COOKIES!!

Today we made chocolate chip cookies with Rasha (our english student). It was SO FUN!! Her two boys and niece were intently watching some of the time but curious and getting into everything most of the time. they sat on the table and watched (and touched!).
it's always wonderful spending time with her in her home. not again for three weeks because of spring break. sad. she said that she gets excited each week and tells her husband "tomorrow my english teachers come." this has been such an incredible pcm.

cloth

now that kristen is using cloth diapers, I'm more than ever looking forward to them...they're so cute, too. for a picture, visit my sister's blog. also, there are ridiculously cute pictures of my little munchkin nephew. i miss him! Visit here: McGee Blog

we'd head out west because the west is the best...

"its got the biggest blue skies you've ever seen and underneath we'd be dancing you and me. i'd sure like that a lot."

i like this song. it's called "I'd Sure Like That A Lot," by Stephen Ashbrook. its makes me hope for someone who'll say to me "hey, a roadtrip sounds nice." and we'd head out west and dance together underneath the big blue skies :)

sometimes i have these moments in which i feel like my life is "ready" to happen. sounds ridiculous, i know. but i'm sure you've had the feeling. "ok, i'm ready to get married now." really i just want it to happen but i'm not always sure i'm ready.

or "ok, what's next, lord?"

still gratefully content to be here and enjoying the now moments, i am eager for what my life will look like in...say...five years. it seems like there are still so many "firsts" of life yet to happen. i always thought life at 20-something was so "grown up" and everything would have "happened" by now. haha. it's rather interesting to figure out what life is really like, rather than what i thought it would be like.

all i know is, at 22 its easy to start feeling entitled to life--and what life "promises" (degrees, boyfriends, friendships, marriage, houses, kids). I've been wrestling with how to live true to reality and live with a raw honesty that seeks to live life as it comes--expected or unexpected. does this make sense?

there's so much "I want." i want to live with my wants surrendered...to live well each passing afternoon...
so difficult sometimes.

looking thankfully forward to having a break in 9 days (but who's counting)--to spend time at home with friends and family...to get away...to think and pray and live away from pressures of restricted dorm life. hmm. sounds lovely.

tonight my heart hurts.

not in a depressing sort of way. just in a "reality" sort of way.

i've been thinking about so many things lately. life is full.
does this make sense?
does life ever just "get ya?"
hmmm.

major bummer

tickets went on sale for iron & wine friday. i went on today (monday) and both nights are already sold out. crazy. i am super bummed.

if i stood before you

This morning in church i had a thought...
we were singing "Jesus Paid it All," which i love. and i was thinking about how powerfully i BELIEVE the lyrics to the song. and i just imagined what it would be to sing the song in the great throne room of heaven--the heat of His beauty, the room pulsing with his glory. and i would gather all who know me--all who have ever met me--the like-souls, the family, the "young" friends, the life-long friends. and, starting in a whisper: "Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe; Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." growing louder: "For nothing good have I Whereby Thy grace to claim, I’ll wash my garments white In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb." until with a shout: "When from my dying bed, My ransomed soul shall rise, 'Jesus died my soul to save,' Shall rend the vaulted skies."

You know, there are a lot of religions in this world. A lot. and it blows my mind that so much has been "thought up" to believe. it's a trap, if we aren't careful. we could spend the rest of our lives determining what is false before settling in on what is true. i've been thinking about "christianity" as a religion. what is it in christianity that claims "truth" over and above all other religions? what is it about christianity--the Gospel message, more specifically--that demands adherence? Without getting into details and delights, I just want to reiterate my mom. I was talking with her about this on the phone a few days ago--expressing what I am feeling and experiencing about the beautiful gift of truth and faith, as well as its mystery. she said "Andrea, Christianity is about God come down. He has come. HAS COME. He has come to man--man doesn't blindly, hopefully, wander or earn his way to God." So I've been sitting on her words. I know there's a lot to over-simplify or over-complicate within Christianity. Believe me, i'm in Bible school :) But at the end of the day, I am astounded by the God-incarnate. And we don't want to believe it because its "impossible," but oh my word, HE CAME TO US. Who doesn't want this. Whose heart doesn't yearn and SCREAM for the heat of His beauty and the pulse of His glory that is love...that is grace...that is salvation. LIFE. Oh, let us LIVE.
Emmanuel. God with us.
I would argue that THE great scandal of Jesus is that He claims to be God. We can't believe in Jesus--love Jesus--and love the gods of this world. We can't. This is evident in "big" ways--can't love Jesus AND love Buddha or Mohammad or any other religious leader/prophet. This is also evident in little ways--can't love Jesus and love sin: deceitfulness, idolatry, selfishness, hatred.

I'm something close to dumbfounded as I realize what a ridiculously incredible gift grace is. can't even speak. I will say before all of you: "Hey, this man Jesus. He's completely changed my life. For eternity He has grafted me in and every day He changes me more."

What a life. What a life this is.

iron & wine

may 13th, yo! sarah and I are going!! I CAN'T WAIT. It's going to be a freakin sweet show. they're coming out with a new, 2-disc album in May called Around the Well. It looks amazing--out of print, never-released, and some previously released songs. aaahhh!! so they're touring a few major U.S. cities and the set-lists for the shows are fan-voted. yeah, i know. in a week they'll start opening for requests. it's going to be INCREDIBLE. i am so excited. AND I'm going with Sarah, just the two of us, which is wonderful. It will be one of the last "big things" before she graduates :(

am i a girl?

just kidding. (mostly). :)

i don't own a bottle of nail polish. sometimes i secretly "want" to like the stuff. so lately i've had this urge to paint my fingernails. i tried. i painted a whole hand but couldn't stand it and took it all off. lacy thinks i'm ridiculous and need to "just do it." i let her paint my thumb and promise to keep it overnight. baby steps :).

maybe if i got a really cool color and stayed far away from pinks and purples. hmm. i don't know. mostly i just feel really weird with painted nails.

i think i'm a terrible "girl" sometimes. ha.

in other news...
my head and heart have been FULL lately. needless to say i sort of want to go away and live in a lone cabin for awhile--just to think, read, reflect, write, pray, mull over, and decide some things.
since i can't go away to a cabin, i'll settle for a weekend. and spring break in two weeks.

wishing for candles

it's just one of those nights. if i was in my room at home i would light all my candles. i would turn on some peter mulvey. i have the peter mulvey part down...but the rules don't allow for the candles part. suck.

i'm grateful for good conversation with a new friend. it's always refreshing and encouraging to discover a like heart, and to share a little bit of beauty and truth together. again, hit by how privileged i am in this place.

we don't have these college years forever, friends. in fact, they move by so darn quickly. do you ever ask yourself why you're living them? this question has been in my mind.

something else: sometimes we ask questions but we never hear the answers. we ask anyway, though, don't we? i'm learning that a lot of faith is trusting that the questions are heard, though perhaps not answered. hm. difficult.

the big fluffy snowflakes outside make me smile. they are beautiful.

i think i'm going to have some graham crackers and milk.

a poem

i find you, Lord, in all Things and in all
my fellow creatures, pulsing with your life;
as a tiny seed you sleep in what is small
and in the vast you vastly yield yourself.

the wondrous game that power plays with Things
is to move in such submission through the worlds:
groping in roots and growing thick in trunks
and in treetops like a rising from the dead.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

ALIAS

for old time's sake...



i had almost forgotten how much I LOVE Alias. I miss Alias nights, hannah (we are still the world's coolest spies :) )!!! And Hallie, buying me season one was one cool gift :) I'm addicted all over again...

i had also almost forgotten what a huge crush i have on Will. It's true. If Will Tippin was "real life" ...oh man...





and i have to put a picture of Sark up. yeah, he's not exactly a good guy, but i have a place in my heart for him nonetheless :)
(Hannah, remember the gag reel with the wine? haha!)




I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

happy v-day everyone

today was a good day. pcm was interesting. mariah and I had some good conversations with our student. more on that later...

i went to trader joe's and got ingredients for homemade pizza. we made two--one on whole wheat, one on garlic & herb. amazing. so so good. we had a late picnic dinner on the dorm room floor--our kind of style :) complete with valentine's cookies that sarah picked up on her way home from work.

i love these girls. there aren't too many more nights for this in the semester.

i'm going to miss it.

oh, p.s. i opened a valentine's dove chocolate heart today and the message was "be your own valentine." stupid.

there's something about music

i just love music so much. i enjoy discovering new bands. i think i enjoy music so much because lyric is so powerful. music is an art i've been discovering for a while. i think i appreciate it more and more everyday. do you ever feel downright privileged to be learning the things you do from the music you listen to? or just to be able to pleasure in the gifts and abilities God's given to people? What incredible creativity--beautiful art! Ah, I love it. Right now my favorite "newly discovered" artists are: Antje Duvekot//Right Away, Great Captain//Fleet Foxes//Bon Iver//Will Stratton//Redbird (the album)//Breathe Owl Breathe (not new but finally listening to more)//Rosie Thomas. so if you are looking for new listening, i recommend these.

whew. i think i'm finally over my cold/flu. After going to bed three nights in a row by 8pm this week i think i kicked its butt. Im still pretty tired. luckily PCM is later tomorrow so i can sleep in. in 10 minutes I'm going to iNfOrMaL--our improv group. They're usually super funny and put on a good show. should be fun.

I'm reading In The Beginning by Chaim Potok. I decided I need to get into a novel again. I am really enjoying it, as always. He's a brilliant author. I think i could be content to read every one of his books. sigh. I'm also rereading The Suffering of God by Terence Fretheim. I wanted to read it more in depth. It's a fabulous book that challenges my faith. Reading it while taking this Theology of Suffering class is especially powerful and provoking. I've been thinking much about metaphor--specifically our metaphors for God. So much of the time people's metaphors for God are desecrated and destroyed by suffering and pain. So we, as ministers of healing, must learn to introduce new and meaningful metaphors that will bring wholeness again. Wholeness to theology, faith, life. Hmmm. i find this entirely captivating and fascinating.

Can a person eat too many oranges? I've been eating a heck of a lot of oranges...

Last week at PCM Mariah and I were invited to stay for lunch. So "our" wonderful Iraqi family made us lunch. It was DELICIOUS. They are so kind. I love them. I miss traveling. I miss being among other cultures. I am forever grateful to be a part of this PCM and feel deeply privileged to enter the home of refugees here in America. I hope I get to do more of this in years to come.

"the ones who wear the shoes don't seem to give a damn..."

currently listening to "South" by Antje Duvekot. this song always makes me think.

moonshiner

i love "moonshiner" by redbird. it seriously gives me the road trip itch. man. I really really really want to travel. its been too long...

reverencing an unseen presence

lately i've been overwhelmed by the holiness of God. it seems like my soul is preoccupied with the purity of HIM and, so, consistently trembles. i am aware of how forgetful I am in reverencing Him. so casually i sometimes speak of Him--things he's teaching, revealing, speaking. The Emmanuel--God with us--is righteous in all that He does. His Spirit leads us into truth. It's close, personal, and intimate. Yet it is still unspeakable glory. Unmatched power. It is delightful presence we are gifted with. I hate to see it manipulated and taken for granted. I don't want the things of God to grow too common and casual. At the beginning of this semester I wrote a prayer i keep above my desk. sometimes I forget to look at it: "Preserve a freshness to my faith."

i love getting letters

that's all.
i've decided letter writing is a lost art. sad day...

mentos remind me of high school...and hannah...i bought some yesterday!

the super bowl party at Sarah's house was fun. i just liked hearing the word "arizona" all the time :) We watched the Office after the game. good times.

it is founder's week. it's going to be an insane busy week. sigh. but i am very happy--this saturday is supposed to be 49 degrees! WOOHOO. Spring IS coming early this year!!!!!

I finally made it out to North Park on saturday. That was fun. Mariah and I explored together and then met up with Kyle. I sat and visited with him at starbucks after she left. it was good to catch up.

saturday night was ALIAS night with the girls. I'm getting excited/anxious because i think sark gets introduced soon(!!!!!) but i can't actually remember. Hannah, is it in season one or two?

i've been missing warm weather activities. i really want to go canoeing. i really want to hike. oh! Which reminds me. i had the interview with Eagle Lake. I think it went really well. yikes! I can't believe i might be spending my whole summer in Colorado! I should find out in 2-3 weeks.

ok. i need to get ready for the day.
ciao

the call

i got a phone call from eagle lake today. they're going to call me on friday for an interview. woohoo!!! I WANT TO SPEND MY SUMMER IN COLORADO!

new favorite

i really like Mo Willems' children's books. a lot. but for whatever reason i was never introduced to Amelia Bedelia as a child. But now i have--Hannah sent me a book. so good.

children's books are a good break for the day. i recommend them.

happy

i have that feeling that i am sure accompanies a walk down an old country road to an open field. step into the field. no one is around but the clear blue sky and the big sun smiling down. so you spin. you spin and spin with arms open. and i'm sure i would laugh because it couldn't be kept in. and eventually i would collapse into the grass and lie on my back until the world stopped spinning.

tonight i am grateful for daffodils on sale at Trader Joe's. they made it back to the dorm without freezing and now they make me smile whenever i come home. when it is so cold out the window seals freeze:



you know its a good time to brighten up the room with flowers...or something...anything :)



i've been having some interesting and new thoughts sparked by some study of the theology of divine retribution in the Old Testament. more will come soon--i haven't organized or articulated myself yet :) But I promise I'll contribute something sometime soon.

i need to go work on a paper. and my sleepy tea is almost steeped. mmm. ready for bed....

sHiRt by Peter Mulvey. a FaVoRiTe :)

Light A Fire
burn Up All You Know
you've Had
so Much Time Just To
let Things Go
now You're
burning Letters Out
in The Snow
in Your Backyard

years Go Rolling
you're Thirty Three
it's Time
for The Cross
or The Bodhi Tree
but You'd
like To Cry When You
skin Your Knee
man's It's Hard

and It's The Same Old Friends On New Years Eve
the Same Snow Falls On The Same Old Leaves
and There's The Same Old Joy And The Same Old Hurt
same Old Corduroy Shirt

old Storm Windows,
the Broke-Tail Squirrel
and The
grocery Lists And The
skateboard Girls
and Your
rusty Brain Cells Give You A Twirl
oh No

kitchen Radio,
coffee's On
oh You'd
like A Month Just To Lean Up On
but This
open Road Wants To
get You Gone
off You Go

and It's The Same Old Jar Of Car Keys By The Door
the Same Old Scuffed Up Floor
the Same Old Thirst For More Until They Put You In The Dirt

it's The Same Old Nights Alone
the Same Old "baby When You Coming Home?"
to Feel The Same Old Joy, Oh The Same Old Hurt
same Old Corduroy Shirt
same Old Corduroy Shirt

so often he is dangerously, comfortingly close but i am too weak, too sinful, too blind to notice or acknowledge.
in the dim of this morning i do notice. i do acknowledge. i am honestly grateful and forever undeserving.
praises that he interrupts our routine days.
praises that he lives within the routine days.
praises that he is not routine.

i lift my eyes to the day with strength provided in the shadow of His wings.

strength for the routine day.

praise.

ANOTHER life goal

today i went through a car wash for the first time. Tommy gave us a ride home from church and on the way we went through a car wash. i am very satisfied. what a good experience it was--haha. fun times.

tonight i'm going to see Defiance with friends. it's been a great weekend.

oh. and a few more hoped-for blessings that are being realized...Debs wants to have coffee sometime with some of us "new girls" to visit, get to know each other, etc. Also, Nancy wants to grab coffee sometime. so encouraging!!

today i am listening to your mix, Mark. volume two. i really love it...

it's good "cold and snowy but sunshiny" weather kind of music.

life...goals?

i guess i can call it a goal. yep. ok, i achieved a life goal last night: saw peter mulvey in concert. it was INCREDIBLE. I think it was better than David Wilcox, though they are both great performers and fabulous musicians. I am a huge fan of story-telling singer-songwriters. I am also a huge fan of small, intimate gatherings--such as the concert last night at SPACE in Evanston. Mariah and I took the El out--three different lines. It was quite a trek. It was well worth it. It definitely went down as one of the favorite memories of this year :) And I mean the school year. It was a blast.

peter mulvey is incredible in concert. add it to your life goals!!

among the songs he played were some personal favorites:
shirt
knuckleball suite
girl in the hi-tops
the dreams
the trouble with poets

ah!! SO GOOD!!

ok. off to church!

for Romans

we are reading What Saint Paul Really Said by N.T. Wright. I am excited to read it and interested to hear what the Prof./students will say in response to it...

also

in preparation for saturday night, i am changing the music on this blog to peter mulvey :)

enjoy.

i find him at the hinge of my days

You brood in the night in its fearfulness,
You dawn the day in its energy,
You move at the edge of night
into the margin of day.
You live at the hinge between fear and energy.
You take the feeble night and give us strong day,
You take our fatigue and bestow courage,
You take our drowsy reluctance and fashion full-blooded zeal.
What shall we say?
You, only you, you
You at the hinge--and then the day.
You--and then us,
from you in faithfulness,
us for the day,
us in the freedom and courage and energy,
and then back to you--in trust and gratitude.
Amen.
(by Walter Brueggemann)

The days have been long, cold, and full. Somehow I've snatched bits of Him and He has granted moments of refreshment for a stuffy soul that can easily feel frustrated and quickly slump down.

finally the picture

after much shifting, dropping, and adding, i think i've finally figure out my schedule for this spring:

MWF: Speech Comm. My ONLY class!! woohooo. I work every afternoon/evening, though. But still, its sooo nice just have one.
On fridays I also meet for my directed studies on the theology of suffering.
TR: Romans, Systematic Theo. II, OT Historical Books.

Including my independent studies that i need to finish up that is 19 credits with work. But I'm done with all the reading i just have to write the papers and take one more exam. Hopefully I'll finish it up soon and get it out of the way. It's due in march anyway.

sigh. what a LONG, overloaded, overwhelming week. its good because its new but its also just exhausting because there's so much to figure out, etc.
work is going well. i really like it. i enjoy being with the kids--even if it is frustrating at times.

looking forward to the weekend. pcm saturday morning and then PETER MULVEY concert that night with Mariah. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

gotta run...

new song

new david wilcox song: High Hill. I really like it...

I walk the High Hill tonight
It stands behind the town
It was golden in the autumn sky
As the sun was going down
I could not stay to answer
The man who rang my telephone
Cause when I hear the High Hill calling
I have to go alone

I climb alone the winding trail
Leave the town below
I wrap my woven blanket round me
Up here the wind can blow
The brighter stars come peeking through
A canopy of branches high
Out across the town lights glistening
I think I'm gonna fly

I am looking down from High Hill
I am looking down
On my four walls
In my small town
High

I'm standing high in windy dark
Above this amber glow
Glistening sea of shining lights
A half a mile below
And somewhere on that shining sea
A tiny light I call my own
I feel like I been too long sailing
I finally made it home

I am looking down from High Hill
I am looking down
My dream's been found
In my old home town

I am looking down from High Hill
I am looking down from High Hill
I am looking down from high

missing it

i miss tucson already. i miss family. i miss friends. a, but its ok. I'll get over it...

its cold here. but today the snow is actually beautiful--dry and fluffy. everything is covered in white. i trudged through it to La Sera for french press coffee. it was fabulous :) I sat and journaled as the day got darker and soon the snowflakes were bright against the street lamps.

i wish more people would appreciate david wilcox and peter mulvey. i don't think they know what they're missing. start listening, people!

a friend and i almost have a tradition (this is year number 2) of asking each other reflections over the previous year as we anticipate prayers for a new one. so i returned her letter this evening and wrote some reflections of 2008. struck by the faithfulness of the Lord. astounded, actually, by how much he "puts up" with me. more than that, though, because He very nearly invites the doubts and questions as He lavishes grace for new revelation and faith amidst the mystery. its been an interesting year--a return from Africa, a "handling" (at times a strong mishandling) of a burden, a new depth to waiting on the Lord, struggling with faith and through intricacies of self and sin, joy inside the classroom and exciting challenges of mind and heart, a job that stretched and enlarged a selfish vision of poverty and need...how impossible it would have been to face these "giants" of life alone.

everyday life is full of small, ordinary expressions of grace. we pray for our days to be "full of him" but i sometimes think we haven't opened our eyes to see how much they are already saturated in him. we can't escape him. praise that he deems us worthy of being interrupted for our own sake. praise that he steps into ordinary life and does battle to claim the moments for his glory. praise that he sees our need and offers us pleasure in these ordinary moments.

enjoying my last few days

i'm not ready to go back to chicago. for many reasons. i actually get kind of a sick feeling inside when i think about it. weird.

i'm spending as much time with little sam as I can--as well as with family and friends. tomorrow i have a reading of my TB test and then i'll go to Jay and Kristen's for awhile (i'm making a box/thing for Sam). this morning hannah, mark, kyle, isaac, and i went out for breakfast. it was super fun. i love that we are all still friends and have such an enjoyable time together. we're going to hannah's mom's restaurant on friday. yum! mom and i are going out for coffee--quality time before i leave. sometime i should pack. hmph.





currently listening to: Redbird (new "favorite" album)

my nephew

Little Samuel Chapman McGee was born Jan. 5, 2009 at 4:49pm. He is 7#14oz and 18 in. long. he is SO CUTE.
Kristen was AMAZING. She did the whole thing natural--NO PAIN MEDS AT ALL. She's incredible and I am so proud of her. The little family is doing very well. They will go home from the hospital tomorrow. I am blessed by the miracle of aunthood.

(dude, I'm totally freaked out to have babies. Even though i want a family so bad, I'll admit I am terrified for the process...)

enjoy a few pictures. more will follow later. The wonderful thing is that i have a few more days with them before I go back to school. What a BLESSING that he was born before I left. I KNEW IT! I knew little sammy would come :)








WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BOY!! :) :) :)

musings

i have one week left at home.

one week and baby needs to come. i think he will. she's having contractions every 15 minutes now. woohoo!!

one week and I need to get as much done on independent study hermeneutics as i possibly can.

one week and I really want to finish Gilead and maybe even make it through another novel--good for the soul :)

one week. i think i can do it.

I'm going slacklining with luker today (he leaves tomorrow) and then tonight we are having a family dinner at Macayo's (spicy food will make baby come out faster, right??? :)).

It's been a good break. The weather has been incredible. Oh yeah: one week and I need to get some more SUN!

pet peeve:

facebook albums of "the honeymoon" complete with pictures of the bed. i think its retarded. i roll my eyes...

for the last time?

i think tomorrow is my last shift ever at the Tucson Country Club. I don't know for sure that I won't be on next weeks schedule but I hinted and its been dead so i know they don't need me. It's a little funny thinking about leaving and probably never seeing these people again. As always, God provided great relationships and a good work environment--to challenge and teach me lots.

the years go by so fast.


experiences fly by.

tonight i am thinking about how valuable the "college experience" is. So much is learned--a much better "handle" on just plain life but an equally astounding uneasiness about the realized complexities of life develops.

i have no idea what to do with my life.

i know i don't have to have it all figured out.
I don't really even feel a TON of pressure or anything. But i do think. i do dream. i do wonder. i do pray. and lots is shrouded in mystery.

sometimes it feels as though there are a handful of good opportunities that each feel "right" or, at least, feel equally "open."
maybe its just confusing that we talk in terms of what is "open" to us or what "feels right" to us...is this even the right kind of language to be using? I don't know.

I think there are some interesting new developments in my heart--in my soul. It almost seems like turning 22 (or maybe its just being on break) has given me different perspective, increased peace...

i feel much more "chill" about where God is leading, how He's getting me "there" and what I ought to be doing in the meantime. I am less and less paranoid about "getting there" and more and more relaxed in trusting that life lived for Him is important no matter what I am doing and no matter where I am living.

maybe none of this makes sense. because I'm tired. and I really really want to sleep.

goodnight.

My heart is glad

never thought i'd be living it

when I read Vanauken's "A Severe Mercy" years ago, I sort of hoped my life would reflect certain pages in his story but never imagined it actually would. I always pictured their little gatherings in the upstairs apartment talking late into the night of theology, politics, religion, philosophy, literature, poetry, etc., while sipping wine...it was so enthralling. as i find it, my life (at least at certain times) does reflect those "magical" moments...

I have always enjoyed good, "deep," conversation. But I have also seen that some people spend much of their lives TALKING about a lot of things but not actually living them. What good is talk about honest things without an honest living out? Dry.

So for as much as I value and deeply enjoy good, honest conversation, I don't ever want to be a "talker for the sake of talking." I think conversation ought to drive and encourage fellowship and godly living--the pursuit of God and holiness. I've been blessed with so much grace-filled fellowship. Conversation is so meaningful and I don't think we ever will understand how much words matter--and how much the time spent exchanging words matters. May we spend it well.

I think of coffee dates at school--trudging through snow to spend a warm couple of hours sipping coffee with a friend. I think of hallway conversations late into the night--hushed whispering. I think of blessed conversations on the EL on PCM nights. I think of "catch-up calls" on the phone that are a welcome surprise. I think of lounging around on couches at home for breaks--talking into the wee hours of the morning. I think of early morning breakfast conversations at the dining room table or curled up on the living room couch.

i love community. as difficult as it is. as much sacrifice as it requires. i really, truly am so grateful for it. if we seek the honest circle--the grace to seek the deeper bonds--we will walk together through the mud and the muck of life; through hours of dancing and days of joy; through weeks of sorrow and years of mystery.

Life is a good good gift.

i love nights like this

hannah came over and we hung out for a bit. it was wonderful. she got me zen tea and the most beautiful nepali/hippie skirt for Christmas/birthday. I LOVE IT. Then we watched White Christmas and laughed a lot. Mmm. Wonderful. Friends are amazing :)

Merry Christmas (Eve) Everyone!

It's a warm sunny morning and if not for this darn cold i would feel a lot better about the day. But, i'm dealing with a lump in my throat that seriously feels like an apple, a leaky eye (you know when you have a cold and your eyes get teary?), a stuffy (or else runny) nose and a bit of a horse throat. I have to work tonight. 3-9:30 at the club and there are going to be sooo many people! I won't be able to go to Christmas Eve service with my family OR spend a quiet evening at home. sad. but i'm trying to remember, in the midst of it all, what it is I truly am celebrating and why the anticipation is a reflection of something beautiful--a hopeful longing every heart painfully enjoys.

the christmas tree is beautiful. maybe i'll read for a while this morning. i think i'm going to have a bowl of cheerios and a cup of hot tea. sigh. i really hate being sick. Especially now. tonight is going to be a bummer. I think i'll be quarantined because we can't risk kristen getting sick with baby or jay (they won't let him in the delivery room if he even has a cold!).

i hope you each have a blessed Christmas day.
The Morning Star has shown upon us--a GREAT light! Emmanuel, God with us.

22 years

I feel like that's a long time to be alive. not that i am ready to die or anything. its just that 22 seems like a long time. but time keeps going faster and faster. whew.

i had a wonderful bday. As much as I am a "traditionalist" in a lot of ways (holidays, celebrations, etc) i am all for new, spontaneous, out-of-the-ordinary bdays. Even though my bday landed on finals week, it was full of random fun: wonderful notes, hugs, christmas lights, "ice skating" (on a pond frozen over the leaves: beautiful), THE ZOO (dude, how long have i wanted to go to the zoo at night), santa (and his lap...eew), christmas music (dance party), good friends, hot tea, ALIAS. sigh. very wonderful. I am so blessed and have the most amazing friends!!!!!! I love you, girls!

enjoy some pictures.

i go home tomorrow. so ready. so excited.

pleased

i spent 9 hrs. in the library today. wow. that's a first, I'm pretty sure.

and i ate a REALLY GOOD apple on my walk back to the dorm. It had rained and the sidewalks were all shiny in the lamplight.

i am pleased.

i am exhausted.

i am going to make cinnamon rolls for church tomorrow.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

I saw it last night. I highly recommend it.

Rock of Ages

There's a line in this song: "Rock of Ages, Your will be done." I can barely even whisper it. Maybe, if I in the same breath I whisper "give me the faith." I'm re-learning His grace in so many ways right now. Little graces and big graces. Perhaps that sounds weird. But I don't think it is. I think there are eternal extensions and "the gift" of grace (the cross) but there are daily graces that teach faith and surrender to hearts that have a tendency for self-living. He's breaking my will daily--that's a whole lot of grace :)

I've been challenged and awed by His love over the past days. He's loving me tenderly and wildly--in ways so uniquely "needed." What faithfulness. What undeserved love.

Wish I was a faithful lover.

I guess I'd know little of grace if I were.

Sandra McCracken wrote a good blog post. You can access it HERE if you have time to read over it.

Are you living LiFe as the short gift that it is? I pray GrAcE over you for the task...faith to walk the road :)

days go on

last night at small group Hue gave each of us a copy of "Sit, Walk, Stand" by Watchman Nee. I was so surprised--mostly because he's been on my list (recommended and such). The book is meant to parallel Ephesians, which we are studying as a group. Small group was at Kristin's apartment last night. She made beet soup served in acorn squash halves. The presentation was beautiful and tasted yummy. It made me all the more eager to move out of the dorms and start cooking for myself. I have a library of recipes i want to try :)

I walked to whole foods this afternoon to pick up some valerian root tea. It's a natural, herbal combatant of sleeplessness/restlessness. I'm anxious to see how it will work :) I've heard good things and we have friends that use it with good results. It definitely beats the unnatural forms of sleep meds (which scare me).

classes are over. strange. i always feel rather "melancholy" when things are about to change. Not that it is a bad thing. Actually, i think its a healthy part of life. BUT I'm also learning what it means to move into "new things" with lessons learned from the old...That's probably why I've felt reflective. There are certain classes I am glad to leave behind. There are a few, though, that i am really sad to let go of (even though next semester's will be wonderful).

I have two more papers and only one exam. Not bad. i am reading a lot for my OTBT paper. I've been thinking a whole lot about impassibility and divine pathos. Does God suffer? How? Why? When? Etc. The issue is very "close" to my heart in many ways. In other ways I feel overwhelmed by the subject. Who am I to even approach it? It seems so *huge*
I've found some incredible articles and finished The Suffering of God by Terrence Fretheim. There are a couple other sources i'm trying to get my hands on. The frustrating thing is that the paper only needs to be 5-7 pages and I don't know how on earth I can contain the subject. sigh.

i think I'm going to go to the Art Institute tonight. It's free and i sort of feel like that would be a wonderful way to *end* the semester. I haven't been there in a long time!

The days have been clear :) I LOVE it. Even though cold, nevertheless clear. sigh. Couldn't ask for anything more. I am excited to go back to AZ, though. yessssss.

Alright. I have to run to the library.
may you all do well during finals and such! Take breaks to enjoy the beautiful weather, reflect on God's presence around you, drink a cup of hot chocolate, be intentional about quality conversations with friends, and goofy adventures with others:)
Keep perspective. Love you all!

Reflections on OTBT

A THEOLOGY OF CREATION

Genesis undergirds the Sinai covenant.
The creation account is a "standard" mythic account with God's theology put in it (Ancient Near Eastern myths included: darkness, chaotic waters, etc.).

Days 1-3: Naming
Days 5, 6: Blessing
Day 4: not blessed--no dignity of names to heavenly bodies (sun, moon) because these were worshipped in A.N.E. (distinctions drawn).

Creation is a series of separations. God allows the collapse of His universe in the flood: a mixing; falling together.

Term "good" communicates that intention is met of God's created design.

Notice the Semitic nature/setting (esp. w/ regard to creation of man--joining of woman):
Father observes need; finds wife; brings wife forward to man; stands over "wedding" (joining).
Man doesn't speak until there is someone to speak with. By dialogue man is created for dialogue--made for community.

The sin of man spoils the created order. We never sin in a vacuum.

We cannot speak of creation apart from redemption. Why have we separated creation from Redemption?
In Christ's own death, the sun went dark and the earth convulsed.
We don't have a theology of creation because of dualism and distinctions drawn. Pantheism reacts to our silence on the subject.

Of the creation account we ought to ask not HOW (as the evangelical tradition is so prone to do) but rather WHY and for WHAT. We don't always really read what IS there in the text.

life

the week is almost over. whew. i have one more paper to finish and turn it at 2 and then my Church History class (4 of us) are going to Wheaton on the train for pizza and a movie at our professors house. I'm super excited about it.

we're having a door decorating context on the floor. Lacy and I aren't particularly competitive and due to a huge lack of mulla, we did it the cheap way: brown paper bags and paint!! I like it... simple but nice. here are a few pictures.




so my christmas reading list is now at three. I think that I should cap it off there because I need to get hermeneutics done also. I'm reading the Mary Pipher book, Gilead, and now The Sabbath (by Abraham Heschel). I am so ridiculously excited to read the Hesschel book its not even funny. I got it in my CPO box today (can i just say surprises are wonderful) and CAN'T WAIT to read it. It looks wonderful and the cover is beautiful (see below). I'm a sucker for good book covers.



and if you read the back cover i'm pretty sure you'd get chills, like i did. maybe not. maybe just because it seems to speak to much of what i've been thinking about on and off throughout the semester. i love good books :)

ok. i really ought to go finish up some work and then run to the bank. blessings on your weekend!

i love my brother

oh the conversations we have... he's so full of profundities and wisdom, let me tell you.

me: "my birthday is coming up fast."
luke: "i know. you're getting old."
me: "i know! 22 and single..."
luke: "you don't want to be married. who needs stupid relationships..."
me: "uh. not all relationships are stupid."
luke "i guess that's true. but still, you don't want to be MARRIED right now, do you?"
me (frustrated): "luke, I didn't say anything about a husband, just SOMEONE."
luke: "i'll be your someone. oh wow. that was a mom thing to say."

22 does sound old. it's always interesting to reflect on a year. so much happens, you know? some things turn out "as expected," and some things don't. it's always an adventure. i won't do to much reflecting before the actual day but i just want to say that this has been a year worth praising and praising for. It has been incredibly tough--with the return from africa and all. So much Divine faithfulness upholding my frail heart. It's been a year of silence and solitude. But we learn a lot in places of silence and solitude. God has graciously taught me so much.


i'm ready to go home and be with family. on the agenda: sleep-overs with coffee and star toast at Jay and Kristen's, rock climbing and slacklining with Luke, camping with friends, baby shower, early mornings in the living room with mom, biking with dad, dates with parents, movie nights with friends, coffee dates, christmas things, catching up, hanging out with friends doing nothing special but spending time together, reading in the living room...mountains and sunsets...warm weather!!

almost. just under two weeks. sigh!!

New Reading

"The Middle of Everywhere: The World's Refugees Come To Our Town" by Mary Pipher. It's about resettlement and placement of refugees in America. I've been thinking about this more and more recently...especially with my PCM (which i LOVE). This is such an important reality the American church needs to take a hold of.



I've been wanting to read this for awhile. Finally can! I got it cheap on Amazon a while back and finally got it in the mail today. woohoo!! I can't wait. I'm sure there will be future musings inspired by the stories :)
stay tuned

Dr. De Rosset said once that we are "plodders for the kingdom." I like that.

this semester has most definitely been a "plodding" one.

and still You lead me on. walk on. walk on. walk on.

excited to be auntie

I miss family. a lot. I am ready to go home now...

thanksgiving

happy thanksgiving to all! Hope you have grateful hearts and, I am sure, full tummies. We are eating at 5pm so i'm still trying to hold off...it smells soooo good.

my travels were fun and uneventful. the train was lots of fun, roadtripping with Jay and Kristen (and Jay's mom!!) was also fun. we met Matt for dinner last night at the Side Door Saloon--amazing! It was a really cool place. The drive up north was long but not bad. The weather was nice and the roads were clear...but it was dark so i couldn't really enjoy the scenery. I will on sunday when we drive back down.

Grandma's is amazing. sigh. I love this house so much. It's still so strange that Papa isn't here when I visit. I am bombarded with a million wonderful memories of him in this place and it is hard to remember him gone. This morning I had coffee and "star toast"--a tradition. It was so good :)

today I set up Grandma's tree for her. It was wodnerful :) It is snowing big fluffy flakes and I love the view off the back balcony. Mmmm. Winter holiday's up here are wonderful.

I've been sitting in the warm living room sipping tea and working on homework all afternoon. I'm finally making some headway on this debate paper. hurray!

Eventually i will post pictures of Kristen's growing belly. It is SO CUTE and oh my goodness I love to touch it! haha. I feel the baby kicking around and it is sooo incredible. Gosh...

Alright. I should get going. More to read :) I hope you all are enjoying break and/or just simply enjoying this good day.
Love you, Friends!!

remembering when

its been pretty much impossible for any of us to keep motivated a couple days before thanksgiving break. seriously. last night none of us could focus on homework. I finally went back in my own room to tackle philosophy. about a 1/2 hr. later mariah came busting in "guess what we're doing?? come!!" BLANKET FORT!!!! Man oh man. It's been too long.
So we made a blanket fort in Sarah and Mariah's room.
Sarah looking through her ipod to find "childhood" music: "I can't find anything. i think i lost my childhood." We ended up listening to Nsync on Pandora. haha. what fun!!

for your benefit: blanket forts are highly conducive to studying.

this morning after breakfast I sat up in Joe's and looked at the Christmas tree. It's a big beautiful one with white lights (i like the simple). I can't wait to go home to ours!!! It's also supposed to snow today. Already it is sleeting...

tomorrow I am OFF! Ah. I am so ready to get out of the city for awhile. Joy and I are going to the train station together. I must say, I am super excited for a solo adventure on the trains. I love traveling :)