One year ago this week DTS started. Wow. it feels so long ago...so far away.
I was reading my Africa journal today and one entry in particular grabbed me. It was one I wrote during my last week there. I didn't realize until right now that I wrote it exactly 7 months ago today--on Nov. 13, 2007. Funny how my heart should hurt and ache so much today...it hurts so bad. There are moments when it is almost unbearable. My breath is caught and I feel like I'm gasping. When will I go back? I miss those faces...I miss being in their lives--WITH them. I know there's a whole load of stuff God is teaching me now...like trust, patience, etc., but its freaking hard sometimes. Sigh.
Here's the entry:
"I mind myself in these sweet moments when I feel like I must do everything in my power to remember it--remember myself IN this moment...and remember all I am thinking and feeling right now. I think its sort of a desparate attempt at the impossible. There really is no way for me to "bottle" this moment. Even if I could, the experience of it later wouldn't be true, it will only be a memory. So, here I am, caught up in this beautiful moment--fully enjoying the wonder of this place as I sit on the back balcony and look out over the green hills. The singing hills :) The breeze is perfect and refreshing. It is gentle. It is almost whispering something to me...goodbye? It's hard to believe I say goodbye to Africa on Saturday.
I've been so wrapped up thinking about saying "hello" to America that I forgot about saying goodbye. Not only to the people I love but to a country and a continent I love. It's so rich and beautiful a place.
It's peach season in Swaziland. I bought a bag in town today for 5 rand from a Gogo at teh Kombi rink. it was another of those moments--as I was buying them from her I could totally picture myself living here (some place in Africa) and buying from a fruit market for home. I felt excited and completely confident in my ability to live here...It was a thrilling experience. A foretaste of a future time? Haha, who knows! Only the Lord knows. I thank you for that, Father. Thank you that someday you will bring me back. Until then, help me preserve these incredible memories.
Had a wonderful time chatting and laughing with Phondie and Gladness this afternoon. We sat around in the living room, completely layed-back and relazed--fully enjoying one anothers company. It was a "time I will treasure" like so many others. Thank you again, Father, for these people and this place. I am so grateful You brought me here."
HE HAS NOT LEFT ME WANTING.
Even in the midst of intense frustration, sadness, and heartache. He is enough. Wow.