oh my goodness!!!

so. exciting news!! Xavier Rudd is coming to Chicago and playing at the Vic Theatre on Septmember 20th. Guess who's going to go? Yep. I just need to make some new friends that like him as much as I do. OR, hope against all odds that hannah will find a super cheap ding fair and make it out for another visit.

oh man. super exciting.

I thought the world had forgotten...i thought I had forgotten

This is the first Burma has been in the headlines in a long time. RECONSTRUCTION PLAN.

So much is needed. The task is HUGE. Sometimes i wish I didn't have school to go back to in the fall. I could take a year and spend it in Burma...

God knows why He's asked me to stay, and I know little bits of it. Yes, it's "worth it," but its hard to sit on my butt when something like this is hanging over me.

I keep thinking of when Jay went to do relief work. Sigh. I really want to do relief work. Perhaps that's where a nursing degree will come in handy. Hmm. Still thinking...

life's surprises...sometimes fall right on you!

on my way home from work a vulture picked up a flabby (flappy?) piece of bloody rabbit from the road in front of me and flew up into the air. the piece of rabbit fell...ALMOST on my windshield. Gross. I jumped and yelled and then laughed at the possibility of a juicy piece of roadkill landing on my car...practically on my face! disgusting. Thank goodness it missed...

Woot Woot

Going to the midnight showing of The Dark Knight tonight!! (or, as hannah suggests, The Laughing Joker. haha. oh man...). I just took a two hour nap so i SHOULD be ready. Mark's for dinner and everyone for coffee before. FUN! I'm ridiculously excited.

Just read Wendy's recent post and it echoes a lot of feelings in my own heart. thought i'd give a link for those of you who want to read her wisdom :) (Wendy's Blog).

I've been in the house all day since i got off work this morning...putting around, cleaning a little, trying to think, trying to read, etc. bleh. I need to get out. gas is so expensive. I think i'm going anyway. maybe i'll go sit at borders and peruse the bookshelves. that sounds nice.

peace out.
(haha)

I Am a Poor Pilgrim of Sorrow

"I am a poor pilgrim of sorrow,
I'm tossed in this wide world alone,
No hope have I for tomorrow;
I've started to make heaven my home.
Sometimes I am tossed and driven, Lord
sometimes I don't know where to roam,
I've heard of the city called Heaven;
I've started to make it my home."
(taken from the appendix of "A Sacred Sorrow" by Michael Card)

There are times you find that this world doesn't have what you are looking for.

Anywhere.

If it is "Christianity," even this earthly religious system is going to leave you wanting. It is Christ. It is Christ and His heavenly city your soul is craving. What joy for those whose hearts are set on pilgrimage--in whose hearts are the highways to Zion! We have no abiding city here. So...even earthly joys and pleasures given for our enjoyment...are reflections of an eternal reality that our souls are craving: REDEMPTION.

Redeemed pleasure. Redeemed joy. Redeemed love, passion, beauty. We see shadows and illusions. Dim reflections. THEN we will see clearly. Behold--OUR GOD. Wow. Sometimes my heart painfully longs for heaven.

I've been very "overcome" this week by the realization, yet again, that the world is crying for more. Everyone around me is ACHING FOR MORE.

Also been blown away by the truth of Christ as God's gift of Himself. Jesus--"God with Us." The Holy Spirit--"God in us." Remarkable stuff.

Somehow, this is a beautiful, heartbreaking mystery. Because there is sorrow and joy so mixed together in this world...

there is a man

who bikes along old spanish trail. he has no legs but has made a bike that he "peddles" with his arms. every time I see him i am, to say the least, in awe.

"China 'is feulling War in Darfur'"

finally got to read the full article this morning. wow.

read article HERE.

hits you when you aren't looking

that sick feeling...the "punch in the stomach." A longing, desire, sorrow, whatever.

i miss africa. like crazy. i feel like my stomach flipped upside down and inside out. i didn't know such an ache and longing were possible. and it always seems to hit me when i'm not looking. the power of it always catches me a little by surprise. "of course i miss it." But then i really FEEL it... gah. it can't be explained. no use trying.

right now i am missing the faces. funny how certain days can be so full of images and others entirely empty of them. i haven't seen their faces in a long time.


current favorite song: Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine.

a fellow "crazy"

Wendy is an amazing friend. We finally got to talk on the phone and catch up on a million things. It was wonderful.

she's one of those people that says the things that need to be said--that everyone else is too chicken to say. its really good. she challenges and encourages me. always.

its so beautiful to recognize in another close heart depth and insight that push you towards God. it becomes an immediate privilege and honor to journey through this life with them--even if you're only with them for a short time.

Wendy leaves for Nepal on August 12th. She's following the Lord...on an open-ended ticket. Exciting? Yes. Thrilling? Yes. Terrifying? Yes. Beautiful? Yes. We don't know yet what the Lord has for her "on the other end" of it.

She flies into Calcutta, India and spends a few days at Mother Teresa's mission--hanging out with a bunch of nuns. If you knew Wendy, this would make you smile. It's been her dream to go to India. From there she takes a bus into Nepal.

Nepal is a huge mystery to her and full of unknowns. All she knows for sure is that God wants her to "know Him more" which, in itself, is an endeavor altogether thrilling and mysterious. It's all that matter in this life. As she gets to now His deep richness more, it will spill and splash out, showering others with grace and blessing. The joy of knowing His glory--and sharing it with others!

Great challenges and joys lie ahead. Selfishly I do hope she'll come back to Moody my senior year. After all, crazies should try to stick together a little, right?! It would be wonderful if our paths crossed again in this lifetime. The beautiful thing about journeying through, though, is that even if our paths DON'T cross again in this life, eternity awaits us. Wow. Life is incredible, you guys.

All this writing to ask you to be praying for Wendy! Pray for Nepal. It's a country spiritually hungry and relatively open. The Spirit is moving and guiding...bringing people into the country to love and pray in redemption! Wendy gets to be a part of it. So do we, through love, prayer, encouragement, support, etc. The Body is a BEAUTIFUL thing.

all things new

when it rains i feel like the world is being washed clean....all things made new. i love it.

i sat on the couch watching the sky grow dark and the raindrops fall. beautiful. it makes my heart feel refreshed.

i am grateful for the rain.

i am definitely a "quality time"-er

quality time with people is one of my favorite things. Right now, I am thinking of the past 24 hours...

1. hangout time with mark, allie, and hannah yesterday at Mark's house.
2. slacklining with hannah in the dark last night. and talking :)
3. dinner at PEI WEI with Luke tonight. eating, talking, and then watching MI-1 at home
4. a two-hour phone conversation with mariah...FINALLY (after missing each other for weeks!). so good to share hearts...

Man. I am incredibly grateful for the people in my life!! Blessed seems such a ridiculous and shallow word right now.

beautiful life

"I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Trying to wrap my HEART around this one. I so long to live to proclaim this...not simply with my mouth but declaring it from my soul.

fun with friends

we're all at mark's house: drinking coffee and "reading" (or, studying...for those of us who have classes to finish). I took Hannah and Allie with me to work to get my schedule. They wanted to see it and see Dave, who was bartending. Haha. It was a secret spy mission. Completely ridiculous but fun.
I work Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday next week. Not bad for how dead things are right now...

Mmm. Mark is grilling chicken and it smells sooo good.

I hope it rains today. it's been raining every afternoon. I LOVE it. Yesterday i sat out on the porch and journaled while it sprinkled.

i wonder what I'll do with my next two days off. I have to work on my I.S. class but other than that....hmmmm.

The Global Church is Singing

Don't miss out on the global event of what God is doing in our day! Don't miss out. Open your eyes.

Piper's sermon last week was "Declare His Glory Among the Nations." You can listen to it HERE.

It's really wonderful. I encourage each of you to listen to it.

Holy Spirit, descend upon our hearts...through all its pulses MOVE.

patriotic songs. hmm.

So...last night was the Tucson Country Club BIG 4th of July party. Cost: approx. $60 a head. Number of people: around 900. It was crazy. It rained on us a few times. I served 5 tables. It went super well and I had a TON of fun. I got to be (and feel) a little more "on my own" but still had Sharon and Luis as neighbors to help or answer questions. Clayton was also nice enough to put me in a section near the main bar...great for many reasons: 1. i didn't have to carry drink trays far 2. i got to "hang out" near the bartenders :) 3. it's just a good place to be!

There was a fire dancing show (which wasn't all that impressive. I decided i could have worn a red and silver sequin dress and done almost as good of a job).

I had the most amazing table of older folk who drank A LOT and stayed out in the pouring rain (which, consequently, meant i got SOAKED). There they were, ordering drinks and eating off of plastic plates that looked more like little black ponds. Two of the gentlemen were in wheelchairs so their wives held the umbrellas. The entire area cleared out (under buffet tents or into the main banquet rooms) except for my little party, who decided to enjoy everything despite the rain. It was amazing. I laughed a lot.

the TCC, apparently, has the largest private fireworks show in the state of Arizona. Impressive. I must say, i was super excited to see them because its been years since I've watched fireworks (though, it will take A LOT to beat last year: small firecrackers purchased in Africa from a small chinese store :) ).

You know how they always play cheesy patriotic songs during the fireworks show? Yeah, well, this year the lyrics started popping out at me...and i found myself continually asking, while everyone whistled and cheered, WHAT THE HECK THESE WORDS MEAN?!?!

For example:

"Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay. It's independence day."

"I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free."

"Come into America today."

The whole event just got me wrestling between my freedom v. other people's "bondage." The privilege of living HERE...how do I handle the privilege? Everything I take as a "right" that really isn't a right...transportation, health care, grocery stores, relative safety, peace, etc., etc., etc. You get the point. Never has a fireworks show provoked so much thought--and even a little sadness.

In spite of all my worry and complaining about the big fourth of july party, it was tons of fun. So i apologize to any (or all) of you who had to hear it from me :)

hope you all had a wonderful 4th!

The Kingdom

I just finished watching The Kingdom with my brother...
oh my goodness. wow...

finished ecclesiastes

i finished ecclesiastes today. I forget how much I like that book until i read it again. frustrating how the beauty and truths of scripture seem to be easily "lost" or forgotten...but at the same time wonderful that each time is "new" as it is alive!

i just feel like I relate with the author a whole lot, especially because of the environment I am working in, etc., this summer. the meaninglessness of life without the Lord...and the beauty of life enjoyed in the Lord. The contrast is interesting. Sometimes it is night and day; other times it isn't. Satan disguises himself as the angel of light...so...sin doesn't always feel or look unpleasant at the get go. and following the Lord isn't always perfect, easy, and beautiful. i'm learning to live in this paradox (not the contradiction), if that makes sense :) If it doesn't make sense, ask me more in person. It's late and i can't really articulate it.

i like how everything builds and finishes with the last chapter. 12:1 reminds me to not forget my Creator in the excitement of my youth. Hmmm. "remember...remember...remember..." (ch. 12).

oh man, i love this hymn

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

deeply sighing

its been a good day, but it feels like its been a looong day. Probably because I've been up since 3:45 am.

I'm super tired.

tonight:
i am going to tie dye
i am going to call a good friend
i am going to relax and sit around
i am going to crash into bed

currently:
enjoying watching the dark thunderheads roll around above a *greener* desert landscape. ah. i love it!

I'm going!!! wooohoo

Melissa, Zach, Mariah, Sarah, and I are taking Mel's car to Minneapolis in September for the Piper conference!!! I'm super excited. accck! It's going to be so good. Conference title this year: "The Power of Words and the Wonder of God." The conference trailer is great, too, you should watch it HERE.

Alright, that's my exciting news. I'm enjoying my day off: cleaning, doing laundry, making lumenarias, making a few phone calls, napping, coffee, running errands (maternity stuff for the sista!), etc.

I really should work on my independent study class for Moody, too. yikes.

Happy Monday all! Hope the start of the week is a good one :)

sib date and other random updates

I am officially fried. I didn't put sunscreen on, thinking we'd be in the shade (it was morning) as during all other climbs. Not so...and it was the hottest of our climbs yet. bahg! I got super burned. My back is, as we speak, smothered in aloe vera gell trying to cool off. ouch. but it was lots of fun. I mastered my first 5.7. The 5.8's are kicking my butt. I made it halfway up again but couldn't do it. My arms have already been sore from work (carring heavy trays, etc.) and were super shaky. It was funny but frustrating because I couldn't hang on.I slipped and fell but Luke caught me. and i made it up! The view was spectacular. And, as Luke says, the burning feeling after the fact is worth it. I agree. I have always liked that feeling. But ON the rock, its rather frightening.

Some random women got out of their car and were taking pictures of us. It was mildly creepy. Who wants random pictures of some girl climbing a rock-face? Luke said it was because I was "sweet ass" which made me laugh a lot.

I love spending time with him.

he's amazing. He climbed the 5.10 like a little spider--right up and over the large over-hang. crazy.

tomorrow i have the day off. I'll be making lumenarias for the farmer's market on saturday.

oh! My second shift at work was cancelled yesterday. Nice. So I went on a viva burrito run with anne marie and jordan at midnight...for old times' sake :) It was a blast. We hung out until 2am. yeah, I never stay up that late anymore. But it was well worth it. I've missed hanging out with them!

alright. i'm super sleepy. I think I'm going to go crawl into bed with a good book. I am currently reading "Old Men at Midnight" by Chaim Potok as well as "The Four Loves" by CS Lewis.

night!

do you think there's power in standing before the throne on another's behalf? Pleading for the freedom, joy, and grace that comes when a heart is so awakened to the Lord?

I pray so. O God, do I pray so.

A song called "Living Darfur." I really really like this song...

See the nation through the people's eyes,
See tears that flow like rivers from the skies.
Where it seems there are only borderlines
Where others turn and sigh,
You shall rise

There's disaster in your past
Boundaries in your path
What do you desire will lift you higher?
You don't have to be extraordinary, just forgiving.
And those who never heard your cries,
You shall rise
And look toward the skies.
Where others fail, you prevail in time.
You shall rise.

Awu indoda yam
hayi lapho olelekhona
Hayi indoda yam
Ubaba wabantwabami

Mina lezingane zami sisohlala sikhumbula
mina lezingane zami sisoshlala sikhumbula

(You may never know,
If you lay low, lay low)
You shall rise

Sooner or later we must try... Living
(You may never know,
If you lay low, lay low)

See the nation through the people's eyes,
See tears that flow like rivers from the skies.
Where it seems there are only borderlines
Where others turn and sigh,
You shall rise

(You may never know,
If you lay low, lay low)

Sooner or later we must try... Living

tired eyes

11 straight hours on my feet tonight=exhausted. have to go in to work again at 5:30am tomorrow morning...so sleeeepy!

i.love.monsoons.

digging in the mud; delighting in the Lord

"for my people have done two evil things: they have abandoned me--the fountain of Living Water. And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all!" Jeremiah 2:13

what a trade, huh? terrible compromise. Read this verse this morning and was thinking about the Gospel story. Free grace to us; repentance and obedience; justified sin; joy forevermore...

i have moments when I feel like i cannot rightly explain or express the gospel story. I can't tell if it is because I don't rightly understand my sin at that moment or if it is because grace is still so profound a mystery. There will always be mystery in the salvation story. sometimes i think i try to demand the mystery out in order to have a good plan of salvation to share with others....

i long for ears to hear and eyes to see the Gospel proclamation aright: the deep mystery and the glorious revelation. i pray to understand sin better so to understand grace deeper. Perhaps it isn't even an understanding I desire but an even deeper love and appreciation.

Teach us to drink deeply of you, our Fount! May we find ourselves delighted to be complete and whole in you.

writing our leaders

some people think it's pointless...useless...i used to be one of them. I'm not anymore. I think it's important. I really do...It at least keeps YOU engaged and articulate about concerns, etc., you have regarding our state, our nation, our world.

to the typewriters!!

ok...just kidding...to the computers, i guess. Typewriters just sounded way cooler :)

climbing. woot woot!

possessed of sacred discontent

"Be discontented with the world. But be respectful at the same time." -Davita's Harp (by Chaim Potok)

Easily among my top 3 favorite books. Phenomenal.

You know that feeling of awe-filled "let-down" when you finish a book that has wrapped itself entirely around you? Yep, that's how I feel. I loved this book.

Zim

I remember being "hit" pretty hard with the reality of a broken Zimbabwe while in Africa. We spent a few days in good intercession for the country, cementing even further a desire to see justice reign. Since then, I've been following the situation--sometimes more religiously than others.

Since the elections in March, the country has continued to see political unrest, violence, and coercion by powerful leaders. China tried to send a shipment of arms into the country via SA (denied) and Moz. (denied). Ridiculous. With violence and tension growing, the run-off elections were going to be held this coming Friday. However, yesterday I read that the opposition (to Mugabe), Tsvangarai, backed out. He didn't want to run in an election whose outcome would be determined by Mugabe himself, as violence, bribery, and oppression break out against all that oppose him. Zim officials have said the run-off will still go ahead...

Yes, we must continue to pray that Justice would reign down. We must seek the Lord's will--how would you have us pray, Father? Would hardened hearts soften towards righteousness, truth, and beauty!!

The BBC has several articles online if you're interested in reading further. These are just my own thoughts and reflections. See more HERE.

a few old ones

i came across a few pics from mozambique (DTS outreach) through a friends blog--a nurse from the states who now lives and works in SA and Moz.
I miss these days...

It's a jungle out there

our back patio is out of control. around our house in general is turning into a zoo. I can't decide why, either, since it seems like the heat would keep the animals inactive. Or, perhaps its the "puddle" out front and the greenery that beckons them. For whatever reason, they're here.

a big black snake above the front door several days ago, curled up in what was previously a dove's nest. feathers scattered on the walkway beneath. creepers.

a quail couple that now have ten WEE little ones running around in the back patio. They had them inside the walls and now can't get them out, they are too small to fly over the wall. hahe. they are THE CUTEST things ever. I've never seen such tiny birds. they are a beautiful family.

second favorite to the quail family is little mr. chipmunk/ground squirrel. He's adorable. I walked into the dining room yesterday to find him just on the other side of the sliding door window pain with little paws (do they have paws?) propped on the sill looking in. I threw some walnuts out to him and he came back today to gobble them up! He lays out there with all fours spread out, flat against the concrete. I think that's the coolest position. It looks hysterical.

Then there's the baby cactus wren flying about. Mom say him this morning with a lizard kicking in his beak! She called to me but he flew off before I could see it.

My LEAST FAVORITE (hmm. but the snake was pretty creepy) are the ants!! grrr. because they come inside. and they get all over everything. and these little black ones BITE. i really really do not appreciate them. I first discovered them at 4 in the morning on tuesday. something was stinging on my feet and when I flipped on the light i saw that the floor was moving with them and they were crawling up my legs!! UG! I get the dust buster out every half hour or so and suck their trail up. I spray them. They come back. again. and again. mom finally put ant poison traps out. hopefully they start working soon.

i think that's all the exciting news. nutso, huh? There was also a road runner on our patio furniture yesterday. haha. pretty birds.

I'm almost halfway through my "new" book: Davita's Harp by Chaim Potok. I haven't read Potok since high school. I remember why loved him so much. Brilliant storyteller. I love the books. It might be on of my favorites of his, next to My Name is Asher Lev. But this one's about a girl, Ilana Davita, and she reminds me of me...in lots of ways. So it makes for even more intriguing reading :)

I got hours at work on Saturday! There are two memorial services and we are preparing the banquets/buffets for each. Hopefully I'll be able to go rock climbing with Luke on Sunday.

Oh. Mom and I watched Kite Runner. It's a wonderful movie. It's heartbreaking. But powerful. Anyway, I recommend it.

I'm off to read or clean or something. Happy Thursday to you all.

pray for Somalia

Here's a BBC Article: Crisis in Somalia.
The situation is worsening every day. Oh Lord, we pray your presence in and over...

The Power and the Glory

I finished my second Graham Greene novel. A masterpiece. He's a phenomenal storyteller and writer.

I went to Bookman's yesterday and bought two more of his books: The Man Within and The Heart of the Matter. I look forward to reading them :) His books are so honestly human and richly spiritual. READ them!!

Right now I am still making my way through A Long Way Gone and now, I suppose, I shall start on another novel. I love days when a book is finished and I get to pick up a new one! Ah, the choices!! hurray for summer.

new.favorite.

new favorite movie: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.

Wow.



(heads up: there is nudity)

weary of earth, myself, and sin

Red Mountain Church has a song titled "weary of earth, myself, and sin." It kind of sums me up right now. I feel exhausted. So drained. sigh...

I'm having such a hard time "sitting still" and its starting to drive me crazy. Why do I struggle so to rest in the will of the Lord?

Sometimes I feel like my passions are too strong; my desires too big. I don't know...

One Year

One year ago this week DTS started. Wow. it feels so long ago...so far away.

I was reading my Africa journal today and one entry in particular grabbed me. It was one I wrote during my last week there. I didn't realize until right now that I wrote it exactly 7 months ago today--on Nov. 13, 2007. Funny how my heart should hurt and ache so much today...it hurts so bad. There are moments when it is almost unbearable. My breath is caught and I feel like I'm gasping. When will I go back? I miss those faces...I miss being in their lives--WITH them. I know there's a whole load of stuff God is teaching me now...like trust, patience, etc., but its freaking hard sometimes. Sigh.

Here's the entry:

"I mind myself in these sweet moments when I feel like I must do everything in my power to remember it--remember myself IN this moment...and remember all I am thinking and feeling right now. I think its sort of a desparate attempt at the impossible. There really is no way for me to "bottle" this moment. Even if I could, the experience of it later wouldn't be true, it will only be a memory. So, here I am, caught up in this beautiful moment--fully enjoying the wonder of this place as I sit on the back balcony and look out over the green hills. The singing hills :) The breeze is perfect and refreshing. It is gentle. It is almost whispering something to me...goodbye? It's hard to believe I say goodbye to Africa on Saturday.

I've been so wrapped up thinking about saying "hello" to America that I forgot about saying goodbye. Not only to the people I love but to a country and a continent I love. It's so rich and beautiful a place.

It's peach season in Swaziland. I bought a bag in town today for 5 rand from a Gogo at teh Kombi rink. it was another of those moments--as I was buying them from her I could totally picture myself living here (some place in Africa) and buying from a fruit market for home. I felt excited and completely confident in my ability to live here...It was a thrilling experience. A foretaste of a future time? Haha, who knows! Only the Lord knows. I thank you for that, Father. Thank you that someday you will bring me back. Until then, help me preserve these incredible memories.

Had a wonderful time chatting and laughing with Phondie and Gladness this afternoon. We sat around in the living room, completely layed-back and relazed--fully enjoying one anothers company. It was a "time I will treasure" like so many others. Thank you again, Father, for these people and this place. I am so grateful You brought me here."
-------

HE HAS NOT LEFT ME WANTING.

Even in the midst of intense frustration, sadness, and heartache. He is enough. Wow.

saying goodbbye to the house is hard!

So...we are leaving tucson. The house is in disarray as we patch, mend, and modify! Sad. I've been packing up boxes of stuff, taking things off my walls, etc. It's kind of a sad process. I love our house. Hm.



Work is going well. Here' s a picture of me in uniform--its a little hard to see. But I promised Melissa she would get to see what I look like...kind of boy-ish kind of penguin-ish. haha.



I GOT MY CLIMBING SHOES TODAY!! finally. It took a while because the first pair were way too small. I have a few days off this week so Luke and I are planning on going up the mountain either Friday or Sunday. fun!



Hm. What else. Not much is new...same old stuff. Living and learning :) Luke's waiting for me to go slacklining so I have to run...enjoy some pictures!

auntie andrea

I can't believe I'm going to be an aunt. sigh. this is so ridiculously exciting. today mom and I went shopping for several "pregnancy helps" for Kristen. It was fun. It sort of made me wish I was pregnant. haha. not entirely, though.

somedays I feel so very old. 1/2 way to 22. doesn't that seem old? It feels old. Maybe because when I was little 20 seemed ancient...or, at least, an age that represented the "big things" (i.e. marriage, kids, etc). Don't get me wrong, I'm glad i'm not married with kids. However, sometimes i think "when???!" Sigh.

work is going well, for the most part. There's still lots of anxiety about "going in" to work but I'll get over it. The co-workers are really nice. The bartender is one of my favorites. He's not exactly a co-worker (i don't see him that often) though he is my go-to-guy for drinks, etc. (everything from orange juice to gin, he's my man!). He's super friendly--a very "suave" young man. He helps lighten the mood surrounding the sometimes all too obvious truth that yes, I am a newbie. I appreciate his effort to help me feel more comfortable. AND, he's originally from Naperville. So we talk Chicago every now and then :)
I'm not getting that many hours in at all. I only work three days this coming week. Tues/Wed at 5am (yay for mornings!! I'm super glad about it) and Sat. Hopefully I'll be able to babysit more soon. I'm wrapping soap for mom and will hopefully get my torch up and running to make lumenarias tomorrow...

My newest discoveries in music are 1. Red Mountain Church and 2. Breathe Owl Breathe. I must say, i am thoroughly enjoying each!

The itch to do some summer travelling is not really going away. Right now I really want to drive up the coast of California, doing some beach camping. sigh. Doesn't that sound amazing?? I think so...

I'm drinking pomegranate (sp???) juice. yum. and its good for you!

God's teaching me what it means to be me. Maybe that sounds weird. It's a scary/cool journey to be on right now. Recognizing my self in light of weaknesses and in light of strengths. Most of all, recognizing myself in light of CHRIST. who am I? Not the daughter, sister, friend or student...deeper than that. If "all this" were to pass away, who would you be? Hmm. interesting thoughts, eh? :)

God is so very nearby though seemingly very quiet. It's a little unsettling, though I know Him so I can trust Him. My hope cannot die. I am finding that the "quiet times" of growth that are freaking hard are often times of deepest growth. The work He's doing is "unknown" but thorough, if that makes sense...

With so much longing, yearning, and desire within I find myself unable to much else than cast myself on Him who is altogether trustworthy and true. He alone is my place of rest. Isaiah 64:4. He actively works for those who wait upon Him. What a marvelous promise!

Do you ever really want something but you just don't know if its what the Lord wants for you right now? Or, He's not really giving indication or direction either way...? this makes me feel a little confused and frustrated sometimes. Well, it drives me to my knees, I know that much. I run to him. "ABIDE here, child." Yes, I want to abide here.

There's a song I've found (red mountain church :)) that I love. It's called "With Melting Heart and Weeping Eyes." Ah, beautiful words!! I feel this way a lot this summer...melting heart and weeping eyes. There's so much that fills my heart--and so much emotion that comes spilling out of me. Full to overflowing...so its a season of casting it all on Him.

Hmm.

I don't really feel like I'm making much sense anymore. enough for now. Hope you all are having a marvelous summer. Are you living with expectation? With promise? Abiding? It helps me to ask myself such questions :) Helps keep life in perspective during these "in-between times."

Love you guys,
Andrea

Never Again

(picture from website HERE)

Having spent some time this semester reading about the atrocities of the Holocaust in Wiesel's Night trilogy, and after perusing the horrific images at the Holocaust Memorial Museum in D.C., I can't tell you how many times I have heard or read the words "we will not let it happen again." It even came up in several class discussions and the sober concensus was, indeed, "what a terrible thing; good thing people stepped in and stood up when they did...if only it had been sooner."

Genocidal regimes are not gone.

Just this morning I saw this article about: SUDAN (Darfur) This is, i think, the first I've actually heard the Sudanese regime likened to the Nazi regime. That should strike a chord... "we will not let it happen again," right?

A rebel group entered a Congolese refugee camp and opened fire on innocent civilians. Read HERE.

Ethnic cleansing, the battle for power, call it whatever you want. God grieves.

What do we do in the face of such horrors? We do say "We won't let it happen again" and "why wasn't something done sooner?" With genocide in Darfur, the Congo, Burma, and other places, what MUST we do? NOW.

Can I suggest that we begin with earnest prayer?
We must depend on HIS strong arm or we will despair. We must abide in His HOPE. But we MUST educate ourselves so we can pray, think, and act strategically: in wisdon and with discernment.

Watch your language

I've been thinking about how beautiful language is. I've also been thinking about how misused it sometimes is. I am, in particular, thinking of the "Christian circles"--high thinkers, "deep" discussers...empty speakers. I see it at Moody (but not only at Moody). The heady stuff sometimes gets to me. Theology and doctrine discussed and expressed in ways sucked dry of juicy beauty.

I came across an article today by John Piper entitled "The Poverty of Theological Vocabulary." It's good. Here are a few things I've pulled out:

"Personally, I am not ready to concede that theology must be done in the desert while poetry roams through forests, mountains and meadows."


"To put it simply, without a full and rich language of the sense, we will lose the enduring quality of our sensuous joys, and, what's worse, with the atrophy of our descriptive capacities the power of all our enjoyment languishes. When you cease to use the word "tree" in your vocabulary, you have probably ceased to look at trees.

The relation this has to theological vocabulary is this: The fastest and easiest way to obliterate the language of the sense and the power of the senses is to read only poverty-stricken theology. If we in seminary do not stretch ourselves beyond the pages of our dogmatics we shall all be dead by graduation day. And that evening, diploma in hand, we may lament with Samuel Coleridge,

All this long eve so balmy and serene
Have I been gazing on the Western Sky
And its peculiar tint of yellow green
And still I gaze—and with how blank an eye!"

De Rosset says that preaching is an art form (and, I would add, an art form quickly dying). Fewer and fewer pastors take it seriously. I wish they did.

take 40 minutes and get away...

Here's a piper sermon "Spiritual Depression in the Psalms." It's a wonderful sermon. I encourage you to listen to it!!

LISTEN HERE

I feel like writing

but i don't know what to write, why, or where. Sigh. So...I guess I will just give a brief update.

I had my first day of work today--just going over paperwork, handbooks, etc. It wasn't bad at all. It was, however, a little intimidating. The serving crew I am joining has been working together for 2 years. So they all know each other and its like a family...that I have to break into. Sigh. The manager is super nice, though, and really helpful/encouraging. His wife went to high school at desert, too. I geuss even though the job is highly intimidating to me at the moment, it is worth noting that my boss seems ideal. He is very very nice. He said I won't really be on my own for two weeks. He and the others will be around helping me, directing, etc. When I walked into the kitchen for a tour Marie Calendar memories came flooding back. I had to push them abruptly out of my mind because otherwise I'll get freaked out and nervous.

So...the summer is chugging along. I'm spending good time with Luke. We went slacklining again today. I've got climbing shoes coming in the mail (dad's summer gift to me...incentive for father/daughter dates).

I've gone through a lot of stuff in my room--throwing out and packing up.

The heat is reminding me of Africa. It's nice :)

Headaches are virtually gone. I've been taking feverfew and drinking LOTS of water (dude, i pee all the time).

I've been reading The Power and the Glory (Graham Greene) as well as Abide in Christ (Andrew Murray).

I've rediscovered my good friend John Piper and have listened to some excellent sermons. I recommend his most recent: Spiritual Depression in the Psalms and an older one called Worship: The Feast of Christian Hedonism.

I have to go help mom and dad get dinner ready. BURRITOS with mom's beans. Yuuuummm!

why so hard?

why are some decisions so hard to make? and why is it hard to lay these ones down at the throne, even though that's what's wanted and needed most...?

just asking questions.

would appreciate prayer. I know its general. sorry.

look whats coming in the mail...

I'm an auntie

It's true. Jay and Kristen are going to have a wee little mcgee!! The baby is due on January 23rd. Sigh. I am SOOOO excited.

I have a shelter

I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven
(from sovereign grace music ministries)

Comfort in this today

It's easy to think and say "the world is out of control, its going to pot!" but I am gently reminded that no, the world is NOT out of control. The world is in God's hands. I have to trust that. This world is passing away but a new world is being made. God is busy redeeming. He is making all things new. WOW! This is reason to rejoice, saints. What beautiful hope we have. Help us, Lord, to live within these truths each day. May they not simply make sense in our minds but echo true in our hearts and carry themselves out in daily life.

May we be ambassadors of this redemption...

here. there. and everywhere!!!

i just want to slackline

maybe because my head is full of thoughts. i like slacklining. i like it a lot. It sort of calms me down--at least maybe just clears my head.
tomorrow i'm hopefully going rock climbing with Luker. I really want to get out. maybe I'll drive up the mountain anyway. and read a book. hm. that sounds amazing :)

Today was a good day. I cleaned my room and sorted through a lot of things for packing (or getting rid of). I like spending time in my room sorting through old memories. I'm reminded of how far God has brought me--through so much. I've been in a whole bunch of different circumstances and situations over the past several years. It kind of blows my mind when I stop to think about it. I am so grateful for the life He has given me. I am privileged to walk beside the friends i have and honored to journey with my family. AH! I am simply so very BLESSED. Grace abounds.

ouch

i have a bad headache. i hate headaches.

i think i shall go take a nap. That sounds marvelous. sigh.

Summertime

I'm back in AZ. Already the fun begins :) Luke and I went slacklining yesterday. woohoo! It was lots of fun. By the end of the summer, man...watch out!

Had a sleepover last night with hannah. I love summer sleepovers. Actually, I just love sleepovers in general. We watched the old Parent Trap. I had never seen it. It's definitely a million times better than the new one. It was super cute.

I have an interview on Wednesday at Tucson Country Club. I've applied at a bunch of places. I kind of want the grocery store job back because I sort of know it already. Alas. We'll see.

I went to the library today and got a bunch of books. I'll let you know more about them as I read them!

I'm going to go sit on the back patio ato read and write letters. Nice.

The World I Leave to My Children

A little blond haired girl stood on the street corner by a plastic picnic table strewn with plastic cups and a pitcher of lemonade. She wore pink sunglasses. I made Melissa stop. I remember those days. I usually made about 50 cents. My most loyal customers were mom and dad.

She ran up to the car door with a big smile on her face. Melissa asked how much. The little girl giggled and look at us shyly "uhh, I forgot. umm. 25 cents. for one." So we bought two cups of lemonade and the girl was ecstatic. She was adorable.

I just read an article about the children of Somalia. It is considered (by the UN) to be the worst place in the world right now for children to grow up. That's a hard statement to make. I could think of an incredible number of horrific places for children to grow up. But that's not the point. The fact is, its true--Somalia is a terrible place for children right now.

I was thinking as that little girl ran up to our car window "Wow, she's completely unsupervised. This is sort of dangerous. Someone could drive away with her so easily!"

I just read this article about how the children in Somalia are playing "Islamists and Ethiopians" as a version of the beloved "Cowboys and Indians" and they talk about living their dream of becoming fighters one day. (Here's the link).

There are, indeed, true and right fears to face in America when it comes to raising our children...whether in the inner-city or the suburbs. That's the reality of the world we live in. However, we know virtually NOTHING if we compare our national stability with that of other nations. I shudder to think what fathers and mothers are facing in these countries experiencing deep violence and staggering destruction caused by disease and natural disasters.

"Only when man feels himself responsible for the future can he have hope or despair, but when he thinks of himself as the passive victim of an extremely complex technological bureaucracy, his motivation falters and he starts drifting from one moment to the next, making like a long row of randomly chained incidents and accidents." -Henri Nouwen

Do you ever think about what sort of "future" we will hand off to those who follow after us? To the children?

I do... and it drives me to my knees. There is great reason to Hope. There is great reason to Dream. There is great reason and need to fight for these hopes and these dreams.

"C" is for clarity

Which I need.

crying before you fall asleep makes for a great night's sleep.

Last night I was trying to clarify a lot inside. I was listening to my ipod. Bebo's song "Cover Me" and Sandra McCracken "Shelter" were played over and over. Such rich songs.

Things seem a little frustrating. I feel like there's a lot in my head and heart that I need to "figure out." I'm always figuring things out, though, and I wonder if I try too hard...if I should just let things come together more than I do. Sigh. Who knows. I'm laying my heart before the Lord as I step into a new summer and go back home.

I have a few hours before Melissa comes to get me. I finished packing/cleaning early so I might go get some coffee and read or journal outside. The weather is BEAUTIFUL today. A true summer day :) yessss.

"blessed is this life, and i'm gonna celebrate being alive!" (love that song!!)

blessings to you all today.

Almost done...almost gone

I fly home a week from today. That thought makes me breath deep and smile big.

I am exhausted. Physically I feel so drained. Emotionally I feel stretched to the max. Spiritually I feel very much in need of rest.

There is SO MUCH going through my head and heart right now. I can't even start...I won't. I'll be catching up with some of you soon. That is a super exciting thought.

I am looking forward to this summer. Aside from a few stresses (like the impending job search) I eagerly await time with family and friends, the reading of good books, the discovering of cool places around town, etc.

I've been packing and cleaning all day. I have one more test tomorrow morning. I am SO TIRED and just want to sleep...but I need to study. bleh. I have been drinking coffee but it doesn't keep me up anymore, so I am trying to "go off" of it. Man... these are crazy days. Clearly "college days," I guess. You know, those days when it feels like you're a college student. Not all days are like these :)

I went slacklining for the last time on the beach! Next time with be with the little bro. I'm SO EXCITED. Mmmm. Fun times ahead.

Ok. I really need to go. Hope you all are well!!

At the end of a hard day there is always hope

yesterday was rough. I spent the day at a wonderful (recently-discovered) coffee/tea house called the Noble Tree. I worked on homework by myself and spent some time thinking. I was a little overwhelmed about world events. I was reading about Burma, Sudan, Somalia, Lebanon, etc., and was just feeling really heavy. I'm learning how to "give the burden back" to the Lord. We pray "break my heart for the things that break Yours!" hardly expecting the pain to be so real or so great. Part of being given a burden for the world, though, is learning to hand it back to the Lord--for His ultimate glory. He holds the world, not I. This is hard for me to learn.

After a heavy afternoon of questioning and frustration, I had to babysit for 5 hours. I had a little bit of a headache and wasn't feeling up to it but I really need the money. It was actually not that bad because the little guy actually went to BED...at 8! so I watched tv...Man on Fire.

Mariah and I both got done babysitting at the same time. We met up with Zach in Culby two to spend some time in prayer, corporately "laying down" our burdens. It was SO refreshing. I am always amazed at how the Spirit lifts and encourages.

While praying, I sensed the need to pray for the Church--especially in these places where so much heartache, war, violence, and oppresion are breaking out or carrying on. God gave me Ephesians 4 and parts of 3--recognizing the need to bring into the light all that is done in darkness, and for the light to remain strong. He's resuscitating His people across the lands...His hand is over His people, we will NOT be overcome. How encouraging to be reminded of the POWER of the Lord--to accomplish all He is doing. Wow. I was overcome with a painful peace. I can't deny the realities of this world (which cause pain) but I also cannot deny the even greater reality of Truth (which brings joy). There is, indeed, great joy in suffering.

It is through suffering that we see God. Suffering is the gateway to heaven. Look at the cross--greatest violence and greatest grace. Incredible.

Be encouraged, Saints! The Lord lives and works!!

"If the world was as it should, maybe I could get some sleep"

Sudanese rebels are trying to take control of Khartoum. I don't know what this will mean. I have a friend who has friends in Khartoum who say the bridges have been captured. Here's the story:

Sudan

Burmese government is acting incredibly suspiciously and irresponsibly--demanding a vote be taken over whether or not to allow aid. There are 1.5 million people in dire need. The country is in no position to care for the problem--it is massive. Water borne diseases are breaking out on a large scale. There is a fear of cholera breaking out.

Somalia is in poor condition. I recently read an article discussing the fact that what is currently unfolding in Somalia is probably the least-understood/known problem but one (if not the) most pressing. Of course, that's a hard thing to say when considering all that this world is facing. But i think the point is that Somalia has been overlooked for years--17 years without a central government.


"The bullets can't stop the prayers we pray." -Rich Mullins

Burma tragedy

Death toll is now at 10,000. I've been learning over the past weeks that, in the face of suffering, we are not to ask God WHY but WHAT. What do you want me (us) to do with this and in this? It is not easy to change the question...it is a change in perspective.

There was also a bomb raid on a school in Darfur. When I read about an oppressive regime that stoops to bombing refugee schools I cry for strentgh to ask the what and not the why.

Oh God.

Learning to praise Him in the storm.

Zach talked with professor Craigen about Burma today and Craigen said God never wastes a tragedy. I thought that was interesting.

The discussion has been on my mind and heart lately about the "cause" of natural disasters. Judgement from God? Simply the results of living in a fallen world that is ruled by evil? For a while I wrestled to decide between the two. Now I think its more of a combination, though no answer is clean or easy. But the Burmese government has been extremely oppressive and coercive. Many are forced out of country for assylum or into refugee camps.

The government has now opened its doors for aid. Hmm. This is interesting to me. I am reminded of the tsunami.

We really ought to be on our knees.

Pray for Burma

It is a country that is undergoing incredible heardship. It is in an "alert" state of genocide. Many of the Karen people find themselves living in refugee camps along the Thai border. There is deep oppression and coercion.

In recent news, a cyclone hit the country and over 350 are dead...20,000 homes destroyed...90,000 displaced people. Oh my God, what do we do with this?

I told Mariah this afternoon, I wish we had money to arrange a group to go over for several months to help clear up and provide simple medical aid. Realizing more and more the need/desire to gain practical training and experience while here. I intend to take advantage of the next several semesters to attend public conferences, etc., that are in the area--so many yet to discover!

Next weekend a photographer is coming into town with a set on the children of Darfur. It is being held at the Heartland cafe. I am privileged to have these opportunities.

Below are a few links to some specific articles about the cyclone in Burma. I encourage you to read a bit and spend some time in prayer for the families and homes that have been torn apart. Pray for the Holy Spirit's enouraging breath to fall over the people and into broken lives. Greater is He than this world that falls apart...

BBC

USA Today

Global Geopolitics blog

I want to climb a tree

with Phondie.


I miss africa.

listening to a bit of rich mullins. while the nations rage.

Why do the nations rage?
Why do they plot and scheme?
Their bullets can't stop the prayers we pray
In the name of the Prince of Peace
We walk in faith and remember long ago
How they killed Him and then how on the third day He arose
Well, things may look bad
And things may look grim
But all these things must pass except the things that are of Him

Where are the nails that pierced His hands?
Well the nails have turned to rust
But behold the Man
He is risen
And He reigns
In the hearts of the children
Rising up in His name
Where are the thorns that drew His blood?
Well, the thorns have turned to dust
But not so the love
He has given
No, it remains
In the hearts of the children
Who will love while the nations rage

The Lord in Heaven laughs
He knows what is to come
While all the chiefs of state plan their big attacks
Against His anointed One
The Church of God she will not bend her knees
To the gods of this world though they promise her peace
She stands her ground
Stands firm on the Rock
Watch their walls tumble down when she lives out His love

Where are the nails that pierced His hands?
Well the nails have turned to rust
But not so the Man
He is risen
And He reigns
In the hearts of the children
Rising up in His name
Where are the thorns that drew His blood?
Well, the thorns have turned to dust
But behold the love
He has given
It remains
In the hearts of the children
Who will love while the nations rage
While the nations rage

Well, where are the nails that pierced His hands?
Well the nails have turned to rust
But behold the Man
He is risen
And He reigns
In the hearts of the children
Rising up in His name
Where are the thorns that drew His blood?
Well, the thorns have turned to dust
But not so the love
He has given
Oh, it remains
In the hearts of the children
Who will love while the nations rage

China, the Congo, and our own little world

I have a few thoughts running through my mind. Ok, maybe that's not completely true--i have a lot of thoughts (too many sometimes) but just a few to share...

A ship with arms from China (into Africa) tried to dock in S.A. but was denied...it is now trying to go in through Mozambique. Be praying.

Aid into the Congo has been greatly decreased due to mutliple hindrances and increased fighting. Aid into Darfur has also been decreased due to unstable conditions (attacks, etc.).

I encourage you to research the connection between the conflicts in the DRC and coltan--a precious mineral substane used in the manufacturing of our computers and cell phones. Much of it is mined illegally and sold to Canada, U.S., etc. to fund rebel militia, etc., and fund civil war, civilian ransacking, raping of people, land, etc. It is an incredibly brutal story and an issue that we must face and address.

More later...these are just some things I am learning that I wanted to pass along, in the hopes that you will also further research, etc.

There's something about thunder storms...

that gets to me. I love them so much and it can't be explained. Man oh man. I love tonight. I can hear it...and smell the rain. sigh!

struck by the terror of His holiness

it is awe.

walking on holy ground.

i.

tremble.

Hebrews

Every time I sit down to read this book, I am amazed. I feel like I am always reading it with new eyes.

I was thinking last night about how Christ's coming put an end to suffering. We throw that truth around but i don't think we really understand it. I, for one, struggle to. I think and talk a lot about the crisis of evil in the world and about the need for Justice.

Last night I read hebrews one and then was listening to "Sing to Jesus" by Fernando Ortega (wonderful song). And suddenly i realized...Christ's death put an end to suffering, yes, but it wasn't an "earthly" end. I think, though we might not admit, we live as if we believe His death to mean the end to our sufferings here. So we get frustrated, upset, even angry, when things are tough and can't be explained.

BUT (and i was so excited when I thought about this last night)...He put an end on it. He marked the finish...the sufferings of this world only have a short time to inflict pain and cause sorrow. Eternity with him will be the new beginning, the Shalom, that our souls long for. Suffering will expire for those who believe in the Lord. This is beautiful HOPE.

So when I read about Chad, Somalia, Tibet, Palestine, Sudan, Iraq, Congo, Burma, Nepal... I can find hope in the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ--the Savior. This world will not last. It will soon pass away... where is your hope for after?

Sugar Intolerance

I went for a walk with Erin through Old Town today. We got free Cold Stone ice cream. Tuesday's are "buy one kid's scoop, get one free" and the register was funky so the guy just said "it's on us!" We were pleased. We walked in the 70 degree sunshiny goodness and sat at a patio table for a while and talked. It was glorious.

Yesterday on the way back from PCM Mariah and I had the BEST time discovering fun places...We went into the mexican produce shop again on a mission for mangos (neither of us had had any since Africa). We found them. 2 for 99 cents and they are SO GOOD. They were also selling cartons of strawberries for $1.50. Can I just say that I love spring?

Also, we found the most incredible little mexican bakery. The smell was incredible, everything looked incredible, and we walked out with about 5 different things all for $3!! Talk about amazing. The neighborhood is crazy. Hispanic, Indian, Middle-Eastern/Arabic, Korean. Seriously. There is a Seoul Pharmacy next to Paco's Taco (or something like that). You get the picture. It is so mixed. Ranchero music blaring for one minute and then three old men sitting on the corner laughing and speaking arabic. I love it. I love having pcm out there...i love all the people and places to discover.

In other news, I have a paper to write that i haven't started. I should probably go do that...
I'm awfully tired. I would love to just go to sleep right now...

I have a headache. I am starting to see patterns...they are related to coffee and/or sugar (more to sugar, though). I get them when I have sugar. I got one after the ice cream... Hmmm. I think I'm going to try to cut all extra sugar out of my diet for a week and see what happens.
I'm still on my herbal stuff for the parasites. So far so good, I'm feeling rather back to normal. But dad is going to buy the "stronger" stuff in mexico since you can buy it over the counter...here I'd have to pay for th doctor consultation/prescription, etc., and its not worth it, since we already know what it is and what we need.

Ok. That's all for now.
Hope you all are more motivated than I am to finish strong. I have to give myself a pep-talk all the time every day. haha. bad.

Blessings

I just got back from babysitting. I really like the husband of the family. He's quiet and a little over-cautious/over-protective but he's a nice guy. He went to law school. We talked about it on the way home tonight (they give me a ride back to school!!). I was asking him questions about law school and he finally said "why, are you interested in law?" I said "No, not really. But I have thought about trying to learn more about international law, foreign policy, etc., since I want to work overseas and perhaps encorporate advocacy work into my life someday." That was just what he wanted to hear, i think, or at least it was a subject up his alley. So he went off and recommended a bunch of different resources to me. He encouraged me to read the Economist (he's going to give me some of their old issues). He told me about a few websites, some resources from the UN, different podcasts, etc. It was really nice! I am so glad to have a connection to someone who actually knows something about what I know virtually nothing of. He said "next time you can ask me some more questions if you think of them...and maybe I'll be more helpful because I can think about it a little more."

yay!!

What a blessing!

I am grateful for the opportunities here in the city to learn about this stuff, too. FOR EXAMPLE (I am SOOOO excited about this)...
April 23 at Loyola:
"Kevin Sites dedicated one year of his life to visit every armed conflict in the world. He has traveled to over 20 countries committed to provide *a clear idea of the combatants, victims, causes, and costs of each of these struggles- and their global impact.*"
He's been to multiple conflicts in the middle east, asia, and africa. I am really interested in this!! it is FREE it is open to the PUBLIC...I AM GOING.

Alright. I think i am going to go for a walk.
goodnight to all!

When I read...

...I start thinking about a lot of things. Reading always provokes new thoughts, which is good. Sometimes i need a place to write them down and/or "get them out." So...that said, I have started a blog where I can write thoughts that are provoked from my readings...not a book review but just about anything. Click here for the link. Perhaps, as is my wish, you will be challenged or encouraged to read also! And we can think deeply together about some of the things that we might not usually think about...or want to think about...but need to think about.
Is this making sense? I hope so.

Oh. And I changed my blog template. Obviously. You like it?

It's 72 out and I just sat in the plaza to read a chapter in "The End of the Affair," by Graham Greene (fabulous book!). In 30 minutes I will be dressing up to attend a 4-course meal that Jordan is cooking for us downstairs. Delightful. She's an incredible cook...I can't wait.

Hopefully my stomach will enjoy it.

I'm going to go to the doctor on tuesday. Unless I really feel 100%. The supplements have helped, but I REALLY want to kill this thing for good. It's not fun.

Tomorrow night I babysit again for the family ont the 39th floor! I saw the other night that the mother has 7 Emmy awards on a shelf in their office. Crazy. Like I've said, a whole different life.

Talked with Dr. de Rosset the other day. She called me into her office to talk about my writing. She wanted to know what I am "going to do with myself" which, naturally, sparked conversation and a whole lot of things came up. I'll just say I was SO ENCOURAGED to talk with her, brainstorm with her, hear from her, receive insight and direction, etc. It was MUCH needed and I am pleased to have a confidant here at Moody--who knows my heart probably best of all my professors, knows my loves and passions, knows some of my dreams...and can help me find an outlet for all of these while I am here. I might be changing my major. It will be the last and final switch...it won't be possible after this unless I want to stay longer (which I don't).

So...I have a meeting Tuesday morning with the chair of the Bible department to talk about the possibility of forming an innerdisciplenary study program...Bible with an emphasis in theology or whatever else I want to take!! I will write up a plan, meet with him, and we'll decide something together. I am SO excited!!

I'm also getting super excited about this fall. for one, i haven't been in Chicago for a fall semester yet. for another, i have some exciting classes...just ignore the ones that might not be all that exciting :) Here they are:

Philosophy (with Dr. Rim!!!)
Lifetime Fitness
Old Testament Biblical Theology (with Schmutzer...de Rosset said I'll love him)
Pursuit of Knowledge and the Monstrous in the Novel (de Rosset!!)
Minor Prophets (with Hart)
Church History
Systematic Theology (thank goodness I got in with Finkbeiner...still. this will be interesting i think)

I'm thinking of taking Hermeneutics independent study this summer. We'll see.

De Rosset told me "in case you haven't figured it out yet, you have to intentionall plan our way through Moody. You have to find the right professors and the right classes..." I'd discovered that, yes, but it was good to hear it from her. Plus, she has an insiders perspective and can help me choose :) She told me to go into her office anytime!!

She also said "Andrea, you are in Chicago. You need to keep your artistic side alive. Go out into the city. Take advantage of the opportunities!"She's right. I need to be intentional about keeping that side of me alive that sometimes feels so suffocated here. Taking her literature classes will help. A lot.

I am so blessed to be in the city with all the opportunities. I will be getting out more :)
In early may there's a photography exhibit coming...pictures from Darfur. I am anxious to go. It's free. Again--an incredible opportunity.

I will continue to tutor our refugee family with Mariah this fall. We are excited. She wants to get out more to "practice" speaking english. It will be so much fun! Next Saturday we have a picnic/barbeque with all the ESL students and their tutors. can't wait!!

Alright. This is long. I have to go get ready for dinner. Hope you all are well! Finish the semester strong and stay focused (I'm speaking to myself big-time. Sometimes i think it will take a miracle!!)

love you guys!!

fighting the parasites

so...andrea has giardiasis...which is, for those of you who didn't know (like myself), a result of having had giardia and not killing it all the first time. I don't really know what's coming back, but something is...giardia, worms, malaria. They can "resurface" after some time, if the bug isn't killed off completely the first time, or it lies dormant in the system. Either way, I am having similar symptoms. Bleh. I didn't make the connection until yesterday. I just thought my body was being weird and I couldn't figure out why. But then two days ago the all-to-familiar bloaty, crampy, pressure in my stomach returned. And its aggrivated by certain foods. yuck. It's that gurgly, "something is alive in there" feeling. I hate it. I didn't sleep very well last night because of it. It's a gross kind of feeling.

Blessing of the day, though!!--I skipped class to go to Whole Foods for medicine (I found online there are several herbal supplements that can be taken to combat giardiasis and malaria) and came back to find class had been canceled anyway! yesss.

Still, I have lots of cuts in several of my classes. So. I am going to go take a bunch of stuff (they sound exciting: oregon grape, goldenseal, garlic...). I might skip my other two classes to read or clean or do other homework. The semester is winding down. For some reason, i don't really have anything to do for a little while. nice. It's supposed to be 70 today!

Oh, and I went slacklining last night. It was lots of fun. I've decided I am going to practice lots all summer with luke. yay!!

silence

teach us to dwell in silence, O Lord, that we might hear your voice above the clutter of our own lives.

picture quality is baaad...but at least you can hear her!! :)

Thought for the day...

"Oh, be thou of a steadfast heart, and put thy trust in him." -Edward Caswall

during BroSis prayer this morning I was overwhelmed by this thought: He's the God of POSSIBILITIES. Think of it! Think of what that MEANS for our whole lives. gah!! It is so exciting.

Juno

went with sarah, mariah, and some others to see Juno last night at the $3 theater. yay for cheap friday nights. it's one of those movies i say "i really liked it" but feel like I can't really say that. It was a good movie. honest. real. but hard. i cried. something about it was so beautiful but so tragic. I guess its just hard to explain.

I got a bad headache near the end of it... turned into a ridiculous migrain and I almost threw up. It was a really bad one. I've decided to watch foods I eat. Maybe try detoxing. Mariah said she used to get bad headaches in high school that they found were a lack of protein...solved simply by eating some eggs in the morning and yogurt at snacks.

I'm going to get a library card today. The simple things of life :) i'm super excited.

Tonight I babysit for the family on the 39th floor with a wall of windows looking out over the lake and a baby grand in the living room. I get nervous. It's such a different life.

hope you all are having a fabulous weekend :)

Sighing deep or gasping loud.

"Is it not, for all its sting, a wonderful way to live? To dream and want and pray, almost savagely, and then to commit and wait and see Him pile all dreams aside and replace them with that which we cannot dream, the realized will."
-Jim Elliot

Drunk in this world

sometimes the world really is too full to talk about. Are you ever smacked with God's goodness? And then you are left feeling drunk happy? Ha. that's me. right now. and i have to write a paper. HOW CAN I WRITE A PAPER RIGHT NOW? I just want to go for a walk or a run or scream from the top of the dorm roof (our new thing...thanks to Garden State). Sigh. God is so good.

A chat with Brian McLaren

my head is sort of reeling these days. I have been thinking about so much... last week was DC and I am STILL processing that trip. This weekend was McLaren's Deep Shift seminar (Friday and Saturday). Lots to think about and wrestle through again. So, here I am. Sitting in my room TRYING to get homework done. I have a lot to do. But I am so exhausted and distracted. Sigh.

Mariah and I got to talk to McLaren twice--Friday night and then Saturday after the session. It was good to be able to see his face and hear his person. I need to read more. A lot more. he gave us two books--one of which is "New Kind of Christian" which I am told is amust read. I purchased what he recommended: "The Secret Message of Jesus" which, if it is anything like his morning lecture "Which Jesus do you Follow?" it will be really challenging and really good. It reminded me so much of what my Pastor teaches. biblical. refreshing. encouraging. new. exciting.

There's a lot about the "emerging" church movement that I REALLY like. There is a lot that REALLY leaves me wanting. But it is a discussion I think we need to be a part of. It is a movement we need to listen to, learn from, and challenge.

I usually qualify this next statement with "more than ever" but really, we always ought to be doing this: pray for discernment. Stay close to the Lord's side, listen to the Spirit, ask for courage and wisdom to follow and obey.

perhaps someday, as I am able to "unthink," I will post more. There were some things learned this weekend that were a carry-over of last and then reinforced AGAIN by today's sermon at Church. God is teaching me lots. It is hard. It is good.

Love to you all! Live like you're serious :) Take deep pleasure in your days for, indeed, the joy of the Lord is our strength. We have GREAT HOPE in the person of Christ. God come man, stepping into time and history to say and do a lot...do we believe it? Do we live like we believe it? He rose again. The resurrection--central to our story of redemption. beautiful exciting stuff, my friends :)

weekend in DC

it was friday morning that I decided to go. the bus left downtown chicago at 5pm friday and got into washington, dc at noon on saturday. i went with zach and mariah. it was incredible. the reason:
the Congo Global Action conference

it was a decision i don't regret at all. the conference was free. it was one of the most incredible opportunities I've had while being here. it was very refreshing to get away, be with others who are taking global action (many who are taking much MORE action and who KNOW MORE...), see DC, hang out with good friends, think about what God is talking to me about (where he is leading), be challenged and burdened by the brutality of the genocide in the Congo. My eyes were opened, my heart enlarged, my mind stretched. I have a whole lot to think about...

Each session was a panel. Each panel had at least one congolese that was flown in by the Holocaust Memorial Committee on Conscience. Here are the session topics:

1. Exploring gender-based violence in Congo
2. What children hear: children as victims of war and economic realities in the DRC
3. National resource exploitation and conflict
4.Post-conflict nation stabilization and governance concerns
5. Media training and blogging for action

Several NGO's were also present to share information about their overseas work, etc (World Vision, Enough, Oxfam, International Rescue Committee, Women for Women, etc). It was so neat to be able to gather more resources and make new connections.


DC was incredible. I'm so glad I got to see it again now that I am older and can appreciate it more (White house, Lincoln Memorial, Vietnam and WWII Memorials, Washington memorial, The Capital, Arlington Cemetery, etc). The Holocaust Memorial Museum was especially incredible because of where God is leading me in issues and realities of genocide today, etc. (Also, i just reread Night for a term paper).

Mariah, Zach, and I had an incredible time. We've been pulled in lots of new directions and are now asking the Lord to help it all sink deep and bring full change and action.

here are some pictures from the weekend...

Chapel today=amazing

most people hated it. i find that happening a good amount. the ones i really like, others don't. But i did overhear a few people praising it. That was encouraging. In all fairness, it was a little hard to listen to. The guy that was supposed to come got sick but sent his manuscript so Dr. Litfin read it. I admit, it is hard to listen to someone read. But such good subject matter. The discipline is in paying close attention--if you lose him for a little while, you lose him forever. Anyway. The subject was: theology in an age of terror. Fabulous. Lots of good history; lots of good fact; lots of good truth; lots of good inspiration. He quoted Augustine a lot. wonderful. sigh.

Addressed the extremes the Church needs to be aware of (to avoid): utopianism and cynicism.

gave a great story about St. Assisi...probably one of my favorite parts of the whole thing. Tied it all up with...genuine Christian faith walks the thin line between sweetness and nausea.

the charge: the world is short of breath. Do not lose heart. He will renew your youthful strength and you will rise up on wings like eagles. We are called to remain faithful to the calling of Christ.

ah. so good.

oh wow. sometimes my heart hurts so bad...unexpectedly

came across something I wrote two days after I arrived back in the states last november. man, time flies.

"The world, God's world, is so much BIGGER than all that my "whole
world" was here. We have no idea, I think, what lies beyond the
borders of our country, the borders of our vision, the borders of our
desires...there are so many MORE people and so many MORE things to
think about and consider "out there." I'm sort of stuck between two
places--my heart longing for the country and people I love but knowing
this is where God wants me right now and I need to be "all here,"
ready for the work He brings my way, eager to obey and follow. Sigh."

my heart is in a quiet place tonight. A quiet place that sorta hurts.

Darlin' do not fear what you don't really know

I don't actually have much to say. Only that I am listening to this song...on the "Hannah Chicago Mix" and I like it. I like that line...darlin' do not fear what you don't really know. maybe because its such a challenge for me. hm.

I've been blessed by random acts of mercy and unexpected experiences of grace. I am BIG TIME learning that...

we don't always see grace but Grace always sees us.

I'm back from spring break. It's good to be back. It was sort of warm today, that was encouraging. I look forward to more sun.