 8 more available seats. I can hardly believe it. It's going to be incredible. I can't wait for mom to visit...I can't wait to see him in concert!!

Tonight Sarah, Mariah, Lacy (& her mom), and I are going to the Jazz Festival in Millenium Park. We're going after dinner...going to bring our desert (Mariah's home-made brownies) and sit on a blanket on the grass, listening to live jazz. niiice :)

The Celtic Fest is next, next weekend. super excited for that!!! (also FREE).

This morning Sarah, Mariah, and I walked to the Division St. farmer's market. I bought three beautiful peaches and a pint of blueberries. I also got us a bouquet of really pretty flowers to brighten up the room. oh...and i bought a white bell pepper because it was unusual. It tastes great. I love farmer's markets.

I'm loving fall in Chicago. Mmmmm.

Off to the library....loads of homework.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

you know what's satisfying?

...when you fill a journal at the "perfect time." tonight i am going to write my last entry in this that i started near the end of last semester. So, it primarily holds the thoughts, prayers, and heart-cries of the summer. This is a new semester--a new year--so i get to start a new journal. ah. the simple things :)
I spent a lot of time tonight reading through the one I have just about filled. its always so refreshing to read through an old journal. It is important to remember. How quickly we forget, eh? It's shocking sometimes.

I'm in a weird place. Feeling discouraged but unsure "why." for the first time in a long time was able to read a bit of the Word tonight. Read Psalm 42 and 86. wow. wow.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

celebrating with the girls

we took sarah out last sunday to celebrate her engagement! wooohooo. she's been engaged for about two weeks. she will be mrs. edwards!! yeah! We are all super excited. It's cool to have a close friend get engaged. Weird, but cool. It makes me feel old.

Anyway, we made reservations at a gourmet desert restaurant called "hot chocolate." It was SO good. Man... we just bought four deserts and split them. we dressed up and had a wonderfully fun girls night. ah, i love these girls. enjoy the pictures. oh! we also like the picture of us with the butt in the background. it was a painting. it was rather funny. we laughed.

so. i've given my applications to the library and facilities. now we need to pray that andrea starts hearing back from one or the other. I am going to call trader joe's as well as the family i used to babysit for. hopefully something will come through soon!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

do you ever feel guilty about getting "let down?"

like if something didn't turn out as you expected, and you feel super frustrated or let down about it...

that friend you love didn't come back to school this year, and you start missing his/her presence in your life--no matter how "big" or "small" it was?

or you don't have that class with your good friend like you wanted...or you don't really know that many people in your classes period...

this all seems so "trivial" but its been getting to me today. I don't know why, but i've been feeling "let down."

On another level, things are also looking very UP. ALL of my classes look good, even systematic theology (though, if i had to choose it, along with lifetime fitness, would be the 'lesser' of the classes i'm excited about).

in each of the following:
Old Testmant Biblical Theology (from now on "OTBT")
Monster Lit.
Minor Prophets

i think my mouth came open at least a few times...i got shivers or goose bumps at least once...and had the thought "please, don't stop talking!" during the introduction lecture(s). Pretty incredible. Pretty encouraging. I feel very satisfied with my course load this semester. it'sa beast, that's for sure. 24 credits with my audit and my independent study class. The whole semester is packed full of thick reading and heavy papers. It's a challenge, though, which I handle better than none. We'll see how it turns out. right now I am feeling weirdly let down, overloaded, and mysteriously excited. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE???

I have no idea what to expect this semester.
what i read in Nouwen this morning:

"The experience of God's presence is not void of pain. But the pain is so deep that you do not want to miss it since it is in this pain that the joy of God's presence can be tasted. This seems close to nonsense except in the sense that it is beyond sense and, therefore, hard to capture within the limits of human understanding. The experience of God's unifying presence is an experience in which the distinction between joy and pain seems to be transcended and in which the beginning of a new life is intimated."

i agree so very deeply with his words. i haven't heard the sentiment articulated quite like this--quite so wonderfully. My sould surely says, "yes!"

today is going to be a good day. i have systematic theology in the morning and then after chapel i head off to dr. de rosset's class (i'm auditing) and then to minor prophets! I think it will be wonderful. de rosset. sigh. i've missed having her class.

more later on classes and such. the semester is looking fantastic. praises to Him for all he lead me to LAST semester to help make THIS ONE the best it could be.

also, 24.7.prayer movement meeting next tuesday. its thrilling to think of something like this getting off the ground at Moody...something i thought about a lot in africa. hmmm...

Sunday, August 24, 2008

back in chi-town

here i am. in my dorm room. about to start a new semester. crazy...

already the Lord's hand is evident--masterfully orchestrating reunions, conversations, and new beginnings.

last night a group of us went out for coffee at 3rd Coast and then walked down by the lake to watch the fireworks at Navy Pier. It was wonderful.

there are a lot of weird feelings inside of me. I'm trying to rest. I'm trying to say "Lord, you are enough."

i LOVE our room. I'll try to take pictures soon.

I am so blessed by incredible friends.

Tonight we're taking Sarah out to celebrate her engagement. We're dressing up and going to a fancy desert place called "Hot Chocolate." Supposedly its amazing. I'm excited.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

i never take baths

but i did today! a nice, looong bath. it felt SO good. listened to some good music. sigh...

i have two days left. both days are pretty chalk full--friend dates, packing, sleeping, cleaning, family time, running errands, etc. Lots to do and many small details to finish.

i babysat last night. it was fun. i love tucking kids in for bed--bath time, stories, into bed, under the covers. its so much fun. i'll miss the kiddos! We also put on fake tattoos...mine is a glittery blue and purple flower on my wrist. haha. it makes me think again of getting a tattoo. just thoughts...we shall see.

went out for coffee/tea with hannah yesterday. it was wonderful. i'm going to miss being near to her. This summer has been wonderful. Still holding out for the xavier rudd concert.

anticipating the birth of a niece or nephew. every once and a while I just get SO excited to be an aunt. I love babies but i feel especially anxious to actually form RELATIONSHIP with the little tike...take him/her places someday. fun things like that. whenever I babysit I imagine what it will be like. exciting.

i have to go pack.

i feel very introspective today. hmm.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

you know that dull, achy, empty feeling that often accompanies the "closing of a chapter?" Yeah...

i'm feeling it.

stepping into something new. hm. a mixture of emotions. today was my last day of work. i'm going in on thursday to say goodbye to some that i wasn't able to see today. on friday i'm hanging out with karen and freddy. i've been blessed.

gosh goodbyes are hard sometimes.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

me, my dad, and humphrey's peak.

6 miles in with packs (bleh. i will admit, there were times when I pretty much wanted to die) to base camp. 10 miles roundtrip to summit and back the next morning (and racing the storm back to camp--thrilling but sometimes frightening). 6 miles back out with packs the next morning (but with less food and less water, thank goodness). All in all, it was the most BEAUTIFUL trip. Absolutely gorgeous. I decided that I would love to live in a cabin on a mountain for a week or so by myself. Just me, the great outdoors, and the remarkably deep silence. Peaceful. So much space to think. So much room to just BE. its hard to explain. i loved it. Dad and I had a fun time bonding, telling jokes, telling stories, talking about faith, talking about relationships/marriage (i *love* when he gives advice. its always SO straightforward and simple. rarely complicated :)).
It rained quite a bit. Luckily we were able to make it to camp before the huge storms. It hailed the first night and rained HARD with lots and lots of wind from 3pm-1am the second night. I found out that my bag IS NOT good to 25 degrees. Lies! It's good for Africa, but not for mountain camping. No no no. I was really cold. It kind of sucked because I couldn't sleep. Alas. It was still a wonderful trip. I have bruises on both hips and shoulders. That's what I get for being boney (dad says). My butt is also sore which makes no sense to me. I'm sure I'll feel it more tomorrow. Right now I just feel really energetic and refreshed. Mmmm. Now I have to think about going back into the city. Oh man...
Enjoy some pictures!!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

My pregnant Sista

cute, cute, CUTE!! :)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

oh life

life is full of interesting twists and turns. its full of happiness and disappointment. It's full of hello's and goodbye's. college is interesting. each new semester is so different. i never have THAT many expectations, but there are a few. but everything is always different. no semester is alike. i wonder what this one will be like...
i'm in a funny place. my heart feels richly "full" but also sad. I am so deeply joyful and thankful but a good deal sorrowful. yes, its possible for joy and sorrow to meet and mix. hmmm.

yesterday was a beautiful day. you know those days that make you so happy to be alive? so much so that you almost feel guilty or shameful for not *always* feeling that way? i had one of those days...
i got up at 3:45am to leave for work by 4:30. I worked with Freddy and Karen and Sharon and Lemar worked the party next to ours. It was a full morning. Dennis (the pastry chef) gave me my very own "going away" pastry. I will miss him.
I said goodbye to Sharon because we didn't know if our schedule's would overlap again. It was weird to say goodbye. I like her so much. A single mom working 70 hours a week between two jobs to provide for her two, high school aged kids. She's been through a lot. I found out yesterday that her first husband died. She's divorced now--rough story. She works so hard. I suppose saying goodbye to her put me in one of those "moods." i get the mood a lot...its the "i am SO going to miss these people" moods, and "will I ever get to see them again or spend extended amounts of time with them?" there's never really an answer...

after work I came home and took a nap. I *love* naps when I am completely exhausted. they are sweet :)

after my nap i drove across town to hannah's starbucks. i love driving on River. It's such a fun road. It was an overcast afternoon which gave the day a "lazy summer day" feel. loved it.

I sat at starbucks sipping an iced green tea. I read and journaled and was distracted by all the people. I love to people watch. I think i creep people out because I stare too much. but i can't help it. and i was overwhelmed by what a beautiful world we live in--with so many DIFFERENT people. pretty incredible. I saw a man across the room from me wearing scrubs and thought "i would like to wear scrubs someday."

and i was reminded again that I simply love henri nouwen. man oh man. the guy says things just how I want to say them but can't seem to. when I read i feel like I am always saying "yes!" or "i know EXACTLY what you mean!" or just "MmHmm..." So I read Nouwen's Genesee Diary. and he wrote something that was so exactly what I thought/felt that I wanted to stand up and shout and dance and i don't know what else...get really super excited :) (also, I think I want to secretly join a monastery. not a nunnery. I think they would get on my nerves. i want to be with the monks. hannah said I could just shave my head and sneak in. I'm not sure but maybe its worth a shot someday :)).

Here's what I read (he's quoting Merton):
"In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers...though 'out of the world' [monks] are in the same world as everybody else, the world of the bomb, the world of race hatred, the world of technology, the world of mass media, big business, revolution and all the rest. We take a different attitude to all these things, for we belong to God. Yet so does everybody else belong to God. We just happen to be conscious of it and make a profession out of this consciousness. But does that entitle us to consider ourselves different, or even better, than others? The whole idea is preposterous...
I have the immense joy of being a man, a member of a race in which God himself became incarnate. As if the sorrows and stupidities of the human condition could overwhelm me, now I realize what we all are. And if only everybody could realize this! But it cannot be explained. THERE IS NO WAY OF TELLING PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE ALL WALKING AROUND SHINING LIKE THE SUN."

Nouwen quotes him a bit further but then adds on his own: "No, 'there is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun' but God's glory in you can bring out God's glory in the other when you have become more conscious of this shared gift. God speaks to God, Spirit to Spirit, Love to Love. It is all a gift, it is all grace."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to walk around and hug perfect strangers. I wanted to say "see, this life is beautiful...even amidst such raw tragedies and honest pain. He came to give LIFE. He came to give abundant life. The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But Christ came so we can LIVE.

I think i've learned something of this over the summer. I've seen how the enemy steals, kills, and destroys. but I have seen how Christ gives rich LIFE. sometimes the life comes "quieter" than the stealing and killing, which might seem like a contradiction and might confuse us. But faith is believing in things unseen--things hoped for. Faith is listening to the wisper even if we want (or expect) loud claps of thunder.

So i left starbucks. I went to Trader Joe's and breathed deeply (for I SO love the smell). I bought a bouquet of fresh sunflowers. They are beautiful and are brightening up my room. I drove home in the dim evening summer sun listening to iron and wine. sigh. i praise God for these lazy summer days. they have been amazing.

I have one more morning of work left (next tuesday). I worked this morning and felt, again, deeply sad. Rick said "when is your last day? We have to celebrate your future! Do you drink?" haha. I love Rick. he's been a HUGE encouragement. Everyone has. Luis said he and Freddy are going to throw me in the pool next week after work (tradition when someone leaves). I said "no way, you will NOT!" but they just laughed.

I love these people...these people who are shining like the sun but don't even know it.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Mmm. Coffee in the Early Morning

I haven't been drinking much coffee--i'm trying to cut back. But I MUST SAY that a good cup of coffee in the early morning is wonderful. Mmmm.

Most people don't like Mondays. I kind of do. I like looking ahead at my week--thinking, planning, anticipating, whatever. This week looks like a really quiet week. Most of the August events at the club are over. I worked another wedding this past saturday. It was a 15 hr. day. The charge from the groom was "i hope everyone gets intoxicated!" and the bar was hosted until 9pm. So, as you can imagine, there was A LOT of drinking and a lot of dancing. It was fun for awhile until the music got obnoxious and everyone started getting drunk. Plus, cleanup was rather disgusting. Alcohol everywhere and a beer mug and wine glass full of vomit. sicko. Note to self: don't encourage your wedding guests to "get intoxicated." Even the bride and groom got drunk. sad. who wants to spend the second half of their wedding drunk--their wedding NIGHT (umm, no thanks! :))--and wake up with a hangover. Not me, but thanks.

Yesterday was girl date day with Hannah and Allie. We watched Armageddon because I'd never seen it (i know, i know...10 years too late). It was good. Yes, I cried.

Today I go into work for setup and then babysit later on. I work tomorrow morning and wednesday morning. Other than that, I doubt I'll get many more hours. I'll be catching up with a few friends I haven't seen yet who are back in town. I'll be saying goodbye to a lot of people. Dad and I leave a week from tomorrow for our backpacking trip (the death of me :) hopefully not). I leave for Chicago in less than two weeks. I HAVEN'T finished my independent study class. Grrr. I think I'll just leave an exam and a paper to finish at school.

Mom and dad have Dineh team meetings here at the house today and tomorrow. It's the new navajo field team they are building. It's exciting to watch it all unfold. I LOVE the team and i LOVE the way they relate, interact, and love one another. It gets me excited for team ministry someday. Hmmm. They just had a jolly big breakfast together and now they are in the living room starting with prayer together and devotions. Have I ever mentioned that community and fellowship are one of my favorite things. I'm sure i have. If not, THEY ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS.

Hopefully I'll be trying out a new church this Saturday night with hannah and andrew. It's an emerging church and i am very interested in finding out more about it. Wish I had more time but, as it is, I only have one weekend left here! Weird!

Ok. I'm going to go read or something of the sort. Maybe write a few letters--its been awhile. OH! Skyped with Jay and Kristen yesterday. SO GOOD. I got to see the poochie baby-belly. So cute. and was able to catch up with them on a lot, get advice, etc. I love them and miss them SO MUCH. I have a best sister (duh) and the greatest brother in law!!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

spiritual warfare isn't a joke. you might just be living a lie.

The spirit realm is more real than the physical realm.

There are a lot of people that will agree to this. I learned it deeply while in Africa. I SAW it to be true. I think a lot of people, even of different religions, believe it. Jim and Lisa acknowledged it on behalf of the New Age movement (a scene they were literally “pulled” out of. Both stories of the miraculous and “spiritual beings”).

Perhaps it’s a weakness of the western church that so many seem unable to acknowledge this as true. So often we live as if the opposite were true: what we see is what we get. It isn’t true, though, and we are in for a rude awakening if we live assuming that the spirit realm isn’t very active…what a dangerous lie.

There have been a couple times in my life when I have felt the enemy very close. I have friends who have experienced the same. These moments are reminders of the reality of a spiritual realm that is battling for the hearts and souls of mankind. It’s a sobering reality to be “re-awakened” to, and it happened to me the other night.

I had been on the phone with Mariah for a long time. We were catching up on life, talking about the future and a new semester at Moody. We expressed some frustration about the school, the environment, etc. Nothing “new.” We spoke of the pressures that seem to surround the place—the pressure to have the “right” answers, live the right life, be the best Christian, etc. Just a lot of frustrating things. We wondered together about why Moody is such a “hard place” to be.

Why, if it is a center for spiritual learning and training?

Why, if it is, at the same time, a beautiful place of community? Neither of us have felt the power of community like we have at Moody. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

Why is there such a “dread” accompanied with going back? There is an oppressiveness about the place. I usually feel it the minute I’m back in the city. Why?

So, we were talking about these things. After we got off the phone, we were both feeling kind of gross and uncomfortable. Upset that we feel so upset about going back; uncomfortable that we feel so uncomfortable about going back (don’t think we aren’t at all excited, because we very much are!). I tried to go to bed but couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I was just asking God, “Why does this happen each time?...what is it about that place?” It started to make more sense. The Battle. The Spirit realm. There is so much going on that we DON’T see but sense and feel. It makes sense that Moody be a huge target for the enemy because of all the potential. My pastor in Chicago once told us that he sees young people come into Moody excited and zealous for the Lord but they leave all dried-up and “heady”—a reality that has saddened us and, perhaps, healthily frightened us a bit.

I kept feeling a growing sense of oppression and attack that night. The more I thought about it and the more I determined causes, etc., the more I felt dark. It was really weird. It was actually quite frightening. I tried to sleep. I dozed off for about 30 minutes but had terrible nightmares and really scary images flashing through my mind. I turned the light on but couldn’t shake it. I knew I could stay alone so I woke mom up. She came in and I told her everything. It was obvious beyond all else that it was a pretty heavy spiritual attack. She said “Andrea, the enemy can only be in one place at one time. Could it be that he has rallied his forces at Moody? It shouldn’t surprise us. He is strategic. It is ‘smart’ for him to target a place with so much potential. So he battles on the institutional level but also on the individual level.” It makes so much “sense.” Perhaps this is why there is such a strange oppression I feel…such a heaviness…why I feel exhausted (because my spirit is battling)….

I remembered a dream/vision I had while in Africa. I was reading Red Moon Rising and had spent a week in prayer over Moody, asking God to reveal things to me—should I stay? Should I go?
I saw this picture of Chicago and Moody. There were dark thunderheads rolling in over the lake towards the school. The storm was coming to bring change (the longed-for revival) but obviously not without battle. The change, growth, etc., won’t come without 1. Much prayer 2. Intense spiritual warfare. I don’t think its any accident that God has created such strong pockets of community at the school. I think that’s part of the Spirit’s strategy to create strength—through unity. But we have to be diligent about cultivating honest fellowship that is Christ-centered.

Mom left and I kept thinking about these things. I haven’t felt so oppressed in a long time. Another friend of mine has had similar experiences and described as feeling as through something were on top of you—and you cannot move. That’s how I felt. I couldn’t sleep and I felt afraid. While claiming the victory of Christ I lay there feeling evil so close by. It was a sobering experience because it reminded me that the spiritual realm is not a joke. It shouldn’t be taken lightly. At the same time, however, I have to confess a lot of my fear (which exposes a lack of trust). The victory is won.
I have a lot of new thoughts about the semester, now. I realize how much my life needs to 1. be close to Jesus (close to his words of TRUTH while the lies are being shot from all directions) 2. be lived in prayer (individual, yes, but also communal).

I read through Mark the other day and was thinking about the power of that blood—Christ’s blood. His saving blood is over me…and that is what protects me from the powers of darkness. Will I feel their power? Yes. Will I see it? Yes, sometimes. The point is, I want to live each day acknowledging that the spirit realm is more real than the physical. Pretty soon you are fighting what you OUGHT to be fighting: the powers of darkness that enslave this world, not the world itself. I look at someone who is “lost” and the battle isn’t against him (a grave mistake the church often makes) but against the evil that surrounds him or is in him. Does this make sense? Let me know your thoughts, I’d love to hear.

Thinking on spiritual warfare is very intriguing to me. Perhaps because we aren’t really taught about it that much…but we live with it everyday.

I am grateful to be in the arms of the Lord. I was thinking about that laying there, quite afraid, that night. What if I didn’t have the assurance of salvation and protection from the Lord? What terrified despair I would live in. Wow. Such sobering thoughts…

Look around you, people! We are in the midst of a battle. We are in the midst of a huge, huge battle. You ought not take it lightly. We aren't here forever.

I did it!!!

I sat down on the slackline...multiple times!!! woohooo. now i have to work on getting back up...and the jump mount. love it!

p.s. my new slackline works beautifully. i'm pleased :)

Thursday, August 07, 2008

where the air smells like pine needles

Mmmm. getting out of tucson and spending a night up in the cool, pine forests was wonderful. just got back from prescott. wow. I am so blessed to have been able to go. It was such a privilege and encouragement to catch up with old friends, see familiar faces, remember distant memories with people that are like family to me. and now we're all so much is so interesting. So so interesting.

one of my favorite things: journaling in the crisp mornings while everyone was off busy in "sessions" and whatnot. also: reading and feeling God begin to change me and reveal some of His recent a sneak peak, even though so much still seems hidden and beyond articulation. Seriously, life feels kind of strange and overwhelming right now. I think i'm getting used to the "weirdness." haha. sigh...

I've been thinking a lot about the monastic lifestyle and meditation...there's a hunger in me to "live simple" and I am asking God to teach me what this means. I want to spend some serious time learning, living, and loving the "simple Gospel"--stripping away a lot that I've wrapped around the message, the call, whatever you want to call it. Down to the basics. this is going to be an interesting semester. I really don't know what to expect.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

hurray for girl nights

Mmm. I am so very glad to have good friends. I love girl nights. tonight i just needed to be with a girlfriend. Hannah was amazing. She listened, shared, and we simply laughed and enjoyed one another's company...complete with ice cream and a target run 7 or so minutes before it closed. I love her. I love spending time with her. I'M GOING TO MISS HER. and, oh yeah, I can't wait for Xavier Rudd :) :) :)

Thanks for the night, friend!!


I recognize a growing “urge” to walk away from Him….from Him who IS life. The thought is terrifying and wept before the Lord as I confessed it tonight. And as I did so, I think I was able to “determine” why it is I feel this way. I’m angry with Him (again, I know, cause to tremble). I’m angry because I long to see the lives of those I have so grown to love at the Club made new. Made whole. I don’t see God changing them and I suppose I’ve despaired. What a wretched response. Weak heart I have.

There’s a beauty in the brokenness I feel. I am grateful to the Lord for placing me there this summer. A job obviously provided by Him. A job I hated. A place I “wanted out of.” An environment that seemed impossible. Now (with 2 weeks left), though I’m feeling “ready” to go back to school, I feel very sad. Frustrated to be, once again, saying goodbye to a group of people I might not ever see or work with again. I feel empty when I think that they will be out of my days. And just as I wonder what my own future holds, I wonder what each of theirs holds. As I have shared briefly in their struggles and dreams, I find myself hoping on each one’s behalf that the future will be good and satisfying…that they will find The Rock to stand on—the Hope of Glory that makes this life bearable…the joy in this journey that grants pleasure…the Shelter they can run to when evil is down and around. Oh how I long for their salvation. Is it too much to ask Him to see them again? Perhaps, even more, to spend eternity with them? I don’t think so…because I believe His Spirit places things on the heart that are of His heart. Glimpses of Heaven’s very own heartbeat. Hmm. Nothing is an accident. Not even a silly summer job…

I never expected to love these people like I do. How mysterious are His ways. My desire was to stay in Chicago, working and taking summer school. I saw no “reason” to be home in Tucson. Just goes to show you how near-sighted we can be. I know not the plans of the Lord. I am simply learning to walk where He shows me…and how poorly I feel I walk this path. Sweet Grace.

I recognize I am nothing, going nowhere, without Sweet Grace. This is a fleeting world we live in. Each moment is precious. All I can say is “Oh my God, how desperately I need You. Forgive me my anger towards you—forgive this unbelief. Restore to me the sight to see your grace that teaches me to trust when I don’t feel I know how. It is You who keeps this faith alive…because sometimes I don’t want to. Sometimes I can’t.”

Thankful to your Spirit who is walking me home.
Because I am only passing through…

Friday, August 01, 2008


Wow. can you believe its august? I feel like summer flew by. I'm actually really looking forward to school, which is nice. I am, for once, excited about the MAJORITY of my classes. It feels really good.

Tomorrow we are going on an all-day family canoe trip, since the Salt river levels are up.

In two and a half weeks dad and I will be getting ready to tackle Humphrey's Peak in Flag. August is a good month.

Luke and I finally went slacklinging the other day. We went at night and I got covered in bug-bites. yuck. WHY ME!??!! We are going to try to go rockclimbing a few more times before I leave. The next several weeks will be busy but good ones. Squeezing in some last good times with family. Mmmm. And i am So looking forward to FALL in Chicago. Oh my goodness.

I have to go to work. I'm at the pool tonight. Good because I get to wear "casual clothes" but not so good because of the grass and more bugs. Sigh. it's the "ewing family reunion" which is funny, because I know them. Tucson is a small world sometimes.

peace. (i don't know why i said that).