pictures of luke's visit!

Getting Started

Today I purchased a few things that make it feel as though this year has officially "begun." With Luke leaving in a few days and the reality of Jake's year abroad officially settling in, so will my own routine. I've decided to call it my rhythm (don't laugh). I read this cool article the other day about the rhythm of a day. If you stop to think of it, the day really does carry a certain rhythm--a cadence, if you will. And we make choices that either add or detract from that rhythm, things that carry it or obstruct it. Mom keeps reminding me that there are choices to be made, goals to be set, as I look forward to the enjoyment and the living of this year. Yes, this is true...

So there will be lazy days and study days; days full of intentionality and days that end in a string of unexpected happenings. I'm ok with this. In fact, I look forward to it. In September I will start my pottery class. Today I bought a skein of yarn for a project I am dying to start (I forgot to bring the needles this weekend. gah!). I also ordered three books to begin my "studies" during this time: Liturgical Theology: The Church As Worshipping Community (Simon Chan), Finally Comes the Poet (Walter Brueggeman), and Self-Care: A Theology of Personal Empowerment and Spiritual Healing (Ray Anderson). Alongside these reads, I also plan to reread portions of the Chronicles of Narnia and a few other novels that have been waiting to find their way into my eager little hands. Aaaah.

I have a few craft plans coming together in my mind for simple Christmas presents and I look forward to the fall "crafting mood" (yes, it changes with the seasons).

I have a few weekend trips in the plans for the fall as well as the hope of some camping trips with friends.

I've been card making this summer. I'm discovering some things I didn't know I could do (as well as some things I knew I couldn't do...and still can't).

I'm hopeful for happy reunions with friends coming back to school as well as sweet time spent with my roommates.

Oh, and I have grand plans for the treasures I've collected along the lake shore this weekend. Mmm, I just love discovering these small bits of beauty. Who knew driftwood, rocks, feathers, and seeds could bring so much joy? He's made a great world to pleasure in. It has done my soul good to realize that again this weekend.

Tomorrow morning I'll enjoy coffee in the living room with Grandma one last time, breakfast, and then: on the road again. Eager for the drive back down in daylight so we can admire the trees and "oooh" and "aaah" over the sparkling lake. Grateful for this small bit of earth.

found it

I had saved it on Grandma's computer when we were here for the funeral over three years ago already. Wow, it has gone fast. But actually, in some ways it really hasn't gone fast. I still miss him and it is still hard to realize that he isn't here with us. This is what I wrote for the service insert...
- - - - -

What can I say about a man who has blessed me beyond words? How can I express how much I respect him?
He is a man of great honor. He is my Papa, my teacher, and my friend. He is my "Uno." He showed me what it means to be a person of love, kindness, and integrity. He taught me what it means to treat others highly. He proved to me the strength in and value of a gentle and quiet spirit.
He gave me another "undo dowg" when I begged him for it. He let me pile my stuffed animals high up on his lap, and sat patiently as I introduced him to each one. He let me style his hair any way I wanted. He told me stories...over, and over, and over when asked. He taught me every card game worth playing. He was my partner in crime during raspberry season--filling tupperwares with fat, juicy berries and eating them all up before anyone else got a chance! We encouraged each others' addiction to Grandma's home-made chex-mix, always refilling the bowl in the kitchen and spoiling our appetites for dinner. On pasty night he would always say, "Gee, have some pasty with your ketchup, would ya!" During our visits to the U.P, he and I would exchange messages and pictures on the dry erase board in the kitchen. He sent me notes in college--reminding me to be safe and encouraging me to get, not a 4.0, but a 5.0! My life was richer because of Papa. I think I thought he was super human.
Even after all these things--all these "words"--they still don't seem like enough. These memories don't seem to go far enough. My thoughts don't seem to reach deep enough--these words just don't seem "real" enough. I miss him--a lot--and it hurts bad.
There are, however, a few things that do seem to be "enough" right now--a few things I'm sure of. God is good. He has blessed this world with my Papa. He has blessed my life with my Papa. I thank Him so much for that. My comfort is found in Christ alone, and the words of the old hymn, "Great is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father, There is no shadow of turning with Thee...Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!"
- - - -

Luke and I leave tomorrow morning to drive back down to Chicago. It's been wonderful--for both of us--to have this little vacation; a break from our regular routines; the chance to enjoy this beautiful place up north, far away from the noise and bustle of the busy city. We've had a wonderful time with Grandma--remembering, laughing, and just being together. Pictures soon :)

hello, upper peninsula

we're here! luke and i made it up last night around 1am. it's lovely to be here--coffee in the morning with grandma; star toast for breakfast; spending a lazy day inside visiting and catching up...it was drizzly but now the sun is out. mmmm, beautiful. tomorrow i think we'll go to the lake.

it's good to be here. very good. it's nice to see all the trees, the water, the land. i'm drinking it in :)

i look forward to this restful weekend.

pictures of luke's visit to follow--it's been so good to spend such an extended amount of time with him. brothers are the best.

hard day

there's nothing like getting to the end of a hard day and finding a bed ready to crawl into, you know? hmm.

jake left for hungary today. luke and i drove up to wisconsin last night after work. they finally got to meet. i'm so glad it worked out before jake left. it made my heart so happy. i'm running on about three hours of sleep (because i had to be back in the city for work this afternoon, which meant leaving WI mid morning). saying "goodbye" to someone for 10 months is kind of strange and, well, just plain hard.

i miss him. and will keep on missing him for a really long time. i think that's the hard part right now--feeling the reality of the big chunk of time. but in the midst of it all there is a lot that we're both so excited about and hopeful for. so it will be a good chunk of time--full of potential. we appreciate your prayers--and for him in these next few weeks as he begins teacher orientation, begins to adapt to a whole new life/culture, and faces the prospect of teaching for the first time.

Papa

Yesterday was Papa's b-day. Kristen put something up on her blog and I was going to do the same but I can't find what I wrote for that service insert. Instead, I ran across a Halloween card he sent me fall of 2006. He didn't regularly send Halloween cards :) But he wanted to send a little something "extra" that I could spend how I wanted. The card has a weener dog in a hot dog bun and the inside says "Happy Halloweenie." It's hilarious. It's the last thing I have save in Papa's handwriting.

Kristen wrote, It is so strange to look into the future and think that he won’t be there. It seems unreal, not possible. But as there are many memories of the past that point to him, I know that he has left part of himself here, now, and those pieces of Papa will be a legacy for years and generations to come. Who I am, who we all are, has been shaped in some way by the tenderness of Papa, Dad, Carl…

I've thought often how strange it is that he isn't here, meeting the people who are in my life now, watching me experience the things that I am. It does seem unreal, not possible...

Luke and I are going to the U.P. next weekend. I am so excited. I miss Papa. I miss Grandma. I love every single memory I have in that house from sliding down the stairs in our sleeping bags and crawling in bed with Papa and Grandma in the mornings to holidays spent enjoying the SNOW and star toast with coffee in the early morning. I look forward to it. Something about the U.P. holds a certain sense of "going home." I think because it's a place that holds so many memories with people I love and are so dear to my heart.

So, here's to the house on Minnesota St. and all the people that have made it a wonderful place through the years--Can't wait to come, Grandma!!! Bring out the star toast and coffee :) :)

(oh, and are there still raspberries or is the season over?...)

Serving

Today I had a bunch of little thoughts about serving. This was probably because I was presented with many opportunities to be a little "extra" to several someone's today. Sometimes I jumped into the opportunity gladly, other times I let it slide by (you know when you pretend like you don't actually see something, even though you do? yeah, kinda like that). I don't think I stop very often during a day to consider how many ways I am capable and available to serve. But I think I'd like to be made more aware of these moments so they don't pass by quite so fast. And I think I'd really like to utilize this huge pile of grace that's been heaped upon me (you know--grace upon grace, right? but we never really live like we're covered with the stuff). Anyway, these are a few thoughts before bed while I finish this delicious brownie that Mariah made. MmmMmm.

Goodnight, world!

Where are you, Lake?

if i could be anywhere right now, i'd be by a lake. walking the shore collecting wonderful things or floating, swimming, canoeing, drifting in the water...

it was kind of a hard day at work. sigh. i hate those days.

sitting in the middle of a forest

if i close my eyes right now, the wind in the trees outside our window makes me think i'm sitting in the middle of a forest. there are no sounds of city; no horns or sirens; no people talking...just the soft clapping of the leaves. it's beautiful. no, it's glorious. ah, it's a huge gift to me today.

"In eternity this world will be Troy, I believe, and all that has passed here will be the epic of the universe, the ballad they sing in the streets. Because I don't imagine any reality putting this one in the shade entirely, and I think piety forbids me to try." -Gilead

I'm rereading Gilead this summer. I had almost forgotten how much I love this book--almost.

Can you believe it's August? I can't. Life just moves along, eh? August means a lot of different things for me...

Luke comes a week from Sunday.

Jake leaves a week from Tuesday.

I won't be going back to Moody--but Moody friends will be returning to the city (I look forward!)

No classes at COD

Time. I'll have time for...things...and I still don't really know what it will "look like" yet.

In a lot of ways I'm really excited about all these changes. In other ways I feel a little uneasy. Sometimes I feel purposeless when I'm not busy--or when I'm not "accomplishing" things (like papers, i guess).

My heart is in a million ways twisted up inside of me right now. The past few days have been an equal mixture of terribly difficult and incredibly beautiful. Isn't it strange how life does that--mixes the two? Sometimes it's a little infuriating because I can't be 100% happy and I can't be 100% sad. But I think I'm actually truly grateful that it comes to us this way. I can find myself on the floor before the Lord in a small pool of tears confused and frustrated in prayer and then I can find myself with the kiddos eating ice cream in the summer sun or laughing with C so hard about stupid things he begins to drool on himself. I love it.

You know what else seems to be a good mix of hard and beautiful? The way God answers our prayers. I've been rereading some old journal entries full of prayers I'd forgotten I'd uttered. And God's been answering them...and I've been frustrated with Him because I didn't think He was, or I thought I was getting in the way. Yeah, we can get in the way. But He's big enough to move us out of the way, too, and I think I'm learning that right now. So He's taken me up on some of those prayers, and now I have to learn contentment in the process. I'm having to learn contentment in new ways--ways I haven't really thought of before...I can't really explain how yet so you'll just have to take my word on it :)

Can I share a few more quotes with you? I'm working on a project that requires some review of books I've read and so I'm constantly sifting through great quotes, and I've come across a few that have just hit me in the face as purposeful and useful.

"To one who has been long in city pent,

'Tis very sweet to look into the fair

And open face of heaven,-to breathe a prayer

Full in the smile of the blue firmament." -John Keats

(this is wonderful to me for obvious reasons)

"...there are certain attributes our faith assigns to God: omniscience, omnipotence, justice, and grace. We human beings have such a slight acquaintance with power and knowledge, so little conception of justice, and so slight a capacity for grace, that the workings of these great attributes together is a mystery we cannot hope to penetrate." -Gilead

(I've been brought low this summer in realizing how "big" God is but how very present He is at the same time. Sometimes in my embrace of His ambiguity and hiddenness, I push Him off when He is right here with me--not actually very ambiguous or hidden at all. We live in seasons, you know? Sometimes I forget that and so am unable to interpret the season I'm currently in)

"Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important." -CS Lewis

(I throw this one in here because I've had to think this summer about what "Christianity" is--what it means to "be a Christian" and "live Christian" when I hardly appreciate the term on the one hand and, on the other, I can't escape it. I think I'm facing in demanding ways the reality that to follow God is not a matter of moderate importance, and so I can't play around with it, although I think it's perfectly normal--even healthy--to wrestle and struggle a bit. There's a lot to unpack here and maybe someday I'll post about it)

"Love is holy because it is like grace--the worthiness of its object is never really what matters." -Gilead

(I'm beginning to learn so much more about love: of God, of self, of others. That's really all I have to say about this one right now)

I'm sure that's enough to think about for now. I'd love to hear your thoughts back...

The afternoon sun has made our yellow living room most wonderful. I am so very happy sitting here. I think I might take a nap on this couch. Or maybe I should write some letters...

where to spend a week?

If I could, right now, spend a week anywhere in the US, I'd choose...

HERE

or

HERE

or

somewhere along HERE.

Anyone in? Ok, now I just have to get off work and such. Sigh...

Maybe next summer. Definitely need to plan something like this for next summer.

Lately I've been having a hard time living in the city. I just really miss wilderness. All the people are getting to me...and all the noise...and all the smells...and all the lights...and all the busy rushing and pushing and moving...

the words of my mother

i love talking with my mom. she's a wonderful woman--a simply fantastic mom. anyway, i appreciate her simple one-liners. i don't very often share them on here--or anywhere, really--because i usually just tuck them away in my own mind and heart. but today i must. she said on the phone this afternoon, "God is in the business of life," and it was spoken to me at the perfect time, in beautiful synchrony with so many of my other thoughts, conversations, and prayers these days. there is much more i'd like to share. i know i end a lot of my posts with such a statement but i just haven't had much time to spend on the computer. i'll try, though, i really will. perhaps tomorrow morning.

God's been gracious in the stillness of this time of life. He's been moving in His quietness and I am beginning to see it, which encourages my heart very much. He's been revealing things to the deeper parts of me without me realizing it (until more recently) and i am thankful to finally catch glimpses of that reality. sigh. He is good in His hiddenness.

July Happenings

It's almost midnight and I am pooped but I've been wanting to get some pictures up of our trip to Richmond. Sorry there aren't any of Jake and I. For one thing, Jake's camera broke on the way down so he didn't get any. And I'm discovering that he's kind of...mmm...shall we say particular about what camera he takes pictures with or what camera takes pictures of him. I'm working with him on it :)

Also, I'm sorry there aren't pictures of Ailey!! What the heck?! You know how the firstborn always has the better baby book and more pictures, etc? Yeah, apparently Auntie's are more obsessed photographers with the first, too. Sigh. She looks a lot like Sam and is a beautiful baby. Sam is just fun in pictures because he's up and moving around, expressing his developing personality, etc. He's so fun. Ailey is (obviously) still nursing, spitting up, pooping, crying, sleeping, and cooing. haha. Kristen's going to comment about this...

So, here are some pictures of the week in Richmond. It was wonderful and went by so fast. The drive back was really beautiful--I love roadtrips because I love driving through small town America. Jake and I enjoyed good conversation and the extended time together. He's getting ready to leave for Hungary in about three weeks.

We've been celebrating b-days in the house! Saturday night was Lacy and Mariah's joint super-hero b-day party. It was a lot of fun despite the house being almost unbearably hot and sticky. bleh.

Yesterday was Lacy's actual b-day so last night we went to Howl at the Moon (piano bar) to enjoy the dueling pianos (+ sing along!!) in celebration of her! I admit I was a bit leery, simply because I haven't had much experience with piano bars (ok, none whatsoever). But it was a lot of fun. It was somewhat like group karaoke (the sing along part of it) and the performers were really good. And we got to sing some Billy Joel ("piano man," even!!).

I have more thoughts I'd like to share about a few different things but it's late and I choose sleep because I know I need it. So hopefully I'll update again soon :)

Vacation

It's been so nice to be out of Chicago for the week. Jake and I left Thursday night and made it to his brother's in Indianapolis late that night. We spent Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday with his brother and sister-in-law and their two kids. It was super fun.

Now we are in Virginia with Jay and Kristen...and Sam and Ailey :) It's been really wonderful. It's hot and muggy so we've been indoors most of the time. This morning the two of us went and explored down by the river. It's the James River and it's beautiful--we swam the rapids. Aaaah. Then we sent Jay and Kristen on a date to the same spot because it was so beautiful, and they swam the rapids. Jake and I babysat :)

Tonight is Mexican Fiesta night: tacos and the Three Amigos (love.this.move.).

There's more to tell but I don't have time right now. Hope you all are enjoying summer!!

BurgerFest and the girls I live with

Sunday night was BurgerFest. It was a lot of fun. Several local restaurants had booths set up on Belmont and were cooking all different kinds of hamburgers. Yum. We got food and then went to Beat Kitchen for drinks and sat outside on their sidewalk patio. It started to rain so we had to move underneath an overhang for awhile. It was beautiful. Gin Blossoms played at 9. You know, "anywhere you go, I'll follow you there. I'll follow you down but not that far..." or something like that. You'd recognize them, even though their glory days were years ago. They got rained out. It started pouring--so much fun! So we walked home in the rain and got drenched but it was so fun to spend time with these girls...

saturday camp-out

it's not the kind of camp-out i'd like to be having but it's the necessary thing right now. i'm camped out at lace's starbucks today during her work shift, 1:30-9pm, so i can be especially productive on my class. sigh...it's very cold in here. hot outside (which i am dressed for) but cold inside, especially since i'm drinking this iced soy latte (yum).

this weekend is burger fest. that's right, all the local burger joints, pubs, you name it, get together and set up on Belmont and we get to eat their wonderful burgers (needless to say, the air smells amazing in our neighborhood). we're going tomorrow night because that's when a certain band is playing. i forget who, i should have asked lacy. anyhow. it's a great weekend, very "summery."

i should go. i have a stack of flash cards about 3 inches high of terms i need to know by tonight. gah!

something i've been thinking about lately and i'll try to post about once i've thought and studied a bit more: pleasure (in life, in love, in relationships, in general!)--especially as it relates to faithful following and living in obedience to God. i think some traditional "christian" concepts have kind of given a warped understanding of what pleasure is/means/does and how we "handle it" in life. at the same time, Scriptural concepts and understandings of pleasure ought to be the richest, right? thoughts of your own?

happy saturday, everyone! :) :) :)

double -posting

you get two today! i decided that tonight would be a good time to put up some pictures from the 4th.

it's been a long day. the stale heat kind of makes me feel tired and lethargic--not a pleasant feeling. work was fine. C started swim lessons again today. i didn't bring a book so ended up just sitting and thinking in the lobby for 35 min. with S. it's been a day full of thought. i finally got around to responding to some emails. i talked to mom for a little while. she prayed for me. have i ever told you about mom's prayers? maybe not. one day i will. for now, just know that i love when she prays for me over the phone.

dinner was wonderful. i made an "asian style" salad--seared veggies with fried tofu (i know, but its an inexpensive form of protein!) tossed over lettuce with some seasoning. mmm. it was the perfect summer dinner. my peaches are finally ripe and i happily slurped peach juice off my arm thinking, "there's nothing like summer peaches." then last night's left over box of waffle cones gave me the idea of running over to trader joe's for something cool. you guessed it, i picked up some of their coffee ice cream. yum.

now i am (im)patiently waiting for the night to cool off while i sip a glass of merlot. i'll study for a little while and then start a new book, The Longing for Home by F Buechner. after i finished Traveling Mercies I had no idea what to read next. but during my breakdown on the way home from work today [yes, I was finally able to cry. you probably didn't know that i haven't been able to for awhile. my, it felt good. i cried because the lady still hasn't called me back about my car and i've called her twice; because the men in the car behind me were fondling each other; because there was a magazine at the club with an article about which city (miami or chicago) has a hotter sex-life; because i am weary of earth and weary of sin; because i long for many things that aren't yet a reality and i'm tired of longing; because i miss my family so much; because sometimes i don't know where i fit into this world or where i belong in life; because sometimes the simple things are too wonderful for me...and because i said to the Lord, "tonight i'm ready to be home"...] i remembered that this book is sitting on my shelf.

now, enough about my day. here are a few pictures from the weekend. on saturday morning Mr. Schnake, Jake, Hannah, and I went biking--23 miles through Wisconsin's beautiful farmland. don't tell anyone but i think i'm falling in love with Wisconsin. sssshh. I couldn't help but sense the world's held beauty. all the green and the tall trees, the bulging corn fields, warm sun across farm-scapes and gorgeous old barns, some falling into disrepair. it takes your breath away. i loved biking. the hills were a killer but i think i could get used to it. a cross-country biking/camping trip has made my life to-do list. i should work on updating that thing.

sunday Andrew and Tiffany drove up for fireworks. i'm so glad they did. we got prime seats at the end of the pier and watched the whole scene unfold right in front of us. we got rained on a little but it was a perfect night. i've spent the 4th in a different state for the past 5 years.

"relocate me in Your eternal resolve..."

i wrote that in my journal Sept 8 of last year. it came from a Brueggemann prayer. it's a beautiful line--a beautiful prayer.

i find myself praying that this morning. yes, Lord, relocate us in your eternal resolve: "that the earth may be fully your realm, that the world may wreak with your shalom, that we ourselves may find our true freedom in your sovereign purpose. yours--not ours--is the kingdom, the power, and the glory...and we are grateful. amen." --W.B. from "Before the Day is Out"

also, it's a good morning because i decided to make coffee (i just haven't been doing this very often at all). i shouldn't tell you that it's french press and i forgot about it for 45 min before "pressing" it...sorry mark, hannah, lacy, and all you other s-bucks workers (or coffee lovers) who probably shudder over this. what the hell. it's still coffee, right? and besides, it's in my cow mug (i had to show you the cow mug). that has to count for something :)

Two Thoughts for Today

not exactly my own but mine often echo these, does that count?

"Dear God, i'm no use, i'm still the same bitch and fake. clear me out of the way." ~ Graham Greene (The End of the Affair)

"All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe." -from "The Irresistible Revolution"

taking my own advice

i'm not always good at listening to my own advice. after two years of good learning about "self care" and "rest," it's time to live it a little.

after years of ministry, mom is putting herself on sabbatical. listening to her talk about her plans of intentional rest, anticipated care for necessary responsibilities, and dreams for the new space in life (for things like reading, writing, praying, and living other activities that have been put on hold) brought something in me to the surface. it was that funny little question mark deep in me about school next year--launching myself onto the road to Wheaton for grad. school. i've got this summer course in General Psychology right now. easy, i know, and truly basic. but it has been really hard to motivate myself to work on it. when mom finished talking i said, "gosh, mom, my soul needs something like that." of course, mom has always voiced her concern(s) about my "burnout." so she said i should consider the possibility of taking the fall semester off.

the thought scares me. a lot. it scares me to put my "plan" (or should i say "dream"?) on hold. but you know what? my "plan" hasn't been very inviting to me recently. i can't articulate my vision very well. my heart feels weak and my passion and ambition feel spent. in other words, this isn't to say i don't like my plan or want to keep my plan :) this is to say that i need a break. last year took a lot out of me--in many ways. i need to slow down. i need to make space for a few new things...

[i can tell you another time what i think about God and us and the living of our dreams...how i think that the dreams/passions we have aren't an accident and that life is probably a lot about the redemption of those dreams and learning how to live life with God and others as this happens]

**so, here are some things i want to bring into my life this year (and in no particular order):

that pottery class i've been putting off

wednesday night knitting and wine at Sister Arts studio in late fall and winter

personal study (biblical/theological concepts that my life longs to develop and live)

english tutoring (or, rather, keeping up the friendship with Rasha and family)

involvement at church/time to volunteer

writing (poetry, stories, letters, journaling)

prayer (creative outlets for developing prayer in my life. call me crazy but this will most likely include paper, glue, scissors, and a host of other "crafty" elements...)

growing friendships near and far (working on communication and living life together)

i don't just want to spend this year at work, in classes, and doing homework. i want to live it with time and space to renew some of the richness that i feel i have either forgotten, overlooked, or gotten too busy for. i need to practice some self-care. i need to swallow the advice i have given others :)

want to help? please be praying. those of you close to me (and/or who know me well) know that this is a difficult and frightening decision. Jake reminded me that it is a position and posture of trust. i like that because he's right, it's true of me in this place now but it's also true of life in general (and for all of us). for now, this time right out of college is a time to develop habits and set realistic goals for myself as i learn to live each day in faith (not weeks, months, years, but just days). i can't do that unless i create the space for it and i haven't found the space for it because i've been going, going, going. i need to just be with the Lord for awhile.

So...i'm going to call COD tomorrow and discuss the status of my deposit and class registration. i'll see if i can just hold off until next semester or what...i don't really know. like i said, it's scary. but i think it's a really good thing. there's a quiet freedom in this decision and a settled sort of "yes" that keeps calling out from inside of me. i like that. it sort of sounds like that quiet confirmation that the Holy Spirit whispers when you're on the right path. so i guess i should be all gratefulness. i am, i think, but i am also really unsure. there's a lot to be unsure about come mid August :)

life, you are so uncertain. you are so exciting. you are all we have to live and we want to live you well.

"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you...teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing." -Psalm 143:8-10 NLT