Friday, October 31, 2008

like a kite

have you ever seen a kite dancing on the wind? when there isn't much but a dying breeze, it sort of just floats quietly down to the ground. But it moves so beautifully through the air--up, down, up. It glides and falls; soars and dives. there's something deeply honest about it. it moves at will, unafraid and, perhaps, unaware, of those watching. it is completely itself, fulfilling its own created purpose and enjoying it. it is lovely. it cannot be bothered. it takes its time. it will necessarily take its time, floating down, down, down.

i watched a kite down by the beach today. it lingered there, against a clear blue sky. i couldn't help but smile.

i couldn't help but wish, for a moment, that i was a kite.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

blessed is this life, and i'm gonna celebrate being alive.

i can't sleep. it's 12:04 and I got into bed at 9:40. I was up at 10:30 for awhile and back into bed at 11:20 or so. But I am up again. Bah! I really wanted to get good sleep because I have a philosophy exam tomorrow morning I've hardly studied for. I was soo tired tonight and had a headache so i went to bed with the intention of getting up at 5 to study more. I'm still going to...i just wish I could SLEEP a little before then. grrr. perhaps getting some of the thoughts out of my head will help quiet my mind :)

I'm so blessed. Life's been challenging as of late--mostly spiritually/emotionally. I've felt really "sucked dry" by all I am realizing, learning, etc. But the past few days have been encouraging for simple reasons and i am grateful that the Lord has so blessed me... Friendships are wonderful. I'm challenged not to take them for granted...

late night phone conversations in the hall
conversation with a new friend from another culture
girl time and laughter
study nights at starbucks
discovering a like-heart and talking about life instead of researching as planned
unplanned run-ins
coffee dates
catching up with "far-away" friends

There is so much to be thankful for, not only in relationships but in everyday life...

sunshine and crisp, clear weather
a cup of hot tea or coffee on a cold day
anticipation of family reunions
hard lessons learned from good books
smiles from a stranger
crunchy leaves to step on :)

And then there's the life of the mind and deep stirrings of the soul...

the mysteriousness of His love for me
new revelations of sin in myself and the world
immortal horrors made beautiful but nevertheless sinners: learning to live this side of eternity
a big world and an eager heart
hard disciplines learned slow
spiritual apathy and the desire of LIFE
learning heady truths with heartfelt sincerity
longing for whole self transformation not just information accumulation
who am I?

Sitting in a place of awe-filled wonder and sometimes terror...

what will my life hold?
what will the experiences of this world bring?
how shall I now live?
can I rightly hold the beauty of this life?
what should I speak/not speak?
how should I act/not act?
my days are lived in view of eternity ... we are but passing shadows...

Maybe now I can sleep. Peace to all. I hope you are also being challenged to live life intentionally--hard days and all. It isn't easy living here when, as Lewis identified, we've been made for another world.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

my heart isn't understanding this love of a "Jealous Kind"...

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sunday, October 26, 2008

does the weather set your mood?

I don't mean ENTIRELY but, you know, certain weather inspires certain activities, etc?

I am loving the fall weather. I think its because I never really experienced fall growing up. We didn't really have seasons. My "first" fall at Hillsdale was incredible--definitely THE MOST spectacular fall I've ever witnessed.

I'm drinking a hot cup of coffee. Today I bought a pair of red underwear with white snowflakes. Can I just say that I am ridiculously excited about them??!!

I love the colors of fall. I love the scent of fall. I love the anticipation of winter (even though in the city it's a rather dreary thought)...the picture in my mind of desolate fields with grey, naked trees in the distance. Houses with candles lit or fires in the fireplace...and family. I love seeing family. This year we'll have Jay and Kristen, which is a pleasant surprise. I am eager for the time to spend at home. I can't wait to sit in my pajama's at the kitchen table drinking coffee and watching the family wake up--kristen on the couch, mom in the kitchen, dad puttering around. I'm so thankful. SO thankful. A lot of people don't have times like these...

I've been asking myself how much I take for granted. How much I "enjoy" without thinking about it...and trying to be truly grateful for such rich blessings. Even something as simple as the colored leaves falling to the ground or a hot cup of coffee. Is the enjoyment of such pleasures wrong? No. Last year I really wrestled with these thoughts--because I was just back from Africa, I think. Here I am, coming up on ONE YEAR being back in the States. Crazy. I guess I've just been thinking about all that I've processed and learned since then...some things learned the "right" way and some things handled unhealthily. God's a patient teacher. So are my friends. Sigh.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

tonight i don't feel like studying

BAD! I need to...I have a Church History midterm tomorrow. Grrrrr..... all I want to do is learn Greek. I've been wanting to so bad lately. I think i'm going to start teaching myself and then take it next fall. Mmmm. I miss having a language.

Tomorrow I don't have class until 2pm! Woohoo. But I'll probably be studying :) Mariah, Zach, Anna, Mark, and I are going to see Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde tomorrow night. I love plays!! Can't wait. Zach borrowed a car which means ROADTRIP and getting a little bit out of the city is always a welcome relief :)

I've been itching to rock climb lately. Man, city life feels so constricting sometimes. I miss the mountains.

I've been TRYING to think about a lot of things recently. yeah, that sounds weird. it's true, though. I've sort of been feeling like i'm "dying" inside. That sounds dramatic but its the only way I know how to explain it. Melinda said its because I need to paint :) She gets that feeling sometimes, too. She recently bought a big ol' canvas and told me we need to find a place to stretch it out and splash around with some color. Maybe she's right. I also think I need to write. I haven't really been able to... its hard to articulate my heart my heart right now. I think I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. You know when things feel like they are starting to come together but aren't quite there yet? yeah...kind of frustrating.

I feel like I'm talking in code. haha. oh goodness...

I'm really really hoping to get up to grandma's for thanksgiving! I just need to find a ride. I'm praying for something to come through here.

Ok. I suppose I should start making good use of the night: sleep or study.

Sleep well, all! Enjoy your friday and ENJOY THE WEEKEND :)
Take time to stop and enjoy the little things God has around many simple pleasures, little blessings...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Fall Break Continued...

Yesterday was sunny but the air with CRISP. It was beautiful. I had a pumpkin latte while studying at starbucks. After that lacy and I came back to the room and got "crafty." I made a new lanyard for my I.D. and she painted our window (we mentioned it a while ago but haven't ever gotten around to it. She has the acrylics now so the deed is done. It's wonderful). After that I still wasn't really tired. We listened to David Wilcox and I got in the mood to bake. So I made wheat/granola-honey muffins with craisins in them. They are so good.

Mariah has been nannying all weekend. She's sleeping over at their house and so this morning Lacy and I went over after she took the kids to school. Quite the experience. They have a HUGE house that is in a building that looks like an apartment building. But its a 5 bedroom house. Crazy. It was fun to be off campus and in a house, even if it wasn't super "homey." We studied for awhile, made breakfast (french toast with sliced strawberries and stewed apples). It was very tasty :) Then we all piled onto the bed together and watched tv for awhile. The weather turned grey and rainy--perfect for snuggling. Now I really ought to go to the library. I'm taking Carly and Candace to the Grand Lux for their first time tonight after dinner. Fun!! I'm sure pictures will come soon...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

When the world is too full to talk about

It's already a memorable fall break and its only just sunday. classes won't start up again until wednesday. i do have loads of work, though, and monday and tuesday are supposed to be actual dedicated "study/reading days."

Yesterday Heidi, Tiffany, and I drove out to the Indiana Dunes. It was wonderful. I so love getting out of the city and seeing the country. i miss it badly. We also got to see some fall color, which was beautiful. I greatly miss that first fall in Hillsdale. How glorious it was! I caught glimpses of it yesterday...enough to hold me until I can experience it again someday in ALL its glory.

Last night was the long-awaited David Wilcox concert. FINALLY I have experienced him in concert. By far the best concert I have ever attended. It was so wonderful. My heart was so full I seriously could not even express it (nor can I now!!). Only smiles. Man, he is phenomenal in concert...I am so grateful I got to go. What a privilege to have these experiences in college...I am so deeply blessed.

Today is a quiet day. I stayed home from church to pray and read on my own. I have needed some quality "time away" from everything and everyone. It was good. Good to just sit in the room alone and think, pray, read, listen. My heart is very full these days. I'm learning ever more that the honest soul lives in a funny place of sorrow AND joy; rest AND pace. This is life with God. It is a beautiful mystery. The days are, indeed, "too full to talk about."

I'm off to lunch :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

what i love about fall...

...the mellow mix...
pumpkins at the farmer's market...

looking around for decent-size leaves to crunch.

the yellow trees on wells...

...the brisk morning air...
an occasional soy latte...

sunlight and blue skies.

clean, fresh air.

...carved pumpkins looking through the bars of the balconies...

kids playing in the parks.

anticipation of thanksgiving.

breaking out the christmas music on colder days.


studying in cozy coffee shops.
...the library...

barbecues in the park.

david wilcox.

Abide with me

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word,
But as Thou dwell'st with Thy disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,
But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings;
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea.
Come, Friend of sinners, thus abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile,
And though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee.
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

counting down

there's a lot going on...busy busy busy days.

mom comes on friday. I CANNOT wait. I am so so so ready for her to finally visit. Sigh... it's going to be wonderful. Farmer's Market Saturday morning, hanging out around the city, church on sunday, bourgeois pig for lunch on sunday. Mmm!!!

Sunday night is a BroSis barbecue. I'm going to bring my slackline. It's going to be great :)

Missions Conference is next week. Steve Saint is speaking. I am quite excited.

My minor prophets paper WAS due tomorrow but he emailed us all last night and moved it to Tuesday. HURRAY! A few extra days to work on it. I was in the library for 6 hrs last night working on it (among other things). I think I'm actually going to be able to write a decent amount on it. I wrote three paragraphs on one verse! Just 6 more verses to go and then a bunch of historic/sociologic background researching and story context. Amos is a remarkable book. Digging this deep into the pages of Scripture is teaching me a lot.

Ok. I'm off to the library for an indefinite amount of time.

Hope midterms and such are going alright for all of you!

Saturday, October 04, 2008

25 weeks!

she was blinking....
aaah!! cute cute CUTE!!
My little nephew is inside! :) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

take me away! :) :)

Lately I have SO been wanting to go camping. I have this urge to do a solo backpacking trip around the shore of Lake Superior. Sigh... I think the city is already getting to me....I want to get away. someone take me away! :)

I'm going to my grandma's for thanksgiving. don't quite know HOW I'm going to get there but I'm doing it. I can't explain my excitement. I love their house. aaah!!! cereal at the kitchen table in the early morning!!!