Saturday, March 13, 2010

early morning reflecting

Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat. I'm kind of a baby when it comes to sore throats. I don't know why I can be very strong about any other sickness but sore throats discourage me so much, make me miss mom and the couch at home with hot soup and tea. But I pushed through yesterday and, of course, as sore throats go, it got a little better as the day progressed. I got home from babysitting last night pretty exhausted. I've managed late nights and fairly early mornings all weak to get research done for several projects. The sore throat reminded me to take it easy and get enough rest. So I decided to go straight to bed when I got home last night--which I did--and not set an alarm (which usually means I will only sleep in until about 8:30/9).

At 4am this morning I started tossing and turning. My throat was dry and stingy and kept waking me up. I tried and tried to sleep but 4:30 rolled around and I decided to get up. To my surprise, I was rather "wide" (this term is somewhat relative) awake. sigh. So much for sleeping in. It looks like it will be an afternoon nap for me instead. ugh, being sick is no fun at all.
Here I am at my desk with a hot cup of apple chamomile tea thinking.

I saw a scrap of a 3x5 card with a verse scrawled on it sitting atop a pile of papers next to my computer. It made me smile because there's a story behind it.

Throughout high school and now through college, I have had the hardest time starting new jobs. I don't know what it is about it but I hate new jobs. I hate job searching and I hate all that comes with being the "newbie" because I always feel like I'm not good enough or I'm not learning the ropes fast enough, etc. It happened with Marie Calendar's, Hillsdale Natural Grocery, Fry's Grocery Store, The Tucson Country Club, Francis Xavier Ward School, Eagle Lake, and even my nanny job now. It takes awhile for me to adjust and feel confident/capable.

The funny thing is, these have all turned out to be great experiences. Some of them, in particular, have provided incredible friendships with people I wouldn't have otherwise met or hung out with (I think of midnight burrito runs with Jordan and Anne Marie; laughing with Freddy and Karen; the kiddos at FXW that both drove me crazy and delighted me on a daily basis; the finer things club at ELC--unforgettable friendships). Each of them has also contributed to an overall growing sense of self. Maybe that's a "duh" but its just something i've been thinking about. So many of life's mundane experiences contribute in big ways to our formation--the faces we see, the people we interact with (and how we do this), the embarrassing moments ("Sir, would you like me to milk your bag?" Yeah, that definitely should have been "bag your milk." Awkward), and the lessons we learn.

You're probably wondering about that slip of paper. So am I. It's 5am and I should be asleep, dang-it! Well, Psalm 27:4 is written on it in obnoxious teal blue ink: "One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple." The story behind it? Whenever I start a new job, I write out a verse that pushes my heart towards the care of God because, for some reason, I feel really alone whenever I start something new. I keep that scrap of paper in my wallet or purse, tape it somewhere where I will see it, carry it around (as at Fry's) in my apron pocket so I can pull it out at random intervals throughout the work day. It started out as an act of 16-year-old insecure desperation and has evolved into something simple but beautiful. From time to time I come across crumpled or worn out slips of paper with short verses written on them. I think I've mentioned before how I need tangible ways to enact my faith. This is something I have only recently "learned" of myself but whenever I stop and look back, I am amazed at how many little things made this clear throughout the years, I just didn't realize it.

So, let's think of small, simple, beautiful ways we can enact our faith as we live through so many mundane/routine days.

I really want to sleep. As soon as this second cup is finished steeping, I'm taking nap #1 on that couch over there. sigh...

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