It's Official

I am addicted to the Office. I know a lot of you have been hooked for a while. Better late than never, right? I have only seen about ten episodes. However, I found a website that streams them free so....major distraction coming right up :)

Also. I am in love with the theme song. Earlier today I took a nap and woke up with this song in my head that I COULD NOT figure out...then I remembered. The Office! So I downloaded it. I'm quite excited. It will be my ringtone quite shortly :)


Happy New Year to all!!

I found a $1200 ticket to Kenya
...a $1300 ticket to India
...a $1000 ticket to Finland
...a $1300 ticket to Australia
...a $3500 ticket to Thialand

if money wasn't an issue...where would you go?

An Adventure

You never know what might happen in Broken Bow, OK. Actually, when it did happen, I wasn't in Broken Bow I was in Idabel...just down the street from Hochatown (pronounced "HO" like "ho ho ho"...chatown, NOT "HOO"chatown, like my dad keeps saying). Sarah and I decided to "go out" tonight, so we chose the late night showing of "The Holiday," a chick flick I had heard of once (must've seen a preview somewhere) but had soon forgotten. She had already seen it and wanted to again. So we went. It's a Friday night so, naturally, we went out ;). It also happens to be a STORMY friday night...mostly just rainy. It's been raining pretty steady all day.

The movie was alright...it's about two different love stories--one taking place in LA, the other in Surrey, England. One of the stories is cute, the other trashy. So there we were, the ONLY two people in a very small theater watching this movie, when all of a sudden there was a loud pop and the screen went blank (we were about half way through the film). Then, the movie flickered back on, but soon went blank again. The lights came on, then went off. Soon, the back-up lights went on. The power was out. With the film off, we could hear the storm raging quite wildly outside. Sounded beautiful. We weren't sure what to do. It was a weird feeling and a little creepy because we were the only two people watching the movie (thank goodness it wasn't a horror or suspense!!). We got up, walked out, and soon found ourselves in a COMPLETELY pitch black corridor, trying to find our way back out to the main lobby (cell phones do make good flashlights in situations of emergency). Following other voices in the lobby, we soon found ALL the movie-goers...just a handful. We quickly decided we didn't care if the power came back on or not, this was quite an adventure and very much a thrill. I had never had that happen before! There I was, surrounded by oklahomans with THICK accents, gathered around a cold hot-dog grill and a nacho display, excited out of my mind that it was happening. I think I'm probably weird. oh well.

Sure enough, the power didn't come back on. Well, we at least didn't want to wait around forever for it to get fixed...the storm was pretty bad and it could've taken forever. So we left. We drove home in the pouring rain, excited to tell our thrilling story, and hydroplaning down the highway through hochatown and back to broken bow. Man I love these names :)

Goodnight, all! I hope you had as exciting an evening as I! ;)

it's out!!!

The DGM national conference info is out (not details, though)!! It's September 28-30-- "Stand: A Call for the Endurance of the Saints". I want to go. I think I will. I am going to check train fares...

It's raining in oklahoma

It's a cold, dreary evening here in oklahoma. I love it. It is drizzly with thunder and lightening! So beautiful. We made it here safely after close to 20 hrs in the car yesterday. yuck. Like mom says, dad is into these "endurance events." I'm not so sure about them :) However, listening to David Wilcox while driving across the plains of Texas IS quite enjoyable.

We left Arizona in a blizzard! Right up around Lordsburg, in the dark early morning, we made it into snow!! The headlights shining bright on all the snowflakes made for a beautiful experience :) I loved it.

We'll be here for at least 3 more days before we leave for Chicago. I'm feeling less nervous and more excited about getting to moody. That's encouraging. I find myself very frequently asking the Lord to walk beside me and uphold me with his righteous right hand.

love to all!

I love you, friends!!

I am going to miss you SO much!!

I leave tomorrow at 4am. Dad, mom and I are driving to Chicago! We're going through OK to visit some friends for 5 days, so we won't actually get to Chicago until the 3rd. I start orientation on the 4th and classes on the 8th! I can hardly believe it. I am very excited but also surprisingly nervous. Everything just seems so new...and it seems harder to leave family and friends this time. I already feel homesick, and I house-sick. I do love this house. Anyway, I trust in the Lord and am confident of the work He is doing in my life. I am excited to see Him lead and look forward to new experiences! I can't wait to be in CLASS again! wahoo! Plus, Allie will be visiting me in January (yay!), Sarah will be coming down to visit me (and the school!!), and Hannah will be coming to Chicago for a visit sometime, too. I look forward to showing you around :)

I love you all and thank you for your presence in my life, for the truth you speak to me, and the encouragement you are! you are incredible people :)

Your prayer at this time are GREATLY appreciated :)
love you, miss you!!
Andrea

Hey, Peter Pan
I'm going home now
I've done all I can
Besides I'm grown now
I'll think of you all painted with the night
You sit and watch from somewhere
As one by one the lights go out

I wrote a note to tell you how you matter
When the rain came down
All the letters scattered
And washed away
Drifted off to Never
Where you'll be safe from me now forever

I believe you now when
You say that this will hurt
So I don't have to go and
Play with you in the dirt now

Hey Peter Pan
I'm going home now
I'm all grown up
You're on your own now
I'll think of you all painted with the night
You sit and watch from somewhere
As one by one the lights go out

I felt old today

I think its the packing up and moving away thing. That'll do it. I feel like my life is about to change...a lot. It's sort of a strange feeling. It somehow makes me feel old...

"The voice of the lord makes the oaks to shake and strips the forests bare, and in his temple all cry, Glory!" Psalm 29:9

Long lay the world in sin and error pining. Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices...

Truly He taught us to love one another, His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. And in his name all oppression shall cease.

He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger, Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!


His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Deeper Still

In the tears you gave to me
I found a river to an ocean
A concrete sky and a stone cold sea
That came to where the emptiness cracked open

And all my fears came crashing through
And met the fire of my sorrow
But I found my strength in forgiving you
I never even dreamed how far my heart could go

To give my life beyond each death
From this deeper well of trust
To know that when there's nothing left
You will always have what you gave to love

In this life, the love you give becomes the only lasting treasure
And what you lose will be what you win
A well that echoes down too deep to measure

A silver coin rings down that well
You could never spend too much, a diamond echoes deeper still
And you'll always have what you gave to love,
You will always have what you gave to love
(David Wilcox)

"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." Song of Solomon 2:7

"She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them, and she shall seek them but shall not find them. Then she shall say, 'I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now.'" Hosea 2:7


"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope, And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt." Hosea 2:14,15

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Ephesians 5:15-17

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.Therefore, whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you." 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

I've been very convicted about a lot of things lately...mainly, how we are called to act as believers, especially in regards to each other as male and female. Christ calls me to be holy; the Father's will is my sanctification (a PURE self). What does this mean? And because He wills it for EACH of His children, how must it change the way I live towards people?

I don't really know what to do about some of my thoughts. For now the answer is "...pray without ceasing..." that I might act in obedience, according to His will.

Lord, make me weak so I will know the strength of you, who are strong!

"Every one of us lives only to journey further and further into the mountains." Lewis

it's hard to wait

My grandpa (papa) just went in for surgery about an hour ago. He has had 3 bypass surgeries and they are all blocked up. One of his arteries is almost completely clogged and his kidneys are functioning below 50%. The doctor painted a pretty bleak picture of it all today... just being frank about the condition of papa's body. There is still fluid in his lungs... but the surgery hopes to open up one of his bypasses so his heart can pump better. The problem is, all the dye they use to monitor everything has to be cleaned out later by his kidneys. There is a lot of concern because his kidneys are now in pretty bad shape. After the doctor talked with him today he turned to my grandma and said something to the effect of "it looks like its the curtains for me".

I pray if its God's will Papa might spend more time with us... but that's sort of a selfish thing for me to wish. If it isn't His will, I pray He would take Papa right home to Him, and what a joy that would be.

I like the way mom prayed tonight, "we picture angels around the operating table waiting with bated breath, as we do, to see all that your powerful hand might accomplish".

I *love* Caedmon's Call's Long Line of Leavers. sigh.

Starin' down the stars
Jealous of the moon
You wish you could fly
Just being where you are
There's nothin' you can do
If you're too scared to try

My Love Tank Feels Empty

Do you ever have so many thoughts flying around in your head that your emotions get really tangled up (currently: huge amounts of love and sadness and fear and worry and pain...)? That's how I feel... a little like a mess and a lot in need of grace... like the slightest thing will set me off... It's overwhelming, and very exhausting. I want to cry with my face in a pillow and get it all out. I can feel this tangle of emotion building up and I feel like I just might burst. I feel rather ridiculous because if anyone were to look at me they probably wouldn't really notice anything... but inside I just sorta feel like I'm screaming. There are a lot of changes right now in our family. I think that's the hardest thing. Growing up isn't easy when it means losing certain loved ones. I find myself crying "Why, Father?" and listening for some sort of reply. Its coming... but in bits and pieces. I ask for the strength and the courage to be patient, meanwhile redeeming the time. I need to cast all my cares on the Lord. Please, pray for strength.

And I feel a constant need to be hugged.

All this thinking and hurting has led me to Isaiah 41:9, 10.

I know this post is crazy confusing. I'm sorry. There's a lot to explain but I'm just really tired right now.

My Papa is in the hospital and not doing well. He is one of the most amazing people I know. I have deleted so many lines of type because I can't seem to say the right words... I love him. I think that's enough for now. I love my Papa. He is my "Numero Uno."

"And I thank the Lord for the people I have found,
I thank the Lord for the people I have found."

All I Want for My Birthday

Are HUGS.

Turning 20 Feels Weird

I don't know why... and that's all I got.

From Philadelphia to Mexico

I got home Monday night at 11:45. On Tuesday morning at 6:00, mom and I left for Mexico to get Dad. If you recall, he had surgery for a hernia while in mexico. He is still SO sore so he couldn't drive out of Mexico... he can't even push the gas or break pedals b/c it sends shooting pains all through his body. Another missionary family that was down there offered to caravan with him out of the village and to the border. The husband drove dad's truck with all the furniture while dad rested. He said the bumpy road leaving the village was a killer. i can only imagine...oh man. So mom and I drove across the border to a small hotel where dad stayed the night. The other missionary family had to be somewhere else and the border closed on monday before dad could cross. Mom and I drove across the border to pick him up--so mom could drive his truck back for him while he rested. He told us to meet him in a brightly colored hotel on the other side of Augua Prieta (the border town). The hotel was SO bright. Definitely a mexican hotel. We drove in and didn't know what room dad was in but eventually saw him standing at a window waving. He hobbled out of his room to meet us, his pants held up only by a loosely clasped belt (he can't zip up his pants or button them because it pulls on the stitches and hurts really bad). He was quite the sight. Pictures don't do the story justice because all the funny stuff was in his movements and actions... and words ("today is a milestone, anne! I pooped!"...mom's reply was: "I knew it would be something stupid like that." I just laughed. hard.).

We all made it safely across the border. When i was leaving (i was driving the van), the border patrol wanted to know what my business in Mexico was. Don't worry, I didn't give them the whole story...If they only knew. Dad told mom the entire story of his surgery IN DETAIL on the way back. After we stopped in Sierra Vista for lunch, dad wanted to ride with me so he could tell ME the whole story. He thinks of it as a war survival story, I think. Crazy guy. He had it done in the village. First he had a spinal tap (gross) that paralyzed his entire bottom half. Everything was conducted in Spanish. Dad said the doctor was very compassionate (or else, as Jay said, he just knew that the gringo's are wimpy and can't handle pain).

He wobbles and hobbles around the house calling "Anne" and awful lot. Haha. Just a little bit ago he was sitting in the chair next to me trying to get his pants and socks on. He finally had to have me help with the socks. The funniest thing is that he CAN'T laugh. It hurts him really bad. So he gets really mad when anyone says anything funny. He YELLS "Stop talking before I laugh!" Apparently last night he tried to convince my mom to let him have a pee can by his bed so he didn't have to walk to the bathroom. She said no way... "Once you let an old man start peeing in a cup, everything starts going down hill." Haha. She handles him very well. I know he is in a lot of pain...sometimes its really sad b/c I can see it in his face, and he can't breathe very well. He takes morphine only sometimes... and always acts like it is really screwing with his mind, exclaiming "I see the white knights riding backwards and the red queen doesn't have a head!" He is SO weird.

He has a bandage over the spot so we can't see the damage... eventually, I suppose. I got a picture of the bandage :)

I love dad. He's amazing. I can't believe he just had surgery in the village to avoid the hassle of American hospitals. So cool. haha. Anyway... he can't lift anything over 20 lbs for 2 months. That'll be hard for him. He's already trying to break the rules and mom yells at him. He could potentially undo everything that was fixed and stitched back up. hopefully not.

Tonight we're getting our tree! So exciting!

Sing to Jesus

Come and see, look on this mystery
The Lord of the Universe, nailed to a tree
Christ our God, spilling His Holy blood
Bowing in anguish, His sacred head

Sing to Jesus, Lord of our shame
Lord of our sinful hearts.
He is our great Redeemer.
Sing to Jesus, Honor His name.
Sing of His faithfulness, pouring His life out unto death

Come you weary and He will give you rest
Come you who mourn, lay on His breast
Christ who died, risen in Paradise
Giver of mercy, Giver of Life

Sing to Jesus His is the throne
Now and forever,
He is the King of Heaven.
Sing to Jesus, we are His own.
Now and forever sing for the love our God has shown.

Sing to Jesus, Lord of our shame
Lord of our sinful hearts.
He is our great Redeemer.
Sing to Jesus, Honor His name.

Sing to Jesus His is the throne
Now and forever,
He is the King of Heaven.
Sing to Jesus, we are His own.
Now and forever sing for the love our God has shown.

Drink Tea

I recommend Tazo. My favorite is Refresh. Next are Calm and Awake....you really should try them. The nice thing about hanging around a cold apartment is that drinking tea becomes much more fun...bundling up in a sweatshirt and quilt with a mug full of steaming tea is just so wonderful.

Last night I stayed at the apartment while Jay and Kristen went to small group. I sat on their couch with candles lit and the Christmas tree lights twinkling. It was so cozy. I eventually decided to curl up and watch In America. I had never seen it before... it was really good. It has made my favorites list :)

We made Christmas cookies yesterday. YUM. I will post pictures later. It was lots of fun... they were the cut-out sugar cookies. They're my Christmas favorite. I told mom we have to make some more when I get home.

So...funny story. Not really funny but sort of. If you know my dad then it's funny. Apparently he has had this funny lump on his stomach for a while. He decided to tell my mom two days before he left for Mexico that he thinks its a hernia. He's all casual about it, but won't let mom see the lump (lest she "freak out," I suppose). He told my mom that he wanted the surgery done in the village, so he was going to have the Indian doctor check it out. Sure enough, he's got a hernia. He is scheduled for surgery tomorrow at one, and expects to drive out of mexico (bumpy roads and all) on Monday, caravan style with another missionary family. He's crazy. The funny part is, the price is no different. Insurance covers it, but he doesn't want to have to deal with the hassel of American hospitals, etc. He would rather have it done in rural Mexico. I think it's amazing. He wrote me this really funny email a couple days ago about how this puts a hold on our Grand Canyon backpacking trip. He said "I'm getting my gut sliced open and then stitched back up." It's probably a good thing that the trip is off...although, knowing my dad, he might still try it. Don't worry, I'm putting my foot down (mom already has). No way am I dragging my dad out of the Grand Canyon because his stitched came undone. Yuck.

I love my dad. I love that he had the bump but just didn't tell anyone till now. Oh. He also thinks he knows when he got it....or what might have irritated it. A couple months ago, while at the shop working, he was cutting some boards and a piece flew off and jabbed him in the stomach really hard. He just told mom about that, too. I love how he tells her NOW. So crazy. Anyway, that's my crazy dad story. So, the day after I get home (tuesday morning) my mom and I will probably be driving down to the border crossing to pick him up (he'll spend the night in a motel b/c the border will close before he can get there on monday). But he wants help crossing the border in case they give him trouble or try to have him unload all his furniture. I don't know how he thinks he'll travel so soon after the surgery. His sister (my aunt) had this done a year ago and apparently was flat on her back for close to a week... and had a hard time of it once she had to go back to work (REALLY sore). Hopefully it will heal fast and he can get back to normal... and hopefully he doesn't push it and overdo it. Oh dad. I love him.

(and don't worry, really. The surgeon is supposed to be really good. One of the best down there :))

I think I'll get going. I need to study more CLEP. OH! good news! More of my credits transferred than I thought. Moody is accepting my English AND my latin (on top of the other stuff). Woohoo! After I CLEP sociology, I won't have that many pre-reqs. The ones I will have will be fun--all the theology requirements that I want to take anyway. I'm so excited about this. Thank you, God, for providing. Thank you all for praying. I'll try to get a letter out soon. Bye!

Excellent Sermon

I am here to recommend Piper's sermon "The Supremacy of God in the Life of the Mind." It is online for purchase (www.desiringgod.org) or you can follow this address to get the article version and read it. Please do!

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TopicIndex/25/
1465_The_Supremacy_of_God_in_the_Life_of_the_Mind/

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Jay and Kristen's apartment is SO beautiful. And with all the Christmas decorations, its even more so. Yesterday we went out to a Christmas Tree farm with their friends Todd and Jen (and 2 yr. old Michaela). It was SO FUN. We rode out to the farms on this horse drawn (or tractor drawn...depending) wagon. They gave us a saw, and we just wondered through all these trees looking for the right one. I wanted to take home all of them...especially the Charlie Brown-ish looking ones. Afterwards, we got free hot chocolate and apple cider. It was amazing. We decorated the tree back at the apartment and it looks beautiful. Here are a couple pictures...












Chris and Kate are coming over for dinner tonight. I am very excited to see them. On Tuesday Kristen and I are running errands (IKEA!) and walking through Chestnut Hill, a really neat spot nearby with so many really beautiful, quaint shops. We're also going to make Christmas cookies!!! And sometime soon we're going to watch elf. I've never seen it...but I want to. Last night we were going to watch it but decided not to. Alen and Heather came over and we chatted and played a couplse rounds of Whonoo. It was fun.
Alright. I need to go. Have a marvelous day, all!
-Andrea

"Son of God, Purger of the inner parts, Discerner of my sittings down, my risings, wilt Thou hallow this soul of mine?"

-Jim Elliot (Shadow of the Almighty)

I'm sitting on the couch in Jay and Kristen't apartment looking out the window at a grey, drizzly afternoon. It isn't cold--probably about 70--its just dreary. It's quite beautiful. I might not like days and days of this in a row but because I don't see much of this in AZ, it's most enjoyable. This morning after Jay went to work, Kristen and I just lounged around the house in our PJ's. Their friends Allen and Heather are pregnant and found out this morning that they are having a little GIRL! This sparked baby conversation between the sisters for quite some time :) I'm really excited to be an aunt.

This afternoon Kristen, Heather and I are going to Target and Ikea. I'm super excited. I've only been to Ikea once but love it.

I've been having lots of new thoughts about what to do this summer. There are lots of possibilities and I am thinking about something really crazy and really exciting. I can't wait. I will post about it soon. But I need to think some more about it and pray about it. I would appreciate prayers of yours, also, even though you won't be able to pray specifically yet. I'll keep you posted :)

Tomorrow night we are going to cut down the Christmas tree! Woohoo. And we're going to watch Charlie Brown Christmas AND White Christmas! So amazing. Also, on Monday night Chris and Kate Walker are coming over for dinner.

It's fun to be here! It's crazy that I'm staying with my sister who is MARRIED. I love their cozy little home. I want one of my own. someday...

Talk to you later! oh. Philadelphia is beautiful. I LOVE it. It makes me really excited about livine in Chicago. REALLY excited. It's the big city feel. It's new to me. Tucson is big but not like this. And we live far enough out that I don't feel so much a part of it. I'm anxious to see what Chicago is like. Eeek!

"Seems that the Lord Himself must do. I cannot, cannot even pray aright for you."

-Jim Elliot

"tears in a bottle and wounds that are sore
no one beside you to battle your war
but i cannot rescue
your heart from the empty
i must release you for I've given plenty."

"Be stunned and satisfied that we know God--and that he knows us."

-Piper


(So...I've been trying for FOREVER to upload this update. I wrote it on the plane from tucson to philly on the 18th. I've been debating whether or not to post it after all...since it's working now. I decided to go ahead and do it. I haven't told a lot of you what it was like leaving the store, etc. so i thought you might be interested in hearing about it. I had a great thanksgiving in the UP and now I am spending three days in Hillsdale. It's wonderful seeing everyone again. I leave wednesday with Kristen and Jay to drive back to Philly. More updates to follow. with love! -Andrea)


My last night at work was really good. It was full of mixed emotions, that's for sure. I was telling Heather and Lina that I am ready to leave the store (I have no attachment to the corporation, that's for sure), but I am really sad to leave the people. Denise and Jim bought me a cake from the bakery...it said "Andrea we're going to miss you...good luck!" They also gave me a card that they had everyone sign. It was so special. I was in shock for a good while. I didn't expect them to send me off with so much love. It was a huge blessing. My two managers Naomi and Maria went together and got me a red fleece jacket "so I won't freeze to death!" I cried when I left. It was the weirdest feeling to walk out of the store knowing I will not be back in (as an employee). This morning on my way to the airport mom dropped me by the store so I could say goodbye to Anne Marie one more time. It was hard. She walked me out and we exchanged hugs and tears. I love her SO much. I can't even express it. She's so amazing.

It's crazy...this life. God has so much in store for us that we have NO idea about. He asks, "Andrea, trust me for this time. Let me take you to a new and exciting place." I say, "Please, Lord, make it quick. I don't want to work this job and I don't want to be home alone for this semester." Before I know it, it is all over. I look back and the time was rich...so full of blessings. Trusting God is such an adventure. When he puts me in these situations and I lean into Him, the reward is great. Thank you, Father.

I was telling mom this morning that I feel like I don't know where I belong on this earth. It's a hard reality for me to swallow sometimes but it's also a neat thing to be learning...this is not my home. I've experienced a lot of wonderful people and places...and I always have to say goodbye (at least for a time). I have a whole group of friends in California from a part of my life that is over (not that those friendships are over, I don't mean that at all). I have a whole group of friends (sort of a whole "life") in Hillsdale. I love them and I miss them. I look back with fond memories and strong emotions on that time. Now I have this life I'm leaving at Fry's. My relationships (at least some) will remain and grow, that's the beauty of being in relationship with others. I am about to step into a whole new life at Moody...new people, new places, new adventures in the Lord. It's amazing. Sometimes I feel lonely. That's probably a good thing because I'm afraid of earthly loneliness. God has shown me that this semester. He has also shown me that He is everything I need. And life in the will of God is better all the time. When I hear the Jonathan Edwards phrase, "Joy's Eternal Increase" this is sort of what I think. Even though his meaning was something different, I feel that life in the Lord is like joy eternally increasing. It's like Jim Elliot's "progressive joy." It's a wonderful gift.

Every once in a while I feel like my life kind of stops and I am in a spot where I can rest and reflect. I have a few weeks of that right now. In the middle of each new adventure is a wonderful "in-between" time...very daunting and sometimes downright terrifying. But always rich. Lot's of learning...lot's of surrendering...lot's of relying on the Spirit. Lord, take the glory in this life.

I am excited to see many of you again soon. This is another thing I love about building relationships....sometimes you say goodbye but then you get to say hello again :). Some might say it isn't worth it if you have to face the pain of saying goodbye. To that I say "bologna!" I will steel some of Lewis's brilliance and say "The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal." It is so worth it. I love meeting up with friends again...old ones, new ones, whatever!
I love people. I love that we reflect the image of God by our relational nature. I don't want to blab much more so I will just say this. Invest in people. Invest in people for the Kingdom of God. Trust Him to take you places that you are afraid to go...trust Him.

Oh, Mr. Lewis!

I had forgotten, for a moment, how much I loved The Great Divorce....how much I appreciate lewis' brilliance.

"Overcome us that, so overcome, we may be ourselves:we desire the beginning of your reign as we desire dawn and dew, wetness at the birth of light."

"But what we called love down there was mostly the craving to be loved. In the main I loved you for my own sake: because I needed you."

"Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with that richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed."

"Every one of us lives only to journey further and further into the mountains."

"'No,' said the other. 'I can promise you none of these things. No sphere of usefulness: you are not needed there at all. No scope for your talents: only forgiveness for having perverted them. No atmosphere of inquiry, for I will bring you to the land not of questions but of answers, and you shall see the face of God.'"

I feel like taking a long walk down a quiet country road. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately...it seems there is a whole lot to think about. Or maybe I'm just letting too many things overwhelm me. Sometimes I just need to stop thinking. That's where the walk comes in...long walks help clear my mind. At this particular point in time (12:41am) sleep is probably the best option. So...goodnight!

WHY???

Why does EVERYONE think I am so hard to read??? And is that a bad thing?......because I'm beginning to think it is. Sigh. What on earth.

Hanging my feet off the edge of the Grand Canyon...

It's the most amazing feeling. Overwhelming. Majestic. So full of glory. I am so small and creation is so big. God's creativity is incredible.

I just got back from the Grand Canyon yesterday. We left at 6 friday morning (Anne Marie, David, Jaydin, Jordan and I) and drove up through Sedona. We stopped at Oak Creek Canyon for an hour or so and just goofed around. It was beautiful. Lot's of the leaves had already fallen but a lot were still bright yellow. We got to the Canyon and set up camp at Mather Campground. It's a very nice spot...on the South Rim. It was COLD. We bundled and bundled. The low friday night was 14!! But I actually got HOT. I think because I had so many stinkin' layers on!! We played Mad Gab in the tent friday night. It was tons of fun. Anne Marie and I kicked the guys' butts. We rock at that game.

We didn't get a ton of sleep that night because Jaydin was fussy. He developed a bit of a bad cough. Poor guy. When we did wake up the next morning it was 9:30!! I have NEVER slept in that late on a camping trip. It didn't get dark until later in the morning, though, so that was part of it. The sun woke us up later :)

We spent Saturday seeing the visitor center, bookstore, and driving down the Desert View loop. We stopped at Grandview to hike. It was a very steep hike. Luckily we found a baby backpack for rent for only $6 a day! It was a great investment....2 yr olds don't like to stay still. Especially not on the edge of the Grand Canyon. It was cloudy all day saturday and pretty windy. I think the temp was right around 50. We went back to the campsite kinda early to build a big fire and warm up. We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows. YUM. I love roasting hot dogs over a fire. So good. It started to sprinkle a little bit later that night...not good. We went into the tent and played cards for a while but we ended up going to bed around 8:30. We woke up at 5 in order to get on the road by 6. Jordan had to get back for a wedding he was going to and I had to work at 5. Bleh. The drive back was fun also. I just love road trips so much! And that is such beautiful country up there. I loved driving across the wide open country of the reservation and then on through flagstaff. We stopped in Phoenix for In-N-Out on the way home. good food.

I was so bummed I had to work...especially since I guess I wasn't supposed to go on the trip with my manager....its a major no no and people aren't supposed to find out. I guess she could get in some trouble. I hope not. I requested those days off a month before with our head manager, Denise. AND I was thinking earlier about just quitting before the trip and not working this week...which would be ok because I wouldn't have been a fry's employee and it would have been no big deal that I hang out with the manager. But since I AM working this wee, it's this big drama. Sigh. I'm kind of upset about it all. Hopefully it won't make my last week a bad one.

Anyway. The trip was lots of fun. I love Anne Marie SO much. I am going to miss her like crazy.
Here are pictures...OH! I forgot to tell you. When we woke up Sunday morning, there was snow! Only on the table at our campsite but once we started driving out of the park we saw a lot more. On the higher parts of the canyon, the mountains were covered! SO BEAUTIFUL! I almost hit a family of Elk leaving the park. They were right in the middle of the road!

I feel very small

do you ever say or do something that you immediately regret moments after doing or saying? And then all you can think about is how much you wish you could go back in time and fix what you messed up?...heal what you hurt...mend what you broke...

I wanted to say it, or else I wouldn't have. But I felt sick after the whole idea left my head and went off my tongue. How could I be so stupid? So unthinking? So...sinful? We don't like to use that word much. That's probably why the situation is more painful. At certain times, sin seems very real and very close. This is one such time.

Being reminded of God's love is a good thing during a time like this. Realizing that He is teaching me to trust HIM alone by FAITH alone through GRACE alone is also a pretty amazing thing. It's really hard, though, not to focus on the negative--how stupid I am--and to instead focus on the good--how great God is and what work He is doing in me and through me.

I was leafing through some old books tonight and came across this verse. It is a comfort. "Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgement for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication." Micah 7:8-9

I am really tired. Good night, all. I will be seeing many of you soon! I am so excited. Is it bad that I wish this week were over before it has even begun? Sigh.

Two Weeks From Today...

I'LL BE IN MICHIGAN! And I'll get to see my Sarah!!! I am so excited. I fly to Philly Saturday and then Sunday we drive up to Detroit, where Sarah is going to pick me up! I'll go back to her school with her (she has a single with an extra bed!) until Wednesday...when we road trip up NORTH. woohoo. I can hardly contain my excitement :) Yesterday was my last saturday at work. It was a huge relief but felt sort of strange. I keep thinking I'm going to keep working when I come back from my trip. I wish today was my last Sunday. I really dislike working on Sunday. Yuck. It's too busy and everyone is stressed out or grumpy and impatient. Can I just say that I am SO glad I won't be working here during the holidays. Oh man. ALL of you, please be nice to your cashiers!

Next Friday and Saturday is the Grand Canyon trip. I got both days off! Actually, Anne Marie got me both days off...she's good at arranging those sorts of things :) It's going to be so fun!

I have my voters guide and booklet I'm going through. I went through one the other night and still have all the propositions to read through. It's rather overwhelming. I'm excited to vote, though. I'm excited to be learning things about the whole system and truly determine HOW I want to vote. But the more I try to learn and understand the more I realize how little I actually do know and understand.

I am so tired. I had a wonderful 2+ hour phone talk with hallie last night. It was wonderful. We laughed a lot, that's always a whole lot of fun :) I think I am going to take a nap before work. Hmmm....sounds nice. Talk to you all later (or SEE you soon).
-Andrea

The Letter-head makes it very official...

That's right. I received my "official" letter of acceptance to Moody today. "Dear Andrea, We're delighted to inform your that your application for enrollment at Moody Bible Institute has been approved for the spring semester of 2007."

aaaaahhhhhhhh

I am so excited. I am quite nervous. So much change is about to happen. Wow. Can you believe I'm here? God has brought me to such an exciting place. I find myself needing to lean into Him a lot...because it's sort of a strange place of vulnerability. Anyhow, I wanted to share the news :)

Thank you for walking beside me and being excited with me.

Yep, that Kid

I'm the kid who ran away with the circus
Now I'm watering elephants
But I sometimes lie awake in the sawdust
Dreaming I'm in a suit of light

Late at night in the empty big top
I'm all alone on the high wire
Ladies and gentlemen, there is no net this time
He's a real death defier

I'm the kid who always looked out the window
Failing the tests in geography
But I have seen things far beyond just this schoolyard
Distant shores of exotic lands

There's the spires of the Turkish empire
Six months since we made landfall
Riding low with the spices of India
Through Gibralter, we're rich men all

I'm the kid who thought we'd someday be lovers
Always held out that time would tell
Time was talking
Guess I just wasn't listening
No surprise, if you know me well

As we're walking down toward the train station
I hear a whispering rainfall
Across the boulevard, you slip your hand in mine
In the distance the train's last call

I'm the kid who has this habit of dreaming
That sometimes gets me in trouble too
But the truth is
I could no more stop dreaming
Than I could make them all come true

For Halloween I was a Farmer

I thought my "costume" was obvious....but a lot of people said "what are you supposed to be." Dumb. Hardly anyone dressed up. My manager Naomi did, and Anne Marie did. She was a dark sorceress/vampire. She wore her old prom dress (dark black flowers over red), a long black cape, and fang-like teeth. This other guy, john, was superman. His costume was amazing. He was the clark kent with the superman shirt underneath. It was really cool. anyway. I rather enjoyed NOT wearing my uniform for once.

It was cool to see some of the costumes that people came in with....and there were some that I could have gone forever without seeing. As Anne Marie says, "Halloween is just a holiday for girls to get away with dressing like whores."

At one point, these girls came in--one the little mermaid and one alice in wonderland. The alice in wonderland girl had one a SHORT dress that bounced up when she walked and it was just so ridiculous. Well, this new bagger, Joseph (He's Old...like really old. Maybe 40s) watched them from right when they came in until they got to the bathroom. Then he turned to me and karen (the only cashiers at the time) and said "Well, she can walk into my Wonderland anytime she wants." I wanted to throw up. Sicko. Now I feel even more uncomfortable around him....YUCK! It's true, though, halloween must be hard for the guys. There is so much sleaze.

We had another burrito night last night. It was fun. I didn't get home till 2 something am and i slept until 11:25!!! I'm crazy...

It is November 1st. We go to the Grand Canyon in 10 days. woohoo! I'm super excited. I go to Philly in 18 days!

Language of the Heart

"You can say that you always were honest
And your words were clear from the start
But its more than just words that got spoken
There was language of the heart"

OUCH!

Luke and I were sitting in the living room the other night...I was on the couch minding my own business and he came in and sat across from me in the rocking chair. He had this fat little rubber band he was playing with. He thought it would be funny to shoot it at me, I guess. Anyway, he hit me in the arm. HARD. It hurt. It even left a mark! We were laughing pretty hard about it....after I gave him a dirty look, of course :) haha. We promptly took pictures before the mark faded. It's still a little hard to see...


Gotta love the little brother :)

Behold He Comes!

These are the days of Elijah
Declaring the Word of the Lord

And these are the days of your servant Moses
Righteousness being restored

And though these are days of great trials
Of famine and darkness and sword

Still we are the voice in the desert crying
Prepare ye the way of the Lord!

Behold He comes! Riding on the clouds!
Shining like the sun! At the trumpet call
Lift your voice! It's the year of Jubilee!
And out of Zion's hill salvation comes!

And these are the days of Ezekiel
The dry bones becoming as flesh

And these are the days of your servant David
Rebuilding a temple of praise

And these are the days of the harvest
The fields are as white in the world

And we are the labourers in your vineyard
Declaring the word of the Lord!

I feel very worked up right now. Lord, make my heart at peace. Anger (and/or distress) has a very dangerous ability to eat away at ones soul. Lord, don't give evil that victory.

"The house of my soul is too small for you to come to it. May it be enlarged by you. It is in ruins: restore it. In your eyes it has offensive features. I admit it, I know it; but who will clean it up?" -St. Augustine.

"And I feel thunder in the sky
I see the sky about to rain
And I hear the prairies calling out Your name." -Rich Mullins

"Lest I die, let me die so that I may see it." -St. Augustine

When you start coughing up blood it's a bad thing.

Hannah: "When I coughed, blood came out in my spit."
Me: "That isn't good. Have you seen a doctor?"
Hannah: "Yes. He said it was normal."
Me: "Normal?! hannah, coughing up blood it NOT normal. what if you have TB??"
Hannah: *laughs*
Me: "When people cough up blood it usually means they are going to die."
Hannah: *laughs* "No..."

Apparently she has a NORMAL sickness that EVERYONE has right now...its "going around." I say coughing up blood is a very bad thing. I'm glad you called into work sick, Hannah. And PLEASE....let me know if things get worse :). Haha. I love how you laugh at my concern. It really was a very funny conversation. I love you!!

I was supposed to work 3-8 tonight. I worked 3-11. Sigh. They extended my shift to 9 because they were short. Then someone asked me to stay for her because she wasn't feeling well. I have a really hard time saying no to healthy people...so you can probably figure out how it all ended. She walked out the door at 9 as I watched from my completely boring post at U-scan. Alas...I need the money. I only have a short time left at the store anyhow. I might as well get more hours.

Tomorrow I don't work till 7:15pm. I'm pretty thrilled. Mom and I are going out to LUNCH together! woohoo. Fun. I'm excited to hang out with her.

Alright. Goodnight to all...

"She said honey take me dancing..."

I like talking to my brother. He is all full of brotherly wisdom :) Especially when it comes to relationships. Haha. Oh luke. He says I won't get married until I learn to burp properly. And by properly he means LOUD. It's ridiculous. Apparently I won't be attractive until I can. Where does he come up with these things?? He's crazy.

We watched Cold Case together tonight (a low quality show with terrible acting) and then sat in the living room and talked. It was nice. I had half of a pop tart and then some popcorn. Now I feel sick. Bleh.

I tried to read more in Confessions but I'm getting really sleepy. I talked to hallie today and to mark. I like talking to friends on weekends...for several reasons. First of all, cell phone minutes are free :). Second, it is more low key and relaxed--we actually have TIME to talk because we aren't so busy. Lastly, I just like talking to my friends.

I'm listening to Paul Simon's "Diamonds on the soles of her shoes." I want someone to take me dancing.

I did some more Christmas shopping today. I just need a little something for Luke and something for dad. I'm very pleased with the fact that come December--crowded malls, grumpy shoppers, traffic and noise--I will be able to relax and think about why I really like Christmas...the mystery of the incarnation and good times with family. Do you feel like with each year you get older, Christmas means more? I feel like each year I understand it a little better. With each year I get a closer look at the baby in the manger. With each year I get a deeper understanding of the incarnation. With each year I feel less excited about the presents and more excited about being together as a family and having special memories. Every year I get increasingly excited to read the "Christmas Story" in the living room as a family in the early, dark morning. I don't know. I guess its hard to explain. Maybe you think I'm crazy. Sure, the dancing penguins and singing polar bears in our Christmas display at work make me want to throw up. A lot about this upcoming holiday time does. But I really love Christmas...and the feelings grow stronger each year. It excites me. I look forward to going caroling (I love the look on peoples faces), listening to the "Back to Bethlehem" Odyssey (part one AND two, yesss), singing Christmas songs in Church (i wish our church sang more!), and watching Charlie Brown Christmas. I listened to Bing Crosby's White Christmas the other day and wished for snow. Unfortunately, it didn't snow. I look forward to my upcoming travels in the North country :)

Enough rambling. Good night to all!

I want to be a live-in nanny

Maybe just for a summer. I really do. If you know anyone, let me know. It's just something I've been thinking about...for a family with an only child or something who might be lonely. I think that would be a neat experience (though obviously also very challenging). Just a thought I had today.

I watched Kramer v. Kramer just now and cried a whole lot. It's a good movie.

I wish it would rain. I feel like taking a walk in the rain. I love walking in rain...

Hummingbird

I like Wilco. A lot. They have a song called Hummingbird that I like. A lot. I also really like their song California Stars. I think they are my new favorite band.

I worked 42 hours last week. Crazy. The week went by really fast. I suppose that's good. It was sort of a weird week. Lot's of crazy things happening with friends and relationships. Sometimes it all just makes me laugh. I've been in a laughing mood lately. Mostly it just blows my mind how God brings people together--as friends or as more. The wonder of it all makes me smile and then the laugh escapes. Can I help it?? It's cool to see how people meet, too, and who brings them together. I like my friends at work. A lot. Anne Marie and I hung out after work the other night and just talked and ate in her car until 2:30 in the morning. It was pretty much amazing. I love her. It makes me sad to think about leaving her. Sigh.

I went to my high school's homecoming tonight. It was weird. I don't know many people there. But Luke's friends are cool. I like them a whole lot. Oh! AND I got to see a good friend and teacher (Mrs. O'Hair). We're going to lunch on wednesday. I am SO excited!!

I have tomorrow off. FINALLY a sunday off! I am looking forward to it. I need to finish some Christmas secrets and do a lot of cleaning. and read. I'm on to reading St. Augustine's Confessions. Part of it, at least. I'm reading bits and pieces of a lot of books. It's kind of nice. I'm enjoying them all quite a lot.

i can't believe it will be November in 10 days. I leave soon. Very weird.

It's late and I should go to bed. Love to you all this Lord's Day!

I want to go on a 3-week solo backpacking trip with the Four Quartets, Shadow of the Almighty, and some Jonathan Edwards. Oh man. I really do.

I feel heavy

...you know when you just hurt inside and you feel on the verge of tears all the time?...you feel frustrated and sad but don't REALLY know why? It's sort of ridiculous but that's how I feel. I'm listening to "remember" by Harry Nilsson...

I feel like I haven't been very teachable lately. Lord, make it not so!

Getting Sick...AGAIN

ugh. I have an awful swollen, lumpy feeling developing in my throat. Not good. Why am I getting sick AGAIN? I don't usually get sick this often. Weird. I worked almost 40 hrs. this week...they're short staffed again so I had to work longer and/or extra shifts. Same goes for the upcoming week. This girl they just hired put in her two weeks after being there one. She and her fiance moved to Idaho today. Crazy! So all this week we're filling her shifts. And for the past two weeks the baggers have decided not to show up. It's really great...about 4-6 call in or don't come. So we're ridiculously short and it makes for a high-stress, grumpy environment. yuck.

the Prestige comes out friday. Can I just say that I am SO excited. I do have friday off (yay!) but I'm babysitting from 12-7...and by that times movies are ridiculously expensive. So we'll see. I probably won't see it for a while.

Oh. good news. I think they're actually going to let me have this upcoming sunday OFF. whew. Which means I might finally be able to go on that long awaited hike with Hannah and Grant. That would be exciting. It's perfect hiking weather right now. Low to mid 70's. I LOVE this time of year here.

Also. funny story. So...there's this bagger I like a whole lot named Eddie. He's super fun. Ann Marie (my manager) entered him in this Tucson district "bag-off" (I know, its true) last Saturday. HE WON! He got (among other things) a new dvd player, ipod, and lots of gift certificates. Crazy. Now he goes to Phoenix for the State bag-off. I hope he wins. I don't know what the prize is. Maybe a car. Maybe a house! I kid. anyhow, I thought it was a cool story. I got to make posters for our story congratulating him. It was fun. Yay for Eddie.

Ok. I need to go eat and go to work. I hope you all are enjoying your fall breaks or whatever it is you are doing!

I want to get married

I know...it sounds pathetic. But I do...

One Month, Five Days

Until I LEAVE....for the midwest. Aaaah. I am SO excited. However, I have been getting very sentimental about leaving work. It's weird, i know, but true. Last night I made brownies and brought them in to the closers at 11:30. Baking is no fun unless you have someone to bake FOR. I love my co-workers (most of them)!! I will miss them a whole lot...

In other news. I am back on track studying for the CLEP test. I am also almost completely done with my Christmas shopping. I'm kinda sad because I spent quite a bit of savings on gifts (but I have been trying to shop wisely and I am making a lot of gifts this year...just buying some supplies :)) but I would have spent it in December on gifts either way. This way, I have time to think about it and shop around. I'm pleased with my purchases. I just have a few more family gifts to get.

My car insurance payment just came. Bleh.

It's supposed to be in the lower 70's this weekend. That's exciting! I love the cooler weather. On monday I drove up Mt. lemon to see the leaves changing. It was so beautiful. In a couple weeks there will be even more color....but it was a start. It was a drizzly day up there and COLD. I loved it SO SO much!!! :)

I have a lot of letter-writing to do. I've gotten behind. Sorry if you are among those who haven't gotten replies...

I love you, Friends! And hope all is well. Midterms are over (or at least almost) so I'm sure that is a relief :). I miss you!!

I'm Really Excited for Christmas

Come thou long-expected Jesus,
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel's strength and consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a Child and yet a King.
Born to reign in us for ever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.

By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all-sufficient merit
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

This is all...

1. People are amazing. Being in relationship is such a gift!

2. Nature is beautiful. It shouts the glory of God. I love it.

I'll tap the break while you crack the window
the smell of smoke is making my lungs explode
the 51 is backed up and too slow
let’s tune out by turning on the radio

There is a Gila Monster asleep on my back patio

True story...

So today I was sitting at our dining room table reading a little and writing in my journal. I happened to look out the sliding glass door onto our back patio and saw a GILA MONSTER waddling across the pavement. It was the craziest thing. I NEVER see them...they are never out! It's probably because it has been cooling off. Anyway. I got up to take pictures and it freaked out...darting its head around and spitting its tongue out at me (a black, forked thing. yuck). I know they can't move fast but I must say I was very glad there was a door separating him from me. yikes. He was not happy. So I sad back down to read and the next thing I know, Mr. Gila Monster has folded his front arms under him and is ASLEEP! Haha. His eyes were actually closed. So I got my camera out again...but then he woke up. You can see his arms under him, though...how cute! He eventually waddled off into the bushes. So crazy. haha. It was really cool.

So...tonight at work I figured the Grand Canyon plans out with Jordan and Ann Marie. We're scheduling it for Nov 10 and 11. We're going to camp up there. It'll be cold but SO fun. I can't wait. I also told Ann Marie I will be leaving. She was sad...which made me sad...I like her so much. I want to hang out with her more! There are people at this job that make leaving a bit difficult. Sigh.

I can't believe it's already October. I've been working for Fry's for 3 FULL months! That's crazy. And...Christmas is only a little over two months away. Ridiculous! Where does the time GO???

Man. I really need to get on my CLEP studying. Really. yuck.

I finished Blue Like Jazz and now I'm reading Why We Can't Wait by Martin Luther King, Jr. So far its very good...and very interesting. It's a small book so I should be finished with it soon. I think I'm going to read On the Road next. We'll see. Any suggestions from others? I don't promise I'll take them but I enjoy recommendations. :)

Ok. It's 12 and I'm so tired. You wouldn't think so because i got 12 and 1/2 hrs of sleep last night. I know...ridiculous. But I didn't set my alarm and I just kept sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. I think being around so many people and so much commotion at work really drains me. If not, then I don't have an explanation. :) I guess my body just needs sleep. Who knows.
I miss you, friends! Talk to you later.
Much Love!!! -Andrea

"Mary" by Patty Griffin

I have discovered Patty Griffin, thanks to reading Blue Like Jazz. I like her a lot. This song is amazing.

"In the song, Patty talks about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and what it must have been like the day her son was killed. She paints this painful picture of Mary inside her house, cleaning, and as the song played I imagined Mary washing down the counters and sweeping the floors, frantically, trying not to think about what they had done to her Son that morning. And I imagined Mary falling down outside her door on her hands and knees and beating her fists into the dirt and screaming at God." (blue like jazz)

I forget about Mary. I forget that she was real...that she was a wife...that she was a mom. And her Son was killed.

I listened to this song on repeat last night and cried. I have never thought about that day from Mary's point of view before. Not like that anyway.

Lyrics:
Mary youre covered in roses, youre covered in ashes
Youre covered in rain
Youre covered in babies, youre covered in slashes
Youre covered in wilderness, youre covered in stains
You cast aside the sheet, you cast aside the shroud
Of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day and always stay, mary

Jesus says mother I couldnt stay another day longer
Flys right by me and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels are singin his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place

Mary she moves behind me
She leaves her fingerprints everywhere
Everytime the snow drifts, everytime the sand shifts
Even when the night lifts, shes always there

Jesus said mother I couldnt stay another day longer
Flys right by me and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels are singin his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place

Mary youre covered in roses, youre covered in ruin
Youre covered in secrets
Youre covered in treetops, youre covered in birds
Who can sing a million songs without any words
You cast aside the sheets, you cast aside the shroud
Of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day and always stay
Mary, mary, mary

Sometimes Visuals are Better...

Mom and Dad are leaving for San Diego this weekend to speak to one of our sending Churches. Mom has this "display" all set up representing the number of unreached people groups in the world. It's a pretty neat visual. It targets the kids but it's sobering for everyone.

Wisdom from a guy named Andrew...

"...what I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do."

"...dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something...is the hardest thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe."

Sigh

I am very tempted right now...tempted to buy Caedmon's Call, Long Line of Leavers. Ugh. I really, really want it...but I just can't justify spending the money right now. I hate that. Bleh. But I think I will put it on my birthday list :)

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz right now...finally. I thought it was about time I form an opinion about that book....

The Grand Canyon....AGAIN!

I am SOOOO excited!! I am going to the Grand Canyon not this week but next with two friends from work (Jordan and Ann Marie). I am looking forward to it SO much. I am so happy to be making friends at work. There are some really neat people there. It's just so neat to be around so many people from so many different walks of life...and here we are, spending these months together. Crazy. God is so good. I thank Him for these opportunities and pray He moves in the lives of those around me. I would appreciate your prayer too!
I'll post pictures ;) (as usual)

Check them out!

These two new blogs...on the bottom of my "links" list right there to your left are two knew blog links. Check them out. Interesting.

That's all.

Drive. Keep Driving.

500 miles, I stop to write a postcard
it’s a long way back
words on a card, are less than consolation
for the things you lack

past the deadline, call from a landline
but you can’t make somebody understand
all you can handle, blow out the candle
and it goes round and it goes round again

500 miles, with love like medication
and my hands are tied
weeds to the door, so much deliberation
you could lose your mind

past the deadline, wait for the green light
but you can’t see the end before you start
fade like a fashion, the moment is passing
and I can’t stay much longer in the dark

500 miles, through the open window
as the train goes by
500 miles, is maybe all I needed just to get it right
all I need, all that goes…comes around …all I need…to get it right

past the deadline, riding a thin line
the turns of poetry and circumstance
all you can handle, I’m at a standstill,
and it goes round and it goes round again…

500 miles, somewhere over Kansas,
where the storm goes by
500 miles, is maybe all I needed
just to get it right…all I need…to get it right
500 miles-Sandra McCracken

I Couldn't Have Said it Better

My friend Leslie posted recently about Love...its steadfastness and its foundation in the hope of Christ's love. This is something I have been learning (struggling with) so much right now. She's very good with words so I'm just going to quote her post :)

"one of the hardest lesson about love is its selflessness. many times love is bright because our input births favorable output; there is a sense of satisfaction when we know our love is cherished by another person.

then there is steadfast love. a love worth giving even if it may never be received or acknowledged by the ones we lavish it upon. a love poured out even if we may never gain.

why should we have steadfast love?

because the Lord is faithful.

therefore we have hope in Him.

i stand IN that hope."

Sometimes its REALLY hard to love people. Sometimes it hurts...a lot. I stand in the hope that the Lord IS faithful and He IS love...Thank you, Jesus.

Brothers, I Love You!

I thank my God in all remembrance of you... Phil. 1:3

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same functions, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Romans 12:4

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. James 5:16

And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh. Jude vs. 22, 23 (Strong language).

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of POWER and LOVE and SELF-CONTROL. 2 Timothy 1:7

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. James 1:16

BE QUICK TO HEAR, SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO ANGER... James 1:19

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? James 2:14

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15, 16

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Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life. Proverbs 4:13

Keep your heart with all vigilance (guard it), for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

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As the body of Christ, what is our responsibility to one another? What is our duty in loving one another? In giving?...AND in receiving?

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Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...let the WORD of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing ONE ANOTHER in all wisdom... Colossians 3:15, 16

"Get Naked"

Naked Juice=My new love. "A pound of fruit in every bottle!" Working at a grocery store allows me the privilege of knowing when the stuff is on sale. Aaaah, what joy :) Since i've been sick, I've been drinking it a whole lot. Every time I bring home a bottle, Luke says "Get naked!" and laughs. The simple things amuse him...crazy kid. I recommend the Pomegranate and Orange juices, the Kiwi/Strawberry smoothie, and the Red Machine smoothie.

Today is my day off. I ran errands (picked up my parents anniversary gift!) and am now back at home. Mom and I have spent a lazy afternoon together chatting. The weather is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Tucson gets beautiful in the fall and winter. It is finally starting to cool off...sigh. I think I might read on the back patio.

Tonight I am going to Navs. He is speaking on 2 Timothy--how to avoid becoming a spiritual casualty. I am looking forward to it.

I'm covering a shift for someone tomorrow--working my first morning shift. I start at 7:30am!! But I get off at 1:15 so that'll be nice. It leaves me time to plan something fun tomorrow afternoon/evening.

Alright. I think that's all. Oh. Before I leave...I want to share this verse that I read this morning and found much power in.
Psalm 29:9 "The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth and strips the forests bare, and in his temple all cry 'Glory!'"

I Will Sing

I will sing for the meek
For those who pray with their very lives for peace
Though they're in chains for a higher call
Their mourning will change into laughter when the nations fall

In spirit poor
In mercy rich
They hunger for Your righteousness
Their hearts refined in the purity
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing

(Rich Mullins)

Sick

I have gotten 22 hours of sleep the last two nights combined...shouldn't I feel rested? I just woke up from a 2 hr. NAP! What's going on??? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that one minute I'm REALLY hot and the next I'm cold...I can't breathe out of my right nostril...and my throat is so swollen I can barely swallow. My arms ache...so sleep is fitful. That's probably why I'm still tired. Ugh this is awful. I'm drugged up--zinc, echinachea, vitamin C, dayquill (and niquill!). I have to go to work in 3 hrs. bleh. I work tomorrow also but it's a SHORT short shift, that's exciting. Alright, I'm going to go make tea and take a shower. Talk to you later...if i live. haha. jk. its really not that bad. I could be throwing up...gross. I hate throwing up.

I Bought My Ticket

...This makes two things very much final...

I AM GOING TO LIVE WITH JAY AND KRISTEN FOR OVER TWO WEEKS IN PHILLY!!!

I AM GOING TO VISIT HILLSDALE AND SEE MANY FRIENDS I MISS A WHOLE LOT!!!

yay for road trips with fun people and yay for reunions!!...and while I'm at it, yay for the midwest in the wintertime...yay for no more working as a cashier starting Nov. 18th!!!

My ticket is for Nov. 18-Dec. 10. Part of that time we'll be in Michigan spending time with our family, Jay's family (which is now part of our family too :)) and with Hillsdale people. Sigh. I am so excited about this. Kristen and I are going to go to many Farmer's Markets to get fresh produce and flowers...and other cool things. And I'll get to experience Philly. Woo!

I love waking up to the sound of rain on the roof...

It's a drizzly day in Arizona! What a blessing :) I love it SO MUCH. Plus, it will put more water in the rivers=more water in the canyon=better swimming. Yay!

Do You Ever Just Need to Cry?

...REALLY cry?...but you keep it all inside until you just can't anymore....and so finally you cry and you cry and you cry. If my heart didn't hurt so much it would be fine. I like to have a good cry. I like the way i sleep after I cry--deeply. But it hurts. A lot...

And now I'm sitting on the floor drinking my tea...in my pj's...and thinking about eating those oreos on the counter with some milk.

Words from Bob Dylan...

Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on its side.

Oh the Spanish-American
War had its day
And the Civil War too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I's made to memorize
With guns in their hands
And God on their side.

Oh the First World War, boys
It closed out its fate
The reason for fighting
I never got straight
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side.

When the Second World War
Came to an end
We forgave the Germans
And we were friends
Though they murdered six million
In the ovens they fried
The Germans now too
Have God on their side.

I've learned to hate Russians
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It's them we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And accept it all bravely
With God on my side.

But now we got weapons
Of the chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to
Then fire them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side.

In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.

So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
If God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.
(With God on Our Side)

Romans 15:20, 21

"...and thus I make it my ambition to preach the Gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, 'Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.'"

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
So that everyone might know your name
Let your song be heard everywhere on earth
Till your sovereign work on earth is done.

Let Your kingdom come.

Step Up

Today was my day off. Woo!! My mom and I spent the day together. It was SO fun. We went and saw "Step Up." Haha. I liked it a lot. Sure, laugh all you want...but I really enjoy dancing movies. And, once again, I came away REALLY wanting to take dance classes. So it's official. On my list of things to do...take dance classes. I would like to take several kinds of dance. I better marry someone that likes to dance. Maybe I'll marry someone who knows how to dance. Even better!

aaahh! I just want to DANCE. It looks like so much fun. Oh, and if any of you watch the trailer i don't want to hear it. I know it looks really stupid. The trailer looks worse than it actually was--the acting wasn't that bad at all. Plus, if you're going to find people who can dance well, chances are they won't be the greatest actors ever. Anyway, all this to say I recommend the movie. :)

Brother/Sister Bonding!!

...Ok...so we just went to Target to get crunch bars...and a few other things. But it was still an adventure! haha.

When Luke and I were about to leave the driveway mom and dad drove up (they were out for dinner). So Luke totally freaked out and told me to put my seat back....so I did. And there we sat (errr, laid) on our seats, waiting for mom and dad to walk by. Remember, it was dark...so if we had tried to scare them, they probably would have had a heart attack. Not good. But it worked out for the best anyway. They saw us before we could scare them. Luke blamed me because I took this picture and it flashed. Whatever...I don't think they even saw the flash. They said they saw an arm flailing. That was definitely Luke. haha.

Oh. And Luke is SO tan. He looks like and Indian.

New Developments You Probably Don't Know About

So...I've changed my major at Moody. I think most of you know...I just got really excited again tonight thinking about it. I want to start studying now! I am a little torn, though. I'm not sure which I want to be my major and which I want to be my minor. For most of the summer now I have been decided on an Urban Ministries major with a minor in linguistics or Greek/Hebrew (I really want to do the language thing still). It gets more exciting :) Mark was at Eagle Lake this summer and met someone who goes to Moody and who is majoring in "Biblical Languages." I didn't even know they offered that major but it sounds amazing...Greek and Hebrew!! So I think I am going to minor in Biblical Languages. I'm incredibly excited to get into the material. Here are some of the classes from both majors that I am most excited about taking. There really aren't many that I'm NOT excited about. But these looks especially good :)
I can't express to you how excited this makes me...oh man! Here's the list:

History of American Urban Diversity

Christianity & Western Culture I

Urban Issues in the Church

Christianity & Western Culture II

History & Theology in Urban
Ministry

Theories and Methods of
Urban Evangelism

Intercultural Communication

Principles of Church Growth and
Planting in North America


Contemporary Issues in Science

Ministry Leadership and Staff
Relationship

Philosophy of Urban Ministry

Ministry Internship


The Church and Its Doctrines

Studying and Teaching the Bible

Old Testament Survey

New Testament Survey

Spiritual Life and Community

Introduction to Disciple-making

Hermeneutics/Bible Study Methods

Greek Grammar

Hebrew Grammar

Greek Exegesis

Hebrew Exegesis

Life in Bible Times

UofA Navs

Navs tonight was amazing...a huge blessing. I'll try to post more about it soon. Mostly it just made me think about a lot of things...and I want to keep thinking before I express my thoughts :) For now, I'd like to share this song. It meant a lot to me tonight. It kinda hit me hard. Thank you, Father.

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Hmmm

I read this on the 18th from Morning and Evening, by Charles Spurgeon, and have been thinking of it ever since. I've gone back to read it twice and several times I have been reminded of it during the day. It's very interesting to me that it has made me think so much. Not that it shouldn't, but it is something I haven't really been thinking about but all of a sudden I was presented with these thoughts and now they are on my mind a lot. It was a convicting piece to read. Convicting for myself personally and also on a broader level as a member of the Global Church. It isn't only something I need to challenge myself with, but something I need to challenge others with--and sometimes that's the most difficult of the two.

So here's what I read...
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Strangers are come into the santuaries of the Lord's house." Jeremiah 51:51

On this account the faces of the Lord's people were covered with shame, for it was a terrible thing that men should intrude into the Holy Place reserved for the priests alone. Everywhere about us we see like cause for sorrow. How many ungodly men are now educating with the view of entering into the ministry! What a crying sin is that solemn lie by which our whole population is nominally comprehended in a National Church! How fearful it is that ordinances should be pressed upon the unconverted, and that among the more enlightened churches of our land there should be such laxity of discipline. If the thousands who will read this portion shall all take this matter before the Lord Jesus this day, He will interfere and avert the evil which else will come upon His Church. To adulterate the Church is to pollute a well, to pour water upon fire, to sow a fertile field with stones. May we all have grace to maintain in our proper way the purity of the Church, as being an assembly of believers, and not a nation, an unsaved community of unconverted men.
Our zeal must, however, begin at home. Let us examine ourselves as to our right to eat at the Lord's table. Let us see to it that we have on our wedding garment, lest we ourselves be intruders in the Lord's sanctuaries. Many are called, but few are chosen; the way is narrow, and the gate is strait. O for grace to come to Jesus aright, with the faith of God's elect. He who smote Uzzah for touching the ark is very jealous of His two ordinances; as a true believer I may approach them freely, as an alien I must not touch them lest I die. Heart searching is the duty of all who are baptized or come to the Lord's table. 'Search me, O God, and know my way, try me and know my heart.'
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The whole passage really impresses me. I often forget that the Lord indeed smote Uzzah for touching the ark. I forget that He is a jealous God--jealous for my love and for my whole heart...Jealous for HIS glory. Hmmm. "Our zeal must begin at home"...I like that. "Heart searching is the DUTY of all who are baptized or come to the Lord's table." Oh, how I forget this! "Search me, O God!"

"Let us examine ourselves as to our right to eat at the Lord's table..."

"...Lest we ourselves be intruders in the Lord's sanctuaries"

This is some serious stuff. I blow it off so much of the time. I hardly examine myself...and I mean REALLY examine...getting to the heart issues, not just amending behavior, etc. Also--do we help others in their process of examining themselves? In the role of accountability? Are we challenging others as well as ourselves, lest we should allow intruders into our midst to worship in the Lord's sanctuary?

I realize this is really touchy ground. We don't like "getting into other people's business." We think it isn't our job. We think being good Christians is about speaking the truth when it is comfortable and easy...or maybe we think that we can't approach others about issues we ourselves are struggling with...and there IS truth in this...take the plank out of your own eye before removing the speck in your brother's. But remember we are called a BODY for a reason. We are many members that make up ONE community, and part of living in community together is challenging one another by speaking the truth (even HARD truth) in love, and not being afraid to do it.

There is definitely a weeding process here...but we need to be careful about WHO and HOW we weed. I'm having a hard time with this concept. I am really bad at confronting people--especially people in the Church with me. It is too close and uncomfortable and I always doubt my motives, asking, "Who am I to approach HIM on something that I myself struggle with?" Or "Who am I to approach HIM about his weakness when I am by no means strong?" And I cripple myself because I believe these lies. Instead of consulting the Lord, surrendering my pride, and asking for His mercy and guidance, I decide that I should just keep my mouth shut because, after all, I'm a sinner too and I have no right to apprach "so and so" about his. But how does this benefit the body? How does it further the mission of the Church and strengthen the community of believers. It doesn't.

Man. I don't really know where I'm going with this next. My thoughts are sort of jumbled because I'm still thinking about all of this.

I just think it's really convicting to think about the holiness of the Lord and of the Lord's place. I take it for granted and I tarnish the Holy Place. I don't think of it as my DUTY to search my heart. I don't examine myself enough...and I don't have the strength to help others in the process either. Lord, help. Thank you that your grace never ends!

Psalm 119:33-40

TEACH me, O Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end.

GIVE me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.

LEAD me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.

INCLINE my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!

TURN my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

CONFIRM to your servant your promise, that you may be feared.

TURN AWAY the reproach that I dread, for your rules are good.

Behold, I LONG for your precepts; in your righteousness give me life!

Exciting Plans for the Fall

On the Agenda:
Backpacking trip with dad
Tubing the Salt River with Hannah
Rock climbing with Luke
Canoeing/kayaking with family
Camping trips!
Sew with mom (I'm still in the middle of a skirt and a quilt)
Concerts (Guster, for one :))

Exploring new sides of Tucson. (hannah is going to take me to the pita pit...and I want to explore more of the shops on 4th avenue)
When the weather cools down I am going to run more

Continue my cooking (I have two new cookbooks to use :))
Study (CLEP tests)
Spend time with people i wouldn't be able to otherwise...family (especially Luke during his last year of high school!) and friends (hannah!!)
Read (there are a few books I would like to get my hands on...I like to read at Starbucks...especially in the cooler weather. It's one of my favorite things to do here...I know its kinda silly. Oh the simple things)

Get to know people at work better
Spend more time with my teacher Mrs. O'Hair

Obviously this is a list of ideas. I can't spend too much money, I need to be saving. Luckily things like rock climbing and camping, etc cost practically nothing. I'm so excited. I will be working all the time...this week I almost hit overtime. yikes! At least most of these options can be day trips (for my day off!)

I am excited about all the opportunities open to me...and I feel like more are opening all the time. I am going to be in CHICAGO in January. That is so crazy! I can't believe it. Really, this is a super short time. I have been worried about feeling sad and lonely about not being with hillsdale friends, etc. I will be, for sure, but it won't be long before I'm in that area again. One semester is hardly anything. I don't want to waste this time by feeling sorry for myself. I have been realizing how incredibly LUCKY I am. This is such an amazing change in my life. I am going on to study something completely new and different at Moody. In the meantime, I get to earn money (building relationships with new people) and spend time with people I haven't spent time with in quite a while. Investing in those I love is really important to me. i am thankful I will be here to "bond" more with Luke. He is all excited about getting his rock climbing equipment and taking me up the mountain. I can't wait. And he's going to teach me to kayak :). I thank God that He is beginning to reveal more of Himself to me in this situation. It's exciting.

I'd really like to do something with kids. But that's something I still need to look into. I don't know what kinds of volunteer programs I might be able to find...we'll see. It's hard with work because I have no set schedule. It changes week to week and I usually only have one or two days off. I might actually go to Mexico with my dad if I can pull it off. We'll see how things go with work :)

Jay and Kristen come back the 15th and leave for Philly the 19th. I'm excited to see them but rather sad that it is only for such a short time. I want to be with them!! Sad. Oh well. Who knows what the future holds. I might get to spend more time with them again in the near future. Perhaps thanksgiving! :)

So i got tomorrow off in exchange for Thursday. the David Wilcox concert is in phoenix at 7. I am SO excited about it. I think I am going alone...which is a bummer but I am still really looking forward to it. I worked 8 and 1/2 hrs yesterday and have the same shift today. I'm pretty exhausted. Sleep is sweet and deep these days :)

That's all for now. I finally got to a "real" update. yay! I love you guys.
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I found this quote on the Simple Way blog and thought it was really neat.

"You must realize that it is the ordinary way of God's dealings with us that our ideas do not work out speedily and efficiently as we would like them to. The reason for this is not only the loving wisdom of God, but also the fact that our acts have to fit into a great complex pattern that we cannot possibly understand. I have learned over the years that Providence is always a whole lot wiser than any of us, and that there are always not only good reasons but the very best reasons for the delays and blocks that often seem to us so frustrating and absurd."

"The Hidden Ground of Love", Letters by Thomas Merton.