Sunday, August 23, 2009

some days just feel "strange"

and today was one of them.

it was a good day, don't get me wrong. it just had moments of weird or strange.

lunch with the slackline crew--we made mexican and had everyone over to Jenkins. we then went down to the beach but had to set the line up under the trees instead. i couldn't stay long because i had a cocktail part to attend. yes, you read this correctly. it was an "interview" for a nanny job. I'll be working about 10 hrs a week with this really nice family watching the SWEETEST and cutest little girls. They are beautiful and seem really well behaved. i think it will be good. hopefully i'll also be able to pick up more hours through some of her friends. i'm grateful for God's speedy provision of a job.

i went to vespers briefly. i can never seem to stay at events like that long. don't really know why. tonight it just felt so strange...for a variety of reasons that i won't go into with much detail. but i did look at lacy and say "this feels funny. sarah and mariah should be here." tears always seem like they are quick to build up and boil over. so we came back to the apartment and i made coffee while we talked and sat.

later, phil ands kevin came over for a visit. we played a hybrid version of catch phrase, ate cookies, and laughed. it felt good to laugh. it reminded me how much i miss laughing with Kira this summer...
candace visited for awhile, too. it was wonderful.

tomorrow classes start and i can't decide what the heck i'm "feeling" inside. senior year...really no idea of "what's next," the world is open and mysterious and i just don't have any idea. i spent some time this morning journaling, read Psalm 63 (a favorite) and read Brueggemann's prayer "the din undoes us." sometime soon i'll try to post the prayer. it's beautiful, rich, and bold and I love it.

i think my heart is just a conglomeration of thoughts, emotions, and feelings...and i don't really know what to do about it.

this strangeness is a bit frustrating.

i need to take more walks. sometimes i feel like i need a friend to walk with me, though, because if i'm by myself i do too MUCH thinking.

1 comment:

citizenofheaven said...

i will always walk with you. I went on a two hour long walk yesterday. it was much needed. I love walks. and i think I would really like walks with you. :)