Tuesday, October 27, 2009

"he has been good to us..."

this is what i told lacy when we were driving back from the airport last night after dropping mariah off. there were tears and heartache and it was painful to let go again, but there is an overwhelming sense of God's goodness in these days. He has been good to gift us with strong friends with whom we share life, climb, fall, explore, wonder, and wrestle. it was good to see sarah and mariah again--to be TOGETHER again. wow, i miss them a lot.

i've been thinking about how patient God is with us. I, in turn, am so impatient with him. this realization has quieted me today and i found myself in the culby 2 prayer room for awhile resting in the silence of that space. sacred moments are everywhere but sometimes they get lost in the business. i have to push for them. we pray that he break in and interrupt. he does that, thankfully, but sometimes we need to interrupt our routines, too.

senioritis has hit me hard this semester. probably because i haven't found my classes all that exhilarating. I look forward to next semester, though, and i think it will be a good one for "going out." gosh, i can hardly believe this time is almost over...

today i registered:

Intro. to Music-someone...?
Contemporary Islam-Dr. Namaan
Senior Seminar-Dr. Schmutzer
Wellness (1/2 semester)-Dunn
Directed Study NT elective-Dr. Peterman

I'm not sure what the directed study will be. I met with Dr. Peterman today and he said it is wide open--so I'm meeting with him in a week to determine more. I think I'd like to do something in the Gospels but I don't know what. ANYTHING? Gosh, these sorts of decisions are ridiculously hard for me...
I'm going to be a TA for the new Theology of Suffering class. Can't tell you how excited this makes me. I will also be working on my internship (developing a course book for A Biblical Theology of Global Violence). I am eager to devote time to these two, considering that I'll only be taking 13 credits, 4 of which include an intro. class and wellness. yeah, i know, it's a really nice schedule. I'll be working still and I would like to take a local pottery class one night a week. It will be a good semester--I just have to finish pushing through this one first.

i'm exhausted. seriously. everything in me wants to sleep. i'm going to go to the library for a few hours to work on some of my independent study classes and then i hope to get to bed no later than 8:30 or 9:00 tonight.

a thought to leave you with: do you ever feel like you leave your prayers at the feet of God and walk away, uncertain of how they've been received? this might be for any number of reasons--friends are telling you one thing, you are thinking another, God seems silent, your very soul seems pinched--like you want more faith to believe but for some reason it's just really hard right now...? i'm there right now. sometimes it's hard to trust God. it grows wearisome. i trust for others' sake, for my own, for unknown and unspoken things...and there is waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

this weekend was a "sighing of soul" kind of weekend. yes, in talking with friends i uncovered some of these "hard" thoughts and feelings, but i am also living in a deeply contented place. these are my sputterings and i realize they are a little scattered but whatever...ha. i don't care. have a good tuesday afternoon--stop to take deep breathes and, you know, enjoy a beautiful tree or look at the sky :)

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