Monday, June 09, 2008

auntie andrea

I can't believe I'm going to be an aunt. sigh. this is so ridiculously exciting. today mom and I went shopping for several "pregnancy helps" for Kristen. It was fun. It sort of made me wish I was pregnant. haha. not entirely, though.

somedays I feel so very old. 1/2 way to 22. doesn't that seem old? It feels old. Maybe because when I was little 20 seemed ancient...or, at least, an age that represented the "big things" (i.e. marriage, kids, etc). Don't get me wrong, I'm glad i'm not married with kids. However, sometimes i think "when???!" Sigh.

work is going well, for the most part. There's still lots of anxiety about "going in" to work but I'll get over it. The co-workers are really nice. The bartender is one of my favorites. He's not exactly a co-worker (i don't see him that often) though he is my go-to-guy for drinks, etc. (everything from orange juice to gin, he's my man!). He's super friendly--a very "suave" young man. He helps lighten the mood surrounding the sometimes all too obvious truth that yes, I am a newbie. I appreciate his effort to help me feel more comfortable. AND, he's originally from Naperville. So we talk Chicago every now and then :)
I'm not getting that many hours in at all. I only work three days this coming week. Tues/Wed at 5am (yay for mornings!! I'm super glad about it) and Sat. Hopefully I'll be able to babysit more soon. I'm wrapping soap for mom and will hopefully get my torch up and running to make lumenarias tomorrow...

My newest discoveries in music are 1. Red Mountain Church and 2. Breathe Owl Breathe. I must say, i am thoroughly enjoying each!

The itch to do some summer travelling is not really going away. Right now I really want to drive up the coast of California, doing some beach camping. sigh. Doesn't that sound amazing?? I think so...

I'm drinking pomegranate (sp???) juice. yum. and its good for you!

God's teaching me what it means to be me. Maybe that sounds weird. It's a scary/cool journey to be on right now. Recognizing my self in light of weaknesses and in light of strengths. Most of all, recognizing myself in light of CHRIST. who am I? Not the daughter, sister, friend or student...deeper than that. If "all this" were to pass away, who would you be? Hmm. interesting thoughts, eh? :)

God is so very nearby though seemingly very quiet. It's a little unsettling, though I know Him so I can trust Him. My hope cannot die. I am finding that the "quiet times" of growth that are freaking hard are often times of deepest growth. The work He's doing is "unknown" but thorough, if that makes sense...

With so much longing, yearning, and desire within I find myself unable to much else than cast myself on Him who is altogether trustworthy and true. He alone is my place of rest. Isaiah 64:4. He actively works for those who wait upon Him. What a marvelous promise!

Do you ever really want something but you just don't know if its what the Lord wants for you right now? Or, He's not really giving indication or direction either way...? this makes me feel a little confused and frustrated sometimes. Well, it drives me to my knees, I know that much. I run to him. "ABIDE here, child." Yes, I want to abide here.

There's a song I've found (red mountain church :)) that I love. It's called "With Melting Heart and Weeping Eyes." Ah, beautiful words!! I feel this way a lot this summer...melting heart and weeping eyes. There's so much that fills my heart--and so much emotion that comes spilling out of me. Full to its a season of casting it all on Him.


I don't really feel like I'm making much sense anymore. enough for now. Hope you all are having a marvelous summer. Are you living with expectation? With promise? Abiding? It helps me to ask myself such questions :) Helps keep life in perspective during these "in-between times."

Love you guys,


Lacy Lillian said...

being an aunt is amazing. I am so excited to have pictures of the little boo in our room. And you should drive up to California. Come see me before I leave for me adventure.
I love you and miss you lots. I'm glad the bartender is nice to you!

Unknown said...

Good thoughts.
Some sound familiar =)

btw, I wanted to inform you:
your facebook is no longer operational.
you may have already known,
but i would like to know why your slowly cutting off all lines of communication.
starting small with texting...and then subtlely dropping each line one by one.

just kidding, you probably have some good reasoning.
see you.