"Son of God, Purger of the inner parts, Discerner of my sittings down, my risings, wilt Thou hallow this soul of mine?"

-Jim Elliot (Shadow of the Almighty)

I'm sitting on the couch in Jay and Kristen't apartment looking out the window at a grey, drizzly afternoon. It isn't cold--probably about 70--its just dreary. It's quite beautiful. I might not like days and days of this in a row but because I don't see much of this in AZ, it's most enjoyable. This morning after Jay went to work, Kristen and I just lounged around the house in our PJ's. Their friends Allen and Heather are pregnant and found out this morning that they are having a little GIRL! This sparked baby conversation between the sisters for quite some time :) I'm really excited to be an aunt.

This afternoon Kristen, Heather and I are going to Target and Ikea. I'm super excited. I've only been to Ikea once but love it.

I've been having lots of new thoughts about what to do this summer. There are lots of possibilities and I am thinking about something really crazy and really exciting. I can't wait. I will post about it soon. But I need to think some more about it and pray about it. I would appreciate prayers of yours, also, even though you won't be able to pray specifically yet. I'll keep you posted :)

Tomorrow night we are going to cut down the Christmas tree! Woohoo. And we're going to watch Charlie Brown Christmas AND White Christmas! So amazing. Also, on Monday night Chris and Kate Walker are coming over for dinner.

It's fun to be here! It's crazy that I'm staying with my sister who is MARRIED. I love their cozy little home. I want one of my own. someday...

Talk to you later! oh. Philadelphia is beautiful. I LOVE it. It makes me really excited about livine in Chicago. REALLY excited. It's the big city feel. It's new to me. Tucson is big but not like this. And we live far enough out that I don't feel so much a part of it. I'm anxious to see what Chicago is like. Eeek!

"Seems that the Lord Himself must do. I cannot, cannot even pray aright for you."

-Jim Elliot

"tears in a bottle and wounds that are sore
no one beside you to battle your war
but i cannot rescue
your heart from the empty
i must release you for I've given plenty."

"Be stunned and satisfied that we know God--and that he knows us."

-Piper


(So...I've been trying for FOREVER to upload this update. I wrote it on the plane from tucson to philly on the 18th. I've been debating whether or not to post it after all...since it's working now. I decided to go ahead and do it. I haven't told a lot of you what it was like leaving the store, etc. so i thought you might be interested in hearing about it. I had a great thanksgiving in the UP and now I am spending three days in Hillsdale. It's wonderful seeing everyone again. I leave wednesday with Kristen and Jay to drive back to Philly. More updates to follow. with love! -Andrea)


My last night at work was really good. It was full of mixed emotions, that's for sure. I was telling Heather and Lina that I am ready to leave the store (I have no attachment to the corporation, that's for sure), but I am really sad to leave the people. Denise and Jim bought me a cake from the bakery...it said "Andrea we're going to miss you...good luck!" They also gave me a card that they had everyone sign. It was so special. I was in shock for a good while. I didn't expect them to send me off with so much love. It was a huge blessing. My two managers Naomi and Maria went together and got me a red fleece jacket "so I won't freeze to death!" I cried when I left. It was the weirdest feeling to walk out of the store knowing I will not be back in (as an employee). This morning on my way to the airport mom dropped me by the store so I could say goodbye to Anne Marie one more time. It was hard. She walked me out and we exchanged hugs and tears. I love her SO much. I can't even express it. She's so amazing.

It's crazy...this life. God has so much in store for us that we have NO idea about. He asks, "Andrea, trust me for this time. Let me take you to a new and exciting place." I say, "Please, Lord, make it quick. I don't want to work this job and I don't want to be home alone for this semester." Before I know it, it is all over. I look back and the time was rich...so full of blessings. Trusting God is such an adventure. When he puts me in these situations and I lean into Him, the reward is great. Thank you, Father.

I was telling mom this morning that I feel like I don't know where I belong on this earth. It's a hard reality for me to swallow sometimes but it's also a neat thing to be learning...this is not my home. I've experienced a lot of wonderful people and places...and I always have to say goodbye (at least for a time). I have a whole group of friends in California from a part of my life that is over (not that those friendships are over, I don't mean that at all). I have a whole group of friends (sort of a whole "life") in Hillsdale. I love them and I miss them. I look back with fond memories and strong emotions on that time. Now I have this life I'm leaving at Fry's. My relationships (at least some) will remain and grow, that's the beauty of being in relationship with others. I am about to step into a whole new life at Moody...new people, new places, new adventures in the Lord. It's amazing. Sometimes I feel lonely. That's probably a good thing because I'm afraid of earthly loneliness. God has shown me that this semester. He has also shown me that He is everything I need. And life in the will of God is better all the time. When I hear the Jonathan Edwards phrase, "Joy's Eternal Increase" this is sort of what I think. Even though his meaning was something different, I feel that life in the Lord is like joy eternally increasing. It's like Jim Elliot's "progressive joy." It's a wonderful gift.

Every once in a while I feel like my life kind of stops and I am in a spot where I can rest and reflect. I have a few weeks of that right now. In the middle of each new adventure is a wonderful "in-between" time...very daunting and sometimes downright terrifying. But always rich. Lot's of learning...lot's of surrendering...lot's of relying on the Spirit. Lord, take the glory in this life.

I am excited to see many of you again soon. This is another thing I love about building relationships....sometimes you say goodbye but then you get to say hello again :). Some might say it isn't worth it if you have to face the pain of saying goodbye. To that I say "bologna!" I will steel some of Lewis's brilliance and say "The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal." It is so worth it. I love meeting up with friends again...old ones, new ones, whatever!
I love people. I love that we reflect the image of God by our relational nature. I don't want to blab much more so I will just say this. Invest in people. Invest in people for the Kingdom of God. Trust Him to take you places that you are afraid to go...trust Him.

Oh, Mr. Lewis!

I had forgotten, for a moment, how much I loved The Great Divorce....how much I appreciate lewis' brilliance.

"Overcome us that, so overcome, we may be ourselves:we desire the beginning of your reign as we desire dawn and dew, wetness at the birth of light."

"But what we called love down there was mostly the craving to be loved. In the main I loved you for my own sake: because I needed you."

"Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with that richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed."

"Every one of us lives only to journey further and further into the mountains."

"'No,' said the other. 'I can promise you none of these things. No sphere of usefulness: you are not needed there at all. No scope for your talents: only forgiveness for having perverted them. No atmosphere of inquiry, for I will bring you to the land not of questions but of answers, and you shall see the face of God.'"

I feel like taking a long walk down a quiet country road. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately...it seems there is a whole lot to think about. Or maybe I'm just letting too many things overwhelm me. Sometimes I just need to stop thinking. That's where the walk comes in...long walks help clear my mind. At this particular point in time (12:41am) sleep is probably the best option. So...goodnight!

WHY???

Why does EVERYONE think I am so hard to read??? And is that a bad thing?......because I'm beginning to think it is. Sigh. What on earth.

Hanging my feet off the edge of the Grand Canyon...

It's the most amazing feeling. Overwhelming. Majestic. So full of glory. I am so small and creation is so big. God's creativity is incredible.

I just got back from the Grand Canyon yesterday. We left at 6 friday morning (Anne Marie, David, Jaydin, Jordan and I) and drove up through Sedona. We stopped at Oak Creek Canyon for an hour or so and just goofed around. It was beautiful. Lot's of the leaves had already fallen but a lot were still bright yellow. We got to the Canyon and set up camp at Mather Campground. It's a very nice spot...on the South Rim. It was COLD. We bundled and bundled. The low friday night was 14!! But I actually got HOT. I think because I had so many stinkin' layers on!! We played Mad Gab in the tent friday night. It was tons of fun. Anne Marie and I kicked the guys' butts. We rock at that game.

We didn't get a ton of sleep that night because Jaydin was fussy. He developed a bit of a bad cough. Poor guy. When we did wake up the next morning it was 9:30!! I have NEVER slept in that late on a camping trip. It didn't get dark until later in the morning, though, so that was part of it. The sun woke us up later :)

We spent Saturday seeing the visitor center, bookstore, and driving down the Desert View loop. We stopped at Grandview to hike. It was a very steep hike. Luckily we found a baby backpack for rent for only $6 a day! It was a great investment....2 yr olds don't like to stay still. Especially not on the edge of the Grand Canyon. It was cloudy all day saturday and pretty windy. I think the temp was right around 50. We went back to the campsite kinda early to build a big fire and warm up. We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows. YUM. I love roasting hot dogs over a fire. So good. It started to sprinkle a little bit later that night...not good. We went into the tent and played cards for a while but we ended up going to bed around 8:30. We woke up at 5 in order to get on the road by 6. Jordan had to get back for a wedding he was going to and I had to work at 5. Bleh. The drive back was fun also. I just love road trips so much! And that is such beautiful country up there. I loved driving across the wide open country of the reservation and then on through flagstaff. We stopped in Phoenix for In-N-Out on the way home. good food.

I was so bummed I had to work...especially since I guess I wasn't supposed to go on the trip with my manager....its a major no no and people aren't supposed to find out. I guess she could get in some trouble. I hope not. I requested those days off a month before with our head manager, Denise. AND I was thinking earlier about just quitting before the trip and not working this week...which would be ok because I wouldn't have been a fry's employee and it would have been no big deal that I hang out with the manager. But since I AM working this wee, it's this big drama. Sigh. I'm kind of upset about it all. Hopefully it won't make my last week a bad one.

Anyway. The trip was lots of fun. I love Anne Marie SO much. I am going to miss her like crazy.
Here are pictures...OH! I forgot to tell you. When we woke up Sunday morning, there was snow! Only on the table at our campsite but once we started driving out of the park we saw a lot more. On the higher parts of the canyon, the mountains were covered! SO BEAUTIFUL! I almost hit a family of Elk leaving the park. They were right in the middle of the road!

I feel very small

do you ever say or do something that you immediately regret moments after doing or saying? And then all you can think about is how much you wish you could go back in time and fix what you messed up?...heal what you hurt...mend what you broke...

I wanted to say it, or else I wouldn't have. But I felt sick after the whole idea left my head and went off my tongue. How could I be so stupid? So unthinking? So...sinful? We don't like to use that word much. That's probably why the situation is more painful. At certain times, sin seems very real and very close. This is one such time.

Being reminded of God's love is a good thing during a time like this. Realizing that He is teaching me to trust HIM alone by FAITH alone through GRACE alone is also a pretty amazing thing. It's really hard, though, not to focus on the negative--how stupid I am--and to instead focus on the good--how great God is and what work He is doing in me and through me.

I was leafing through some old books tonight and came across this verse. It is a comfort. "Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgement for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication." Micah 7:8-9

I am really tired. Good night, all. I will be seeing many of you soon! I am so excited. Is it bad that I wish this week were over before it has even begun? Sigh.

Two Weeks From Today...

I'LL BE IN MICHIGAN! And I'll get to see my Sarah!!! I am so excited. I fly to Philly Saturday and then Sunday we drive up to Detroit, where Sarah is going to pick me up! I'll go back to her school with her (she has a single with an extra bed!) until Wednesday...when we road trip up NORTH. woohoo. I can hardly contain my excitement :) Yesterday was my last saturday at work. It was a huge relief but felt sort of strange. I keep thinking I'm going to keep working when I come back from my trip. I wish today was my last Sunday. I really dislike working on Sunday. Yuck. It's too busy and everyone is stressed out or grumpy and impatient. Can I just say that I am SO glad I won't be working here during the holidays. Oh man. ALL of you, please be nice to your cashiers!

Next Friday and Saturday is the Grand Canyon trip. I got both days off! Actually, Anne Marie got me both days off...she's good at arranging those sorts of things :) It's going to be so fun!

I have my voters guide and booklet I'm going through. I went through one the other night and still have all the propositions to read through. It's rather overwhelming. I'm excited to vote, though. I'm excited to be learning things about the whole system and truly determine HOW I want to vote. But the more I try to learn and understand the more I realize how little I actually do know and understand.

I am so tired. I had a wonderful 2+ hour phone talk with hallie last night. It was wonderful. We laughed a lot, that's always a whole lot of fun :) I think I am going to take a nap before work. Hmmm....sounds nice. Talk to you all later (or SEE you soon).
-Andrea

The Letter-head makes it very official...

That's right. I received my "official" letter of acceptance to Moody today. "Dear Andrea, We're delighted to inform your that your application for enrollment at Moody Bible Institute has been approved for the spring semester of 2007."

aaaaahhhhhhhh

I am so excited. I am quite nervous. So much change is about to happen. Wow. Can you believe I'm here? God has brought me to such an exciting place. I find myself needing to lean into Him a lot...because it's sort of a strange place of vulnerability. Anyhow, I wanted to share the news :)

Thank you for walking beside me and being excited with me.

Yep, that Kid

I'm the kid who ran away with the circus
Now I'm watering elephants
But I sometimes lie awake in the sawdust
Dreaming I'm in a suit of light

Late at night in the empty big top
I'm all alone on the high wire
Ladies and gentlemen, there is no net this time
He's a real death defier

I'm the kid who always looked out the window
Failing the tests in geography
But I have seen things far beyond just this schoolyard
Distant shores of exotic lands

There's the spires of the Turkish empire
Six months since we made landfall
Riding low with the spices of India
Through Gibralter, we're rich men all

I'm the kid who thought we'd someday be lovers
Always held out that time would tell
Time was talking
Guess I just wasn't listening
No surprise, if you know me well

As we're walking down toward the train station
I hear a whispering rainfall
Across the boulevard, you slip your hand in mine
In the distance the train's last call

I'm the kid who has this habit of dreaming
That sometimes gets me in trouble too
But the truth is
I could no more stop dreaming
Than I could make them all come true

For Halloween I was a Farmer

I thought my "costume" was obvious....but a lot of people said "what are you supposed to be." Dumb. Hardly anyone dressed up. My manager Naomi did, and Anne Marie did. She was a dark sorceress/vampire. She wore her old prom dress (dark black flowers over red), a long black cape, and fang-like teeth. This other guy, john, was superman. His costume was amazing. He was the clark kent with the superman shirt underneath. It was really cool. anyway. I rather enjoyed NOT wearing my uniform for once.

It was cool to see some of the costumes that people came in with....and there were some that I could have gone forever without seeing. As Anne Marie says, "Halloween is just a holiday for girls to get away with dressing like whores."

At one point, these girls came in--one the little mermaid and one alice in wonderland. The alice in wonderland girl had one a SHORT dress that bounced up when she walked and it was just so ridiculous. Well, this new bagger, Joseph (He's Old...like really old. Maybe 40s) watched them from right when they came in until they got to the bathroom. Then he turned to me and karen (the only cashiers at the time) and said "Well, she can walk into my Wonderland anytime she wants." I wanted to throw up. Sicko. Now I feel even more uncomfortable around him....YUCK! It's true, though, halloween must be hard for the guys. There is so much sleaze.

We had another burrito night last night. It was fun. I didn't get home till 2 something am and i slept until 11:25!!! I'm crazy...

It is November 1st. We go to the Grand Canyon in 10 days. woohoo! I'm super excited. I go to Philly in 18 days!

Language of the Heart

"You can say that you always were honest
And your words were clear from the start
But its more than just words that got spoken
There was language of the heart"

OUCH!

Luke and I were sitting in the living room the other night...I was on the couch minding my own business and he came in and sat across from me in the rocking chair. He had this fat little rubber band he was playing with. He thought it would be funny to shoot it at me, I guess. Anyway, he hit me in the arm. HARD. It hurt. It even left a mark! We were laughing pretty hard about it....after I gave him a dirty look, of course :) haha. We promptly took pictures before the mark faded. It's still a little hard to see...


Gotta love the little brother :)

Behold He Comes!

These are the days of Elijah
Declaring the Word of the Lord

And these are the days of your servant Moses
Righteousness being restored

And though these are days of great trials
Of famine and darkness and sword

Still we are the voice in the desert crying
Prepare ye the way of the Lord!

Behold He comes! Riding on the clouds!
Shining like the sun! At the trumpet call
Lift your voice! It's the year of Jubilee!
And out of Zion's hill salvation comes!

And these are the days of Ezekiel
The dry bones becoming as flesh

And these are the days of your servant David
Rebuilding a temple of praise

And these are the days of the harvest
The fields are as white in the world

And we are the labourers in your vineyard
Declaring the word of the Lord!

I feel very worked up right now. Lord, make my heart at peace. Anger (and/or distress) has a very dangerous ability to eat away at ones soul. Lord, don't give evil that victory.

"The house of my soul is too small for you to come to it. May it be enlarged by you. It is in ruins: restore it. In your eyes it has offensive features. I admit it, I know it; but who will clean it up?" -St. Augustine.

"And I feel thunder in the sky
I see the sky about to rain
And I hear the prairies calling out Your name." -Rich Mullins

"Lest I die, let me die so that I may see it." -St. Augustine

When you start coughing up blood it's a bad thing.

Hannah: "When I coughed, blood came out in my spit."
Me: "That isn't good. Have you seen a doctor?"
Hannah: "Yes. He said it was normal."
Me: "Normal?! hannah, coughing up blood it NOT normal. what if you have TB??"
Hannah: *laughs*
Me: "When people cough up blood it usually means they are going to die."
Hannah: *laughs* "No..."

Apparently she has a NORMAL sickness that EVERYONE has right now...its "going around." I say coughing up blood is a very bad thing. I'm glad you called into work sick, Hannah. And PLEASE....let me know if things get worse :). Haha. I love how you laugh at my concern. It really was a very funny conversation. I love you!!

I was supposed to work 3-8 tonight. I worked 3-11. Sigh. They extended my shift to 9 because they were short. Then someone asked me to stay for her because she wasn't feeling well. I have a really hard time saying no to healthy people...so you can probably figure out how it all ended. She walked out the door at 9 as I watched from my completely boring post at U-scan. Alas...I need the money. I only have a short time left at the store anyhow. I might as well get more hours.

Tomorrow I don't work till 7:15pm. I'm pretty thrilled. Mom and I are going out to LUNCH together! woohoo. Fun. I'm excited to hang out with her.

Alright. Goodnight to all...

"She said honey take me dancing..."

I like talking to my brother. He is all full of brotherly wisdom :) Especially when it comes to relationships. Haha. Oh luke. He says I won't get married until I learn to burp properly. And by properly he means LOUD. It's ridiculous. Apparently I won't be attractive until I can. Where does he come up with these things?? He's crazy.

We watched Cold Case together tonight (a low quality show with terrible acting) and then sat in the living room and talked. It was nice. I had half of a pop tart and then some popcorn. Now I feel sick. Bleh.

I tried to read more in Confessions but I'm getting really sleepy. I talked to hallie today and to mark. I like talking to friends on weekends...for several reasons. First of all, cell phone minutes are free :). Second, it is more low key and relaxed--we actually have TIME to talk because we aren't so busy. Lastly, I just like talking to my friends.

I'm listening to Paul Simon's "Diamonds on the soles of her shoes." I want someone to take me dancing.

I did some more Christmas shopping today. I just need a little something for Luke and something for dad. I'm very pleased with the fact that come December--crowded malls, grumpy shoppers, traffic and noise--I will be able to relax and think about why I really like Christmas...the mystery of the incarnation and good times with family. Do you feel like with each year you get older, Christmas means more? I feel like each year I understand it a little better. With each year I get a closer look at the baby in the manger. With each year I get a deeper understanding of the incarnation. With each year I feel less excited about the presents and more excited about being together as a family and having special memories. Every year I get increasingly excited to read the "Christmas Story" in the living room as a family in the early, dark morning. I don't know. I guess its hard to explain. Maybe you think I'm crazy. Sure, the dancing penguins and singing polar bears in our Christmas display at work make me want to throw up. A lot about this upcoming holiday time does. But I really love Christmas...and the feelings grow stronger each year. It excites me. I look forward to going caroling (I love the look on peoples faces), listening to the "Back to Bethlehem" Odyssey (part one AND two, yesss), singing Christmas songs in Church (i wish our church sang more!), and watching Charlie Brown Christmas. I listened to Bing Crosby's White Christmas the other day and wished for snow. Unfortunately, it didn't snow. I look forward to my upcoming travels in the North country :)

Enough rambling. Good night to all!

I want to be a live-in nanny

Maybe just for a summer. I really do. If you know anyone, let me know. It's just something I've been thinking about...for a family with an only child or something who might be lonely. I think that would be a neat experience (though obviously also very challenging). Just a thought I had today.

I watched Kramer v. Kramer just now and cried a whole lot. It's a good movie.

I wish it would rain. I feel like taking a walk in the rain. I love walking in rain...

Hummingbird

I like Wilco. A lot. They have a song called Hummingbird that I like. A lot. I also really like their song California Stars. I think they are my new favorite band.

I worked 42 hours last week. Crazy. The week went by really fast. I suppose that's good. It was sort of a weird week. Lot's of crazy things happening with friends and relationships. Sometimes it all just makes me laugh. I've been in a laughing mood lately. Mostly it just blows my mind how God brings people together--as friends or as more. The wonder of it all makes me smile and then the laugh escapes. Can I help it?? It's cool to see how people meet, too, and who brings them together. I like my friends at work. A lot. Anne Marie and I hung out after work the other night and just talked and ate in her car until 2:30 in the morning. It was pretty much amazing. I love her. It makes me sad to think about leaving her. Sigh.

I went to my high school's homecoming tonight. It was weird. I don't know many people there. But Luke's friends are cool. I like them a whole lot. Oh! AND I got to see a good friend and teacher (Mrs. O'Hair). We're going to lunch on wednesday. I am SO excited!!

I have tomorrow off. FINALLY a sunday off! I am looking forward to it. I need to finish some Christmas secrets and do a lot of cleaning. and read. I'm on to reading St. Augustine's Confessions. Part of it, at least. I'm reading bits and pieces of a lot of books. It's kind of nice. I'm enjoying them all quite a lot.

i can't believe it will be November in 10 days. I leave soon. Very weird.

It's late and I should go to bed. Love to you all this Lord's Day!

I want to go on a 3-week solo backpacking trip with the Four Quartets, Shadow of the Almighty, and some Jonathan Edwards. Oh man. I really do.

I feel heavy

...you know when you just hurt inside and you feel on the verge of tears all the time?...you feel frustrated and sad but don't REALLY know why? It's sort of ridiculous but that's how I feel. I'm listening to "remember" by Harry Nilsson...

I feel like I haven't been very teachable lately. Lord, make it not so!

Getting Sick...AGAIN

ugh. I have an awful swollen, lumpy feeling developing in my throat. Not good. Why am I getting sick AGAIN? I don't usually get sick this often. Weird. I worked almost 40 hrs. this week...they're short staffed again so I had to work longer and/or extra shifts. Same goes for the upcoming week. This girl they just hired put in her two weeks after being there one. She and her fiance moved to Idaho today. Crazy! So all this week we're filling her shifts. And for the past two weeks the baggers have decided not to show up. It's really great...about 4-6 call in or don't come. So we're ridiculously short and it makes for a high-stress, grumpy environment. yuck.

the Prestige comes out friday. Can I just say that I am SO excited. I do have friday off (yay!) but I'm babysitting from 12-7...and by that times movies are ridiculously expensive. So we'll see. I probably won't see it for a while.

Oh. good news. I think they're actually going to let me have this upcoming sunday OFF. whew. Which means I might finally be able to go on that long awaited hike with Hannah and Grant. That would be exciting. It's perfect hiking weather right now. Low to mid 70's. I LOVE this time of year here.

Also. funny story. So...there's this bagger I like a whole lot named Eddie. He's super fun. Ann Marie (my manager) entered him in this Tucson district "bag-off" (I know, its true) last Saturday. HE WON! He got (among other things) a new dvd player, ipod, and lots of gift certificates. Crazy. Now he goes to Phoenix for the State bag-off. I hope he wins. I don't know what the prize is. Maybe a car. Maybe a house! I kid. anyhow, I thought it was a cool story. I got to make posters for our story congratulating him. It was fun. Yay for Eddie.

Ok. I need to go eat and go to work. I hope you all are enjoying your fall breaks or whatever it is you are doing!

I want to get married

I know...it sounds pathetic. But I do...

One Month, Five Days

Until I LEAVE....for the midwest. Aaaah. I am SO excited. However, I have been getting very sentimental about leaving work. It's weird, i know, but true. Last night I made brownies and brought them in to the closers at 11:30. Baking is no fun unless you have someone to bake FOR. I love my co-workers (most of them)!! I will miss them a whole lot...

In other news. I am back on track studying for the CLEP test. I am also almost completely done with my Christmas shopping. I'm kinda sad because I spent quite a bit of savings on gifts (but I have been trying to shop wisely and I am making a lot of gifts this year...just buying some supplies :)) but I would have spent it in December on gifts either way. This way, I have time to think about it and shop around. I'm pleased with my purchases. I just have a few more family gifts to get.

My car insurance payment just came. Bleh.

It's supposed to be in the lower 70's this weekend. That's exciting! I love the cooler weather. On monday I drove up Mt. lemon to see the leaves changing. It was so beautiful. In a couple weeks there will be even more color....but it was a start. It was a drizzly day up there and COLD. I loved it SO SO much!!! :)

I have a lot of letter-writing to do. I've gotten behind. Sorry if you are among those who haven't gotten replies...

I love you, Friends! And hope all is well. Midterms are over (or at least almost) so I'm sure that is a relief :). I miss you!!

I'm Really Excited for Christmas

Come thou long-expected Jesus,
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel's strength and consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a Child and yet a King.
Born to reign in us for ever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.

By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all-sufficient merit
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

This is all...

1. People are amazing. Being in relationship is such a gift!

2. Nature is beautiful. It shouts the glory of God. I love it.

I'll tap the break while you crack the window
the smell of smoke is making my lungs explode
the 51 is backed up and too slow
let’s tune out by turning on the radio

There is a Gila Monster asleep on my back patio

True story...

So today I was sitting at our dining room table reading a little and writing in my journal. I happened to look out the sliding glass door onto our back patio and saw a GILA MONSTER waddling across the pavement. It was the craziest thing. I NEVER see them...they are never out! It's probably because it has been cooling off. Anyway. I got up to take pictures and it freaked out...darting its head around and spitting its tongue out at me (a black, forked thing. yuck). I know they can't move fast but I must say I was very glad there was a door separating him from me. yikes. He was not happy. So I sad back down to read and the next thing I know, Mr. Gila Monster has folded his front arms under him and is ASLEEP! Haha. His eyes were actually closed. So I got my camera out again...but then he woke up. You can see his arms under him, though...how cute! He eventually waddled off into the bushes. So crazy. haha. It was really cool.

So...tonight at work I figured the Grand Canyon plans out with Jordan and Ann Marie. We're scheduling it for Nov 10 and 11. We're going to camp up there. It'll be cold but SO fun. I can't wait. I also told Ann Marie I will be leaving. She was sad...which made me sad...I like her so much. I want to hang out with her more! There are people at this job that make leaving a bit difficult. Sigh.

I can't believe it's already October. I've been working for Fry's for 3 FULL months! That's crazy. And...Christmas is only a little over two months away. Ridiculous! Where does the time GO???

Man. I really need to get on my CLEP studying. Really. yuck.

I finished Blue Like Jazz and now I'm reading Why We Can't Wait by Martin Luther King, Jr. So far its very good...and very interesting. It's a small book so I should be finished with it soon. I think I'm going to read On the Road next. We'll see. Any suggestions from others? I don't promise I'll take them but I enjoy recommendations. :)

Ok. It's 12 and I'm so tired. You wouldn't think so because i got 12 and 1/2 hrs of sleep last night. I know...ridiculous. But I didn't set my alarm and I just kept sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. I think being around so many people and so much commotion at work really drains me. If not, then I don't have an explanation. :) I guess my body just needs sleep. Who knows.
I miss you, friends! Talk to you later.
Much Love!!! -Andrea

"Mary" by Patty Griffin

I have discovered Patty Griffin, thanks to reading Blue Like Jazz. I like her a lot. This song is amazing.

"In the song, Patty talks about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and what it must have been like the day her son was killed. She paints this painful picture of Mary inside her house, cleaning, and as the song played I imagined Mary washing down the counters and sweeping the floors, frantically, trying not to think about what they had done to her Son that morning. And I imagined Mary falling down outside her door on her hands and knees and beating her fists into the dirt and screaming at God." (blue like jazz)

I forget about Mary. I forget that she was real...that she was a wife...that she was a mom. And her Son was killed.

I listened to this song on repeat last night and cried. I have never thought about that day from Mary's point of view before. Not like that anyway.

Lyrics:
Mary youre covered in roses, youre covered in ashes
Youre covered in rain
Youre covered in babies, youre covered in slashes
Youre covered in wilderness, youre covered in stains
You cast aside the sheet, you cast aside the shroud
Of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day and always stay, mary

Jesus says mother I couldnt stay another day longer
Flys right by me and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels are singin his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place

Mary she moves behind me
She leaves her fingerprints everywhere
Everytime the snow drifts, everytime the sand shifts
Even when the night lifts, shes always there

Jesus said mother I couldnt stay another day longer
Flys right by me and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels are singin his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place

Mary youre covered in roses, youre covered in ruin
Youre covered in secrets
Youre covered in treetops, youre covered in birds
Who can sing a million songs without any words
You cast aside the sheets, you cast aside the shroud
Of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day and always stay
Mary, mary, mary

Sometimes Visuals are Better...

Mom and Dad are leaving for San Diego this weekend to speak to one of our sending Churches. Mom has this "display" all set up representing the number of unreached people groups in the world. It's a pretty neat visual. It targets the kids but it's sobering for everyone.

Wisdom from a guy named Andrew...

"...what I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do."

"...dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something...is the hardest thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe."

Sigh

I am very tempted right now...tempted to buy Caedmon's Call, Long Line of Leavers. Ugh. I really, really want it...but I just can't justify spending the money right now. I hate that. Bleh. But I think I will put it on my birthday list :)

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz right now...finally. I thought it was about time I form an opinion about that book....

The Grand Canyon....AGAIN!

I am SOOOO excited!! I am going to the Grand Canyon not this week but next with two friends from work (Jordan and Ann Marie). I am looking forward to it SO much. I am so happy to be making friends at work. There are some really neat people there. It's just so neat to be around so many people from so many different walks of life...and here we are, spending these months together. Crazy. God is so good. I thank Him for these opportunities and pray He moves in the lives of those around me. I would appreciate your prayer too!
I'll post pictures ;) (as usual)

Check them out!

These two new blogs...on the bottom of my "links" list right there to your left are two knew blog links. Check them out. Interesting.

That's all.

Drive. Keep Driving.

500 miles, I stop to write a postcard
it’s a long way back
words on a card, are less than consolation
for the things you lack

past the deadline, call from a landline
but you can’t make somebody understand
all you can handle, blow out the candle
and it goes round and it goes round again

500 miles, with love like medication
and my hands are tied
weeds to the door, so much deliberation
you could lose your mind

past the deadline, wait for the green light
but you can’t see the end before you start
fade like a fashion, the moment is passing
and I can’t stay much longer in the dark

500 miles, through the open window
as the train goes by
500 miles, is maybe all I needed just to get it right
all I need, all that goes…comes around …all I need…to get it right

past the deadline, riding a thin line
the turns of poetry and circumstance
all you can handle, I’m at a standstill,
and it goes round and it goes round again…

500 miles, somewhere over Kansas,
where the storm goes by
500 miles, is maybe all I needed
just to get it right…all I need…to get it right
500 miles-Sandra McCracken

I Couldn't Have Said it Better

My friend Leslie posted recently about Love...its steadfastness and its foundation in the hope of Christ's love. This is something I have been learning (struggling with) so much right now. She's very good with words so I'm just going to quote her post :)

"one of the hardest lesson about love is its selflessness. many times love is bright because our input births favorable output; there is a sense of satisfaction when we know our love is cherished by another person.

then there is steadfast love. a love worth giving even if it may never be received or acknowledged by the ones we lavish it upon. a love poured out even if we may never gain.

why should we have steadfast love?

because the Lord is faithful.

therefore we have hope in Him.

i stand IN that hope."

Sometimes its REALLY hard to love people. Sometimes it hurts...a lot. I stand in the hope that the Lord IS faithful and He IS love...Thank you, Jesus.

Brothers, I Love You!

I thank my God in all remembrance of you... Phil. 1:3

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same functions, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Romans 12:4

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. James 5:16

And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh. Jude vs. 22, 23 (Strong language).

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of POWER and LOVE and SELF-CONTROL. 2 Timothy 1:7

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. James 1:16

BE QUICK TO HEAR, SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO ANGER... James 1:19

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? James 2:14

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15, 16

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Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life. Proverbs 4:13

Keep your heart with all vigilance (guard it), for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

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As the body of Christ, what is our responsibility to one another? What is our duty in loving one another? In giving?...AND in receiving?

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Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...let the WORD of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing ONE ANOTHER in all wisdom... Colossians 3:15, 16

"Get Naked"

Naked Juice=My new love. "A pound of fruit in every bottle!" Working at a grocery store allows me the privilege of knowing when the stuff is on sale. Aaaah, what joy :) Since i've been sick, I've been drinking it a whole lot. Every time I bring home a bottle, Luke says "Get naked!" and laughs. The simple things amuse him...crazy kid. I recommend the Pomegranate and Orange juices, the Kiwi/Strawberry smoothie, and the Red Machine smoothie.

Today is my day off. I ran errands (picked up my parents anniversary gift!) and am now back at home. Mom and I have spent a lazy afternoon together chatting. The weather is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Tucson gets beautiful in the fall and winter. It is finally starting to cool off...sigh. I think I might read on the back patio.

Tonight I am going to Navs. He is speaking on 2 Timothy--how to avoid becoming a spiritual casualty. I am looking forward to it.

I'm covering a shift for someone tomorrow--working my first morning shift. I start at 7:30am!! But I get off at 1:15 so that'll be nice. It leaves me time to plan something fun tomorrow afternoon/evening.

Alright. I think that's all. Oh. Before I leave...I want to share this verse that I read this morning and found much power in.
Psalm 29:9 "The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth and strips the forests bare, and in his temple all cry 'Glory!'"

I Will Sing

I will sing for the meek
For those who pray with their very lives for peace
Though they're in chains for a higher call
Their mourning will change into laughter when the nations fall

In spirit poor
In mercy rich
They hunger for Your righteousness
Their hearts refined in the purity
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing

(Rich Mullins)

Sick

I have gotten 22 hours of sleep the last two nights combined...shouldn't I feel rested? I just woke up from a 2 hr. NAP! What's going on??? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that one minute I'm REALLY hot and the next I'm cold...I can't breathe out of my right nostril...and my throat is so swollen I can barely swallow. My arms ache...so sleep is fitful. That's probably why I'm still tired. Ugh this is awful. I'm drugged up--zinc, echinachea, vitamin C, dayquill (and niquill!). I have to go to work in 3 hrs. bleh. I work tomorrow also but it's a SHORT short shift, that's exciting. Alright, I'm going to go make tea and take a shower. Talk to you later...if i live. haha. jk. its really not that bad. I could be throwing up...gross. I hate throwing up.

I Bought My Ticket

...This makes two things very much final...

I AM GOING TO LIVE WITH JAY AND KRISTEN FOR OVER TWO WEEKS IN PHILLY!!!

I AM GOING TO VISIT HILLSDALE AND SEE MANY FRIENDS I MISS A WHOLE LOT!!!

yay for road trips with fun people and yay for reunions!!...and while I'm at it, yay for the midwest in the wintertime...yay for no more working as a cashier starting Nov. 18th!!!

My ticket is for Nov. 18-Dec. 10. Part of that time we'll be in Michigan spending time with our family, Jay's family (which is now part of our family too :)) and with Hillsdale people. Sigh. I am so excited about this. Kristen and I are going to go to many Farmer's Markets to get fresh produce and flowers...and other cool things. And I'll get to experience Philly. Woo!

I love waking up to the sound of rain on the roof...

It's a drizzly day in Arizona! What a blessing :) I love it SO MUCH. Plus, it will put more water in the rivers=more water in the canyon=better swimming. Yay!

Do You Ever Just Need to Cry?

...REALLY cry?...but you keep it all inside until you just can't anymore....and so finally you cry and you cry and you cry. If my heart didn't hurt so much it would be fine. I like to have a good cry. I like the way i sleep after I cry--deeply. But it hurts. A lot...

And now I'm sitting on the floor drinking my tea...in my pj's...and thinking about eating those oreos on the counter with some milk.

Words from Bob Dylan...

Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on its side.

Oh the Spanish-American
War had its day
And the Civil War too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I's made to memorize
With guns in their hands
And God on their side.

Oh the First World War, boys
It closed out its fate
The reason for fighting
I never got straight
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side.

When the Second World War
Came to an end
We forgave the Germans
And we were friends
Though they murdered six million
In the ovens they fried
The Germans now too
Have God on their side.

I've learned to hate Russians
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It's them we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And accept it all bravely
With God on my side.

But now we got weapons
Of the chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to
Then fire them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side.

In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.

So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
If God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.
(With God on Our Side)

Romans 15:20, 21

"...and thus I make it my ambition to preach the Gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, 'Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.'"

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
So that everyone might know your name
Let your song be heard everywhere on earth
Till your sovereign work on earth is done.

Let Your kingdom come.

Step Up

Today was my day off. Woo!! My mom and I spent the day together. It was SO fun. We went and saw "Step Up." Haha. I liked it a lot. Sure, laugh all you want...but I really enjoy dancing movies. And, once again, I came away REALLY wanting to take dance classes. So it's official. On my list of things to do...take dance classes. I would like to take several kinds of dance. I better marry someone that likes to dance. Maybe I'll marry someone who knows how to dance. Even better!

aaahh! I just want to DANCE. It looks like so much fun. Oh, and if any of you watch the trailer i don't want to hear it. I know it looks really stupid. The trailer looks worse than it actually was--the acting wasn't that bad at all. Plus, if you're going to find people who can dance well, chances are they won't be the greatest actors ever. Anyway, all this to say I recommend the movie. :)

Brother/Sister Bonding!!

...Ok...so we just went to Target to get crunch bars...and a few other things. But it was still an adventure! haha.

When Luke and I were about to leave the driveway mom and dad drove up (they were out for dinner). So Luke totally freaked out and told me to put my seat back....so I did. And there we sat (errr, laid) on our seats, waiting for mom and dad to walk by. Remember, it was dark...so if we had tried to scare them, they probably would have had a heart attack. Not good. But it worked out for the best anyway. They saw us before we could scare them. Luke blamed me because I took this picture and it flashed. Whatever...I don't think they even saw the flash. They said they saw an arm flailing. That was definitely Luke. haha.

Oh. And Luke is SO tan. He looks like and Indian.

New Developments You Probably Don't Know About

So...I've changed my major at Moody. I think most of you know...I just got really excited again tonight thinking about it. I want to start studying now! I am a little torn, though. I'm not sure which I want to be my major and which I want to be my minor. For most of the summer now I have been decided on an Urban Ministries major with a minor in linguistics or Greek/Hebrew (I really want to do the language thing still). It gets more exciting :) Mark was at Eagle Lake this summer and met someone who goes to Moody and who is majoring in "Biblical Languages." I didn't even know they offered that major but it sounds amazing...Greek and Hebrew!! So I think I am going to minor in Biblical Languages. I'm incredibly excited to get into the material. Here are some of the classes from both majors that I am most excited about taking. There really aren't many that I'm NOT excited about. But these looks especially good :)
I can't express to you how excited this makes me...oh man! Here's the list:

History of American Urban Diversity

Christianity & Western Culture I

Urban Issues in the Church

Christianity & Western Culture II

History & Theology in Urban
Ministry

Theories and Methods of
Urban Evangelism

Intercultural Communication

Principles of Church Growth and
Planting in North America


Contemporary Issues in Science

Ministry Leadership and Staff
Relationship

Philosophy of Urban Ministry

Ministry Internship


The Church and Its Doctrines

Studying and Teaching the Bible

Old Testament Survey

New Testament Survey

Spiritual Life and Community

Introduction to Disciple-making

Hermeneutics/Bible Study Methods

Greek Grammar

Hebrew Grammar

Greek Exegesis

Hebrew Exegesis

Life in Bible Times

UofA Navs

Navs tonight was amazing...a huge blessing. I'll try to post more about it soon. Mostly it just made me think about a lot of things...and I want to keep thinking before I express my thoughts :) For now, I'd like to share this song. It meant a lot to me tonight. It kinda hit me hard. Thank you, Father.

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Hmmm

I read this on the 18th from Morning and Evening, by Charles Spurgeon, and have been thinking of it ever since. I've gone back to read it twice and several times I have been reminded of it during the day. It's very interesting to me that it has made me think so much. Not that it shouldn't, but it is something I haven't really been thinking about but all of a sudden I was presented with these thoughts and now they are on my mind a lot. It was a convicting piece to read. Convicting for myself personally and also on a broader level as a member of the Global Church. It isn't only something I need to challenge myself with, but something I need to challenge others with--and sometimes that's the most difficult of the two.

So here's what I read...
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Strangers are come into the santuaries of the Lord's house." Jeremiah 51:51

On this account the faces of the Lord's people were covered with shame, for it was a terrible thing that men should intrude into the Holy Place reserved for the priests alone. Everywhere about us we see like cause for sorrow. How many ungodly men are now educating with the view of entering into the ministry! What a crying sin is that solemn lie by which our whole population is nominally comprehended in a National Church! How fearful it is that ordinances should be pressed upon the unconverted, and that among the more enlightened churches of our land there should be such laxity of discipline. If the thousands who will read this portion shall all take this matter before the Lord Jesus this day, He will interfere and avert the evil which else will come upon His Church. To adulterate the Church is to pollute a well, to pour water upon fire, to sow a fertile field with stones. May we all have grace to maintain in our proper way the purity of the Church, as being an assembly of believers, and not a nation, an unsaved community of unconverted men.
Our zeal must, however, begin at home. Let us examine ourselves as to our right to eat at the Lord's table. Let us see to it that we have on our wedding garment, lest we ourselves be intruders in the Lord's sanctuaries. Many are called, but few are chosen; the way is narrow, and the gate is strait. O for grace to come to Jesus aright, with the faith of God's elect. He who smote Uzzah for touching the ark is very jealous of His two ordinances; as a true believer I may approach them freely, as an alien I must not touch them lest I die. Heart searching is the duty of all who are baptized or come to the Lord's table. 'Search me, O God, and know my way, try me and know my heart.'
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The whole passage really impresses me. I often forget that the Lord indeed smote Uzzah for touching the ark. I forget that He is a jealous God--jealous for my love and for my whole heart...Jealous for HIS glory. Hmmm. "Our zeal must begin at home"...I like that. "Heart searching is the DUTY of all who are baptized or come to the Lord's table." Oh, how I forget this! "Search me, O God!"

"Let us examine ourselves as to our right to eat at the Lord's table..."

"...Lest we ourselves be intruders in the Lord's sanctuaries"

This is some serious stuff. I blow it off so much of the time. I hardly examine myself...and I mean REALLY examine...getting to the heart issues, not just amending behavior, etc. Also--do we help others in their process of examining themselves? In the role of accountability? Are we challenging others as well as ourselves, lest we should allow intruders into our midst to worship in the Lord's sanctuary?

I realize this is really touchy ground. We don't like "getting into other people's business." We think it isn't our job. We think being good Christians is about speaking the truth when it is comfortable and easy...or maybe we think that we can't approach others about issues we ourselves are struggling with...and there IS truth in this...take the plank out of your own eye before removing the speck in your brother's. But remember we are called a BODY for a reason. We are many members that make up ONE community, and part of living in community together is challenging one another by speaking the truth (even HARD truth) in love, and not being afraid to do it.

There is definitely a weeding process here...but we need to be careful about WHO and HOW we weed. I'm having a hard time with this concept. I am really bad at confronting people--especially people in the Church with me. It is too close and uncomfortable and I always doubt my motives, asking, "Who am I to approach HIM on something that I myself struggle with?" Or "Who am I to approach HIM about his weakness when I am by no means strong?" And I cripple myself because I believe these lies. Instead of consulting the Lord, surrendering my pride, and asking for His mercy and guidance, I decide that I should just keep my mouth shut because, after all, I'm a sinner too and I have no right to apprach "so and so" about his. But how does this benefit the body? How does it further the mission of the Church and strengthen the community of believers. It doesn't.

Man. I don't really know where I'm going with this next. My thoughts are sort of jumbled because I'm still thinking about all of this.

I just think it's really convicting to think about the holiness of the Lord and of the Lord's place. I take it for granted and I tarnish the Holy Place. I don't think of it as my DUTY to search my heart. I don't examine myself enough...and I don't have the strength to help others in the process either. Lord, help. Thank you that your grace never ends!

Psalm 119:33-40

TEACH me, O Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end.

GIVE me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.

LEAD me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.

INCLINE my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!

TURN my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

CONFIRM to your servant your promise, that you may be feared.

TURN AWAY the reproach that I dread, for your rules are good.

Behold, I LONG for your precepts; in your righteousness give me life!

Exciting Plans for the Fall

On the Agenda:
Backpacking trip with dad
Tubing the Salt River with Hannah
Rock climbing with Luke
Canoeing/kayaking with family
Camping trips!
Sew with mom (I'm still in the middle of a skirt and a quilt)
Concerts (Guster, for one :))

Exploring new sides of Tucson. (hannah is going to take me to the pita pit...and I want to explore more of the shops on 4th avenue)
When the weather cools down I am going to run more

Continue my cooking (I have two new cookbooks to use :))
Study (CLEP tests)
Spend time with people i wouldn't be able to otherwise...family (especially Luke during his last year of high school!) and friends (hannah!!)
Read (there are a few books I would like to get my hands on...I like to read at Starbucks...especially in the cooler weather. It's one of my favorite things to do here...I know its kinda silly. Oh the simple things)

Get to know people at work better
Spend more time with my teacher Mrs. O'Hair

Obviously this is a list of ideas. I can't spend too much money, I need to be saving. Luckily things like rock climbing and camping, etc cost practically nothing. I'm so excited. I will be working all the time...this week I almost hit overtime. yikes! At least most of these options can be day trips (for my day off!)

I am excited about all the opportunities open to me...and I feel like more are opening all the time. I am going to be in CHICAGO in January. That is so crazy! I can't believe it. Really, this is a super short time. I have been worried about feeling sad and lonely about not being with hillsdale friends, etc. I will be, for sure, but it won't be long before I'm in that area again. One semester is hardly anything. I don't want to waste this time by feeling sorry for myself. I have been realizing how incredibly LUCKY I am. This is such an amazing change in my life. I am going on to study something completely new and different at Moody. In the meantime, I get to earn money (building relationships with new people) and spend time with people I haven't spent time with in quite a while. Investing in those I love is really important to me. i am thankful I will be here to "bond" more with Luke. He is all excited about getting his rock climbing equipment and taking me up the mountain. I can't wait. And he's going to teach me to kayak :). I thank God that He is beginning to reveal more of Himself to me in this situation. It's exciting.

I'd really like to do something with kids. But that's something I still need to look into. I don't know what kinds of volunteer programs I might be able to find...we'll see. It's hard with work because I have no set schedule. It changes week to week and I usually only have one or two days off. I might actually go to Mexico with my dad if I can pull it off. We'll see how things go with work :)

Jay and Kristen come back the 15th and leave for Philly the 19th. I'm excited to see them but rather sad that it is only for such a short time. I want to be with them!! Sad. Oh well. Who knows what the future holds. I might get to spend more time with them again in the near future. Perhaps thanksgiving! :)

So i got tomorrow off in exchange for Thursday. the David Wilcox concert is in phoenix at 7. I am SO excited about it. I think I am going alone...which is a bummer but I am still really looking forward to it. I worked 8 and 1/2 hrs yesterday and have the same shift today. I'm pretty exhausted. Sleep is sweet and deep these days :)

That's all for now. I finally got to a "real" update. yay! I love you guys.
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I found this quote on the Simple Way blog and thought it was really neat.

"You must realize that it is the ordinary way of God's dealings with us that our ideas do not work out speedily and efficiently as we would like them to. The reason for this is not only the loving wisdom of God, but also the fact that our acts have to fit into a great complex pattern that we cannot possibly understand. I have learned over the years that Providence is always a whole lot wiser than any of us, and that there are always not only good reasons but the very best reasons for the delays and blocks that often seem to us so frustrating and absurd."

"The Hidden Ground of Love", Letters by Thomas Merton.

P.S.

After lots of thinking lately....I am really excited about things. More soon. I have to go to work. I will share soon. bye!!

My Faith is Tested

"i will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can climb
i will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild
i will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside
i will lift my eyes
lift my eyes
to You."

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted" Hebrews 12:3

"Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up to salvation--if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good." 1 Peter 2:2

"So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10

More later...I will post thoughts soon. For now, just dwell on these things.

Focus, Where are You?

I have been so distracted lately! Ugh. It's frustrating! My mind is always racing with thoughts and ideas regarding my future...it's so exhausting and is definitely distracting my heart and mind from the duties I face now.

I feel really weak. I have no idea what my life is going to look like in two months. I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing. I have been trying too hard to figure it all out and find the answers. It's fairly obvious I'm not supposed to know the answers right now. God is asking me to wait and it is really very difficult. I feel very lonely...I miss hillsdale friends so much and I won't be going back to school with them in the fall. weird. I miss Kristen and Jay a ton...but it doesn't look like I'll be able to live with them in Philly--at least not for very long at all. I switch from feeling sad to feeling frustrating to feeling alone to feeling angry. God take this weak heart and make it strong! Man....I just don't know. I have no idea what's going on. I'm definitely in the middle of something. I want to use my time wisely but I really need to work on my attitude and outlook first. I have to claim THIS time NOW. I've gotten so wrapped up in the human, temporal perspective of things. It's killing me! I feel like I am dying inside sometimes because i am not focused on the eternal and lasting. These are just my honest thoughts and feelings. I'm really struggling right now. That's the truth. I know God is near...I ask Him to wake me up because I feel so asleep or drugged or something...like I'm living life in a daze. It's an awful feeling. Part of it is that I have just been so tired lately. I've been working late and getting up early...things always look worse when your tired. And I'm really tired right now.

Please pray that I would turn and focus my energy on the Lord and not on myself and my own worries and insecurities. Also, if I'm here all this semester, please pray that God would open up doors and opportunities here for me to serve Him and be involved. And that He would fill me with the discipline, obedience, energy, and drive to follow Him and pursue Him in everything I do--even the mundane work of each day. Thanks!

P.S. I listened to King and a Kingdom (Derek Webb) and read the lyrics again today. It's a powerful song. Here, read it. And then think about it. I am. There's a lot to think about. And then there's the job of doing. Hmmm. Here you go:


who's your brother, who's your sister
you just walked passed him
i think you missed her
as we're all migrating to the place where our father lives
'cause we married in to a family of immigrants
(chorus)
my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom


there are two great lies that i’ve heard:
“the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die”
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him


but nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we’ve got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think

Hallie is Gone...

We drove up to Phoenix this morning and I dropped her off at the airport. It was sad. But such a wonderful visit. I LOVED having her here. It was just so normal and natural to be living together again! It felt good....I miss having her so close to talk to and share thoughts with. It's different talking on the phone. Still good, just different. It is nice spending time in person. We had so many wonderful talks and did so many things! I am rather exhausted.
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Here's a song I've been thinking about today. With all this driving I've been doing I have been able to listen to lots of good music :) I've been listening to quite a bit of Caedmon's Call lately. It's nice. I like them lots. There old stuff at least....Anyhow, this song is so wonderful....and thought-provoking.

There's tarnish on the golden rule
And I wanna jump from this ship of fools
Show me a place where hope is young
And a people who aren't afraid to love

This world has nothing for me and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need

This world is making me drunk on the spirits of fear.
So when he says who will go, I am nowhere near.

And the least of these look like criminals to me
So I leave Christ on the street

This world has held my hand and has led me into intolerance
But now I'm waking up, but now I'm breaking up
But now I'm making up for lost time

I have been struggling a lot lately with the prospect of this fall. I have been having a very bad attitude--frustrated, hurt, upset--all very selfish. I need to spend time re-focusing and in prayer. I don't want to waste time. I want to seek the Lord's council and search His will. Sometimes I am afraid to see what it might be--to see WHAT He has in store for me. I know this is going to be a semester full of challenges...and growth. I want to take a few days here to think about what God is teaching me and where He might be leading me...how He might use this semester for me to apply things He has taught me recently, so that I might stand more firmly in the truths He is revealing to me. Who knows, but its a thought. I believe He is asking me to be patient and silent right now. It is SO HARD. ugh. sooo hard.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate your encouragement and dedication. Please pray I would be receptive AND obedient to all God reveals to me. I want to listen AND do, not just one or the other. Thank you!

Sigh

She's here! The drive from Phoenix yesterday was WONDERFUL. It was an amazing time of fellowship and catching up. I love Hallie!!

We stayed up until 1am (4 her time) talking, laughing, sharing memories, looking to the future. It was wonderful. Hallie woke up at 6:50am our time. I was still exhausted so I slept for a few more hours while she read. We stayed in our PJ's till noon talking some more...then I went to work. After work we (hallie and my family) went out for Mexican (YUM) then over to Kyle Baril's for a bit. We talked about Grand Canyon plans...looks like Monday!! up and back in ONE day. Woohoo for ten hours in the car! I'm really excited. I love road trips :)

Tomorrow we're going to Mexico...Nogales! i can't wait. I work tomorrow night, sat. night and sun. night. But the hugest blessing happened today! It is such a God thing....I have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off next week! Apparently people really needed money and requested all the shifts. Since I'm new, I get the left-overs. In this case, there were none! I am SO glad! I get to spend more time with HALLIE. God is so good. Sigh. What a blessing!

I am exhausted. She's asleep right now...poor thing crashed. The time change caught up with her. I can't believe she is here with me. Today at work I kept getting so excited whenever i realized I would see HALLIE after I got off work. It makes me smile a lot. It is such a gift to be reunited again! At the airport we both just about started crying...it stopped with watery eyes and shaky voices. Haha. It's so good to see each other again!!

Anyway. I am SO tired....shaky, actually. And we're leaving early tomorrow. Goodnight to all!!

Weird

I woke up this morning REALLY sad. I must have had a bad dream but I can't remember any....I did dream that they changed my shift at work on Sat from a night shift to a 9 hr all day shift. But that's not true and not reason enough for me to feel sad like this. It's SO weird. Huh.

I drive up to Phoenix tomorrow to PICK UP HALLIE FROM THE AIRPORT. Sigh. Oh so exciting. I can hardly wait. oh man oh man.

So I decided a summer hobby needs to be cooking! I bought this amazing Asian cuisine cookbook. It's a lot of fun. I even went to a couple asian markets yesterday to track down some ingredients. It was so fun! I was the only non-asian in both stores...except for one old couple at one of the stores. It was so neat. I loved looking at all the different things. Anyway. Allie and I made Sichuan Chicken for my family last night. It was super good. Then we made raspberry scones for dessert. YUM!! Cooking and baking is so much fun. I'm excited to do more!

Today I need to clean in preparation for my roommate's arrival!! woohoo.


PS Last night I read my old journal from last year. It's weird to see what I wrote during certain times--my first week, christmas break, first thoughts of transferring, friend issues, leaving...sigh. It's crazy...but really neat to look and see what God has done and how He is using those circumstances still (or similar ones) to teach me.

"She Rides The Eye of The Hurricane..."

It is 1:05 am. I got off work at 12:15. bleh. It was a yucky night. I feel like so much went wrong. I don't know what came over em! ugh. One of those nights that leave me feeling very discouraged...and wanting to be somewhere else. I don't want to think this way. I want to claim this time and this job for the Lord. But sometimes its really hard. Some days I just don't want to be doing this. But it isn't about what I want. That's what I'm learning...and it hurts. I might want to be at a different job--but God wants me at Fry's right now. I might want to be going to school in the fall--but God wants me to wait until the spring. Sometimes I feel really lonely. It's hard to surrender my life to the Lord daily--moment by moment, really. He's really working on this heart of mine...and taking me to a place of realization--that HE is my ALL. So that no matter where I am and no matter what circumstances I find myself in, I can be at peace in Him.

I'm listening to David Wilcox (sing:eye of the hurricane). It's nice. I love this song. I don't work tomorrow. I'm glad I'm not working but I tried to pick up a shift in order to drop one later in the week when Hallie is here. It didn't work out. That's another reason why I was so discouraged after tonight. Sigh. I should probably sleep. Everything looks worse when you're tired.

I have thoughts I want to share about Church today...but I'm too tired. Perhaps I will post again tomorrow. I love you guys.

I Love Rain

I love how clean the air is afterwards...I love that the desert actually looks green because the dust washes off the plants...I love the calming effect of watching the rain fall and run down the windows!...I love the big clouds...I love that it goes form 105 to 85 in a matter of minutes...I LOVE it! I want to take a walk in the rain. Next time I think I will. The only problem is, it usually rains right before work or when I'm at work. So the timing for a walk will be a little tricky.

So. I've been working quite a bit. Every night. I've gotten two paychecks so far: one for $200 and one for $240. My next few should be about $250...or more because they're increasing the length of my shifts. Not bad. I'm pleased for this opportunity to ear some money..even if the environment is not ideal.

I have been in such a contemplative mood for the past few days. It's kinda nice. As I think, there are a few songs that I put on repeat :) Here they are. I recommend listening to them.

I Want You To Be My Love-Over the Rhine
Nashville-David Mead
Indiana-David Mead
Now We Are Free-Gladiator
Deeper Still-David Wilcox
Any David Wilcox (He's good thinking music)

Sigh. What good songs...

My dad got home from Mexico last night. yay! It's good to have him home. He wants to plan a backpacking trip for this fall. Just the two of us. Probably Mt Humphrey or something. We'll see. It would be lots of fun, I just have to see what happens with this crazy life of mine...and if I'm in tucson or philadelphia. Sigh. I don't know HOW I'm going to make this decision. Help.

I'm excited about working at a camp next summer. SO excited. It's going to be such a neat experience. I wonder when I need to work on that application and get it in. Hmmm.

I'm reading The Soul of Politics by Jim Wallis and Anthem by Ayn Rand. I'm farther into The Soul of Politics. I like it a lot. I have been really tired lately, though, and so its hard to focus when I read. I usually fall asleep on the couch. I can't seem to catch up on sleep! I'm sleeping soundly, just not long enough. I'm really sore, too. From lifting all those bags of groceries and cases of water and soda. I'm getting muscle! I'm pleased :)

Hallie comes in FOUR days. I can't believe it. Aaaah. I am SO SO SO excited. AND I have wednesday off so I can pick her up in Phoenix and spend the whole first day with her. WOOHOO!

I think that's all. I need to get out of my PJ's and start my day. Luke and I might play racquetball! :) That and he is also going to teach me how to change the oil in my car. This day is going to be full of new things! haha. I love you guys!

-Andrea

Oh...and pictures of the rain:

Martin Luther King Jr.

"Throw us in jail and we will still love you. Bomb our houses and threaten our children and we will still love you. Beat us and leave us half dead and we will still love you. But be ye assured that we will wear you down by our capacity to suffer. one day we shall so appeal to your heart and conscience that we shall win you in the process, and our victory will be a double victory."
(from "The American Dream")

Lord of Eternity

by Fernando Ortega

"Blessed is the man
Who walks in your favor
Who loves all your words
And hides them like treasure.
In the darkest place
Of his desperate heart,
They are a light
A strong, sure light.

Sometimes I call out your name,
But I cannot find you.
I look for your face,
But you are not there.
By my sorrows, Lord,
Lift me to you,
Lift me up to your side.

(chorus)
Lord of eternity,
Father of mercy,
Look on my fainting soul.
Keeper of all the stars,
Friend of the poorest heart
Touch me and make me whole.

If you are my defender,
Who is against me?
No one can trouble or harm me
If you are my strength
All I ask, all I desire
Is to live in your house all my days."

It Is Well With My Soul

Where can I find strength when I am so weak? Where can I find hope when I feel despair? When I am afraid, where can I find comfort?

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

I've been thinking about this. What does it mean "God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever?" It isn't too hard to understand what it means for God to be my strength. It's that word "portion" that gets me. So I looked it up...and it sort of has a two-fold meaning. First of all, it means an amount (of food or whatever) suitable for one person. I think this is really neat. God is all of the amount suitable FOR ME (and for everyone). He is, to each child, what he needs--what is suitable for him and satisfies his own unique needs/desires. Secondly, it means ones future or lot. God IS my future. How amazing!

God is my STRENGTH when I am weak...because He is my portion.
God is my HOPE when I feel despair...because He is my future.
God is my COMFORT when I am afraid...because He is my portion now and will be forever, because He is also my future.
Wow.

As I was driving today I put in an old tape. Because my car doesn't have a cd player and won't read the tape converters, I must settle for muffled old tapes that have sat in the 100 degree weather for far too long and are nearly melted. Oh well. So I put in this old tape of hymns. The second song that played was It Is Well With My Soul. It is such a wonderful hymn. I love it. So I got the lyrics out when I got home and had to share them with YOU! Plus, they tie into this whole network of thoughts I have been having. The words of this hymn are the result of an author who read Psalm 73:26 and really truly believed it. God is his strength and God is his portion...forever. That's why it is well with his soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

"Where is God taking you, Andrea? What is He doing in your life?"

I am not very often straight out asked this question. However, I thank Allie for doing it. It is incredibly refreshing and causes me to stop and look at my life--the path I'm on and where it is taking me. So much is clouded in mystery. So much is changing...in ways I didn't expect AT ALL a year ago. My "road" has taken so many interesting and "unexpected" turns. It's sort of neat because, after all, this IS an adventure. The mystery adds excitement but also a bit of unease. Where AM I going? Where IS God taking me? Who knows. I have to trust.

I don't think I have ever really felt like this before. It is so hard to explain. This is such a strange time in my life. I struggle a lot with my human emotions. I find myself battling sinful drives of my flesh and taming desires of my weak heart. I have so many longings...and I have looked to the world to fill them. What a waste! They are not satisfied. I guess you could say I am learning how to give Jesus my heart and all my longings. It's so hard sometimes!! It's definitely a process....and perhaps this "unsettled" feeling is just what I need to find complete "settled-ness" in Him.

"Be still and know that He is God"
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Disappear (by Bebo)

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion
That never seems to stop

And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine
Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life
Right out of me
I know of only one place I can run to

I want to hide in You
The Way, the Life, the Truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me¦

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory

"By this time next year I won't be here..."

I'm looking out the window and listening to Come Downstairs and Say Hello. It's nice.

I feel sad. For one thing, I don't really want to go back into work after the disasters of yesterday. Sigh. Secondly, I got my letter from Moody yesterday and I didn't get in for the fall. They don't have room. So I will go in the spring. It's strange...before I got the letter I was (or so i thought) fine with whatever it might say. But when I got it yesterday I was really sad and disappointed. I really wanted to go and be in school and get settled again. I think it's going to be extremely hard now to watch all my friends go back to school when i'm not--especially when I won't be able to be with them for a new year. It makes me sad. I'm learning to trust the Lord but sometimes its hard. I feel a little frightened and unsettled about what the future looks like--mystery. Please pray for me.

The Wisdom of Ecclesiastes Confronts My Weak Heart

Tomorrow is my first day of work. It's a 5 hour shift--not too bad. However, it is during rush hour and it is also the day before the fourth. This will most likely mean two things: impatient customers on their way home from work and lots of people buying alcohol (which means I'll be carding). Did I already tell you all that I carded two people on Friday? I did. And another of the cashiers in training had to turn someone away for having a fake ID. The lamination was pealing up (that doesn't happen to normal licenses...nice try, buddy). All I have to say is, if youngsters try to get by me because I am donning a beautiful yellow name tag that says "I'm new at Fry's, thank you for your patience" they can think again! Andrea will show no mercy! Haha. Oh man. Sigh.

Today's sermon was really good. It was about Ecclesiastes--and very relevant to me right now. It actually really made me want to do a study on the book. I will share a few verses that especially stood out to me.

Ecclesiastes 3:12,13: "I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man"
-Brian talked about how the "drudgery things" of life are gifts from God. As we trust Him and walk in faith, we take pleasure in all He calls us to do on earth.

Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end."
-I can't see what is in God's mind and plan...but I can trust Him because He is good and He makes each experience of my life beautiful in its own time.

I've been reading the Great Divorce (by Lewis). It is such a brilliantly written book. It has been a conviction to me--about how I view eternity. Here's a quote I like and have been thinking about quite a lot:

"...yes cannot in your present state understand eternity: when Anodos looked through the door of the Timeless he brought no message back. But ye can get some likeness of it if ye say that both good and evil, when they are full grown, become retrospective. Not only this valley but all their earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. Not only the twilight in that town, but all their life on Earth too, will then be seen by the damned to have been Hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, 'No future bliss can make up for it,' not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory....the Blessed will say 'We never lived anywhere except in heaven,' and the Lost, "We were always in Hell.'"

So...the thoughts that I have after hearing and reading all of these things: do everything to the glory of God. Live in, love, and enjoy the little bits of Heaven on earth--Christ in the world. Enjoy Him. Enjoy Him in everything. It's a gift. He makes everything beautiful in its own time.

Sometimes I make life so hard for myself, instead of focusing on loving and enjoying my Savior and all the gifts He gives. Please, Lord, may I be less distracted! Less "easily pleased."

I have been reading bits and pieces of Valley of Vision (a wonderful collection of puritan prayers). The first prayer ("Valley of Vision") is so beautiful. I would like to share it with you:

"Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory. Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley."

Just Been Thinkin'...

I want to go to an ice hockey game...and then someday I want to play ice hockey--just for fun.

Thank you all for your encouragement about my job, etc. Originally they were going to have me work tomorrow (sunday) as my first day. I went in today, though, and I have tomorrow off! Then I work monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, and saturday. Wow. 30 hours. I'm pretty nervous. I would appreciate your prayers. I am not good at laying my anxieties down before the Lord and casting my cares on Him. I don't want them, but I am having such a hard time surrendering my frustrations, fears, and worries. Please pray with me. Thank you all. You are a gift and a blessing. And thank you for keeping me accountable and helping me keep things in perspectives. I love you!